Wife might be cheating, might not...

[In Limbo]

Many thanks to all.

For those that have said "Just talk to her." Almost all the advice I read online says that cheaters are congenital liars, and questioning them just drives the affair deeper underground. The majority advice seems to be to quietly gather evidence, and to not confront the wayward spouse until hard evidence is in hand. There is a small amount of alternative advice that says most affairs burn themselves out pretty quickly, and to just wait it out.

Just for the record, the problem is not meeting with a male colleague, or even that it was meeting late. She has done that often, that is not a problem by me. The problems were not telling me she was meeting with him in person (looks to be for more than a year). Generally she tells me anything and everything about her work. The second problem is lying by saying she had a phone meeting with him when she actually met with him in person.

BTW, I'm not going to go into much more detail, but there is definitely more to worry about, like being invited to do out-of-state trips by this coworker.

I do realize it is possible this is all innocent, and this guy is just a super hard worker that calls her often, at all hours, and meets late with her regularly. I also realize it certainly has the hallmarks and could be cheating.

My next step is to do as suggested, find out what is happening on those late nights.

Despite all this, I still do love my wife and hope I'm the wrong party. If my fears are right, I'm hoping I

 

[mkgal1]

Almost all the advice I read online says that cheaters are congenital liars, and questioning them just drives the affair deeper underground

That's a large part of the reason why I said it'd be more helpful to frame the conversation as the issue being the lack of trust and connection/emotional intimacy between you two (b/c either way---whether or not if she's cheating---that issue will still be necessary to resolve). Your only other option is to allow the chasm between the two of you to continue to grow larger. With your suspicion---that alone is going to cause a wall between you two (only honesty & transparency can begin to break that down). You could even be driving her away with the suspicion and lack of communication about it.

 

[Corduroys]

I am praying for you both and your family.

 

[98cwitr]

Subscribed.


I'd do some serious digging. Trust is probably the MOST important thing in a relationship, and it sounds like you're losing it. You need to

A) Tell her your feelings clearly and directly...as clear as you've told us. Let her read this thread even!
B) Hold her accountable. She needs to be home...with you. Period.