My Christian friend doesn't read my text/Facebook messenger messages.

[Hannah66]

I have a christian friend who lives in another state. My husband and I lead her to the Lord and she has been my friend for over 15 years now.

We speak on the phone and message each other but have not met each other IRL.

I've come to notice that she never reads my messages and she also doesn't allow me to share
my stories for the week or my struggles.
If we are talking on the phone, I like to listen to what she has to say, but when I go to share something of my life
she says, "She has to go" or "she has to go and give her daughter her medication".

I have sent messages to her ad told her some things that are going on, some of them in my life have been challenging.

I was talking to her on the phone yesterday and I go to share about some things happening for me and remind her that I sent the message
and she says she doesn't know anything about it.

She could send me a message and we could be chatting
and I will chat about something but it gets ignored.

I find the relationship is very much one-sided and it's all about her but I don't want to end the relationship
as she has only been a christian for about 8 years and I find I need to continue encouraging her.

But I would like for her to be interested in my life as well, or am I being selfish?

Thanks in advance.
I also make this a matter of prayer.

 

[Hannah66]

bumping up!

 

[Chris35]

Two ways that you can approach this.

1. We all have areas that we struggle in. Not listening/ supporting others, might very well be one of hers.

You could point it out to her, that Jesus wants us to love each other and this is an area that she is struggling with.


2. It may also be pointing out to an area of your life that you struggle with. Eg. Wanting the love returned that you have given, or that you expect others to do to you what you have done to them.(I might be off here, you should know if it's that or not though if you ponder it for a while)

We give support to others because God wants us to love others, starts there and ends there.

God waits patiently for us; we have also done a lot of wrong things towards God and God has forgiven and waited patiently. So you could decide to just support and be there for her regardless, because it is the right / loving thing to do, and perhaps seek out another Christian to share your struggles with.

 

[bèlla]

Why haven't you met? That's a long time to talk to someone and never speak in person. When people don't solidify bonds in the natural or express a commitment to do so they're usually filling a void. The connection serves a purpose and you have to be mindful of its limitations.

She doesn't have to be saved to know how to listen to a friend or a mature believer. People do it every day. But she doesn't listen to you or have time for your struggles. Do you have other friends besides her? Does she have others too?

Healthy connections require give and take and mutual investment. If you want to do life together there must be a willingness to make sacrifices for one another. You need more than a phone to build a lifelong bond.

~bella

 

[com7fy8]

She does take time to talk with you. So, I think this means something.

And do you have someone who is attentive to you?

 

[Joseph G]

Two ways that you can approach this.

1. We all have areas that we struggle in. Not listening/ supporting others, might very well be one of hers.

Agreed. She may not be far along enough in her walk to be convicted of the Biblical mandate to "consider the other as more important than self" (Phillipians 2:3) and to "bear each other's burdens" (Galatians 6:2).

Be encouraged though, your continued demonstration to adhere to these mandates toward her is being deposited in her heart, whether she is able to fully appreciate it now or acknowledge it. There may be a day coming, especially in time of trial, when the Holy Spirit will review your history of devotion to her, and boy will she be able to express it then! In the meantime just keep holding on to God's promise that your effort is not wasted, whether she reciprocates or not:

Galatians 6:9 NIV

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

You could point it out to her, that Jesus wants us to love each other and this is an area that she is struggling with.

Agreed again. Giving her the opportunity to respond is a indication that you consider her worthy to be trusted with YOUR needs - that they are valid, too. You may be concerned that you'll hurt her feelings initially, but remember that "faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful" (Proverbs 27:6 KJV).

Additionally, I would suggest praying that God would bring other believers into her life, if she has that need. Bearing the responsibility of being her sole encourager can turn into a sense of mere obligation otherwise.

Above all, keep praying for the Holy Spirit to grant you wisdom in how to proceed. Only He knows her heart. God bless!

 

[Tom8907]

Just remember as Christians we all have flaws and this can include self-centredness.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I have a christian friend who lives in another state. My husband and I lead her to the Lord and she has been my friend for over 15 years now.

We speak on the phone and message each other but have not met each other IRL.

I've come to notice that she never reads my messages and she also doesn't allow me to share
my stories for the week or my struggles.
If we are talking on the phone, I like to listen to what she has to say, but when I go to share something of my life
she says, "She has to go" or "she has to go and give her daughter her medication".

I have sent messages to her ad told her some things that are going on, some of them in my life have been challenging.

I was talking to her on the phone yesterday and I go to share about some things happening for me and remind her that I sent the message
and she says she doesn't know anything about it.

She could send me a message and we could be chatting
and I will chat about something but it gets ignored.

I find the relationship is very much one-sided and it's all about her but I don't want to end the relationship
as she has only been a christian for about 8 years and I find I need to continue encouraging her.

But I would like for her to be interested in my life as well, or am I being selfish?

Thanks in advance.
I also make this a matter of prayer.

I'm a former Muslim who has only been saved 9 years and I don't need someone hovering over me to keep my path focused on my daily walk with Christ.

It might be that your feeling too much responsibility for her, or that shes not really saved.

You really don't know this person having never met her in real life.

I'd say if her demeanor is such as you described, completely uninterested in a two sided relationship, then it's perhaps she who wants to end the friendship but doesn't know how.

I would simply give her more space while letting her know you still think of her. When I say give more space I just mean allow her to make the overture. Wait for her to call, listen to what she has to say, give her the best Christian advice you can and then stop talking.

Basically, treat her the way you would a Christian charity instead of the way you treat a friend.

Don't talk to her at all about your life. She's made a point of not being interested so just don't. Just talk to her if she reaches out to you and don't go farther than she needs. That's it.

Regrettably while we all need friends especially if we are going through problems, clearly this woman isn't someone who you should turn to for the shoulder you need.

Other than that mail her physical cards on holidays and her birthday if you can, it let's her know you think of her and are still there, other than that I'd just drop it.

Keep your actual friends physical and known in real life.

 

[bèlla]

I agree with @Hazelelponi but something seems off and I looked at your previous posts. This isn't the first time you've mentioned her. In 2020 you accused her of using you and had a lot to say about her character. You posted again in 2022 and made similar allegations. Now two years later the problem rears its head once more.

The common denominator in these scenarios is an omission of support. It's evident you need someone to talk to and lean on but there's a pattern in your posts. The connection isn't meeting your needs and it seems you have difficulty accepting that. While a person may be unavailable for a season due to challenges this is the constant you've shared.

You can't make her give you the things you lack or be the friend you crave. She's showing you who she is. It's up to you to accept the limitations of the connection or make new ones. While you've focused on her in your posts you need to ask yourself some difficult questions.

Why are you holding on to her and is she in the right place?
Are your expectations realistic in light of the connection?

You would be better served through a relationship with a mature believer. You're attempting to guide someone while desiring a shoulder. Oftentimes those connections are more imbalanced. The person you've taken under your wing turns to you for support and counsel but you don't look to them for the same. You have other outlets that fill-in-the gap. They aren't your go-to.

~bella

 

[Hannah66]

I'm a former Muslim who has only been saved 9 years and I don't need someone hovering over me to keep my path focused on my daily walk with Christ.

It might be that your feeling too much responsibility for her, or that shes not really saved.

You really don't know this person having never met her in real life.

I'd say if her demeanor is such as you described, completely uninterested in a two sided relationship, then it's perhaps she who wants to end the friendship but doesn't know how.

I would simply give her more space while letting her know you still think of her. When I say give more space I just mean allow her to make the overture. Wait for her to call, listen to what she has to say, give her the best Christian advice you can and then stop talking.

Basically, treat her the way you would a Christian charity instead of the way you treat a friend.

Don't talk to her at all about your life. She's made a point of not being interested so just don't. Just talk to her if she reaches out to you and don't go farther than she needs. That's it.

Regrettably while we all need friends especially if we are going through problems, clearly this woman isn't someone who you should turn to for the shoulder you need.

Other than that mail her physical cards on holidays and her birthday if you can, it let's her know you think of her and are still there, other than that I'd just drop it.

Keep your actual friends physical and known in real life.

I value your feedback and that's very good advice, thank you.

 

[Hannah66]

Two ways that you can approach this.

1. We all have areas that we struggle in. Not listening/ supporting others, might very well be one of hers.

You could point it out to her, that Jesus wants us to love each other and this is an area that she is struggling with.


2. It may also be pointing out to an area of your life that you struggle with. Eg. Wanting the love returned that you have given, or that you expect others to do to you what you have done to them.(I might be off here, you should know if it's that or not though if you ponder it for a while)

We give support to others because God wants us to love others, starts there and ends there.

God waits patiently for us; we have also done a lot of wrong things towards God and God has forgiven and waited patiently. So you could decide to just support and be there for her regardless, because it is the right / loving thing to do, and perhaps seek out another Christian to share your struggles with.

thank you, that's a wonderful answer and I will consider this. God bless.