- Aug 24, 2016
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Ok from now on I'm only going to be extremely literal with you, because it seems any deviation from what literately happened, is reason to dismiss.But it wasn't truly solitary confinement which was my point. It is very tempting - and easy - to distort the hard things you face into more than they really are. It's in our nature to do this. But this distortion makes things much worse, not better, when we indulge in it. I get that you're looking for a sympathetic ear. But sometimes what we really need, what will really help, isn't a "Poor boy! How awful!" But a reality check.
This is the literal reality, no I'm not alone, I have family, that hardly speak to me, offer no help to me mentally, support me none, and make conscious efforts to ignore me. Are they bad people? No, just not the social types. But no, literately, I'm not alone.
I'm not distorting it, I need help, no one will help me. As bare bones as it can get, I've asked God for help, nothin, do I blame him? No.
It falls on me to improve my situation, I don't feel I can, I ask for help. I receive no help.
I'm not looking for sympathy, not looking for pity, if someone does, whatever. I'm looking for help, and advice.
No exaggerations have been made, no one helps me, no one cares to help me.Then why say otherwise? I understand your family life may be difficult, but adding to the misery of it by exaggeration doesn't help any.
Are they bad people? No.
Do I blame them? No.
They keep me fed, and with a warm bed. That's all I can ask of them.
Your interpretation of my words betray me.Well, your own words betray your claim here.
No, I'm not actually alone.But here's a prime example of adding drama. You aren't actually alone. You have family, however distant they may seem to you. You have a community of people around you with whom you can form relationships (you mentioned a seniors home nearby and a church you've attended). Now, you may feel lonely despite being among others, but this feeling isn't something forced upon you by your circumstances. It is the consequence of choices you're making about how you'll interact (or not) with others and how you're thinking about yourself and your situation. I used to be in almost exactly the same state as
you and told myself much the same things as you have. I, too, felt alone and blamed my circumstances rather than myself for how I felt. But the truth was that I had withdrawn and made it very hard for others to be my friend. I had thrown up many barriers to social interaction just as you are. And so, I would mourn my isolation but never assume any responsibility for it. The only way this changed was when I finally acknowledged the truth of the verse from Proverbs my Dad always quoted to me,
"He who would have friends must show himself friendly."
I'm not trying to point fingers but help you see the way out of the loneliness you feel.
I am mentally incapable of socializing normally. I cannot introduce myself, I cannot speak to people normally, this is not an assumption I have made, I have tried, I have tested it. Many time.
I am not responsible for the years of isolation that I lived through, the isolation was forced, the fact that my family was there does not make it better, in fact if I look back they only made it worse.
Are they bad people? No.
I am a friendly guy, and I try to make my outside appearance show that. Along with my tone of voice.
You're not suggesting that because I don't have friends, that means I don't love God.Because the two things are directly related. How you are walking with God (or not) has an enormous impact on how you live. Loving God always means loving other people and investing in relationships with them. The more you love God, the more you will be in the lives of others blessing them and fellowshipping with them. And the more this is so, the less lonely and despairing you will feel.
That's lunacy.
I love other people, anytime I get asked for money from people, homeless or not, I have given what I had, even though it's never more than like 2 bucks in quarters.
My brother, who's a jerk all the time, anytime he needs help, I have helped.
I don't yell at people.
Already said, just because I aint got friends, don't mean I don't love other people, or don't love God.Hey, it's not just my opinion.
Galatians 5:14
14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
1 John 3:10-11
10 In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother.
11 For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another,
1 John 3:16-18
16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
17 But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?
18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
1 John 4:7-8
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
The higher your view of God, the more you'll love Him. And the more you love Him, the more you will love others. And the more you love others, the more you will be in their lives serving as a conduit of God's love, light and truth to them.
The fact that I'm trying should tell you that.
Just because you have friends (presumably), does not make you a better christian, or assume that you have a higher view of God.
I have, my very first prayer to Him (that I consciously said), included that.No. But have you laid your life before God and given Him free reign to do with you as He wishes?
But like I said, I don't feel this is what he wants of me.
I have learned enough of Christ to spread the word, that's what I want to do, ultimately.
I do have that relationship with God, I can feel his love, and his care for me.But salvation is a Person: Jesus Christ. When you are saved, he comes to live within you by the Holy Spirit.
1 John 5:11-12
11 And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.
12 He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.
Salvation isn't eternal fire insurance and a get-into-heaven ticket, but a love-relationship with God. Are you experiencing that love relationship? I don't see how you can be and still be so miserable. Surely, daily fellowship with the Almighty God of the Universe should bring you joy, and peace, and contentment, not misery.
I love God, I'm peaceful because of God, I'm joyful because I will be with him one day.
You're asserting that being depressed is a sin, and that because I'm depressed, I don't love God, or have a high view of him.
Quit saying this, it is no true.
You cannot make an assumption on my view of God, that is contrary to what I have said my views to be.
Unless my statements clearly state otherwise, which they do not.
Being sad is not a sin, feeling lonely is not a sin.
I haven't convinced myself that I can't, I literately can't. I've tried, many times. I have tested it. I can't, hence why I asked for advice.Well, this is certainly what you've convinced yourself is true. I did the same thing when I was your age. But you do have the ability and the freedom to make friendships with those around you and share the love of God with them - just as I did. No has forced you into your room, locked the door and set a guard to make sure you never leave, have they?
I don't understand why this has turned into a debate on my perception of God, or my circumstances.
No, happiness may not be the ultimate goal of life, but it's a gift from God, wouldn't you agree? I've never been happy, not once that I can recall. Ever. That is not an exaggeration, that is the truth. Just because I want to be happy, does not mean that I don't want God.But happiness is not the ultimate goal of the life of a disciple of Jesus. God wants you to be like Christ (Ro. 8:29) that your life may properly glorify Him (1Cor. 10:31). That's the fundamental reason you exist. And fulfilling this purpose for your existence will not always make you happy - though it will make you joyful.
Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.
25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.
I don't understand why you're trying to make it out to be a bad thing, that I want to be a happy person.
I haven't withdrawn from others, in despair.I had my own hardships growing up. We all do. God doesn't say to us, though, that our hardships can be an excuse to withdraw from others and despair.
I have tried to, many many times. I'm trying to figure out why I can't, fix the problem, then try again.
I am not using it as an excuse to be a hermit.
So because I desire human companionship, I don't love God above all things?And God? Was He not there, willing to comfort you? Has He not loved you with a love no human can ever match?
I don't desire a human companionship over God, that would be silly.
If I did, it'd be a different story, your judgement would be just. You should never love a human over God, not even your own spouse.
Not to say you can't love them, but when if you would die for your spouse, but not for God, there's a problem, I feel.
I have talked to him, he has not helped.Except God. He's always there to talk to and confide in and has promised to help you through all that you face in life.
Am I mad? No.
Do I blame him for my problems? No.
I don't know why he hasn't helped, but I trust him enough to know that he's doing the right thing in not helping me.
I see it as like a test, I have remained faithful this last year that I've been a Christian (give or take).
Even through depression, and some horrific things that have happened, that as I've said, I wont share publicly.
The thing that does help, is to know that God does love me, and does care for me.
I'm not looking at myself, my focus is on God, and has been for quite some time.Stop looking at yourself and start looking at God. The more you do, the more others will become your preoccupation. As you make God the center of your attention, He will direct you to move into the lives of those around you and share His love and truth with them. As you do this, the rest of your life will come into focus and find shape and direction.
He hasn't done anything, that I can see.
He could be working hard on it, but as of now, being a relatively new christian, I see it as more of a test of faith.
I have remained faithful, as stated, I have not once doubted his existence since I have recognized his existence.
I've told him everything, I've asked for help, I've asked for him to make it better.Again, why have you not turned to God and yielded your struggles and hurts to Him? Why carry a load God has called you to give to Him?
Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
As I've stated, he hasn't done anything to help, from what I can see. I'm not going to discount the possibility that he is in the process of helping, I just need to be patient.
Again, I see it as more of a test, to see if I truly stand with him.
He knows my biggest fears, and he knows what would mess with me most.
My life, the one that I live, would be hell for me, as an individual. There is no objective depression, no situation that warrants more or less depression, it is all subjective.
I'm sorry that I'm not diseased, or debilitated, I guess that means I can't be sad eh?
I pray for those people, I'm sorry that they go through what they go through, I support the charities, I donate at the little things at the register in the stores. And when I'm able, I will donate more and more, and try to help them. I don't ignore them, I know they got it bad, and worse than I do.
But again, a worse situation does not make a bad situation better. I'm not saying I have it worse.
And you comparing it to an xbox not working is silly, I can tell you the stuff in a pm, that have happened to me, that would put you in a better mindspace about it, if you like.
Equating it to an xbox not working, or something insignificant like that is an insult.
Look, I understand, you're tryin to help. Whether you are or not, is irrelevant, the fact is you are trying.
I thank you infinitely for trying, I'm grateful, and I really mean no disrespect.
Taking time outta your day to respond, is all I can ask.
All I'm tryin to do is give you a better idea of my head space, why I feel the way I do, and the reality of my circumstances.
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