What should I do?

[Zurückschlagen]

Herr @Wolfe,

You said that you make friends online. And you need physical people.
You need someone to care about you, and you need to be able to see it.

You see, one of my best friends is in the States, and I live overseas.
He was the first one to do something for me. I thanked him later with a few favors. Point is, we never met. Yet, we trusted each other. We never lied to one another. That's the most important thing after all.

I know, you need girls, you need to go to a bar, or the movies, whatever.
Remember that...

Deuteronomy 28
And it shall come to pass.

When angry or lonely, don't switch sides. You're doing the Devil a favor. A huge favor, and for free.

 

[MayMcFlurry]

This is always the end of neglecting fellowship with your Heavenly Father.

Selah.

With all due respect, depression is a chemical imbalance and includes feelings such as loneliness and has nothing to do with our relationship with God.

The OP needs to see a doctor. Perhaps a therapist too. There are Christian therapists out there.

 

[aiki]

With all due respect, depression is a chemical imbalance and includes feelings such as loneliness and has nothing to do with our relationship with God.

I disagree - very sharply - with your statement here. I believe God's word makes it very clear that the believer's state of mind (and heart) is directly related to their relationship with God. Depression is not merely a chemical imbalance. It is a way of thinking that is fundamentally at odds with what God says to us in His word.

Selah.

 

[Galatea]

I disagree - very sharply - with your statement here. I believe God's word makes it very clear that the believer's state of mind (and heart) is directly related to their relationship with God. Depression is not merely a chemical imbalance. It is a way of thinking that is fundamentally at odds with what God says to us in His word.

Selah.

You're being a little harsh with him about his desire for human companionship. This is an inborn need. After all, Adam literally walked with God in the Garden of Eden and was lonely for a companion.

A person can have a good relationship with God and yet be lonely and/or depressed. Charles Spurgeon struggled with depression his whole life, and yet was closer to God (I'd wager) than you or I, or the majority of people on this forum.

People need people. God made us this way.

 

[aiki]

I agree that God made each of us to be in relationships with others. But there are times (I speak from unhappy experience here) when the relationships we crave are lost to us. Do we despair in such times? Must we live in constant unhappiness because we are alone? I went there. Got a t-shirt. But I thank God that He didn't let me stay there! Instead, He helped me understand that if I have only Him, I have all the friendship and fellowship I need. I can be okay - great, even - when it's just Him and me.

If I sound harsh, it's not intended. What I really want to do is penetrate the wrong thinking in the OP that I had once adopted. Perhaps I'm trying to do through force of words what only God can do.

I know that the farther down this road of loneliness and discontentment that the OP goes, the greater his pain will be. I would spare him that if I could. And so I speak directly - even challengingly - in the hopes that he might be provoked to think more carefully about the things he's been telling himself and the way he's been thinking about His Maker. My goal is not to shame him, but to prompt him to sit up and take stock of where he's really at with God.

Selah.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I didn't read all the response yet but first off, your parents didn't homeschool you right then if you basically felt alone and didn't see anyone. I don't know where you live but by me there were many homeschool groups and 4 out of 7 days we would be at homeschool events like field trips, skating, picnics...etc with about 20-100+ people. So it was very "social interaction" based. And it was fun!

As for how you feel about driving, while it does make you feel very independent, there will be other problems that may pop up as life goes on. Sometimes life is a struggle. Its hard to avoid. Not that it doesn't have its good moments of course.

I'd say start preparing for when you drive. Look at places you could move to. Find a job you think you would like. THough like many people as 18 they start with whatever job they can get. Hence the stereotype "I work at McDonalds". Try to find friends locally. If there are not alot find some online. For me despite living in the suburbs, I had more friends online then off. Maybe find christian groups on sites like Facebook.

While you say online friends don't cut, it may be true for you but in some cases its still better then no offline friends. And sometimes your online friends become very good friends and you start seeing each other. Again this is why I would say when your 18 move to another city all together and get a fresh start.

As for the army. Its up to you. But to many who join come back with major social issues or sometimes mental issue. More so if you actually see combat. And it doesn't pay alot. Though you might have some benefits when your times up. Just got to weigh the pros and cons. The army (and other forces) are used to kids hating 18 and joining up because they feel lost.

I'd also find a hobby. Something to keep your days not so boring and repetitive. Maybe write songs. Make art. Maybe some videos games or tv. Anything is better then nothing. I spent alot of times just going for walks at the park and using my imagination to keep busy. I also would go to my local library and get out lots of various books and educate myself on many topics.

If you really feel your having a hard time and maybe something is wrong, go talk to a pastor or a Christian counselor. You'd be suprised how many people don't realize they may have something wrong. I know it helped me.

 

[akmom]

I am so sorry to read this. I homeschooled when I was young, and felt the same way. Lonely so long that it just morphs into depression. Homeschool truly is a prison. Unfortunately it does not prepare us well for life "outside" either. Homeschool zealots will never get this. But it does get better once you get out and forge your place in the real world. Just be patient. Remember you will have to reach out and show kindness before others start incorporating you into their worlds and showing kindness back. There is a bit of a delay as it takes time to care for a person, but don't be discouraged. It will happen.

 

[fat wee robin]

Thanks.

My Father forced me, and was supported by my Mother.
I really schooled myself, everything I know is self taught, I don't want to make them out as bad people, they're not. They just messed up with me, I think they know it, and it's too late to reverse it, the damage is done.

I can play some piano, I used to write poetry (though not very good), and the only hobby I have now is theology, I study it everyday, for hours on end.

There's no place near that would do what I like to do, the churches bible study is more like an argument group. I'm right, and you're wrong, type of deal, instead of studying what it actually says.
And I don't trust anyone enough to carpool, and my folks cannot drive me, because work schedule doesn't add up.

I am grounded at home, there's no way that I can see to get out.
My current living situation, basically, I go to sleep, at whatever time, wake up, and repeat the same day over, and over, and over again, ever seen groundhog day?
I get up, go nowhere, do nothing, then go to bed again.
When I say do nothing, I mean anything that would help my mental state, I learn constantly.

I've always been homeschooled, and I do not understand why I couldn't attend homeschool stuff either, they mainly meet on the weekends, my folks are off on the weekends.
They're mainly christian organizations, which is in line with the family belief.
There's no reason that I can see that would keep me from them.

And I do know Jesus, I know that my suffering now, is not forever, and that someday I will be forever happy, with him in Heaven.
It's just, right now, here on earth, I feel lousy, and I don't much like it, so I'm trying to change it.
And I've prayed for it to end, or atleast give me a reason as to why I have to be where I am.

I wanna be perfectly clear, I came to God, and the faith of Christianity, through my suffering, out of my own free will. I would not change one thing that happened, if it means that I don't end up with God.
Instant gratification, and an eternity of hell.
Or eternal joy and happiness that I have to wait 80 or so years for.
I can wait, I haven't got anything planned

Darling boy ,because that is what you are to his grandmother ,your letters do read like poetry and indicate your grand intelligence ,and a soul which God will use for some serious purpose . You need one sympathetic caring human being ,but from what I have experience of many so called christians ,and you to is that one is better to make friends
with some 'sinner' who does not pretend to be perfect ,but has a good heart . You are closing off options for human contact and friendship by assuming that Those who call themselves christians are .These are often people with frozen hearts and starched minds and because you are weak and vulnerable you cannot approach them -this says it all . While there are mant true kind christians who reach out the best do not shout too loud but 'hear and see with their hearts ,therefore will approach you and draw you in .
You must for now look only for kindness whereever it comes from, (except evident danger )as in therapy groups and other group acivities ,hoping to meet some loving souls .
God gives us courage and Light and it is evident to me that your family is fearful and therefore not receiving God's message of reaching out in love but that of the enemy .
Can you not also use public transport to go to some places just to see people and maybe have a coffee or whatever .

 

[fat wee robin]

Did you get out in the sun?
Sorry..just like to know if you do.
It really helps. When Anne Frank was stuck in the annexe, she would write in her diary...that being able to see the blue sky and trees was precious to her.

Remember Paul was in prison a lot and wrote half the new testament in letters. So its great you are writing. Writers do need solitude - to gather their thoughts and to write uninterrupted. Can you imagine working in a customer service job and always dealing with people, never getting a chance to sit down and think? So think of it as a blessing and a period of study...it won't always be like this. Paul suffered much and God allowed it because it was for His glory -

Check out Voice of the Martyrs if you can write to them who are actually imprisoned and persecuted for their faith in much worse living conditions...then your complaints are less in comparison. It won't always be like this.

Parents want whats best for you even if it doesn't fit what you want...recognise they have faults but take up your worries with your Heavenly Father as he knows just what you need before you ask Him.

And when I was in a dark place music helped. Remember Paul was in chains, he kept singing hymns and praises to God - the angels broke the chains and they were set free.

I do not agree with this that All parents want the best for their children .

 

[fat wee robin]

Right. My advice is to get outside as much as possible. Don't stay couped up because that will take a toll on your mental health. I am literally in the same situation as you...for 6 more days anyway...I know how stir crazy being cage in can make you. You don't have to be mental for it to affect you, even the most mentally resilient person would be affected by being caged in, it just takes a toll on you. Now if you had everything you wanted and had no reason to be depressed and are..then that's a mental issue...but if circumstances created the perfect storm and cause you to be depressed, that's not...you're just being human and responding to said situation.

Also making clear goals and plans can help you feel like you're moving forward.

And take everything one day at a time.

Also being positive helps... Knowing that you're only 17 and have your whole life ahead of you is a big plus.

Good advice to get out as much as possible,and gradually energy and confidence will come ,even if we don't talk to people just being in company can be energising and in time and with God's grace you will look back and ......

 

[Galatea]

Darling boy ,because that is what you are to his grandmother ,your letters do read like poetry and indicate your grand intelligence ,and a soul which God will use for some serious purpose . You need one sympathetic caring human being ,but from what I have experience of many so called christians ,and you to is that one is better to make friends
with some 'sinner' who does not pretend to be perfect ,but has a good heart . You are closing off options for human contact and friendship by assuming that Those who call themselves christians are .These are often people with frozen hearts and starched minds and because you are weak and vulnerable you cannot approach them -this says it all . While there are mant true kind christians who reach out the best do not shout too loud but 'hear and see with their hearts ,therefore will approach you and draw you in .
You must for now look only for kindness whereever it comes from, (except evident danger )as in therapy groups and other group acivities ,hoping to meet some loving souls .
God gives us courage and Light and it is evident to me that your family is fearful and therefore not receiving God's message of reaching out in love but that of the enemy .
Can you not also use public transport to go to some places just to see people and maybe have a coffee or whatever .

Christians are sinners.

 

[Wolfe]

I agree that God made each of us to be in relationships with others. But there are times (I speak from unhappy experience here) when the relationships we crave are lost to us. Do we despair in such times? Must we live in constant unhappiness because we are alone? I went there. Got a t-shirt. But I thank God that He didn't let me stay there! Instead, He helped me understand that if I have only Him, I have all the friendship and fellowship I need. I can be okay - great, even - when it's just Him and me.

If I sound harsh, it's not intended. What I really want to do is penetrate the wrong thinking in the OP that I had once adopted. Perhaps I'm trying to do through force of words what only God can do.

I know that the farther down this road of loneliness and discontentment that the OP goes, the greater his pain will be. I would spare him that if I could. And so I speak directly - even challengingly - in the hopes that he might be provoked to think more carefully about the things he's been telling himself and the way he's been thinking about His Maker. My goal is not to shame him, but to prompt him to sit up and take stock of where he's really at with God.

Selah.

There's a reason solitary confinement is so effective, it breaks you.
And that's for just a few weeks.

Literately been alone my whole life, my siblings all kept to themeselves, except for when we'd go outside to play, and even then we just sorta did our own thing.
And my folks never really helped, basically my whole life has been me, alone, in a room staring at a wall, or playing the gamecube.
On occasion we'd go out to the store.

Like I said, I can't trick myself into thinking about it a different way, because the only way to look at it is the way it is.
I don't have a low opinion of God, it's rather high, because I would kill myself if I didn't have God. That's a pretty high opinion I feel.
I'll continue to live for Him, doesn't mean I gotta be happy. But in the meantime, I'm going to try to fix the unhappiness.

 

[Wolfe]

With all due respect, depression is a chemical imbalance and includes feelings such as loneliness and has nothing to do with our relationship with God.

The OP needs to see a doctor. Perhaps a therapist too. There are Christian therapists out there.

Not so sure I need a therapist.
perhaps, but I dunno.
I feel if I can psych myself up somehow, and then go out and talk to some folks.
Need to move outta this area, or get a bike or something.

 

[LoricaLady]

Pray for peace, patience, wisdom, guidance. Always. Even with a car you are a little creature in a big not always user friendly world. I will pray for those things for you, too.

 

[tienkhoanguyen]

Alright, this is half a prayer request, and half advice, I decided I needed advice more than a prayer (not belittling prayer), so I posted here.

Basically, been depressed my whole life, it isn't a brain thing, I have identified the problem, and for 4 or so years, I've been trying to fix the problem.
The problem is loneliness, I am a very social person, living the life of an introvert.
I don't go out, I don't do anything, speak to anyone, I'm alone.

The life I live, is forced on me, it's either be miserable and alive, or die on the streets, I don't live in the best of towns, crime wise.
The best option for my physical survival, is to just live as I am now. But I fear my mental health is dwindling, and there isn't much I can do to save it.

Here is why it is forced, I have no license to drive and I cannot get one until I am 18, family rule.

I was forced to be homeschooled, even after expressing that I wanted, and needed to go to school.

And I was forced to not go to homeschooler events and that sort of stuff, basically I was forced into an anti social lifestyle.

I have reach an age now, where I can actually do something about it (17), but what that is, I don't know.

I've literately tried everything I can think of.

1. Befriend locals. Drunks, and meth heads are not good friends for a child.

2. Go to a church. I do, sometimes, it's the only place I can go, but the problem arises, the years of anti socialization, have made me inept at socializing like a normal human. I physically cannot just go up and talk to people, I've tried, and I've tried to force myself, it's not going to happen. I rely on them coming up to me and starting a conversation, which does not happen, because I look like a serial killer, being honest. I wouldn't approach me either.

3. Make friends online. I have, but it doesn't cut it, I need physical people.
Why? I'm not sure, text just doesn't cut it.
I need someone to care about me, and I need to be able to see it.
No one in my life cares, or loves me, not even my family.

4. Go to a store and talk to people, surely they're not bad people. Maybe, maybe not, but the point in 2 stands.

I've exhausted all I can think of, and all my coping mechanisms no longer work.

Every 4 months or so, I get in a state like I am now, I start getting extremely depressed, then eventually accept it, and move on.
I need to avoid the depression stage, and have nothing to accept.
I need to fix it, because before long, I will lose my mind.

I have 1 more year, before my license, and I gain my freedom (but how long after that will it take for me to actually be free), I don't think I'll make it another year, because each time this happens, I lose a bit of myself, eventually I will be nothing.

I think about a way out endlessly.
I do not attribute this suffering to God, I don't blame it on him, I know he loves me.
A year ago I didn't even have God, and a year ago I was worse, so that is an improvement. But I also see I'm sliding down a hill again, I'm just trying to keep my head above water until things can get better.
I will get to the point I was a year ago, before long.

There are other reasons I feel the way I do, not just the being lonely.
It's also the why, why was I forced to live like this, and why is it impossible for me to fix?
There's got to be a way out that I'm not seeing.

So, what do I do?

What would you do?

There are no bad ideas

I also want to note, I hate posting things like this, because I know it could be much much worse, I could have no legs, or not have this computer (which has been the reason I've stayed sane so long), it could always be worse. But that doesn't make a bad situation good.

I ask for prayers and advice, if you will, and Thank You, in advance.
(also if this is the wrong forum area I apologize, move it if you want.)

God Bless.

For many years I was locked up and excluded from society. All I did was go to school and go home. I was always put in private school and it didn't solve everything. Then I went to public school and I gained more freedom however I was still introverted. To this day I would talk online for the last two to three years to express my viewpoints. Many sites would ban me because I am a Jesus Christ lover. I would always say something about Jesus Christ one way or another. So for the last 2 or 3 years I got banned from the worldly sites. It just depends on where you go to be with those whom you need. I also find that meeting someone who is your best friends really help. The saying is true that it is hard to find even a few. Those that you can count on anyways. Anyways I'm no one to talk because I take meds daily to regulate my moods. I go to a psychiatrist every 3 months for a checkup and some social outlets. It is a way to deal between a middle person and my best friends. I don't have many best friends. Two. Two in my life. You just have to find your best friend(s). Keep searching and I know there out there? The key is be good to everyone. The ones that return the good back is the one you belong with

 

[aiki]

There's a reason solitary confinement is so effective, it breaks you.
And that's for just a few weeks.

What you have experienced is only very superficially like solitary confinement. It sounds dramatic to compare your existence to that of someone in solitary confinement but your actual experience has not been truly solitary nor under forced and prolonged confinement.

I'm not suggesting your situation is easy, but you can magnify what hardships you face out of all proportion by over-dramatizing them through comparison to things like solitary confinement. I was a teenager once. I used to do this sort of thing a lot and work myself into a state of unhappiness that my situation did not really warrant. I hope you won't make the same mistake.

Literately been alone my whole life, my siblings all kept to themeselves, except for when we'd go outside to play, and even then we just sorta did our own thing.

Be careful how you use the term "literally." If you had literally been alone your whole life, you would not have encountered one single other person in all your seventeen years of life. Being alone in a literal sense is not what you have described of your life. Now, your life may have felt lonely, and your familial relationships may have been distant and cold, but this is not the same as being literally alone your entire life. Again, you're over-dramatizing things and this will always lead to greater unhappiness than your circumstances warrant.

Like I said, I can't trick myself into thinking about it a different way, because the only way to look at it is the way it is.

But as your posts reveal, you aren't really thinking about your situation as it actually is. You've exaggerated your circumstances, added drama to them, and thereby heightened - artificially - your unhappiness. If you don't work to get perspective on your life, this practice of exaggeration will only expand and lead to greater and greater unhappiness.

I don't have a low opinion of God, it's rather high, because I would kill myself if I didn't have God. That's a pretty high opinion I feel.

But it's not, actually. A high view of God would put Him smack in the center of your life as the core and primary focus of all you are and do. His will would be the fundamental, driving force of every decision and effort you make. But this isn't what you've described of your life.

I'll continue to live for Him, doesn't mean I gotta be happy. But in the meantime, I'm going to try to fix the unhappiness.

But you aren't living for Him right now. You're living for yourself. Your posts are all about you and your unhappiness, and your loneliness, and your less than perfect upbringing. A life that is being lived for God is occupied entirely with Him. As the apostle Paul wrote,

"For to me to live is Christ..." (Phil. 1:21)

Let me leave you with one last thing to consider: Happiness is one of the least important things to pursue in life. Any number of other things are far, far more important and often require the sacrifice of our happiness to obtain and maintain. Things like Truth, Justice, Freedom, Holiness, Righteousness, Wisdom and Peace have sometimes required the blood of martyrs and soldiers to obtain and preserve. But those things for which they gave up their happiness (and their lives) were much more important and made happiness a much more common experience for millions of others.

Happiness is an ephemeral, contingent, and elusive thing. Chasing after it as the supreme goal of living is both unbiblical and a never-ending and often resource-wasting effort. Be wiser. Seek after the higher, better things and as you do, you will enter into joy that endures and deepens and is a better thing than mere happiness can ever be.

Selah.

 

[Goodbook]

I don't get the wolf thing myself.
If the OP isn't actually making an effort to reach out then he's putting himself in a prison of his own making. When you have brothers and sisters a little kindness goes a long way. You can be friends with them. If that is all the people in your household make an effort. Go out together.

 

[Wolfe]

What you have experienced is only very superficially like solitary confinement. It sounds dramatic to compare your existence to that of someone in solitary confinement but your actual experience has not been truly solitary nor under forced and prolonged confinement.

I'm not suggesting your situation is easy, but you can magnify what hardships you face out of all proportion by over-dramatizing them through comparison to things like solitary confinement. I was a teenager once. I used to do this sort of thing a lot and work myself into a state of unhappiness that my situation did not really warrant. I hope you won't make the same mistake.

It was forced for 14 years, quite a long time.
Didn't have a choice, it was forced.

Be careful how you use the term "literally." If you had literally been alone your whole life, you would not have encountered one single other person in all your seventeen years of life. Being alone in a literal sense is not what you have described of your life. Now, your life may have felt lonely, and your familial relationships may have been distant and cold, but this is not the same as being literally alone your entire life. Again, you're over-dramatizing things and this will always lead to greater unhappiness than your circumstances warrant.

This just seems like nit picking.
Of course I haven't literately never came into contact with another person.
I'll put it in another way, my living relationships have been unbearably scarce.

There is never a worse, or a circumstance that warrants, a certain amount of unhappiness.
It all depends on the person, and me, this situation I'm in, gives me a lot of unhappiness.

But as your posts reveal, you aren't really thinking about your situation as it actually is. You've exaggerated your circumstances, added drama to them, and thereby heightened - artificially - your unhappiness. If you don't work to get perspective on your life, this practice of exaggeration will only expand and lead to greater and greater unhappiness.

I'm not adding drama, and I am thinking about how my circumstances actually are.
I am alone, nothing I can do about it right now, makes me sad.

But it's not, actually. I high view of God would put Him smack in the center of your life as the core and primary focus of all you are and do. His will would be the fundamental, driving force of every decision and effort you make. But this isn't what you've described of your life.

Why are you even arguing this? I came here for advice, not to be told I don't much like God because I'm sad in my situation.
And it is exactly as I described my life, my focus is on him everyday, I worry about other people because they don't have him, it actually gives me a great deal of stress that people are going to hell.
I think about it constantly, to the point where I've made it my full time study, I live as closely as I can to the book in terms of morality,
I don't watch inappropriate content, I try not to lie, I try my best to be nice, I don't say [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], all because, and for him.

Is this good enough for you? I'm sorry I'm gettin a little ticked off, but come on. Being told that I don't have a high opinion of God, by another persons opinion of me, is not helping.

But you aren't living for Him right now. You're living for yourself. Your posts are all about you and your unhappiness, and your loneliness, and your less than perfect upbringing. A life that is being lived for God is occupied entirely with Him. As the apostle Paul wrote,

"For to me to live is Christ..." (Phil. 1:21)

Let me leave you with one last thing to consider: Happiness is one of the least important things to pursue in life. Any number of other things are far, far more important and often require the sacrifice of our happiness to obtain and maintain. Things like Truth, Justice, Freedom, Holiness, Righteousness, Wisdom and Peace have sometimes required the blood of martyrs and soldiers to obtain and preserve. But those things for which they gave up their happiness (and their lives) were much more important and made happiness a much more common experience for millions of others.

Happiness is an ephemeral, contingent, and elusive thing. Chasing after it as the supreme goal of living is both unbiblical and a never-ending and often resource-wasting effort. Be wiser. Seek after the higher, better things and as you do, you will enter into joy that endures and deepens and is a better thing than mere happiness can ever be.

Why can't I be happy, and still live for him?
Should I stay here, make no effort to better my life, and do nothing?
We should all try to be happy.
I've already been saved, and like I said, I'm happy that I will die, and go to Heaven, but here on earth I am miserable. I don't want to be miserable, it isn't my frame of mind that makes me miserable, it isn't my perspective, because no matter how you swing it, I'm still sittin here, alone in my room, and there aint jack I can do about it right now.

If I was called to die for God, do it in a heartbeat, bloody gruesome death, I don't care. If it's what I gotta do, it's what I gotta do.
If this is what I've gotta do, then I'll stay here, but I've had no instruction, or sign to stay here.
it is not a sin to try to be happy, what would make me happy is not sinful, it isn't money, sex, drugs, or anything like that.
It is the simple intimate contact of a human being, I fail to see what's wrong with that.
(by intimate I do not mean sexual or anything like that).

I grew up, mom always leaving us, dad always at work, and the people who "raised" me, always locked in their rooms.
Guy across the street, shot and killed in his own house, lived next to a halfway house, just to give you an idea of the kinda of happy, cheery environment I grew up in.

Was never once shown affection, by anyone, no one comforted me during the numerous times my mom left.
All I heard was yelling, constantly, arguing and fighting.

Move to a new place.
Worse neighborhood.
Gangs, drug dealers, needles everywhere, not a good place to be living.
I get mugged, walkin to the store to get me a can of sardines, guy pulls a gun on me for like 3 bucks in quarters and dimes.
Keep it all secret, locked inside, suppress it. All the while I'm alone, nobody to confide in, or help me through it.
Just me alone, with my thoughts, for years.
At this point, it isn't technically forced no, but logically, why would I run away?
I have no money, nowhere to go, and I know no one. What's the game plan?
No homeschool events, no social gatherings of any kind, only like 5 months ago was I permitted to go to a church, which my brother drives me to (and no, he will not drive me to anywhere else, I have tried), or sometimes I'll walk, if it's a nice day out.
It's still in the crappy neighborhood, so I run the risk of my life, but I don't much care no more. If I die, I die, end it shorter, I'm going to Heaven, the quicker the better, as I see it.

I can't just ignore it, being alone is just the tip of the iceberg.
I got a lot of crap I keep inside, and that I'm not gonna share publicly.
It eats away at my mind, and causes me quite a bit of discomfort.

God or no God, it's tough to live with.
Especially with no moral support.

 

[Wolfe]

I don't get the wolf thing myself.
If the OP isn't actually making an effort to reach out then he's putting himself in a prison of his own making. When you have brothers and sisters a little kindness goes a long way. You can be friends with them. If that is all the people in your household make an effort. Go out together.

I've mad every effort possible
Hey let's talk!
Let's watch a movie!
Let's go somewhere, maybe hiking?

They deny it all, don't talk back.
They're content with just sitting around on their computers and on the tv.

 

[Goodbook]

oh sorry to hear that. It must be frustrating. Do you have any aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents or are you one of those nuclear families that are just plonked in the middle of nowhere and expected to be self-sufficient?