What should I do?

[Goodbook]

Please don't get too down on your situation, although it may feel good to vent well you aren't doing yourself any favours by running down your neighbourhood. There must be people there that are in the same situation as YOU wanting to reach out they can't all be criminals and addicts.

Also its good you going to church and while not everyone can be your friend surely there may be two or three that you can talk to and pray with.

show yourself friendly. Proverbs 18:24

 

[Wolfe]

oh sorry to hear that. It must be frustrating. Do you have any aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents or are you one of those nuclear families that are just plonked in the middle of nowhere and expected to be self-sufficient?

We all live in the same house, but the house is divided into two parts.
there's 12 of us, yet still no one talks to one another, and any attempt, they just smile and nod, while walking to back to their rooms.
It's really quite odd I find it.

 

[Goodbook]

My plan would be (if I were you and from what you've posted)

1. pray about this to God
2. go to church and talk to people there, asking them to pray for me and take me places, esp home bible studies
3. assess my skills and look for work or keep studying
4. apply for another school, you say you 17? there may be a college in another town that has boarding so I would apply there.
5. Get in touch with relatives, if they christian, tell them you'd like to visit
6. look at student exchanges...or wwoofing opportunities.

 

[Goodbook]

If God wants you to stay or leave you need to spend time with Him to discern what it is He wants you to do.

He will give you grace and equip you for whatever task He has in mind for you. If there are walls somehow he will open a door or have them come tumbling down (read the battle of Jericho).

If your church has a ministry consider helping out and getting involved that is how friendships can be formed when you do something together.

 

[Wolfe]

Please don't get too down on your situation, although it may feel good to vent well you aren't doing yourself any favours by running down your neighbourhood. There must be people there that are in the same situation as YOU wanting to reach out they can't all be criminals and addicts.

Also its good you going to church and while not everyone can be your friend surely there may be two or three that you can talk to and pray with.

show yourself friendly. Proverbs 18:24

Maybe there are, maybe there isn't.

I don't know, and I wouldn't know where to look.

And unfortunately, people, even in churches, judge on appearances.
And unfortunately, as I've said, I don't look very friendly, or sound very friendly.
I'd post a picture, but I don't much feel comfortable doin that.

 

[Goodbook]

Well you got to start somewhere. Im not going to do it for you..at some point you just going to have to do something even if its a small step forward. Jesus said to Peter dont doubt as Peter was stepping out on to the water. If you always paying attention to the storms of life you will literally miss the boat, miss Jesus and all he has for you, its a matter of faith.

 

[Sylvester]

Hey man, I'm really sorry for the late response. I saw your post yesterday but couldn't get down to replying it right away. Although our lives are different, our experiences have one or two things in common. I was homeschooled too. I was very depressed between 16-18 cause I felt lonely and I was sad that I didn't have an education like others. Struggled with self worth too. I'm 27 now. The thing that I wanna tell you is that this struggle won't last without end. It was a very tough time for me. So I understand that it's a very tough time for you too. Probably your situation is even tougher than my situation. But things will change for the better. It has for me. A lot changes in a few years. You're not gonna be depending on your parents for many years since you're already 17. I think only you know how best to deal with this period until you get a bit older and can go out to socialise. But I just wanna tell you the things that helped me. Perhaps they may be useful.

1. Prepare for the future. Like the next few years. You need to be ready for work when you're old enough for it. You'll have to deal with loneliness if you're depended on your parents even when you're old enough to be earning on your own. When you go out to work you meet a lot of people. There are many possibilities. You can also hang out with others at work and make friends. All that depends on how qualified you are both in terms of education and disciplined. I have a friend who was homeschooled as well. She's working as a teller in a bank and doing well. She had to take some exam or something and she did it. Keep yourself prepared to grab the opportunity when it presents itself. Ask God to lead the way. If you see the Bible characters, they all had a lot of trouble. It's oddly encouraging for me when I go through tough times. God did allow that for some reason but he never forsook them. He won't fail you either. Trust him.

2. Make the most of online friendship. I know it's not perfect but you gotta make do with what you've God. I was kept afloat mainly by online friends when I was a teen. Ultimately it can't match that of friendships in real life cause you don't get to hang out no matter how close a friend you are to one another. It's actually kinda frustrating. But it's a whole lot better than having no friends and there's the possibility of hanging out in the future. I met one of my online friends last year. We've been friends for 13 years. We have planned to go in a holiday together once I save up some money. I have under 4 online friends but we're close and have been friends for a minimum of 9 years. Yes, give priority to making friends in real life so you can hang out and have fun. But until then don't neglect online friendship opportunities. Why don't you try out homeschoolalumni.org? It's not as active as it used to be by the way. It sucks. But just give it a try. I made one of my closest friends there. It's been a few years since I logged in but I have never seen a welcoming online community like that. They do meet up once a year in USA too. May be you can go in the future if you end up making any good friends there.

I really hope things work out for you. Let me know if there's anything I can do. And sorry if I said anything ignorant.

 

[Sylvester]

By the way I meant it sucks that the website isn't as active as before. The website itself is great. The people are very friendly.

 

[OakOfRighteousness]

How long do you spend in prayer each day? I've suffered from general gloom in gloominess for many years. I've come to find that joy does not come from is. It comes from God and it comes through prayer. Try including more prayer into your day. Wake up and pray for an hour. Praise Him. Pray late at night. Remember, Jesus often prayed all night long.

Have you tried fasting? It is very edifying. Fast and then spend the day doing nothing but reading the Bible and praying. This has helped my sadness so much!

You said you are worried about your mental ability waning in the time waiting before your enlistment. Try memorizing scripture. It is so special to be in a moment of hardship and then have the Holy Spirit bring up a scripture to comfort you. You may be stuck in some ways for a time, but spend that time focusing solely on our God. He will comfort you till you enlist and can make some friends.

I'm praying for you.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Blade]

We know yet forget there are others out there far worse than us. And I know of many. Even my own. Yet I praise GOD thank Him for every moment.

I know many are reading your post and thinking the same thing I am. Your 17? And you think you had it have it hard? I KNOW the grass looks so much better on the other side. And we can go there and it will be awesome...yet it has a PRICE!

A child that obeys his parents will live long on this earth. My dad was married before I was born. He had 6 kids before me and my brother. He use to beat me make fun of me. Like the day before Xmas he said "your going to grow up and be a bum all your life". I knew a woman a grandmother that prayed 4+ hours a day. Knew the word inside and out. Had more power of GOD then any preach I have ever seen.

I was going thinking about making a post about "forgiveness". For so many have no clue what it means. Anyway one day this grandmother says to me.. you have to ask your dad to forgive you. WHAT? Ask Him to forgive me? He beats me makes fun of me and more. Well one night as we were watching TV. Tv that then only had 4 channels. I looked up and it was 8:30pm. I look over at him said.. dad will you forgive me for ever hurting you. He looks back and says..yes and asks me to forgive him.

So the next day I call this grandmother. I tell her I did it. She says... was it about 8:30 when you did it? I said YES how did you know? She said the lord told me then to pray for you.

There are things we can not see or really understand. Many years later before he dies.. had bone cancer (NOT FROM GOD) he tells me.. out of all his kids.. he feels closest to me. 8 kids..closest to me. None of them came to see him. It was not me.. it was JESUS he saw.

Do you see? We can go get ANYTHING we want.. if its NOT from HIM.. then we will never be happy. JESUS IS REAL! He cares for you.. you are FREE. Obay your parents...and you will live long on this earth. That does not me in word only but with the heart. Be happy thankful where you are what you have. And He will give you so much more then you ever wanted. MANY never do this and never get.

JESUS IS REAL! Trust in. Not when it looks good feels good going good. ANYONE can do that. When its dark ..when you cant see when you have nothing.... HE IS THERE! HE IS HOLDING YOU.. have faith.. the light will come.. be so much brighter then ever. Tell HIM what you want..how you feel. HE IS REAL! He is the perfect gentleman. He does not push shove wonder off..He is always hearing wanting to help but ..we dont ask.. we dont BELIEVE. We go by how we FEEL what was see. Were not happy NOW..we want what we can see thinking that will make us happy.

A man use to be on TV and say "something GOOD is going to happen to YOU today" ..get ready.. something WONDERFUL is about to happen to you. In JESUS NAME!

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Wolfe: What you've described is emotional abuse, neglect... and you bear the scars of that... I read through all your comments on this thread.
There's legal things you need to know and other resources that be available.
Get in contact with the resources available like: GodLife
NACC Resources - National Association of Counsel For Children,
Salvation Army(there's thousands of them all across the US), Department of Social Services/Child Welfare, public library, www.goarmy.com, etc.
Refer also to your telephone book for local programs and agencies in your area.

You need many types of assistance, so it's going to be up to you to do what be needed to get it.
That is what I had to do back when I was around your age, I finished high school one day and then the next day I got a job and went to work. My usual mode of getting place to place was either on foot, paying for rides/taxis and doing childcare for rides etc.

You're 17 and each month that go by you creep closer to age 18... you're going to enlist in the military?
Have you contacted/an or keeping in contact with the Army recruiter?
What requirements are needed for the particular field you want to enter into? not all jobs require a driver's license.
Are you doing the exercises/training? ready yourself hard physical exercise that will be required of you in bootcamp?
If you planning for your future, you have to put forth the time and effort so you can make a go of it.
Don't delay, get started asap!

I noticed you mentioned that your brother knows how to drive?... is anyone teaching you how to drive at this time?
One of my biggest hinderances was: not knowing how to drive or having practices other than what driver's training class at school taught when I was 16.
I was in my late twenties before I could drive/get my own car... I had to get a job and pay for driving lessons myself... my widowed mom didn't know how to drive and by the time I was able to drive/have a car my mom was sick a lot and I had to financially support her when she wasn't able to work.

If no one is giving you driving lessons, how will you get them?
You see, here's where self discipline is needed...I know you've walked places...like up to around 3 miles? Keep at it!
Seek out employment, this be key to giving yourself a "leg up" and making money so you can pay for driving lessons if nobody is teaching you yet...don't put this off either! Fears set in and you keep delaying the driving...I know because I been through all that myself. I had to kick myself in the rear end and get the driving lessons on my own. I made sacrifices, walked to/from work in all kind of weather too.

You going to need to encourage yourself, if you ain't got people speaking good things into your life yet.
That's where memorizing scripture comes in handy, you can remind yourself of what the Word of God say any time you need encouraging... Proverbs 18:10, Proverbs 3:5-6,
John 14:27, Psalm 119:50 for examples.

If you living in an area where there's crime, report it to the police.
Someone tries to rob you? report it!
Keeping it to yourself don't help, it keeps you in "chains/bondage"
and crime continues to spread unchecked...can't depend on someone else to report crime, it start with one person standing up and going to the highest level of law enforcement to stop criminal activity in your neighborhood.
I have had to do that where I use to live...my neighborhood wasn't the best but there be a few others who stayed on the law enforcement to do they jobs...we also have called CPS on abusive/neglectful parents as well.
I've also provided a safe home for children to stay with me when they home situations are bad..I've fed and clothed many children who were in need over the years as have other people.

I know many who had ideas to escape their situations but didn't do a thing to get out of it...I'm not going to lie to you, it's hard and it's going to cause you pain/emotional upsets etc. It's something how it be possible for a body to get use to bad treatment/toxic home life...that's why you need God's Word in your life regularly, memorize scripture that encourages and reminds you of who you are in the Lord.

You know Joseph spent years in Pharaoh's prison... even helped a King's servant return to his job and the servant forgets Joseph! More time passes before our guy Joseph is "remembered"...Joseph eventually gets out of prison and is raised to a higher position(the only one higher be the king himself.)
Joseph suffered many injustices but he remained focused on God and doing what was right and honoring to God.

I worked in health care for decades, I have seen similar type of cases like yours more times than I like... and the hardest thing? is walking yourself out of the situation when family won't or can't help.
The other hard thing is escaping that "poverty mentality"..."I can't ever get out of this or that", "everything and everyone is against me", "better jobs aren't really for me" etc... some even make decisions to keep themselves from actually moving out of their poverty or toxic ridden lives... example of this: a friend of mine went to college, graduated with a degree(top of her class) and went back to the town she lived in...she decided not to pursue the career she'd studied for, she worked minimum wage factory jobs, lived in a government funded apartment along with her "friends" who spouted off poverty mentality statements instead of renewing their minds and speech with scriptures...she and her friends said they were believers and faithfully attended church.

It is good to connect with christians who apply scripture in their lives and are willing to help you along in your faith walk.
If I can be of help to you, send me a PM on here, OK?
You take care of yourself and you walk humbly with God and renew your mind on God's Word regularly.
You seek the Lord in all you do...live to honor Him.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Wolfe]

Hi Wolfe
Some things are confusing me about you. You want to join the Army, yet you
said that you're in pain. You also can walk miles to church, but not outside due to danger...crime in your own area. Do you have a learner's permit to practice driving?

The pains gettin better.

And the evening is when the crime stuff begins, so in the morning going to church, I'm relatively safe. Starts at 11am, ends around 12:30ish.
Most times my brother drives me there though.
And no, no permit.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Wolfe]

Have you asked them to teach you to drive? Would their car insurance
go up if you had your permit? How
old was your brother when he
learned to drive? Who taught him?

I have.
It wouldn't.
17.
And my dad.

 

[aiki]

It was forced for 14 years, quite a long time.
Didn't have a choice, it was forced.

But it wasn't truly solitary confinement which was my point. It is very tempting - and easy - to distort the hard things you face into more than they really are. It's in our nature to do this. But this distortion makes things much worse, not better, when we indulge in it. I get that you're looking for a sympathetic ear. But sometimes what we really need, what will really help, isn't a "Poor boy! How awful!" But a reality check.

This just seems like nit picking.
Of course I haven't literately never came into contact with another person.

Then why say otherwise? I understand your family life may be difficult, but adding to the misery of it by exaggeration doesn't help any.

There is never a worse, or a circumstance that warrants, a certain amount of unhappiness.
It all depends on the person, and me, this situation I'm in, gives me a lot of unhappiness.

I don't agree. What one may choose to feel and what one is justified in feeling by one's circumstances may be two very different things. Certainly, a starving child living in squalor, and disease, and death in a garbage dump in the Philipines has far greater justification for feeling miserable than the kid in suburban America who is freaking out because his X-box won't work.

I'm not adding drama, and I am thinking about how my circumstances actually are.

Well, your own words betray your claim here.

I am alone, nothing I can do about it right now, makes me sad.

But here's a prime example of adding drama. You aren't actually alone. You have family, however distant they may seem to you. You have a community of people around you with whom you can form relationships (you mentioned a seniors home nearby and a church you've attended). Now, you may feel lonely despite being among others, but this feeling isn't something forced upon you by your circumstances. It is the consequence of choices you're making about how you'll interact (or not) with others and how you're thinking about yourself and your situation. I used to be in almost exactly the same state as
you and told myself much the same things as you have. I, too, felt alone and blamed my circumstances rather than myself for how I felt. But the truth was that I had withdrawn and made it very hard for others to be my friend. I had thrown up many barriers to social interaction just as you are. And so, I would mourn my isolation but never assume any responsibility for it. The only way this changed was when I finally acknowledged the truth of the verse from Proverbs my Dad always quoted to me,

"He who would have friends must show himself friendly."

I'm not trying to point fingers but help you see the way out of the loneliness you feel.

Why are you even arguing this? I came here for advice, not to be told I don't much like God because I'm sad in my situation.

Because the two things are directly related. How you are walking with God (or not) has an enormous impact on how you live. Loving God always means loving other people and investing in relationships with them. The more you love God, the more you will be in the lives of others blessing them and fellowshipping with them. And the more this is so, the less lonely and despairing you will feel.

And it is exactly as I described my life, my focus is on him everyday, I worry about other people because they don't have him, it actually gives me a great deal of stress that people are going to hell.

If your focus is really on God, then your focus inevitably encompasses other people, too. If you love God, you will be a friend to others, loving them sacrificially as God has loved you. But by your own admission, you are not doing this. Feeling worry over the fate of the lost is fine but is ultimately meaningless if all that ever comes of it is just a continued generalized concern for the unsaved. God intends we should put feet and hands to that concern and get out among people, and befriend them, and walk with them, and show them God's love and truth. It's pretty hard to do this when you've sequestered yourself and convinced yourself you are all alone.

I think about it constantly, to the point where I've made it my full time study, I live as closely as I can to the book in terms of morality,
I don't watch inappropriate content, I try not to lie, I try my best to be nice, I don't say [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], all because, and for him.

Are you keeping the First and Great Commandment? Do you love God with all of your being? If you are, you will love other people and enter into their lives as an ambassador of Christ. Studying your faith is good. But what God wants first and foremost is that you love Him with all you've got and that you love others as He loves them. That means you have to put the books down after a while and actually meet people, and interact with them, and share the love and truth of God with them. How do you do this when you have convinced yourself that you are alone?

Is this good enough for you? I'm sorry I'm gettin a little ticked off, but come on. Being told that I don't have a high opinion of God, by another persons opinion of me, is not helping.

Hey, it's not just my opinion.

Galatians 5:14
14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

1 John 3:10-11
10 In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother.
11 For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another,

1 John 3:16-18
16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
17 But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?
18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.

1 John 4:7-8
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

The higher your view of God, the more you'll love Him. And the more you love Him, the more you will love others. And the more you love others, the more you will be in their lives serving as a conduit of God's love, light and truth to them.

Why can't I be happy, and still live for him?
Should I stay here, make no effort to better my life, and do nothing?

No. But have you laid your life before God and given Him free reign to do with you as He wishes?

I've already been saved, and like I said, I'm happy that I will die, and go to Heaven, but here on earth I am miserable.

But salvation is a Person: Jesus Christ. When you are saved, he comes to live within you by the Holy Spirit.

1 John 5:11-12
11 And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.
12 He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

Salvation isn't eternal fire insurance and a get-into-heaven ticket, but a love-relationship with God. Are you experiencing that love relationship? I don't see how you can be and still be so miserable. Surely, daily fellowship with the Almighty God of the Universe should bring you joy, and peace, and contentment, not misery.

I don't want to be miserable, it isn't my frame of mind that makes me miserable, it isn't my perspective, because no matter how you swing it, I'm still sittin here, alone in my room, and there aint jack I can do about it right now.

Well, this is certainly what you've convinced yourself is true. I did the same thing when I was your age. But you do have the ability and the freedom to make friendships with those around you and share the love of God with them - just as I did. No one has forced you into your room, locked the door and set a guard to make sure you never leave, have they?

it is not a sin to try to be happy,

But happiness is not the ultimate goal of the life of a disciple of Jesus. God wants you to be like Christ (Ro. 8:29) that your life may properly glorify Him (1Cor. 10:31). That's the fundamental reason you exist. And fulfilling this purpose for your existence will not always make you happy - though it will make you joyful.

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.
25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

I grew up, mom always leaving us, dad always at work, and the people who "raised" me, always locked in their rooms.
Guy across the street, shot and killed in his own house, lived next to a halfway house, just to give you an idea of the kinda of happy, cheery environment I grew up in.

I had my own hardships growing up. We all do. God doesn't say to us, though, that our hardships can be an excuse to withdraw from others and despair.

Was never once shown affection, by anyone, no one comforted me during the numerous times my mom left.

And God? Was He not there, willing to comfort you? Has He not loved you with a love no human can ever match?

Keep it all secret, locked inside, suppress it. All the while I'm alone, nobody to confide in, or help me through it.

Except God. He's always there to talk to and confide in and has promised to help you through all that you face in life.

I have no money, nowhere to go, and I know no one. What's the game plan?

Stop looking at yourself and start looking at God. The more you do, the more others will become your preoccupation. As you make God the center of your attention, He will direct you to move into the lives of those around you and share His love and truth with them. As you do this, the rest of your life will come into focus and find shape and direction.

I can't just ignore it, being alone is just the tip of the iceberg.
I got a lot of crap I keep inside, and that I'm not gonna share publicly.
It eats away at my mind, and causes me quite a bit of discomfort.

Again, why have you not turned to God and yielded your struggles and hurts to Him? Why carry a load God has called you to give to Him?

Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Selah.

 

[Goodbook]

Look, get over yourself. From your posts it sounds like you just have first world problems.

Look to Jesus. You never hear of him whining and complaining and he waited till he was 30 to begin his ministry. He was practically homeschooled back in the day. He rode a donkey! They didnt have fancy chariots. His brothers and sisters didnt believe him.

To everything there is a season, and yes sometimes there are times when we need to focus on study and not on being social butterflies and fitting in. Jesus went and ate with sinners and publicans and the Pharisees didnt approve. He was always doing the socially unacceptable thing. He was even run out of town...

Conforming to the world, is NOT what God asks of us. We are meant to stand out, not fit in and be like everyone else.

One thing you havent answered or at least I havent seen the answer is why your avatar is wolfe. Do you think its ok for a christian to be a wolfe? Do you read your bible on what it says about wolves?

 

[Wolfe]

Look, get over yourself. From your posts it sounds like you just have first world problems.

Look to Jesus. You never hear of him whining and complaining and he waited till he was 30 to begin his ministry. He was practically homeschooled back in the day. He rode a donkey! They didnt have fancy chariots. His brothers and sisters didnt believe him.

To everything there is a season, and yes sometimes there are times when we need to focus on study and not on being social butterflies and fitting in. Jesus went and ate with sinners and publicans and the Pharisees didnt approve. He was always doing the socially unacceptable thing. He was even run out of town...

Conforming to the world, is NOT what God asks of us. We are meant to stand out, not fit in and be like everyone else.

One thing you havent answered or at least I havent seen the answer is why your avatar is wolfe. Do you think its ok for a christian to be a wolfe? Do you read your bible on what it says about wolves?

God made wolves, I like wolves, I'm not a wolf. Don't see the problem.

And like I said there's a buncha stuff that's happened to me, that I don't want to share publicly, not because I'm ashamed, or afraid of judgement.
But because I don't wanna bring something real up for someone else. I'll tell you if you like, but to do it justice I'd have to be graphic.
Yea, my social problems are hinged on first world problems, can't deny that, I could just go out and obtain what I want. But there a lot of other things, much more grim things, that I've done, and that have happened to me. It messes with my mind, and yea, I pray to God to help me with them.
Wanna clarify, I aint killed anyone. Don't wanna suggest that.

It isn't about fitting in, I'm not conforming to the world.
What I'm saying is, I don't possess the qualities to start.
I'll start saying something, right? And halfway out my mouth, it stops, I didn't stop it.
And I can't figure out why, it isn't confidence, can't be, because I'll say anything.
But the moment I start saying something remotely friendly, and outside the norm of me to say, it just stops, or I don't say the thing that's in my head.
So it's not about fitting in, it's more about figuring out why I can't socialize to begin with.

It's time for me to move on, in my head, I know this.
I want to, and I'm not scared to, but when I try, I've thought it was God, but I figure he'd make it clear to me that I'm not suppose to be doin what I'm doin. My goal isn't sinful, it'd be different if I was lookin for something that is sinful, but I'm not.
If I was sure that God wants me here for some reason, whatever that may be, I wouldn't question it. I'd just do as I was told, because ultimately, I know it would yield better stuff then the things that I wanted to do (not talking about possessions, just saying Gods will has a much greater purpose than mine).

And it's funny you say for me to get over myself, it's exactly what I used to say to my siblings, and about people I see that say they suffering proves no God.
Get over yourself, everybody suffers. I understand.
What I'm trying to figure out right now is, why I'm mentally unable to do the things I wanna do.

My post isn't, look at me, I got the worst of it. If I come off like that, I don't mean to.
There's a lot more stuff going on than just what's in the post, it isn't first world problems.
The part that is, is y'all are right. I'm in a prison of my own making, I'm trying to escape it, but I dunno how.
I've tried looking at things differently, forcing my self to do things, tricking myself, pretty much everything I can think of to do.

They are not bad people, they did not mean to cause any harm, they did want what was best for me, the problem is, they didn't know what was best for me (they admitted it), certain complications when I was young prevented them from doing anything. And when I got older, they just figured it'd be best for me to stay home.
They've realized their mistake, but it doesn't fall on them to fix it. They can't fix it. I don't blame them, everybody screws up.

And I'm not as strong as Jesus, never understood that as an argument.
I can understand using paul, or peter, or job, because they were all just humans, I could more relate to them than I could Jesus.
Jesus was God, I can't compete with that strength.
He strengthens me, and is my will to live, but I'm not as strong as him.

I wanna say again, worse situations do not make a bad situation, better.
Using that logic, no situation is bad, because it can always be worse.
I got the physical requirements, but my mind is lacking. You need both.