I do believe God is being gracious to you (v3), reading what you have said, so then this should apply to you from Apostle Peter,
1 Peter 2 New King James Version (NKJV)
2 Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking,
2 as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby,
3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.
So you should definitely not give up any hope for your situation, in due time you will be rewarded for seeking after Christ. God is a rewarder of all those who diligently seek Him. No one seeks for God unless God begins His work inside of them, so your seeking Him should be a sign to you that He is at work within you. And if God be for you, then who can be against you?
Actually you can read His words and pray asking Him to help you, and wait then on God for Him to awaken within you inside your soul that feeling you are seeming to be missing that He does care for your soul.
Matthew 10
Jesus Teaches the Fear of God
27 “Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops.
28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will.
30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
31 Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Confess Christ Before Men
32 “Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven.
33 But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.
Galatians 6
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.
9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.
1 Peter 5
5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for
“God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,
7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.
10 But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
11 To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
It's true, I've sought after him. But not consistently. Yes I have gone through long seasons of asking him constantly to make himself known and to ultimately bring me close to him. But I have also taken advantage of his patience and mercy time and time again. I have also gone through long seasons of ignoring God as well. Yes I've sought after him, but not as diligently as I may have unintentionally made it sound. During these seasons, saying a quick and short prayer for God to intervene and tirn me back to him is the greatest passion I can muster. I've known my sin even as I've committed it.
Once more: Am I still able to say boldly to Christ "I believe you died for me and I now rest in that"?
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