Trying to un-depresonalize

[Inthesafeplace]

For about a month, I'v felt so out of it. Not necessarily like I'm not real, but rather I don't feel "in-control" all the time. I've walked about felt my legs were being controlled by someone else. I've spoken and have questioned if its my voice. Sometimes it doesn't sound like me or it feels like I'm disconnected from the sound or my mouth. I'm even beginning to wonder if the thoughts in my head are my thoughts. I know I'm not going bananas and its just depersonaliztation.
How do I feel normal again?

 

[brinny]

Our God is like an Anchor....lifting you up to Him, dear heart (((hug)))

 

[Catherineanne]

For about a month, I'v felt so out of it. Not necessarily like I'm not real, but rather I don't feel "in-control" all the time. I've walked about felt my legs were being controlled by someone else. I've spoken and have questioned if its my voice. Sometimes it doesn't sound like me or it feels like I'm disconnected from the sound or my mouth. I'm even beginning to wonder if the thoughts in my head are my thoughts. I know I'm not going bananas and its just depersonaliztation.
How do I feel normal again?

The feeling you describe is a form of self protection, so make sure before you reconnect that it is safe for you to do so. As long as it is safe there are a variety of ways to try to connect again. I don't know which will work for you, but these are the ones I know of.

First, touch. Put your hand on a wall or piece of furniture; run it gently against a fence or wall as you walk by. When talking to people touch them gently on the arm, or if they are good friends give them a hug. Connect through touch to overcome the distancing effect.

Second, smell. Put some perfume onto a hanky and keep it in your pocket. Smell it from time to time to bring yourself back to the present.

Third, stay grounded. When sitting or standing make sure both feet are flat on the floor; don't tip them or tilt them. Stay in contact with the ground.

Fourth, and the only one that really works for me. Make something. Anything. Make a cake, do some gardening, paint a picture; even fill in a crossword puzzle. Make a difference that you can see in the world that seems disconnected from you.

I hope some of these work for you.

 

[Dave-W]

Have you been thru some traumatic experience recently?

 

[dms1972]

The advice in catherineanne's post seems good to me. I don't think you should try to 'undepersonalise' because whatever state you are in it will pass and in some situations these temporary states are protective in a manner, but you may also need to speak to a experienced clinician first. In the meantime use the grounding and other suggestions above, and take care.

 

[Johnnz]

I have some experience with people with similar experiences. Feel free to PM me if you want to pursue things with me a bit more and respond to some questions that might clarify matters a bit more for you

John
NZ

 

[Inthesafeplace]

@Johnnz I might like that.

 

[Johnnz]

Just some general comments that I hope will be helpful.

a) Trust is one HUGE issue. Wanting to be heard, understood, recognised, to be able to tell your story and be believed are very deep desires. But who to trust with that is a fearful unknown. Trust must be earned, but when is it safe to begin is a very valid concern.

b) Fear of ridicule, being judged, rejected (yet again maybe) if people know more about you is another "Berlin Wall" that confronts you.

c) Fear of being labelled with some mental health term and having that stigma attached would be another fear.

d) 'Quick fix' religious 'solutions' with their risk of being seen as insincere, uncommitted, rebellious. not having truly forgiven, harbouring some hidden sins so God can't help you, are some examples.

e) As a consequence of the above, feeling hopeless, off-side with God and thus fearful/confused about your relationship with Him.

f) There are usually 'parts' that arose in response to specific situations. Some might be too embarrassing for any public recognition and so silence is maintained, Examples are: very angry, hostile ones who act defensively to repel all perceived danger; very sexually aware parts; frightened children; ones who reject/oppose Christian belief.

These are some interacting strands of thinking and existing I have most commonly encountered with people who have multiple identities. And having listened to their stories I understand why that is so.

John
NZ

 

[com7fy8]

I think any of us can feel out of touch, at times, however. But you can feel like you are the only one.

We can trust God to get us in the connection He wants, and how He works things and people along with all He does with us.

prayer for you, too, then . . .

 

[dms1972]

I have to ask do any of you know what the OPs condition is? Self-report isn't always accurate. If the OP continues to feel distressed they need to contact a clinician, where they will be afforded confidence to speak in privacy.

 

[Inthesafeplace]

I have to ask do any of you know what the OPs condition is? Self-report isn't always accurate. If the OP continues to feel distressed they need to contact a clinician, where they will be afforded confidence to speak in privacy.

Self diagnoses has actually almost always been accurate for me. Everyone remarks I should be a doctor. I have other diagnoses from actual clinicians. I'm not in the position to get one now. This forum isn't my sole source of support. Some disorders are pretty obvious. The advice I've gotten here is good for now.
Thank you everyone.

 

[LittleH]

Hi Inthesafeplace

I've only just seen and read through your thread but when I read what you have written, I knew I had to reply. If it is alright with you, I would like to share some of my experience.

I have been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) [formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder] and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), and these are the result of sustained trauma throughout my childhood. I have parts, which as John described in an earlier comment are very varied - some are child parts, others teenagers, some angry and so on. However, that is not the only form of dissociation I experience. Sometimes I just don't feel very connected to my body or I can feel like I am watching myself and the world around me like it is a movie. At times, it can be difficult to distinguish fact from fiction. There is actually a spectrum of dissociation with DID (switching between parts) at the severe end.

Please don't think I am sharing this with you because I believe you to have DID as well. I am not trained to diagnose others and would never attempt to. What I really want to say is that you are not alone. Some of the hardest things I have to deal with is learning to trust others, loneliness and the fear that others will reject me. I've had some time to get my head round the diagnoses, although there are still times it gets to me, and I actually think dissociation is an intelligent and creative way for the mind to protect someone during trauma. I know that if my mind had not fragmented, I would not be a functioning person today.

In terms of how to cope with depersonalisation, Catherineanne's suggestions are really good. They are exactly what my therapist tells me to do. However, I do think it is important to consider the reasons why you are experiencing depersonalisation. If this is something you would like to do, it is so important to have people supporting you as well as a trained professional working with you. I truly value the support I get from my therapist but I also have support from an amazing friend and my husband. It has been incredibly hard opening up and learning to trust but it has also been amazing. I would be completely lost if I hadn't taken that first step in learning to trust and opening up.

Please be gentle with yourself and if you ever want to PM me, then feel free.
Hannah

 

[dms1972]

Self diagnoses has actually almost always been accurate for me. Everyone remarks I should be a doctor. I have other diagnoses from actual clinicians. I'm not in the position to get one now. This forum isn't my sole source of support. Some disorders are pretty obvious. The advice I've gotten here is good for now.

I think you'd need confirmation from a skilled helper in person to be sure because they are talking to you as things are at that moment with you. The internet can only offer a few suggestions.

Some instances of depersonalisation only last a few days if there is an organic factor, such as getting over an illness, rest and food then is often sufficient. Longer than this its a need for repersonalisation, not un-depersonalisation - thats why I am concerned if these suggestions are not sufficient, you seek proper help offline.

As a christian you have a whole place within, Romans chapter 8 is a valuable resource, also several of the Psalms can be very helpful.

Take care.