Really depressed

[servant4ever]

Hello everyone,

I am feeling really depressed right now. Is there any advantage to want to live? I'm not planning on trying to harm myself, but I am just curious. Whenever I feel better, two seconds later I am feeling worse than I was before. I don't remember me being this bad. I can't do a single thing right. I have barely any friends here at college, one of my roommates told me I have never been his friend, whom I thought was my best friend. I'm just ready to give up. I just need some advantages to want to continue trying. I feel like just laying in bed for the rest of my life, or until I get better, but I doubt I will since I whenever I get "better" I get 1000 times worse.

servant4ever

 

[desi]

Call an old friend or a relative you can talk to, collect if you have to.

 

[bound2him]

have you felt this way a long time? or just now that you are away at college?

 

[servant4ever]

Hello desi,

All my friends from high school have abandonned me. I can't trust any of my relatives and I do collect the new state quarters, and I get made fun of for that... What is the main advantage to even want to keep going???

servant4ever

 

[servant4ever]

Bound2him,

I have been like this for 2 1/2 years, progressively getting worse, I am going to counseling at a church here in town, I did a lot better, but now I am going back to the same old ways... I haven't tried to kill myself for like 4 months, where I couldn't even go a day without trying it before counseling, but I have been on that path, thinking of it more and more, my roommate has taken everything harmful away from me, my scissors, anything that could choke me... What advantages are there to even try anymore? I feel more and more like giving up...

servant4ever

 

[tj179]

Remember that God chooses to disipline his children. We must consider all things joy and when you can get to that point in your relationship with God you will again find peace in your life. Draw close to God and he will draw close to you.
I can tell you that those negitive feelings are coming from Satan. You must stand strong in your faith and rebuke that sucker and you will be blessed for it.
Another thought to remember is that our God is all sufficiant. We really dont need everyone or anyone in particular to like us, in fact people will hate us because of our faith but God loves us and will never leave us or forsake us.
F. Focus on God
A. Anticipate his will being done
C. Commit to serving him
I hope this will help you out of this time of torment being brought against you by the one who comes to steal kill and destroy.
May God bless you with peace in your heart and joy in your soul,
TJ

 

[servant4ever]

You just don't realize, I can't do anything right. I try to serve Christ, then I mess up. I try to focus on God, then a thought about harming myself comes in. I pray His will be done and all I do is opposite of what God wants (I'm an Open Theist, don't want to debate that now, if you do, go to the Open Theism thread on general Theology, it's more or less 4 people arguing against me). Just pray for me, I want to do what God wants, I just have the choice to make.

servant4ever

 

[desi]

Hello desi,

All my friends from high school have abandonned me. I can't trust any of my relatives and I do collect the new state quarters, and I get made fun of for that... What is the main advantage to even want to keep going???

servant4ever

Cool!, my dad collects those state quarters. Noone has made fun of him yet, and if they did in front of me I'd pick them apart like a piece of chicken. It sounds like you're in a tough way. I've been where you are at, albeit awhile ago. I was going to shoot myself but I was scared I might miss and end up maimed instead so I chickened out. Living is always the best choice because it shows we trust God and God likes that. Look at Job, he wanted to die-with good reason and prayed for it, God didn't let him die and rewarded him for his faith when everyone else including him thought he was broken beyond repair. The advantage is in tomorrow and your capacity to represent God in others' lives. Actually, tomorrow is far away. The advantage is in NOW! You can listen to some Jaci Velasquez and read Job-or whatever else you like. You could pick a forum here on CFC and talk about whatever the topic is. Or you could find real people around you. Don't you have a house officer you can talk to? Might help? You don't have to say how bad you feel, just how you feel bad because you don't fit in as well as you want to and don't know how to go about getting to know people. House officers usually stay up answering the phone so they are available and they usually know the scoop of the school so you can make connections. Your college friend saying that he wasn't your friend is rude and odd, did you steal his woman or something? God will take both of us soon enough. We have eternal happiness after earth, its up to us to let God help us use our time here for his glory. It sounds like you need to make some friends. When you are new at this or starting from scratch it can help to talk to people lower on the social ladder than we usually are, if you can't tell I do this often when starting over at a new place. After making friends with such people you can work your way into wherever you belong, everyone belongs somewhere even you and me, via social networking. If I had suceeded long ago I would not have married the girl of my dreams and had 5 going on 6 children with her, never would have been a Sergeant of Marines, never would have earned a B.S. in Chemistry, never would have gotten into Pharmacy School, never would have been to jail, gotten drunk, or become comfortable with who I am in relation to my wife, society, and God. If you stick things out the rewards will come. If you offer yourself to God to use and let him work for others through you the rewards will astound you. You are young with a life full of promise. Don't let anyone get you down because they don't matter, who you are with God supercedes all else.

 

[bound2him]

have you talked to your doctor about any of this? if you are to the point where you are making attempts to harm yourself, the next step is to talk to a pro, not just a counsellor, even though they are wonderful... if there is something like a chemical imbalance causing your feelings counselling alone may not work... just a thought,

 

[desi]

You just don't realize, I can't do anything right. I try to serve Christ, then I mess up. I try to focus on God, then a thought about harming myself comes in. I pray His will be done and all I do is opposite of what God wants (I'm an Open Theist, don't want to debate that now, if you do, go to the Open Theism thread on general Theology, it's more or less 4 people arguing against me). Just pray for me, I want to do what God wants, I just have the choice to make.

servant4ever

You're debating for God! That's more than most would do, its probably his will too.

 

[desi]

P.S. I offer myself to God and I screw up more than I should. But sometimes those screw ups set other things up which help in the long run. Judging the effectiveness of your actions based on what you know may be using the wrong perspective.

 

[servant4ever]

Hello,

I just have to tell you the truth, life sucks. I try my dang best in my classes, and everything I get back is mediocore (sp?). I have no friends here at college, except one girl, we are decent friends. Everything I do in college, except for class, is here at this computer. Last year I tried to get out, but people just didn't accept me. That is sad, considerring that this is a Christian school. I have already talked to my hall director, and I have annoyed him plenty of times. Last year I did the same thing, except that one told me that it was my fault my roommate threatened to beat me up. He also told me that I should not call him or my resident assistant if I have another problem. I just don't want to annoy my hall director this year where it gets to that. I don't even think I called my hall director or my resident assistant that much.

For the doctor issue, my counselor wanted me to go see a doctor, but I don't have insurance in my name, my parents have insurance for me, but they don't know about it becasue they will consider me "crazy" if they find out I am like this. So, since I can't have insurance, no doctor's office will accept me, even the government-associated hospital... I guess they don't trust me. I do everything alone, I go to lunch and dinner alone. I go to church alone. I don't talk to many people in the hallways. I never go out and do things with friends. People never invite me over to do things. I have been just thinking of killing myself lately, what is the use to stay alive? Nothing good goes on in my life. I have no friends from high school, they all have abandonned me since they found out I am an open theist -- I went to a Christian High school, mainly calvinist. It seems like I can't do one thing right in the eyes of one of my roommates. He is so picky at what I do, and if I do something wrong, he criticizes me for 10 minutes. I have to admit that I am scared to talk to people because maybe I will do something wrong, and I just want to be a normal person. Is that too much to ask?

servant4ever

 

[tinkerbell]

Hey,
I don't know for sure, but it sounds like you might be suffering from clinical depression, in which case you might want to see a counsoler. All colleges offer free counseling, or if you'd prefer, there are probably some churches in your area that offer counseling. I would reccomend at least checking into it. Also, keep your eyes set on God and the goal that you have ahead of you. He will pull you through this. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless!!!

 

[Lost]

"To err is human"

I'd be extremely rich if I had a nickel for everytime I made a mistake!



When you are down and have bad feelings try to picture that Satan is knocking at your door.

Pray: Ask Jesus to answer the door for you and then picture in your mind Jesus opening the door. He will take care of you.

It is a good idea to have someone to talk to. You could try a school counsellor - it is confidential and the counsellor could help you simply by just listening. Please keep us posted.

You are going through a very hard time in your life but things will get better.

Some of the best friends you will make come later in life. It is not uncommon to move away from school friends. My daughter is going through the same thing. She is finding out that her old friends and her are parting ways because they simply are not as mature as she is. She has moved on - but it is a sad thing. There is a saying that "with no sadness there is no happiness". The ones that are making fun of your hobby are being rude and childish. What's to say their hobbies are any better than yours? Eh? What's important is whether or not you enjoy it. I had several people laughing at me today at the hospital because I was sitting in the waiting room knitting an item for my daughter. I enjoy my knitting so it mattered not to me that they thought it was "funny" and "old fashioned".

I will continue to pray for you.

You're going to be fine.

lost

 

[bound2him]

yeah i dont know how it is in the states, but some counsellors offer free stuff or there are sometimes programs for people who need meds for stuff like that and cant afford it and/or cant tell their parents

do your parents see all the claims on their insurance??? I figured something like that would be confidential???

 

[servant4ever]

Hello

That is what I am scared to death of, my parents would have to find out though. My counselor said she doesn't think I do, but why am I always happy one second then the very next second worse off? Every claim is listed on insurance stuff, the companies asusme that everyone knows about everything that will be on the claim. My counselor thought there was free stuff through the state-run hospital, but they wouldn't accept me because I wasn't that severe of a case, so they referred me to another hospital, and they wouldn't accept me because I didn't have insurance. My life just sucks. I am a sophomore in college, many people say this should be the best time of my life, but this time of my life sucks. I have no friends. My grades are a lot worse than they should be. It is embarrassing trying to think of reasons to tell your professor why you didn't get the homework done for the next day, or why you are really not prepared for the test that day. My counselor and I haven't met last week, and this week we aren't meeting because of MLK Day (we meet on Mondays). I have only talked to her once in the last 7 weeks. I might as well just give up now, but something keeps me going.

servant4ever

 

[Breetai]

Servant4ever, I've got an idea (aside from trusting God, reading His Word and praying--I'm sure that you already do that). When I first came to University, I began to work out at the weight room. I surfed all over the internet, looking for how to set up a routine, which excercises to do, etc. I hit the gym, not caring what everyone in there thought because I was only concerned about my workout. Soon enough I was eating better, looking better, getting stronger, noticing that I could lift more weight. It was awesome. After going to the gym steady for a month or so, people began to reconize me and talk to me. They would give me workout tips and such. It really felt good. I noticed that after getting stronger and looking better, that other areas of my life improved. I was happier overall, more confident, girls would approach me, etc.

Now I'm not saying that hitting the gym is the answer, but finding an activity/hobby can definetly give you goals to work toward and you will meet lots of cool people. You might even get into a discussion about Christ and lead someone to Him!

My university is a TWO DAY drive from home. Twenty or so hours in a car. That is a long way from all of my old friends (most of which I don't talk to anymore) and my family. Every summer I've gone off to a fishing camp in the middle of nowhere Canada to work. All of my new university friends are left behind and I find it very hard to maintain any meaningful friendships. Having a steady hobby such as working out really does help you keep focused on something and keeps your mind free of worries.

I pray for you.

 

[Lost]

Hello

That is what I am scared to death of, my parents would have to find out though. My counselor said she doesn't think I do, but why am I always happy one second then the very next second worse off? Every claim is listed on insurance stuff, the companies asusme that everyone knows about everything that will be on the claim. My counselor thought there was free stuff through the state-run hospital, but they wouldn't accept me because I wasn't that severe of a case, so they referred me to another hospital, and they wouldn't accept me because I didn't have insurance. My life just sucks. I am a sophomore in college, many people say this should be the best time of my life, but this time of my life sucks. I have no friends. My grades are a lot worse than they should be. It is embarrassing trying to think of reasons to tell your professor why you didn't get the homework done for the next day, or why you are really not prepared for the test that day. My counselor and I haven't met last week, and this week we aren't meeting because of MLK Day (we meet on Mondays). I have only talked to her once in the last 7 weeks. I might as well just give up now, but something keeps me going.

servant4ever

Don't give up - we are here for you!

If you need more resources for someone to talk to there is a very nice person on this board named Coastie who can direct you to some services that will help. I know - they helped me.

The gym idea sounds very good.

Also, when I'm down I'll go to the library and check out a book that is humorous. Laughter really helps!





lost

 

[desi]

Servant4ever, don't you have a hot date coming up? If I'm not mistaken you were looking forward to it.

As far as people not accepting you, do you know why they are so unkind to you? I myself can be slightly abrasive which turns some people off so I have to behave myself more often than I'd like. Women used to be bored with me until I learned what they are interested in, now since I've changed my style they enjoy my company.

If you are going to a Christian school where people are not nice to you I'd go to a Jr. College close to home. There you will have easier classes because your peers will be less competition. Your peers will be 'regular joes and janes' who will not act like they are better than you for the most part, and the education will be cheaper but just as valuable. You can also live at home where you know the area.

In summary I'd look at what may be putting people off about you and try to change it enough to put them at ease around you, consider switching schools, and go on that hot date!

 

[servant4ever]

Thanks for the idea of working out, but one thing I should say, I am disabled. I do work for the campus switchboard, but when I work, I am the only one on duty, so that is useless to find friends. I have tried to approach and sit by people I don't know in the cafeteria, but all I get is weird looks, and they don't even talk to me. I guess I deserve this for being such a loser...

servant4ever