OCD about physical affection

[EtainSkirata]

I think I'm understanding myself a little bit better, in that I have obsessive thoughts about my intentions. "Did I mean to do that, what did I really mean by saying that, etc." And I tend to assume the worst in myself. When I was younger I was terrified of cheating in school, I would hide my face or sit away from students so I could make sure I wouldn't cheat, but I was so obsessed with "don't cheat don't cheat don't cheat" that I hyper analyzed every little glance to the side and ended up confessing to a lot of cheating. I still don't want to go back to college because of this, and I'm in my late 20s.

But that story is relevant because now I have a boyfriend, my first boyfriend ever. And I'm struggling so hard with physical affection. "Is this too much, is this sexual, my mind wants to go further but I know it's wrong and we should stay right here, is this touch ok, is what he's doing now okay," etc. It got to the point where, one day, I pushed us to go almost too far because I followed my lust, and so we stopped kissing for about 6 months. And us not kissing is a huge factor in why we almost broke up recently. So we are back to kissing, and I WANT TO KEEP IT HOLY AND PURE, but I get so obsessed over the torrent of "is this ok, is that ok, am I sinning, am I over thinking it."

It's kinda funny but I almost feel like it's something that could be solved by ERP (exposure and response prevention) therapy. It's just so hard to be so anxious over something so important.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I think I'm understanding myself a little bit better, in that I have obsessive thoughts about my intentions. "Did I mean to do that, what did I really mean by saying that, etc." And I tend to assume the worst in myself. When I was younger I was terrified of cheating in school, I would hide my face or sit away from students so I could make sure I wouldn't cheat, but I was so obsessed with "don't cheat don't cheat don't cheat" that I hyper analyzed every little glance to the side and ended up confessing to a lot of cheating. I still don't want to go back to college because of this, and I'm in my late 20s.

But that story is relevant because now I have a boyfriend, my first boyfriend ever. And I'm struggling so hard with physical affection. "Is this too much, is this sexual, my mind wants to go further but I know it's wrong and we should stay right here, is this touch ok, is what he's doing now okay," etc. It got to the point where, one day, I pushed us to go almost too far because I followed my lust, and so we stopped kissing for about 6 months. And us not kissing is a huge factor in why we almost broke up recently. So we are back to kissing, and I WANT TO KEEP IT HOLY AND PURE, but I get so obsessed over the torrent of "is this ok, is that ok, am I sinning, am I over thinking it."

It's kinda funny but I almost feel like it's something that could be solved by ERP (exposure and response prevention) therapy. It's just so hard to be so anxious over something so important.

Sexual attraction is natural, not an OCD moment. You'll have to put the breaks on again because it most likely will end up in fornication. Sorry, talking from experience here.
Blessings.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Sexual attraction is natural, not an OCD moment. You'll have to put the breaks on again because it most likely will end up in fornication. Sorry, talking from experience here.
Blessings.

Well, i know that attraction is natural, but I over think it to death and I'm wondering if that part is me being obsessive...

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Well, i know that attraction is natural, but I over think it to death and I'm wondering if that part is me being obsessive...

Well I over think everything myself so I'm in the same boat as you. My children do the same. It's just how our brain processes stress. You are clearly stressed over the situation. I pray that the Lord lift me out of the cycle as quickly as possible!

 

[frank1234]

Sounds like you were very conscientious about doing the right thing from the very young age, which is very good and admirable. But it takes time to bring the whole thing into balance, which comes with experience(and maybe a little help with medicinal remedies). Also you have to be careful to bring the same consciousness of doing the right thing in relationship as well. Believe it or not, even kissing is considered to be part of sex. You can not separate kissing from other sexual acts(unless its completely platonic kiss on the cheek or something). So maintain that same level of purity(so you won't have to be worried about doing the wrong thing), until you are married.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Sounds like you were very conscientious about doing the right thing from the very young age, which is very good and admirable. But it takes time to bring the whole thing into balance, which comes with experience(and maybe a little help with medicinal remedies). Also you have to be careful to bring the same consciousness of doing the right thing in relationship as well. Believe it or not, even kissing is considered to be part of sex. You can not separate kissing from other sexual acts(unless its completely platonic kiss on the cheek or something). So maintain that same level of purity(so you won't have to be worried about doing the wrong thing), until you are married.

I do appreciate you taking the time to reply. I don't think the amount of anxiety I'm feeling is normal, though. Even with my story about school, I would day that my level of anxiety was absolutely abnormal. I don't even want to go back to college because of it. There's being conscientious, and then there's being neurotic, and I definitely think I'm being neurotic. I would bet a million dollars that almost every married couple I know kissed before marriage, and it wasn't a problem. Maybe they slipped up here and there, but I doubt they were as hyper analytical as me...

 

[Lost Witness]

kissing leads to children

 

[Larniavc]

It's kinda funny but I almost feel like it's something that could be solved by ERP (exposure and response prevention) therapy. It's just so hard to be so anxious over something so important.

Those kind of intrusive thoughts respond to CBT. It has a high success rate as a treatment for OCD.

 

[look4hope]

Hiya @EtainSkirata
Okay. Let me just start by saying that you are open to hear out different perspectives from different people that will encourage, advice and even warn you about your situation.

Age matters. Hoping that you are an adult here. These feelings of overthinking about every detail of intimacy, even if it’s just a tap on the hand....can be considered normal. But if it’s taken to the extreme where it impairs you... it could also be due to the symptoms of OCD that you might have had since a young age.

This will enhance the worries of every move you make when you’re with your boyfriend.

Have you seen anyone to discuss your worries with OCD?

I am not a medical professional, but just a person who would like to offer any help that could be useful to make you feel less stress in a situation where it should be bliss. Walking together, holding hands, just looking at each other. The basic romantic stuff.
.

Blessings and lots of hugs,

L4H