Nothing helps with the loss of my husband

[Mazvita]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am also a widow i understand what you are going through. All I can tell you is there are no words I can say that will stop the pain but Its only the Holy Spirit that can give you the comfort. I know at the moment you are finding it difficult to pray because you are angry. Its ok to be angry but you must bear in mind that whether we are in pain or in happiness God will remain God. He is our healer, comforter, guide, shelter from the storms and He knows whats best for us. He is our everything. Its so sad that I am telling you this after I have passed through all those stages of being angry at Him, refusing to pray Him even keeping asking Why, why me. I even told myself that I will never talk or laugh, go to work. I even considered committing suicide. But here I am writing my experiences. One thing I know is the pain takes long to heal, but there is no pain that the Blood of Jesus will not heal. Its too soon give yourself time, at least you a blessed to have had the courage to share how you are feeling some of us it took us more than a year, so my healing also took longer. My sister if you feel like crying cry, shouting, shout say out how you feel and just don't make major decisions now take your time. I will pray for you that the Holy Spirit will give you the comfort.

 

[fallonthisstone]

I am so terribly sorry about the loss of your dear husband. I know from experience that no words can bring comfort now. My first year was just raw emotion. Keep being real with God. He knows how you feel - He lost His only Son. Writing helped me. There is no quick fix to this - as you well know.

My husband died of pancreatic cancer. About six months before he died, I read Daniel 3:17-18: IF IT BE SO, our God whom we serve IS ABLE TO DELIVER US from the fiery furnace, and HE WILL DELIVER US out of thine hand, O King. BUT IF NOT, be it known unto thee, O King, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up. For me this meant that God was able to deliver my husband from this terrible sickness and He would deliver him from cancer, but I just did not know on which side of heaven he would be healed. My husband is healed of cancer! It was just not the answer I wanted.

My husband and I even went to a healing service and I will never forget the Pastor saying that even if everyone in the room walked out healed, each one of them would still die someday. Lazarus had to die again.

Try and be thankful for at least one thing every day. When I am really lonely, I thank God that I knew the love of a good man and then I lay that loneliness on the altar and offer it back to God and weep.

Find another widow to talk to that understands your utter desolation. You will eventually see a speck of light in the gloom of your despair and realize that God has never left you nor forsaken you.

Here are words to the song, "Bow the Knee", that I just kept playing over and over:

There are moments on our journey following the Lord
Where God illuminates ev'ry step we take.
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us,
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When our path grows dim and our questions have no answers,
Turn to Him.

(chorus) Bow the knee.
Trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee.
Lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don't understand the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.


There are days when clouds surround us and the rain begins to fall.
The cold and lonely winds won't cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel;
We are tempted to believe that God does not know.
When the storms arise, don't forget we walk by faith and not by sight.

(chorus)

I'll be praying for you.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

great post fallonthisstone!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

nice song too!

Bow The Knee Russel Mauldin Worship Video with lyrics - YouTube

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

Hi pnktulip, just checking in to see how you're doing.

 

[Mazvita]

Hie How are you doing. praying for you

 

[bartony]

I have read most of the posts here with tears in my eyes, tears of understanding.
Guess I'm the first man (widower) to post.

My heart goes out to you.

My precious soul mate was taken to the Lord on a cold December night, December 18th, 2009 from complications of lupus. Though she was very ill, she was doing good enough that her passing wasn't expected at all. It was very sudden after a brain bleed.

I felt like I was reading my own words, pnktulip, in my early days of profound loss and heartbreak. All that you are feeling is very normal and is part of the grief process. You may have done this, but I went through a grief class for six weeks. I also went to a grief counselor for some time. Even now, two years later, I sometimes hit a stump and he helps me by email, as he has many times. All of those do help, but nothing but time and God can really do healing. I know the feelings of being robbed, cheated, feeling your very heart be ripped out. A part of your heart goes with them.

Though I have come a long way, and you will too, there will still be those days of sadness and tears. God and time, that is what it takes.

God brought me and my wife together late in life. Neither of us had ever been married, didn't even have kids. It was a very special love and soul mate heart to heart connection between us. She was my perfect match.
Our lives were like mirror images, both of us "only-children", even our parents were alike in many ways.

I know our mates would not want us crying and upset, but it is hard not to be, I know that too. I'm going a bit off the road here, but I would like to add that the times we are in, prophecy being fulfilled at an alarming and daily rate, I don't think we will be separated from them much longer. A week after my wife passed on, a lady we both knew in her home town told me we may not be apart for long. At first I didn't know what she was talking about. But she got into Bible prophecy and sharing what she knows and is going on. Nearly every TV pastor and prophecy expert all agree, we may well be the generation to see the Rapture and the Lord's return. Many may not agree, but this is what I see and hear everywhere I turn to read, listen or watch.

My prayers go out to you pnktulip. Let the tears flow as they will. I never thought I would laugh again, or be able to walk in the door of that hospital where she passed away, to have lab work done. But I am doing it! God has brought me a long way. He will you too, but it takes time.

May God walk with you, and hold you near as you let the tears and anger out. He understands. He cries with you. One day very soon, He will dry all our tears and we will dwell in His house with our loved ones with no more separation, no more death, no more illness for all eternity!

 

[LeaningOnChrist]

Greetings:

I am new on this forum and did manage to read this thread though. I relate to the depth that has been described, which people go through while grieving over the loss of a spouse. My beloved wife passed on 02/06/2012. I too feel tremendous loss at her absence at my side. Our love remains even though she has passed on from this Earth to Heaven, and yet the pain that is associated with my memories of she and I during our marriage and serving the Lord brings flood of tears that most times hurts as nothing I have ever felt. The pain is piercing at times like unrelenting sharpness.

I too struggle with grief in my own way. We all do. Anger is a part of the process. I have had some feelings of anger too. Mostly at the disease that took my beloved wife prematurely. She was only 49 years young. Obviously there is no right way to grieve our beloved spouse passing on to Heaven prior to our passing, thus changing our life into something that is worse than any bad nightmare one could ever dream.

What I have come to terms with in this brief time, regardless of the grief, is there would have been NO right time for her to pass on to be with the Lord.

I did come to terms with a renewed vow to the Lord which I will not forsake. I recognized even though death has no mercy I will continue my walk with the Lord Jesus, one second at a time. He is all I have that will never change.

And finally my love for my beloved wife will forever be as it was when the Lord joined us. Our bond of love will never die. Our Marriage may have changed but the Love that bonded she and I into One, remains in Christ as a foreshadow of our eternal marriage to HIM.

Or rather as I told my beloved wife in an excerpt in a poem I wrote for her when we were engaged, " Heavenly threads, from the throne of grace. Weaving, knitting 2 into One." Indeed these Heavenly threads are forever resident with my soul and spirit in Christ for her.

I must not ever allow the enemy to attempt to taunt me ever think anything otherwise. The redeeming Love that Christ offers each and everyone of us is what I hang onto. Believe me, I hang on tightly while refusing to let go.

I do hope my words make sense. I have cried most of that day, and have cried every day since my beloved wife went Home to be with the Lord. This is the trust in the Lord stuff, aye. OK Lord....onward Christian soldier. Death is a the final battle that Jesus Christ defeated. I have decided to hang onto any grain of hope that i can find. Else I will allow myself to not be the man of God that my beloved wife so deeply respected and loved.

So then, the pain and the tears are what I will persevere through while I follow Christ. I understand your pain and sorrow all too well, dear one. That is what the Holy Spirit whispered into my heart and soul today while I wept bittersweet tears once again while accepting my beloved is a heavenly citizen. For that I give whole-hearted thanks and gratitude to the Lord. Perhaps this whole grieving process is preparing me to gain a deeper understanding when I finally arrive into the Gloried Land where my beloved now dwells with Our most precious Savoir and Lord.

Thank you for sharing your heart. The honesty shared here has reached my forlorn soul that grieves to be reunited with my beloved wife in that gloried Land in Heaven.

I miss my beloved beyond words!!!

 

[Woven]

Welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your story. Praying for you

 

[LeaningOnChrist]

Welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your story. Praying for you

Thank you for the kind words!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Welcome LeaningOnChrist and Bartony. I read both of your posts and I can concur with them both. It is comforting in a weird sort of way to hear the male version of myself in the grief process.
It literally is the worst pain I've ever felt or hope I ever have to feel, in my life!
And probably the only thing that kept me sane and on the right track besides my faith in Jesus Christ, was the fact that I knew I would see him again (and my other loved ones that have passed).
It is a blessing and a curse on some days. I can see my life would be SO different if my hubby were here, and yet, some days I miss him SO much and just don't like the thought of remaining like this until I die.
It didn't change my belief in God and I am thankful for that. I have grown in my faith, even though I had been a christian for a long time and I am thankful for that. My kids survived the ordeal, and for the most part, are well adjusted and I am very thankful for that.

 

[LeaningOnChrist]

Welcome LeaningOnChrist and Bartony. I read both of your posts and I can concur with them both. It is comforting in a weird sort of way to hear the male version of myself in the grief process.
It literally is the worst pain I've ever felt or hope I ever have to feel, in my life!
And probably the only thing that kept me sane and on the right track besides my faith in Jesus Christ, was the fact that I knew I would see him again (and my other loved ones that have passed).
It is a blessing and a curse on some days. I can see my life would be SO different if my hubby were here, and yet, some days I miss him SO much and just don't like the thought of remaining like this until I die.
It didn't change my belief in God and I am thankful for that. I have grown in my faith, even though I had been a christian for a long time and I am thankful for that. My kids survived the ordeal, and for the most part, are well adjusted and I am very thankful for that.

Greetings memoriesbymichelle:

Thank you for the welcome gesture. I have come to realize that this pain I feel at the loss of my beloved wife knows NO mercy and visits each any everyone of us on this earth, regardless of our race, gender or what may be. When my beloved wife passed so suddenly and unexpectedly in my arms on the couch on the evening of Feb 6th, 2012, I was transported to this ever so helpless position of facing a pain that has no comparison on this earth, while my beloved wife was transported into the presence of Our Lord Jesus, in Heaven.

As I witnessed my beloved wife take her past breath, after she returned briefly to kiss me and tell me she loved me, I have felt bereaved, broken-hearted, forlorn, bereft, lonely, confused, saddened, angry, distraught, isolated, abandoned, foolish, unworthy and above all I miss my beloved wife more than I thought was possible each and every second each day.

One never knows the why and wherefore of this life on earth. I know, I for one have thought I knew a few things during these 55 years I have been allowed to live and love to only find out I know nothing and am once again bowed on my knees at the feet of my Savoir listening carefully for each and every step unto HIM.

This I know and hang onto, HE-Jesus never changes and is with HIS redeemed through every change. HE never loses not even one of those whom HIS Father has placed into HIS hands. Praise God!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Greetings memoriesbymichelle:

Thank you for the welcome gesture. I have come to realize that this pain I feel at the loss of my beloved wife knows NO mercy and visits each any everyone of us on this earth, regardless of our race, gender or what may be. When my beloved wife passed so suddenly and unexpectedly in my arms on the couch on the evening of Feb 6th, 2012, I was transported to this ever so helpless position of facing a pain that has no comparison on this earth, while my beloved wife was transported into the presence of Our Lord Jesus, in Heaven.

As I witnessed my beloved wife take her past breath, after she returned briefly to kiss me and tell me she loved me, I have felt bereaved, broken-hearted, forlorn, bereft, lonely, confused, saddened, angry, distraught, isolated, abandoned, foolish, unworthy and above all I miss my beloved wife more than I thought was possible each and every second each day.

One never knows the why and wherefore of this life on earth. I know, I for one have thought I knew a few things during these 55 years I have been allowed to live and love to only find out I know nothing and am once again bowed on my knees at the feet of my Savoir listening carefully for each and every step unto HIM.

This I know and hang onto, HE-Jesus never changes and is with HIS redeemed through every change. HE never loses not even one of those whom HIS Father has placed into HIS hands. Praise God!

Amen! I agree. If we have nothing at all we still have Jesus!

 

[Mazvita]

Thanks for all the sharing each time I read a post I get new things and I am comforted. When your loved one lives you it feels like they go with a part of you and you will be left behind incomplete.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thanks for all the sharing each time I read a post I get new things and I am comforted. When your loved one lives you it feels like they go with a part of you and you will be left behind incomplete.

That is true, but in time, hopefully, we can realize that we are only complete when we are in Christ and not just with other humans. And we have a hope that others that don't believe, don't have, WE will see our loved ones again (if they were believers) and that is very comforting to me. For now I will be content to trust God and try to live out the rest of my life as He would want me to, and to hopefully fulfill the destiny that He placed me on this earth for.

 

[LeaningOnChrist]

"The blessed hope of the Christian is that when we die there is a glorious, unending existence for us in the presence of God. What a joyful reunion when we are joined with Christ and our loved ones in Christ who have gone to heaven before us"

The above quoted excerpt is from an article found online at abideinchrist.com

While I understand what the Word of God teaches concerning believers passing onto the Lord through death, I did find the article located at abideinchrist.com to be of great value and a good read. Perhaps it will serve in some way to others here as well.

Do not hear me wrongly. I am not at all trying to diminish the grief we feel when our beloved ones pass on to the Lord through death. I too am wrestling daily with grief in its many forms that surface. I am simply looking for even the slightest glimmer of hope amidst this gut wrenching loss that has occurred when my beloved wife went to be with the Lord unexpectedly and suddenly.

From another perspective I realize in HIM-Christ I am whole and my only true lasting hope is through HIM and what HE did for me on the Cross, through HIS shed blood, and dying, resurrected , ascended and is seated at the right hand of the Father in Heaven. In HIM I am whole and I only truly belong to HIM, as does my beloved wife who is with HIM now.

However for myself there is the human aspect that I still must wrestle with until I crucify this flesh to Christ while I am on this earth in this earthly body. I do earnestly pray that each of us who are dealing with the loss of our beloved one going HOME before we go HOME do find through the mighty work of the Holy Spirit hope and encouragement in knowing that our beloved will reunite with each of us one fine day in Glory, when HE calls us HOME to be with HIM in HIS presence. This is my only hope since my beloved has gone HOME to be with Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

"The blessed hope of the Christian is that when we die there is a glorious, unending existence for us in the presence of God. What a joyful reunion when we are joined with Christ and our loved ones in Christ who have gone to heaven before us"

The above quoted excerpt is from an article found online at abideinchrist.com

While I understand what the Word of God teaches concerning believers passing onto the Lord through death, I did find the article located at abideinchrist.com to be of great value and a good read. Perhaps it will serve in some way to others here as well.

Do not hear me wrongly. I am not at all trying to diminish the grief we feel when our beloved ones pass on to the Lord through death. I too am wrestling daily with grief in its many forms that surface. I am simply looking for even the slightest glimmer of hope amidst this gut wrenching loss that has occurred when my beloved wife went to be with the Lord unexpectedly and suddenly.

From another perspective I realize in HIM-Christ I am whole and my only true lasting hope is through HIM and what HE did for me on the Cross, through HIS shed blood, and dying, resurrected , ascended and is seated at the right hand of the Father in Heaven. In HIM I am whole and I only truly belong to HIM, as does my beloved wife who is with HIM now.

However for myself there is the human aspect that I still must wrestle with until I crucify this flesh to Christ while I am on this earth in this earthly body. I do earnestly pray that each of us who are dealing with the loss of our beloved one going HOME before we go HOME do find through the mighty work of the Holy Spirit hope and encouragement in knowing that our beloved will reunite with each of us one fine day in Glory, when HE calls us HOME to be with HIM in HIS presence. This is my only hope since my beloved has gone HOME to be with Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.

wonderful thoughts!

 

[Mandingo1]

How I wish I could just wrap you in my arms and take your pain away.I am SO sorry for the pain you are experiencing.There is no way anyone can understand it's depth.
I lost my husband to cancer 5 years ago,so I have "some" idea of your sorrow.Still, it is not the same.
I know words cannot lessen your grief,but I just wanted to let you know I'm here if you need me,and to remind you that you re loved.
Take care, my friend.

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

I lost my husband 4 weeks ago to a brain tumor. He was 55 and we had been married 35 years. He was my best friend and the love of my life since I was 17. He had 2 surgeries, chemo & radiation. Was doing well and working up until 3 weeks before he got worse. I did not expect this so I am in shock, disbelief and very angry with God.
I have been a devout Christian all my life, trusting and believing in God to take care of us. I did everything the bible instructed, prayed without ceasing, ask and ye shall receive, prayed with faith and believing, called the elders to pray etc.. I never doubted for a second that he would not heal him. He took him anyway. I am so angry and feel so hurt and abandoned by the one I trusted the most. It makes no sense. I need him desperately. I am lost.
I have read many posts on here - it doesn't help. There are no words or nothing anyone can do. So here I am alone, in pain and don't know what to do. My life ended when God took him.
I no longer pray. I have no words. I scream at yell at God and let him know I am angry and don't understand. How can he put his children through such horrible things?? I don't see love in that.

Hi pnktulip, how are you faring? Just checking in to see how you're doing, blessings!

 

[pnktulip]

To all those who have replied, I thank you. I know there are thousands who have lost spouses and are grieving just as I am. I guess I am still in a place where nothing said or done helps. I am still very angry and I continue to beg God to give my husband back to me - alive and healthy. I cannot accept that he won't be coming back to me. I need him, need him, need him. I am nothing without him. I have no desire to do anything. We have both been robbed. Yes, I was a strong, dedicated, faithful, believing, trusting Christian but I don't know what I am now. His death makes no sense. It makes no sense to take one who was so desperately needed by his family and had so much more to offer God. I feel God is being selfish. I know we are all going to die and God is going to get us eventually anyway, so WHY couldn't he have give me what I asked for - We wanted to retire together and grow old together and in retirement do much for the cause of Christ. I have no desire to do anything now. I have lost everything... My grandchildren have lost the only grandpa they had and one who spent much time with them. I see nothing good in what God did. He is suppose to be our comforter and protector. Well he didn't protect my husband from a fatal disease and I have felt nor found no comfort. Now I am left with a broken heart, broken spirit and everything dumped on my shoulders. Some nights the pain is so unbearable, I would rather be dead but then I think of my children and what it would do to them.
Some of you mentioned that God gave his only Son for us. Yes he did but he also knew that he would get him right back...