Maybe this should be in the advice area. Maybe not. I just need a better understanding of how exactly grace applies to us and how it should effect us and what exactly does it mean when God says He's pleased with us.
This is why: I've noticed I exercise my spiritual gifts, read my bible, and do other Christian stuff to seek/gain affection or approval from God or others. I know I can't gain affection or approval from God. I know it's impossible to please God without faith in Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross. Evey good and perfect gift we have comes from God and is because of His generosity and graciousness. A gift can't be earned.
If God is pleased with me, then I don't have to try to gain His approval or affection. Then, my motivation for do Christian stuff and to use the gifts God has given me must change. But to what? I know grace is not an excuse to neglect stuff and I feel that accepting that God is pleased with me would make me neglect spiritual responsibilities (which I did with the unconcious intent to gain approval/affection). How should I see reading the bible, using my gifts, praying, fasting, church (in regards to my relationship to God) when none of these things can get me God's approval/affection? How am I supposed to look at getting closer to God, because I feel I would look at it as gaining enough brownie points to go to the next level?
I was actually scared to post this in the debate section. Please be compassionate and gentle. This isn't the ramblings of someone who wants to get the doctrine right. It isn't the question of a prideful person looking for an excuse to sin and neglect spiritual needs (which is exactly why I posted, to make sure this wouldn't be the case). This isn't coming from a selfish "what about me" person (at least don't look at it that way). This is coming from a person who needs to understand its application.
Because if God is pleased with me in the way that I think He is, then I can stop thinking I'm such a mess and I can stop with my self pity. If God is pleased with me, than I might even be able to stop being jealous of other believers who seem to get more attention. If it's true, than if God had a wallet I wouldn't have to fight to get my picture in it. If God is pleased with me than I can stop thinking of a relationship with God as a competition with other believers. If God is pleased with me, then I can rest and stop striving. It means I can become who God created me to be without self-effort and that maybe even trusting God would be easier.
Please, I feel like a bruised reed. Don't break me.
This is why: I've noticed I exercise my spiritual gifts, read my bible, and do other Christian stuff to seek/gain affection or approval from God or others. I know I can't gain affection or approval from God. I know it's impossible to please God without faith in Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross. Evey good and perfect gift we have comes from God and is because of His generosity and graciousness. A gift can't be earned.
If God is pleased with me, then I don't have to try to gain His approval or affection. Then, my motivation for do Christian stuff and to use the gifts God has given me must change. But to what? I know grace is not an excuse to neglect stuff and I feel that accepting that God is pleased with me would make me neglect spiritual responsibilities (which I did with the unconcious intent to gain approval/affection). How should I see reading the bible, using my gifts, praying, fasting, church (in regards to my relationship to God) when none of these things can get me God's approval/affection? How am I supposed to look at getting closer to God, because I feel I would look at it as gaining enough brownie points to go to the next level?
I was actually scared to post this in the debate section. Please be compassionate and gentle. This isn't the ramblings of someone who wants to get the doctrine right. It isn't the question of a prideful person looking for an excuse to sin and neglect spiritual needs (which is exactly why I posted, to make sure this wouldn't be the case). This isn't coming from a selfish "what about me" person (at least don't look at it that way). This is coming from a person who needs to understand its application.
Because if God is pleased with me in the way that I think He is, then I can stop thinking I'm such a mess and I can stop with my self pity. If God is pleased with me, than I might even be able to stop being jealous of other believers who seem to get more attention. If it's true, than if God had a wallet I wouldn't have to fight to get my picture in it. If God is pleased with me than I can stop thinking of a relationship with God as a competition with other believers. If God is pleased with me, then I can rest and stop striving. It means I can become who God created me to be without self-effort and that maybe even trusting God would be easier.
Please, I feel like a bruised reed. Don't break me.