First Dates

[Cute Tink]

Why do dates center around meals? I think eating is good, but I eat quick so that would be a quick date.

Well, everyone has to eat

I just think a) it's an easy thing to arrange and b) it's a good chance to actually find out about the person and from there you can make plans do something else together or go your separate ways if it goes poorly.

 

[Megablue]

Why do dates center around meals? I think eating is good, but I eat quick so that would be a quick date.

It's something that we're used to. Most people grew up having family dinners and talking around the dinner table. It's a familiar way to get to know someone. Also... as Tink said, everyone does need to eat so it's easier than trying to pick something else someone would like to do.

 

[Messy]

In my first year in grad school, I was at a bar event speaking to a guy, and he asks me if I want to go to In N' Out Burger with him some time - I wasn't sure where he was going with this so I honestly replied, "I don't eat red meat." And that was the end of that. My friends who were listening later asked me why I rejected his date request. (Because that is not a place worthy of a date.)

LOL I had one guy from college who asked me that once. I went with him and he got pepper in his eye. I didn't know it was a date LOL I thought he was just hungry and wanted a snack. Oh weird, a date at Burger King. Maybe I'm too old for that.

 

[CCHIPSS]

$15 each is a good price for first dates.

I think a lot of people are too stressed over the first date. As a guy, you job is not there to impress her. Because if that's your goal, you end up pretending to be someone that you are not.

Instead your job is there to show her your true self. Show her your interest. Show her your way of communication with your other friends. Show her your hobbies. And then let her decide if she wants to be part of this or not. A good girl (hopefully a solid Christian girl) will appreciate honesty and truth, because they themselves are honest.

If a girl dumps you after the first date because you went to the wrong restaurant, dress wrongly, drove a Civic instead of a Porsche, well that girl aren't even worth your effort. It is better that you never see her again than she ruining a greater part of your life later.

 

[Miles]

My first dates tend to be informal. They usually involve coffee and/or a walk somewhere interesting. The few formal first dates I've been didn't lead anywhere. Perhaps because the events required a date for the occasion, and I didn't feel much of a personal connection. Based on such experiences, I've found informal dates to be more meaningful. Plus, whether I even view them as dates depends on how well we hit it off, so there's less pressure.

 

[RobertMerton]

Unless you've known the girl for a few years already be it a friend or an aquaintance informal is always better.
Why put pressure on the girl for a formal meal?

 

[Jupiter Drops]

Why do dates center around meals?

Because the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

 

[anewman1993]

I'll preface this with: Ive never been on a date

To me, the few times Ive actually gotten the nerve to ask a girl out, its always to get coffee. The fact is, there arn't many interesting things to do in my town and ultimately, If I spend 30 minutes to an hour talking to you, I'm probably going to know if I want to get to know you more, I'm also going to find out if we have any mutual intrest and if we do *bam* I can think of some things to do for a second date.

That said, I really suck at dating. I never have really learned how to do it (and I'm a senior in college ) I suck at meeting women, and even more with flirting. In the off chance that I actually hit it off with a girl, I'm pretty blunt, which apparently is a turn off (which I don't get, Would you rather I play stupid games so neither of us knows if the other has any interest?). You worry about what to do for a first date all you want, I simply want to go on the first date of MY LIFE!

 

[Waddler]

My take on dates centering around meals, from an American bachelor's perspective:

Dates usually take place when people have spare time. I have never heard of a date in the morning; most people have a lower capacity (or at least complain of a lower capacity) for human interaction then. Consequently, dates take place over lunch or in the evening, because people usually have some kind of a lunch break, or they are ready to eat after getting off work.

Also, we grow up bonding over food. Our families have their different activities, but many of us grew up with at least one meal around the dining room table. We got to know our friends at school over lunch and recess. Most of our holidays revolve around food, including what are arguably our biggest holidays.

Dating is just a way of making new friends, really. It becomes getting to know one friend really well, and then--eventually--it turns into spending time with that friend for the rest of your life. It's just an extended bonding experience, and since we grew up bonding over food, it's an easy way for us to find a common ground, without distracting ourselves with something else.

 

[MarkSB]

I kind of like the movie option if its someone you don't know very well, and if they've expressed interest in seeing the movie. You can make small talk before/after a movie and see how things go from there.

As far as first dates go, I don't think I've ever spent $75 on a plate of food, much less on a first date, lol. I honestly can't see myself dressing up for a date either, unless it was a formal event or, as was already said, if it was someone I had already been seeing for a while and it was a special occasion (anniversary, ect.).

 

[ColoradoGrrrl21]

I don't care what we do as long as it is a good setting for conversation. The whole idea is to get to know someone - so movies are usually bad. I like doing active things - so bowling can be a good one, or hiking if doubling (I wouldn't want to go on a first date with an almost stranger out into the woods alone - but maybe that's just me). Dinner or coffee is also fine. Keep it casual and just have fun and talk.

 

[christsoccer]

I have been on very few first dates, but none of them have been formal. I have seen some folks dress to the nines and go to some expensive places. Personally, that right there would turn me off. If she wants to go to an expensive restaurant for our first date, what would that say about our tenth? Our twentieth? What would that say about what she expects as far as holidays?

Am I taking that a bit far? Probably, but why go all out when you're just getting to know someone? We have a place in Colorado Springs call the Cliffhouse. It's the kind of place with small servings and $75 plates, $12 sodas, and so on. It's very ritzy, and great for special occasions, but sorry--I don't see a first date as a special occasion.

For a first date, I want to go to Scooter's Coffee House, or maybe the Denver Museum of Natural History. Heck, I'll take her to Village Inn for lunch, then maybe a walk in Memorial Park. We could go paintballing, or horseback riding (yes, I'll suffer the allergies). I have a few rules for a first date:

1. Barring legal or moral problems, I will show up on time and take her home.

2. I will not go somewhere where the dress code is beyond jeans and a collared shirt.

3. I will not go somewhere qualifying as "fast food."

4. I will not go somewhere centered around an activity where we don't talk (i.e., a movie).

5. I will not go somewhere too loud to talk (i.e., a concert).

Now, I might be willing to go to a movie and dinner, or a concert followed by drinks, or even a symphony and a walk around the park. I just don't want to pick her up, head to the theater, watch the movie, and head home. I also don't want to just sit there and talk, with nothing else to do (can you say "awkward?").

What's your take on a first date? I know there's a lot of advice out there, but they don't seem to be so hard. You might spritz on a bit more cologne (a bit, not a boatload). You might pay a little more attention to styling your hair. Sure, you'll leave the tie with the mustard stain in the closet, and maybe the Hot Topic gothic 12" high heel boots need to stay at home, but really, first dates don't seem that hard. To me it seems a matter of it's just going to work, or it just isn't.

only first date i've been on, it was a coffee shop inside a bookstore and I dressed casually

 

[KitKatMatt]

I don't like the word "date" when just getting to know someone. I would rather just hang out first.

Bookstores and malls are good places for that. Talking about things we care about and find interesting.

Food at a fast food place, really casual.

 

[Somber]

I know that people have different ideas of what dating is or the meaning of a date, though I do not care for the word and idea that many hold to it. I have never dated and I do not think I ever will. I believe that it is important to get to know someone well before considering anything more with them. As you would become friends with someone. In a way I believe in courtship. I think it is important that family, friends, and spiritual mentors are involved as well to help you get to know someone better. You want to get to know them deeply on every level, most importantly on that of the spiritual. I love the idea of having bible studies with someone in learning more about them. To me, God needs to be first and foremost in any relationship that could potentially be viewing marriage in the future.

I currently am content single and where I am at in my life, but if I did want to get to know someone, it would be in this fashion.

 

[RobertMerton]

so what're some other ideas besides casual?

 

[LadyOfMystery]

Blind post (sort of lol)

When I went on a first date just this past August, we went to the Science Center. It wasn't all that loud, we had a plethora of things to talk about since we could walk and talk, and we ate lunch there as well. We could talk about things we knew about each other, and things we wanted to know and if we ran out of things to talk about, we could talk about all the things we saw at the sci center. It was a great first date and honestly it worked out really well.

I think somewhere like a museum, or science center where you have things to look at and where you can talk, is a major plus. You can also get a fill for how the person reacts to other people in a public setting. Do they talk about people they see (their appearance), do they bump into people, are they rude, do they open doors (if theyre a guy) and do they walk in front of people to get into said door (if a girl lol).

Not only is a great opportunity to get to know the person while talking to them, you can see them in action of how they are in a public setting.