First Dates

[Waddler]

I have been on very few first dates, but none of them have been formal. I have seen some folks dress to the nines and go to some expensive places. Personally, that right there would turn me off. If she wants to go to an expensive restaurant for our first date, what would that say about our tenth? Our twentieth? What would that say about what she expects as far as holidays?

Am I taking that a bit far? Probably, but why go all out when you're just getting to know someone? We have a place in Colorado Springs call the Cliffhouse. It's the kind of place with small servings and $75 plates, $12 sodas, and so on. It's very ritzy, and great for special occasions, but sorry--I don't see a first date as a special occasion.

For a first date, I want to go to Scooter's Coffee House, or maybe the Denver Museum of Natural History. Heck, I'll take her to Village Inn for lunch, then maybe a walk in Memorial Park. We could go paintballing, or horseback riding (yes, I'll suffer the allergies). I have a few rules for a first date:

1. Barring legal or moral problems, I will show up on time and take her home.

2. I will not go somewhere where the dress code is beyond jeans and a collared shirt.

3. I will not go somewhere qualifying as "fast food."

4. I will not go somewhere centered around an activity where we don't talk (i.e., a movie).

5. I will not go somewhere too loud to talk (i.e., a concert).

Now, I might be willing to go to a movie and dinner, or a concert followed by drinks, or even a symphony and a walk around the park. I just don't want to pick her up, head to the theater, watch the movie, and head home. I also don't want to just sit there and talk, with nothing else to do (can you say "awkward?").

What's your take on a first date? I know there's a lot of advice out there, but they don't seem to be so hard. You might spritz on a bit more cologne (a bit, not a boatload). You might pay a little more attention to styling your hair. Sure, you'll leave the tie with the mustard stain in the closet, and maybe the Hot Topic gothic 12" high heel boots need to stay at home, but really, first dates don't seem that hard. To me it seems a matter of it's just going to work, or it just isn't.

 

[RobertMerton]

You have far too many rules.

The first date is about getting to know the person.
So a coffee place, maybe fast food (particularly if you're at college), maybe a pizza place, icecream parlor, etc.

Something easy.

 

[Waddler]

You have far too many rules.

The first date is about getting to know the person.
So a coffee place, maybe fast food (particularly if you're at college), maybe a pizza place, icecream parlor, etc.

Something easy.

My rules make it easy, for me, and sets expectations for myself. I won't ditch a date, I won't disrespect her, and I'll care enough to think outside the box about where we go. I think most women would appreciate not having a first date at McDonald's.

 

[Gnarwhal]

The formality of the first date depends on how well I've gotten to know the girl beforehand. If we've talked a lot, been friends for a while or anything like that, then our first date may involve something fancy.

If we've never met or only spoken briefly, then a casual cup of coffee or drinks is more befitting of the circumstances.

Unfortunately, the culture where I live now is pretty informal, very few things around here require anything more than a collared shirt and a pair of khakis. Lord willing, I'll be living in NYC or DC in the near future so classier events will be the order of the day. As you can tell from my thread, I love a chance to suit up. There aren't enough opportunities for that sort of refinement and sophistication anymore, which is unfortunate.

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

 

[SnowyMacie]

It really would depend on how much we knew each other and such. I usually go for something casual like coffee or drinks. I also usually don't go pick her up if it's the first one or two times we're meeting, it's more relaxed that way.

 

[Megablue]

I agree that it really depends on the person and how well we know each other. At my age I definitely would take her somewhere nice for dinner or drinks, although a coffee shop would be fine as well if it's someone I'm just getting to know. I'm perfectly fine with somewhere dressier and I'm perfectly okay with somewhere more casual as well.

 

[historyincognito]

I have never been on a date before so maybe I will use your info for the first one.

 

[Neve]

For a first date, I don't think a movie or a fast food place is a good idea. A movie isn't interactive - and if it is, then it shouldn't be. Sitting in the dark in silence does not constitute a date unless you are in junior high or you've been going out for awhile and already know each other. A fast food place is a bit too casual.

In my first year in grad school, I was at a bar event speaking to a guy, and he asks me if I want to go to In N' Out Burger with him some time - I wasn't sure where he was going with this so I honestly replied, "I don't eat red meat." And that was the end of that. My friends who were listening later asked me why I rejected his date request. (Because that is not a place worthy of a date.)

Ideally, a first date would be drinks, a sit-down restaurant, or coffee. An interactive activity, like going to the botanical gardens, bowling, or a museum, would also be nice.

 

[Waddler]

For a first date, I don't think a movie or a fast food place is a good idea. A movie isn't interactive - and if it is, then it shouldn't be. Sitting in the dark in silence does not constitute a date unless you are in junior high or you've been going out for awhile and already know each other. A fast food place is a bit too casual.

In my first year in grad school, I was at a bar event speaking to a guy, and he asks me if I want to go to In N' Out Burger with him some time - I wasn't sure where he was going with this so I honestly replied, "I don't eat red meat." And that was the end of that. My friends who were listening later asked me why I rejected his date request. (Because that is not a place worthy of a date.)

Ideally, a first date would be drinks, a sit-down restaurant, or coffee. An interactive activity, like going to the botanical gardens, bowling, or a museum, would also be nice.

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

1. Barring legal or moral problems, I will show up on time and take her home.

2. I will not go somewhere where the dress code is beyond jeans and a collared shirt.

3. I will not go somewhere qualifying as "fast food."

4. I will not go somewhere centered around an activity where we don't talk (i.e., a movie).

5. I will not go somewhere too loud to talk (i.e., a concert).

Pretty much my opinion. I don't see the point in a date if you can't talk. Nothing wrong with a movie or event assuming it's something you're both into and will talk about afterwards. May even a better place to start if you haven't talked a lot before. I wouldn't want to go anywhere fancy or expensive either, but at the same time I dislike a lot of fastfood places. I doubt I would refuse a guy because he suggested McDonalds, but I'd voice my disdain for it. Should I be offended?

What's your take on a first date?

I think a first date should be casual no matter what really. There shouldn't be pressure to be serious or getting serious. Whether you know the person well or not, it's still just a trial. Of course I'd take care of my appearances, but I always do. I doubt I'd do anything out of the ordinary.


I feel like I'm different from you guys though. I can't see myself going on fancy dates ever, but maybe that's because I've been on a tight budget for half of my life. When you have to go without basic needs, going someplace that requires a tux and charges $75 a plate seems wasteful (I'm not criticizing, it's just my gut reaction). I feel like dates are there to get to know a person, not about spending on entertainment. I'd rather go to the zoo or hang out in common environments. (not judging, just how I would go about it)

Doesn't mean he couldn't wear a suit though :3

 

[Waddler]

Pretty much my opinion. I don't see the point in a date if you can't talk. Nothing wrong with a movie or event assuming it's something you're both into and will talk about afterwards. May even a better place to start if you haven't talked a lot before. I wouldn't want to go anywhere fancy or expensive either, but at the same time I dislike a lot of fastfood places. I doubt I would refuse a guy because he suggested McDonalds, but I voice my disdain for it. Should I be offended?




I think a first date should be casual no matter what really. There shouldn't be pressure to be serious or getting serious. Whether you know the person well or not, it's still just a trial. Of course I'd take care of my appearances, but I always do. I doubt I'd so anything out of the ordinary.


I feel like I'm different from you guys though. I can't see myself going on fancy dates ever, but maybe that's because I've been on a tight budget for half of my life. When you have to go without basic needs, going someplace that requires a tux and charges $75 a plate seems wasteful (I'm not criticizing, it's just my gut reaction). I feel like dates are there to get to know a person, not about spending on entertainment. I'd rather go to the zoo or hang out in common environments.

I've worn similar shoes, having been on "modest means" for much of my life. Spending money lavishly feels wasteful, you're right, but I am also one to celebrate. To me, the $75-a-plate places should be celebrations for anniversaries, reunions, and that sort of thing, not "honey we've been dating six months, so let's go spend $25 on a 3-oz. martini."

I don't think there's anything wrong with going to such places, but I couldn't see myself doing that constantly. On the other hand, I also think it's okay to go to a place like Olive Garden or Red Lobster. It's a step above your average restaurant, in many cases, the kind of place you dress up a little bit for. Still, it's not awfully expensive.

Doesn't mean he couldn't wear a suit though :3

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

I've worn similar shoes, having been on "modest means" for much of my life. Spending money lavishly feels wasteful, you're right, but I am also one to celebrate. To me, the $75-a-plate places should be celebrations for anniversaries, reunions, and that sort of thing, not "honey we've been dating six months, so let's go spend $25 on a 3-oz. martini."

I don't think there's anything wrong with going to such places, but I couldn't see myself doing that constantly. On the other hand, I also think it's okay to go to a place like Olive Garden or Red Lobster. It's a step above your average restaurant, in many cases, the kind of place you dress up a little bit for. Still, it's not awfully expensive.

Hm yeah, I agree. I do actually drop a pretty penny on dinner after a good weekend at work: sushi, tempura, etc. And I'd be more than delighted to do Hibachi since I never do. I guess it's just I can't afford to do that normally at the moment. Even Red Lobster... I will always love you calamari, beef, and peppers... Not that I couldn't budget to eat out, I just don't.

Hahaha I think I'd get back in my car if I saw someone wearing that suit

 

[RobertMerton]

I agree with the comments regarding age being a factor.
If I was in my late 20s then definitely not fast food haha.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

I like to go for Coffee or a walk around our Lake...as far as dressing-up or whatever, I've never done it nor will I ever feel the need to do so on a first date. I know what I look for in women, and being money hungry isn't a quality I look for.

I've always thought of women in two categories, they're either legally prostituting themselves or they're actually worth getting to know. The former can be bought for a time, and the latter can actually raise a Queen/King. Anything in-between doesn't make the cut.

 

[Cute Tink]

I agree with pretty much everything here. A first date doesn't have to be spendy to be good. A decent, sit down restaurant, a coffee shop or a walk in the park are all good. I don't like movies or anything that makes talking difficult either, because that's what I think a first date is for.

I tend to go a little dressy side for a date - nice dress or nice skirt/shirt, but not really over what I wear to work (I work in an professional office).

 

[TraciDee]

Personally, I don't see a problem with anything ranging from fast food or a suit and tie. It's all about the experience you want to create and the relationship that you already have or want to create.

Fast food could be a very cute date if it's accompanied with a casual, fun activity- going to an amusement park, bowling, an arcade, or even take it with to go to the park and stargazing.

A fancy date, if both parties have the means to do so, could be a good way for people who were friends first or have been communicating long-distance to show that they intend for the relationship to be something special- a romantic gesture is a really good way to communicate a desire to leave/avoid the friend zone.

I'm really open to pretty much anything for a first date. I think there's an opportunity in any situation to make an impression, get to know one-another, and have fun. I would agree with trying to steer away from solely silent activities for communication reasons though.

That being said, the perfect first date for me would be if the guy took charge, got to know me a little bit either through long-distance conversation or asking my friends, and came up with something special to do to let me know there was real thought behind it. I think the best first date would involve doing an activity together (silly, adventurous, or otherwise) and maybe having a bite to eat to talk a bit after. My first impression of an offer to "dinner and a movie," coffee, or other cliche dates would be that it is not very important or you are not very creative.

Just my somewhat oppositional two cents

 

[kittysbecute]

I guess I don't really think of first dates much because I don't really date random people.
I don't think I'd date someone I didn't really know. I've only gone on dates with someone I was dating, and it's hard for me to tell which time was actually a first date. I suppose it was the time when I asked my dad if it was okay for me to go on a date and invited my older brother and his girlfriend to come along too. However it didn't feel like a "first date" to me, because we were already boyfriend/girlfriend and had hung out with groups of friends and gone on various adventures prior to that. But I guess it was more official because I had asked my dad if it was okay and got my brother and his girlfriend involved.

I honestly don't really have any specific rules of where people should or shouldn't go on a first date.

I think a movie is okay. Especially if it's like the hobbit midnight showing. That would be an awesome first date.

To me it's not really the destination that matters so much as who I'm with. So I can understand why going to the movies or going to someplace where you really can't talk to each other might be a bad idea, especially if you both drive there separately.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

My rules make it easy, for me, and sets expectations for myself. I won't ditch a date, I won't disrespect her, and I'll care enough to think outside the box about where we go. I think most women would appreciate not having a first date at McDonald's.

I used to be one of those girls
Truth to be told, the reason why I didn't want my first date to be at Micky D's was because the one that I know was near a huge visible garbage dump. That did not sound like an attractive option to me for a first date, and the image of that McD burned in my mind for centuries until I stumbled upon another McD in an artsy neighborhood that was so gorgeous inside.

Just ask her if you guys can't decide. If she says, "I dunno" as well, just go for simple coffee, movie, amusement park, or dinner dates. Nothing too ritzy -unless you guys want it to be- but nothing trashy either (like that Micky D's, lol.)

 

[Cute Tink]

I think most women would appreciate not having a first date at McDonald's.

I honestly wouldn't care if the restaurant was fast food or not with the right person. I would really prefer not McDonald's just because I can't stand their food , but Taco Bell or Jack in the Box is fine

 

[kittysbecute]

I honestly wouldn't care if the restaurant was fast food or not with the right person. I would really prefer not McDonald's just because I can't stand their food , but Taco Bell or Jack in the Box is fine

Yeah.. I don't like their food, but other fast food options are fine with me. If I was on a date with someone and they said, oh lets stop at McDonalds I'd say.. no lets go somewhere else. So it's not like it's only one person's choice of where to eat. Like, "lets go to the grocery store and buy some food and make our own food for a picnic or something". If money really needs to be saved. Buying food from the grocery store is cheaper than fast food and can taste a lot better.

Now I kinda want to go out to eat today. But it's so expensive (even for fast food).

Why do dates center around meals? I think eating is good, but I eat quick so that would be a quick date.