Well, I could get into a rather long story about my history, but I won't, because, a) my fingers will hurt, and b)...well...that's pretty much it...my fingers will hurt...heh.
Oh ok, I will...
Consider this post, my testimony to my Christian brothers.
Born in the Bible belt. Was raised Nazarene primarily. I dare say I've almost been to almost every denomination known to man...I'm not exactly proud of it either. (Can you say,
CHURCH HOPPER? I wonder why that is?)
Like any teenager growing up in a STRICT home (and I do mean strict. read: no shorts above the knees, no "mixed swimming", etc.), I rebelled. But I was different. I rebelled outside of my mother and father's home, mainly because I didn't want to bring any shame that I might cause to my parents. (Like most parents, or at least like most GOOD parents, they teach their children to not do things that will cause them or God to look bad.)
But I didn't care. I got
SO tired of going to church and hearing the same...old...thing...day...in...day...out.
Hallelu...<dramatic pause>...bleh.
I'm talkin' Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night even. Oh yes...Wednesday night...can't forget that!
And let's not forget Revivals!!
I'm sure I'm reeking of sarcasm at this point, but bare with me.
So at age 19, I was outta there! I mean,
outta there. I didn't want any part of religion, and I didn't want to go to church.
I wanted
beer. And lots of it. Darn if my high school buddies were going to drink from the age of thirteen to nineteen and I'm not!
So I threw my roots out the window, and I decided to "live it up" for the next eight years.
...or so I thought.
Fast forward to 2000. I decide to move myself and my family to California to take a job in San Francisco. Little did I know that God had a plan for me.
As the days went by, I felt the Holy Spirit convicting me. I felt a "tug" at my heart to go to church, and so naturally, I wanted to find a church that I was familiar with. I mean, why not right? A Protestant isn't going to go to a Catholic church. He's not going to go to one of those "weird New World Order Life Whateveryouwannacallit California churches!!" either...scary stuff there...
So I started to attend a church called, "New Life Christian Center". I started going there, and while I wasn't a Christian, I still wanted my daughter to go. I wanted her to be raised in a church even though her Daddy may not be right with God. I, at least at this point, still held, within my heart, that of which I was taught when I was younger. The Bible, as you know, talks about bringing your children up in the way of the Lord and they will not flee from it. Case in point.
So as a sinner, I still went to church. I didn't profess to be a Christian anymore, but I still felt...this...tug...
Of course I knew what it was. I'd been there before. (Contrary to popular Catholic belief, not
ALL Protestants believe that once you're saved, you're always saved.)
I lost my job 6 months after I moved to Calfornia, and my heart was ruined. And like the prisoner that "finds Jesus", I turned to him in my darkest hour. After 5 months of being laid off, I started crying in church for God to save me...and I gave my life back to God.
One week later, I found a job.
During the time that I was at this church, I didn't necessarily feel comfortable. It was very, "jump up and down, praising the Lord" kind of church, and while I had visited oh so many of those churches in my day, I just didn't feel that God wanted me to worship him in that way.
So after 2 months of being a Christian, I left and started going to the Church of Christ.
So here it is, 3 years later, I've prayed about my career and the Lord has given me better jobs with good companies, and my wife has been able to go back to school and life is seemingly working out wonderfully. To say that moving to California was in God's plan is an understatement, despite some of the "tests" and "tribulations" that I've gone through while here...
However, I feel that I'm still a "baby" in Christ, but yet, I find myself not fulfilled...
My wife can tell you that I've always said that for some reason, for the past 10-15 years, I've always felt, that in my heart I'm here for some reason other than just "working the job, and taking care of the family". It's as if God has something bigger for me planned. It's as if he wants me to be closer to him, and I keep feeling that I'm "missing" something. I don't know what it is, and I can't explain it. This feeling has gotten stronger in the past year, and it finally hit its peak 3-6 months ago.
Why the pull to Catholicism? Why not Muslim? Hey, how about Hindu? How about a dash of Buddhism or a sprinkle of...you get the point...
I have no idea brother. I don't. I just keep feeling pulled to study Catholicism. I want to go to church and feel that I'm in God's presence...I guess that's the word for it.
And I don't feel that way right now in a Protestant church.
Ya know...if I hadn't been to so many different denominations, and maybe if I had just stayed in the Nazarene church my whole entire life and had never left, then maybe I could say, "hey, maybe I need to check out the Baptist church...maybe I should pray for guidance on that. Lord, do you want me to "test the spirits" and attend an Assembly of God?"
But it's not that way. I've been to them...I don't feel any different.
I went to mass Sunday here at a local parish. Maybe it's because it's new. Or maybe, just maybe, that "holy" feeling, and that "reverence" that I felt is indeed real.
All I know is that the more I go, the closer I feel to God.
I don't know. But I'm praying about it. And as long as I'm praying about it, I don't need to worry about it, because God will lead me. If it's his will for me to go to a Catholic church, then he'll make it that way. If I'm to move to a different denomination while practicing as a Protestant, then so be it.
All I know is that I yearn for something--what it is exactly, I don't know. But right now he's leading me towards Catholicism.
