Curses of Self

[Ead]

Indeed, i am cursed with a few things. Plagues on my life that are each a mountain to overcome each. I am by no means religious (If any of you remember me, i am atheist and proud of it). I do study religious alot, and oddly i find them facinating. They interrest me.

Anyway, onto the barriors in my life. First, i am shy. It may not seem like in on type in these forums and elsewhere, but i am a very shy person in real life. I cant talk to people well. Ironically, i am in speech and debate too =P But, i have a slight fear of talking to people. Rejection is a big thing i believe.

The second miasma surrounding me is obseesive compulsive disorder. Thats no fun, and it makes me repeat behaviors that would seem odd to people. Mine is more along the lines of slight self mutilation, but its not as bad as you would think. It still sucks though.

My third problem is a lack of willpower. If i wanted to change these two previous things, i would need to put an efforit into it. And i seem to not be able to put much effort into anything that i want to do. I am so horribly lazy it is a personal hell. I cant do the things i love to do because of it.

And the worst affliction of me is a result of medication in my youth. I am very little emotion now... I lost much of it awhile ago. It was wrose then though. I remember a girl that i liked alot hid from me, and i knew... that i should have been sad... but i couldnt feel it. I had to force myself to cry, and yet that felt like nothing. Most of you dont know what it is like to not feel anything. Happiness, joy, pain, sorrow... i felt none of it. I was actually happy when i felt sad, because i could feel something again, no matter how dim. And even now, my emotions are... weak.

Those are my curses, these sufferings. To change it all, i need to get willpower and make it so. That is the key i believe. Sloth will be the death of me, and more importantly the death of my dreams.

 

[Dasdream]

Yeah I suffered from lazyness in ther past, but for me it wasn't an illness, it was a mental decision i made. I am extremely active in my church, but a few years ago I would have passed it up, because I don't feel like doing it, but I fought. Somethign that helped me get through it was something I said suprisingly. it was "Many of us say we can beat anybody in mind games, but how can we, if we can't even control our own minds?" I started to really think about that. All of our emotions, begin in our minds. I fought really hard to get out of the lazyness mentality. heck even earlier today I didn't feel like doing my work for church, but I said I have to do it. I can do it. I can't go around life giving up on things, just because I don't feel like it.

This is what helped me, it may not help you, but that's going to happen, what helps on person may not help another. Obviously it would be no use to tell you how God has helped me seeing how you are an Athiest, but just now that prayers helped.

 

[BelindaP]

I could tell you what to do, but you wouldn't believe me.

Seriously, though, you might want to consider seeking some counseling. You are clearly unhappy with your life, and talking with somebody might help you achieve some focus and self-motivation.

Also, since you have studied a variety of religions, you might look and see what the commonalities are between them with regard to sloth and how to deal with it.

Good luck and blessings!

 

[ChristIsTHEKing]

Do you find it at all interesting that yourself, an athiest, would come to this thread where only Christians can post to divulge issues you're facing? Just wondering really.
Don't dispair, everyone faces issues in their life. I guess the difference between yourself and Christians is we don't have to face these issues on our own. We don't have the burden of being constantly consumed by the things of this world. There is peace in the heart of a Christian because of the promise. Don't get me wrong, we still face trials and it can be trying at times but we know we don't face them alone. I didn't bring myself into this world, so I certainly don't want to face it by myself either.
I hope you find peace. Feel free to chat with me anytime

God Bless

 

[heron]

we don't have to face these issues on our own.

This is an important promise of God. He gives the gifts of the Spirit to help us -- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control. People interpret these as things we need to strive for, but they're supposed to be things we receive and accept from Him.

"Many of us say we can beat anybody in mind games, but how can we, if we can't even control our own minds?"

What a great saying. Combining OCD and SI addictions with years of meds... it's so hard to gather gumption and focus on future successes.

what helps on person may not help another.

So true.

Plagues on my life that are each a mountain to overcome each.

Jesus said to speak to the mountain, and it will move. It sounds sort of New-Agey, but He's the one who came up with it. Start declaring things.... God's power to move and act on your behalf. He does amazing things!

I think the lack willpower relates to seeing yourself not move forward time after time... it has become a part of you. (And if you are still on meds, then it's hard to trust what you're feeling as real.)

I watched these tendencies form after I had babies -- conserving energy and taking shortcuts because I physically had to, accepting full days where productivity went backwards... then these became a part of me. It's a struggle to retrain your brain, but it can be done.

It would be ideal if we all had personal Life trainers that cheered us on and promised we would do well afterward. Today's culture leads us to be overwhelmed at too many possibilities, and spend too much effort exploring our options. The laziness can come from brain overload.

Picture a cabin in the wilderness, where you had to gather firewood for the long winter, dry the apples and pick the corn before the animals ate it. You would work because your survival depended on it. You wouldn't question whether it had to be done or not.

Accomplishing these tasks, you wouldn't worry about self-worth, because you would feel good inside yourself that you had met your goals. Your mind wouldn't have to cycle through comparisons of ways thousands of others are succeeding -- web programmers, lawyers, the Hiltons, the Cowboys, Chuck Norris. You could just be yourself, and be content that you are alive.

(Time to read Hatchet and Brian's Winter again.)

 

[cattail]

First, i am shy.

The internet is liberating in that respect. OCD may be part of why you are shy as well as depression based on the other symptoms you have described. I was really shy until I was forced to have to work with people. Maybe some volunteering may help. Make yourself be friendly. It never goes away completely but you can teach yourself to work around it.

obseesive compulsive disorder

Counseling and meds. They have great meds for OCD and anxiety disorder now.

My third problem is a lack of willpower.

Some of that may be depression related. Again meds and counseling could help that.

but i couldnt feel it. I had to force myself to cry, and yet that felt like nothing. Most of you dont know what it is like to not feel anything.

Again depression related. You are feeling something or you wouldn't be shy and some of the other things you listed. Your emotions may be dulled but they are there.

 

[heron]

The internet is liberating in that respect. OCD may be part of why you are shy as well as depression based on the other symptoms you have described. I was really shy until I was forced to have to work with people. Maybe some volunteering may help. Make yourself be friendly. It never goes away completely but you can teach yourself to work around it.

I totally agree. When I've been put into a situation where I have to do something, I suddenly find myself capable.

I'll bet you've already been to counseling. If not, know that people are suggesting it because problems can be very in-depth and take time to resolve... I'm sure it wasn't meant to be an insult. I've had friends tell me that when I'm going through something rough, and I know how it sounds -- it seems they're saying they're not willing to get you through this. Sometimes they're overwhelmed too.

You're looking at symptoms that bother you about yourself. But people who can't overcome SI often have underlying experiences that they can't get out of their minds. Often they have been told they are worthless, were controlled beyond the point of reason, or were forced to keep secrets, or were severely harmed.

Through the shock or oppression, they needed someone to lean on, an advocate, a rescuer.... but didn't know who to trust. An oppressive person implied to them that their own reasoning was not worth believing, their suspicions were not worth investigating.

Think back, feel backwards to what events or experiences might be connected with the OCD. Write down what you feel or sense when you get restless, and see if anything comes back to you.

 

[ephraimanesti]

Those are my curses, these sufferings. To change it all, i need to get willpower and make it so. That is the key i believe. Sloth will be the death of me, and more importantly the death of my dreams.

MY DEAR BROTHER,

WILLPOWER IS WORTHLESS WHEN TRYING TO BRING ABOUT CHANGES IN AREAS OF OUR BEING WHICH ARE LESS THAN SUPERFICIAL!

If human beings were capable of bringing about changes like the ones you describe just through the exercise of willpower, then we would have no need of God's sacrificial gift of His Son to accomplish for us what we cannot accomplish for ourselves, and His Son's sacrificial death on the Cross to heal all that is within us which we are unable to heal ourselves.

Your problem is not so much sloth but an unwillingness to accept the human situation as it is and avail yourself of the only answer to our human dilemma--our Lord, God, and Savior Jesus Christ. Not only will He give new life to your dreams (not to mention new dreams which are beyond the scope of your wildest human-based dreams!)--He will give new life to You! i encourage you to avail yourself of this wonderous free gift! MAY YOU BE BLESSED!

IN CHRIST,
ephraim

P.S. i, too, find it somewhat ironic that you chose to post your needs in a Forum which would provide a Christian response to your Post. Does your sub-conscious perhaps know the Truth which your conscious is denying?

 

[heron]

Your problem is not so much sloth but an unwillingness to accept the human situation as it is and avail yourself of the only answer to our human dilemma

I also notice myself getting slothful when I refuse to ask for help from people, and insist on doing everything myself. Life can be very draining when we muster our own strength for too long. Proving our capability to others isn't what our efforts are about... check and see if that's part of the self-critique.

 

[EmbracingHim]

Indeed, i am cursed with a few things. Plagues on my life that are each a mountain to overcome each. I am by no means religious (If any of you remember me, i am atheist and proud of it). I do study religious alot, and oddly i find them facinating. They interrest me.

Anyway, onto the barriors in my life. First, i am shy. It may not seem like in on type in these forums and elsewhere, but i am a very shy person in real life. I cant talk to people well. Ironically, i am in speech and debate too =P But, i have a slight fear of talking to people. Rejection is a big thing i believe.

The second miasma surrounding me is obseesive compulsive disorder. Thats no fun, and it makes me repeat behaviors that would seem odd to people. Mine is more along the lines of slight self mutilation, but its not as bad as you would think. It still sucks though.

My third problem is a lack of willpower. If i wanted to change these two previous things, i would need to put an efforit into it. And i seem to not be able to put much effort into anything that i want to do. I am so horribly lazy it is a personal hell. I cant do the things i love to do because of it.

And the worst affliction of me is a result of medication in my youth. I am very little emotion now... I lost much of it awhile ago. It was wrose then though. I remember a girl that i liked alot hid from me, and i knew... that i should have been sad... but i couldnt feel it. I had to force myself to cry, and yet that felt like nothing. Most of you dont know what it is like to not feel anything. Happiness, joy, pain, sorrow... i felt none of it. I was actually happy when i felt sad, because i could feel something again, no matter how dim. And even now, my emotions are... weak.

Those are my curses, these sufferings. To change it all, i need to get willpower and make it so. That is the key i believe. Sloth will be the death of me, and more importantly the death of my dreams.

Ead,

First let me say I am glad you are here at CF and I hope to see you post more.

You sound like an average American to me.

Please entertain my suggestions. First, I suggest you are not lazy -- but lack motivation. Secondly, I suggest you are a perfectionist in some things, and need to learn to let go as it relates to your proclaiming OCD. Lastly, I suggest you are not shy, but as you stated...you hold onto fears that '''are''' **emotions** versus a state of being (but rather self-taught)...and likewise, you ''do'' have emotions and childhood medication did not rob you of emotions (perhaps your emotions have been altered a bit...but I firmly believe these can be re-organized again).

Without delivering the biblical scripture that can cure these things (as you are a self-professed athiest and although on a Christian site...I'm sure you don't desire preaching...now do you )...so my last suggestion to you is that you are not an athiest...(as to your fascination that is not odd at all), but you are indulging in your present human state as we all do to some extent or another.

My biblical prescription (without biblical scripture given about caring for widows or the elderly ) is to go to a convelescence hospital where people are dying and speak with these wise older people about their lives. Indeed, you will face no rejection. You will face your emotions (the shyness you speak of) and you will learn that you have true compassion as you listen to what you are told. You will also obtain a 'motivation' for life when you see a couple of things...that life is so much shorter than our fears...and secondly, that your plagues are minor in consideration of this.

The second biblical prescription that I ask you entertain is that you consider letting go of one compulsion toward perfection at a time. You see I suffer from perfectionistic tendencies myself and it is difficult 'to let go.' Of course I have Christ to teach me Who is perfect. I give all to Him...my imperfection and inabilities to be perfect and the **hurt** this causes me.

If your OCD is advanced (for example there are people who wash their hands so much that their hands bleed and they cause harm to themselves and I have never faced this personally)...then you need to obtain help from a profession (my opinion is a doctor that does not prescribe that magical pill versus alternative 'work' toward battling vices).

We all have vices and all are imperfect and I thank you for sharing your own so boldy with us. I hope to see you post more here on CF and perhaps update us with your struggles as I will keep you in my prayers (albeit you profess your athiesm. ).

May you be blessed with 'acceptance' and 'outward' love and may this rule your days alongside of motivation to live and love others, which is the greatest prescription for fears and self-defeating judgements of ourselves that satan plants inside our being to keep us away from our first love = God.

I look forward to future posts from you.

 

[heron]

The second biblical prescription that I ask you entertain is that you consider letting go of one compulsion toward perfection at a time.

That's a good idea. Perfectionism drives us to want flaws and weaknesses all gone at once, and then we get mad at ourselves no matter what we attempt.

 

[BoranJarami]

Wow. Take away the the first and second to last paragraphs (I am not an atheist, have not been on medication, and do not lack emotion) and I could have written this post.

I have struggled with the problem of shyness around people, but oddly enough it does not effect me when on the net or when I was in speech and debate. For me it has also been a case of fear of rejection.

I believe that I have had a very mild case of OCD but I had always been to lazy to go and get it checked out. I used to have this thing about tiles and sidewalks that was very odd (and drove me crazy), a need for symetry (if I scratched one arm I just had to scratch the other), and then there were the lovely thoughts that kept repeating themselves and that I couldn't get to go away. If it wasn't ocd then I must have had something else wrong with me.

Lack of willpower has been one of my biggest problems and it is the one that I still struggle the most with today, but at least it isn't as bad as it used to be.

I am going to tell you what has changed these things in my life. If it helps you, then great. If it does not (which is likely the case), then just forget everything I write on this post.

First of all, the changes that have taken place were not something that I could do by myself. Nor could they take place at the hands of any man. I owe all to God.

Over time God has given me strength, calmed my mind, and taught me truths that have helped me out greatly. Now, I must make it clear that these changes have not been over night. I have been a Christian since I was five years old, and these healings did not start to take place until I was in Highschool and are continuing even now.

The amount of time is not due to God being slow, but due to me not letting him help me. You see, even though I was saved at a young age and started to grow in the faith then, after a couple of years I fell away (partly due to some events in my life) and was liveing for my self.

From that point upto Highschool, I did not allow God to continue the growth and healing in my life. In highschool I finaly started to ask God to continue that growth and I started to walk in his presence again. Since then he has done so many wonderful things in my life such as helping me with these issues. And while I still struggle with many of them on some level, I am doing so much better now.

Only God can heal these problems. As you have seen, when man tries to heal them (as when you took the medication when younger) the reult can be horrible. But even your problem with emotions (which I assume is caused by damage to certain parts of the brain via the medication) can be healed.

I understand that you do not believe in God, but take it from one who has felt his healing touch and heard his tender, comforting voice, that he is very much real and very much wants to heal our problems. The only catch is that we have to let him.

As I said, it is not likely that this will actualy help you, but if it does, then great.

One of the funny things about all of thi is that even in my shyness God has called me to be a missionary.

 

[plmarquette]

What if ?
There is some thing to what is written in Romans 10.8-9 and you do not try confessing it for yourself ?

What if what is written in Psalm 103 ; Isaiah 53.5; Matthew 8.17 , and 1 Peter 2.24 say by his stripes , past tense , you are healed ... and you say thank you I recieve what you did for me and it works ?

What if there is truth to what God said in Isaiah 55.10 his word is like the rain on a dry august day that renews , refreshes , cleanses , and enables ...?

What if your sketicism is actually a need to see some folks live what they speak ( on that I empathise with many ) ?

We are instructed to love all men , where they are at , and minister how and where we can , that they might see Jesus in us , not us ... and start a journey of questions , answers , to a faith that has been prepared for them alone ... revelations 3.8,20

what if ?

 

[heron]

What if ? There is some thing to what is written in Romans 10.8-9 and you do not try confessing it for yourself ?

What if what is written in Psalm 103 ; Isaiah 53.5; Matthew 8.17, and 1 Peter 2.24 say by his stripes, past tense, you are healed ... and you say thank you I recieve what you did for me and it works ?

That is how many people live within this faith. It benefits us! Our faith is not just a set of rules, but a source of help and strength. What plm said sounds sort of Californian, but it is simply deciding to take God at his word.

People will try to set conditions on healing and God's assistance, but God's limits hover around the authenticity/earnestness level.... if you are honestly asking for help, he will respond. You don't need to be a long-time supersaint.

Lord, hear his requests for solutions and remedies.