Could I be depressed and just don't know it?

[TexasBluebonnet]

I'm posting this here because hopefully less people will know about what I'm dealing with. I'm kind of embarrassed to be talking about this. I'm not even sure I belong here. I mean, I'm not depressed. I just feel...well nothing. Nothing at all. Most of the time I'm pretty blah. I mean, I get angry, sad, I do feel happy at times, I laugh, I smile, I have times where I'm in a really good mood, and I definitely don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel...okay this is where I feel nervous...I don't feel love. Not that I'm not loved or that I don't love in return. I just don't express it like other people. I hate that. I don't even praise and pray and worship like other people in church do. They are so free, and relaxed, and open and to be honest, I'm jealous of their ability to do that. I know I love, I have the knowledge in my head, but not the feeling (i.e, the warmth, the fuzzy feeling, the actual feeling) in my heart. I do not believe that I have any of the symptoms of depression other than just feeling numb, so what's wrong with me? Am I depressed and don't know it? Could it be out of whack serotonin? What?

 

[LivingProof8]

Maybe you are not depressed but emotional numbness is certainly not a "normal" way to feel. Numbness, in biblical terms, is often a symptom of a hardened heart.

Pray and ask God why you "feel" nothing. Love is not a "feeling", per se. It is actions. But when you have the love of God living inside of you, it certainly shows outwardly in the interactions with others.

The fact that you felt compelled to post here, suggests that you know that the numbness is something "off". Pray about it ask God to reveal to you what's causing this absence or what it missing that's causing it.

Keep talking about what you feel, that's extremely healthy. I'll keep you in my prayers

 

[GryffinSong]

I'm not an expert. BUT, depression is often a dulling of one's feelings. An inability to fully feel what we might normally feel. Please don't be embarrassed to ask questions, and to talk about what you are feeling (or not feeling). It's only human, and many feel similarly. You might want to consult a professional. I talked with my regular doctor about it, and she was able to help me understand what was happening to me.

Hugs and best of luck to you, regardless of what the cause of this is. If its troubling you, it's worth exploring.

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

Maybe you are not depressed but emotional numbness is certainly not a "normal" way to feel. Numbness, in biblical terms, is often a symptom of a hardened heart.

Pray and ask God why you "feel" nothing. Love is not a "feeling", per se. It is actions. But when you have the love of God living inside of you, it certainly shows outwardly in the interactions with others.

The fact that you felt compelled to post here, suggests that you know that the numbness is something "off". Pray about it ask God to reveal to you what's causing this absence or what it missing that's causing it.

Keep talking about what you feel, that's extremely healthy. I'll keep you in my prayers

You know, your assesment makes the most sense. I do know that I haven't always felt this way. That this is something new. I can remember back to when I was a kid. My heart was much more open and free. I don't quite know when exactly all this started, but I think it was somewhere about five years ago. I was going through some stuff, namely being jerked around by a guy, and then dumped by said guy. I didn't want to feel anything, so I think I just (for lack of a better way of saying it) shut down. I really think you're right. I mean, you said pretty much the same thing I had thought of myself. So, what now? What does someone with a hardened heart do? What's the fix? I'm realistic. I know it won't happen over night. But what steps can I take to deal with this and fix it? Should I talk to my church pastors about this? I'm willing to do whatever it takes to resolve this. Thanks for your post. It was very helpful. Thanks for the prayers too. I really appreciate it. My name is Michelle by the way so if happen to mention me when you pray, that'd be great. (((hugs)))

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

I'm not an expert. BUT, depression is often a dulling of one's feelings. An inability to fully feel what we might normally feel. Please don't be embarrassed to ask questions, and to talk about what you are feeling (or not feeling). It's only human, and many feel similarly. You might want to consult a professional. I talked with my regular doctor about it, and she was able to help me understand what was happening to me.

Hugs and best of luck to you, regardless of what the cause of this is. If its troubling you, it's worth exploring.

Thanks for your post. I know it's silly but I just feel that if people knew how I really felt they would feel sorry for me or something, and I just couldn't take that. In fact, yesterday at church they were praying for a bunch of people with depression, and while I don't necessarily consider myself depressed it still probably could have helped. But I didn't do anything. I just sat there because I didn't want anyone to know. How insane is that? I will try and find someone to talk to about this. This is something that has been bothering me at least for the past three years. I mean, really bothering me. It worries me that I have this lack of emotion. Thanks for your help. Please pray for me.

 

[LivingProof8]

You know, your assesment makes the most sense. I do know that I haven't always felt this way. That this is something new. I can remember back to when I was a kid. My heart was much more open and free. I don't quite know when exactly all this started, but I think it was somewhere about five years ago. I was going through some stuff, namely being jerked around by a guy, and then dumped by said guy. I didn't want to feel anything, so I think I just (for lack of a better way of saying it) shut down. I really think you're right. I mean, you said pretty much the same thing I had thought of myself. So, what now? What does someone with a hardened heart do? What's the fix? I'm realistic. I know it won't happen over night. But what steps can I take to deal with this and fix it? Should I talk to my church pastors about this? I'm willing to do whatever it takes to resolve this. Thanks for your post. It was very helpful. Thanks for the prayers too. I really appreciate it. My name is Michelle by the way so if happen to mention me when you pray, that'd be great. (((hugs)))

I certainly will keep you in my prayers and you are more than welcome for the reply. I am here to encourage others as I've been encouraged...

Pray to ask God to heal what's broken. Hardness of heart comes from some kind of emotional damage that causes us to build "walls" to shield our emotions for fear of a similar offense happening again. Also, ask God to help you get over that fear that you have. Remember, fear and faith can't occupy the same space in our hearts and so far, fear has caused more harm than good.

God did not intend for us to live lovelessly. Firstly, whoever or whomever has offended you, you have to forgive them. Not for their benefit for you own. Think of it this way, if someone hurt you and at this point they have moved on with their lives and you are still harboring the hurt.... who is suffering the most? Forgiveness opens the door to God to heal your heart and vindicate you. Also, pray that God shows you how to receive His love in your heart so that you can feel whole and complete again. It's not easy at all, but in the long run, you will incredibly glad that you did.

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

Okay, so I called my church after talking through e-mail to the secretary. She had passed on my message about the way I've been feeling to the pastor and he wants to meet with me. She mentioned that in her opinion and experiences with depression herself, that my symptoms sound like depression. How is that possible? I don't feel depressed. Although, I've been battling a strange kind of vague nasuea. I don't think I'm really sick or anything, but I haven't had any energy today and I haven't really felt like eating, and my stomach has felt turvy-topsy all day. But...I mean how does a person know if they are depressed? I just keep thinking that depression would feel more...oppresive or something. That and it's not like I've suffered any major thing lately.

I dated a guy who dumped me for no reason after an intense relationship, I was accused of being a witch by a good friend and a friend of hers, I was hit on by my married best friend's husband, and again by a scuzball, a very good friend died of cancer last year after he and his wife moved about 2 hours away, and to top it all off I found out last year that I would have had a sister but my father made my mother abort her about a year and half before I was born. And that's just been in the last 5 years.

I know that all sounds bad, but I consider myself more resiliant that this. Surely all of that combined hasn't caused my current state. Has it? I refuse to believe I'm depressed. I just can't imagine that I am. Or am I in major denial?

 

[GryffinSong]

While depression can be triggered by major stressors in our lives, it's literally a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is NOT "just" a mental problem. It's not "all in your head." It has nothing to do with being weak. It is JUST a chemical imbalance that happens to influence our emotions and energy and so forth. Depression is NOT sadness, although sadness can be a part of it. It can be a flattening of emotion, a lethargy, a lack of motivation, and is VERY common. Please don't feel ashamed. I know how hard it is to admit one has something that many people don't understand. I went for a long while before I asked for help. But, once I had tried other things, I finally talked with my doctor about it, went on an anti-depressant, and started to feel more myself. It was amazing, and completely convinced me that they're right when they say its simply a chemical imbalance. I don't feel all silly and happy. I simply feel like myself.

Please don't underestimate the power of life stresses, and please don't punish yourself for wanting to be more resilient. We're only human, and depression is a disease that is, in most cases, very treatable.

 

[Soulwings]

Love, what you said - about talking with your church about it - I am proud of you for doing that. I know that you don't know me, so I don't know how much my saying that will mean, but it's true - it's so hard to ask for help when things get tough and confusing.

In my experience - depression comes on slowly, like the sun going down (apropos metaphor, too, huh?)... it gets increasingly dark but if you're out and about you don't notice how dark it is until you realize that you're having trouble seeing the road in front of you and have to turn on your headlights.

GryffinSong did hit on it when she said that it is not "just" a mental problem. Pdocs and doctors know how depression is caused, unlike many other mental illnesses, and it is indeed just an issue with serotonin. Please try not to feel ashamed about asking for help. As I said a moment ago... well done for taking the first step. I don't know if any of us here can really help you with your question of whether or not you have depression, but a doctor/pdoc would be able to. And if you are indeed depressed - because apathy does come with depression - then a low dose of an SSRI might be just the thing to boost you up. (Meds are nothing to be ashamed of either... I am on 7 [what a cocktail!!] for various mental things, and believe me, I get sick of taking them, but I know I would be worse off if I didn't. But that's a whole 'nother conversation, so I'll skip that for now. )

Hope this helped. Hang tough. We're all here for you to talk with if you need to; my inbox is open 24/7.

 

[Yuki Usagi]

I'm posting this here because hopefully less people will know about what I'm dealing with. I'm kind of embarrassedto be talking about this. I'm not even sure I belong here. I mean, I'm not depressed. I just feel...well nothing. Nothing at all. Most of the time I'm pretty blah. I mean, I get angry, sad, I do feel happy at times, I laugh, I smile, I have times where I'm in a really good mood, and I definitely don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel...okay this is where I feel nervous...I don't feel love. Not that I'm not loved or that I don't love in return. I just don't express it like other people. I hate that. I don't even praise and pray and worship like other people in church do. They are so free, and relaxed, and open and to be honest, I'm jealous of their ability to do that. I know I love, I have the knowledge in my head, but not the feeling (i.e, the warmth, the fuzzy feeling, the actual feeling) in my heart. I do not believe that I have any of the symptoms of depression other than just feeling numb, so what's wrong with me? Am I depressed and don't know it? Could it be out of whack serotonin? What?

How much different are you feeling, compared to how you felt before this started bothering you? I have talked to a lot of people who are not depressed and don't have disorders like mine, who say that life isn't feeling intensely every minute, nor is love some zinging sensation that causes you to zip around a lot. Are you sure you aren't just a quiet person and not very demonstrative? Have you always felt this way or is it a big change?

In the past were you open and lively and worshiping God freely like the people you described that you're comparing yourself with?

Being dumped by someone and accused of being a witch can certainly dull your emotions for awhile... to protect you. That must have hurt terribly!! Even someone who isn't clinically depressed would be depressed about that! But it would eventually lift. Say, in a couple or six months. That's the difference. Depressed people feel that way even when things are going good around them and good things are happening to them. And it depends on how long it lasts.

You have every right to feel down right now after something like that happening to you. And two somethings is bound to compound the feelings. Those are terrible things to have happen! It sounds like you're pretty normal to me, but I'm not a psych.

Give yourself some time, to get over what happened to you, and see if you don't come out of it in a little while.

I'm praying for you!