You're right. It's just hard because I've been treated like crap by them and treated like a child by them this
Hi Macchiato!
Learning to forgive is hard. But it is commanded.
Peter asked Jesus, how many times should he forgive his brother. Why did he ask this? Because Peter was not looking to
Reconciliation. He was looking to
Revenge! I am not saying you are looking for revenge. Far from that. I am simply painting a broader picture of Forgiveness.
Rabbis used to say forgive 3 times. Peter even doubled that, to 7 times. But he was still after revenge.
Mat 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Mat 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times:
but, Until seventy times seven.
70*7 is not a mathematical answer. It means to forgive endlessly. Over and over. It does not mean you can not learn from how people treat you, back away from them, or disengage from them fully. We can protect ourselves from them. But we are commanded to forgive.
Why are we commanded to forgive? Because of what it does to us if we do not forgive.
A talent of gold is ~75 lbs. That is a huge debt to owe another.
Mat 18:23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
Mat 18:24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
Mat 18:25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
Mat 18:26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Mat 18:27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
Mat 18:28
But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
Mat 18:29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Mat 18:30
And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
Mat 18:31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
Mat 18:32
Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him,
O thou wicked servant, I
forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
Mat 18:33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
Mat 18:34
And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
Mat 18:35
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
Notice the lord was wroth and did not forget this man's due. He forgave him originally but did not forget. This lord is a symbol. Our Father Chooses not to remember. But he does not forget.
What are the tormenters? Perhaps they are anger, hatred, bitterness. We have all seen people who are full of anger and hate and eaten up inside by bitterness.
Forgiveness has three major components.
Freely,
Fully,
Finally.
Freely - We forgive freely, because the Father, forgives you and I, because of the Son. Jesus asks the Father to forgive us. God does not forgive us simply because he created us or loves us or anything else. The father only forgives us because that is the request of the Son, which is able to make that request, because the Son obeyed the Father and laid his life down for us to pay our sins AND then requests the Father to forgive us. We are not forgiven because Jesus died for our sins. We have access to salvation because he died for us and our sins. But we are forgiven because Jesus intercedes on our behalf 24/7/365 in front of the Father to forgive us because Satan is continually accusing you and I of sin.
Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Fully - The Father fully forgives us. He does not forgive us 50% and then we have to do the rest. He forgives us 100%
ol 2:12 Buried with him in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with him through the faith of the operation of God, who hath raised him from the dead.
Col 2:13 And you, being
dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses;
Col 2:14
Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross;
Col 2:15 And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it.
A lie that some will tell you is that to forgive is to forget. That is not true. The lord did not forget what was due. He forgave him and gave him more time. But did not forget.
Mat 18:34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors,
till he should pay all that was due unto him.
So forgive your family, and if for no other reason, take the focus off of you and your family and forgive simply for Christ's sake.
But do not trust them in what they have demonstrated to be untrustworthy in. That may mean they cannot live with you. Or your brother cannot live with you. Or... That is for you to decide. But you do not need to allow them to treat you poorly. Because they cannot treat you with love, they will probably be able to treat your children with love. So you are protecting yourself and your children from manipulation.
Frankly, some parents and some siblings are horrible people. That is OK in that you do not have to partake of it. Not out of shame, guilt, tears, etc. They are responsible for the positions they have put themselves in. And it can be wonderful to help. But not if their is no peace in it.
Failure to forgive is a sin. Not a threat to salvation. But to fellowship with God. If you do not forgive, your fellowships with God stagnates, retards even. Fortive so that your relationship/fellowship with Jesus is not impaired.
Peace and Blessings
