College courses and opinions.

[keith99]

Do you know what FERPA is?

I'll give you the quick summary - it's illegal for the school to reveal your information to even your parents without your explicit written consent. You are an adult. They do not own you. They do not control you. You make your own life choices now.

Unless that choice is drinking alcohol it seems. But they have to rat you out before you turn 21. Not you have to had gone out drinking before you were 21, the actual date they tell on you!

 

[Cearbhall]

I've had meltdowns b4 tbh but maybe like once a year as a teen. Like when I'm super exhausted and a billion things have already gone really wrong. I think having them over ordinary stuff like homework & finals is definitely a problem cause you're gonna have stresses like that your whole life. If you have a meltdown at work you can get fired.

Exactly. I'd say that it's pretty normal to break when you're pushed to your limit, but having an episode every time you have an assignment due would not be normal. A person's limit should be higher than that by the time he/she reaches adulthood.

 

[Butterfly99]

Unless that choice is drinking alcohol it seems. But they have to rat you out before you turn 21. Not you have to had gone out drinking before you were 21, the actual date they tell on you!

For real? Colleges tell parents when their kids have had alcohol? Well what's the point cause I mean you can't ground a student who is at college already, lol.

 

[Cearbhall]

For real? Colleges tell parents when their kids have had alcohol?

Well they're usually the ones who get billed for the fine, unless the kid is financially independent.

 

[Butterfly99]

Well they're usually the ones who get billed for the fine, unless the kid is financially independent.

There's a fine for drinking when you're not 21? I didn't know that. Well I guess you have a point then. But I kinda think parenting stuff should stop when you graduate HS. Cause you have to learn how to figure out how to make it in the world on your own, right. I guess Sam needs more help from his dad so that's alright if he wants it but it but I'd want my space thb. This girl who is 18 said she still has a curfew & stuff even tho she's already graduated & she's engaged. I think that's going too far tbh. I want to be a legit adult after I graduate.

 

[Cearbhall]

This girl who is 18 said she still has a curfew & stuff even tho she's already graduated & she's engaged. I think that's going too far tbh. I want to be a legit adult after I graduate.

That's very strange to me. No one who's financially dependent on me will be planning a wedding. That's something you only do when you're capable of supporting your own household.

It could be cultural, though, especially if she's getting married at such a young age. I have acquaintances who might as well be 12 in their parents' eyes, because in their families, "daughter" doesn't stop being your primary responsibility until you get married.

 

[keith99]

For real? Colleges tell parents when their kids have had alcohol? Well what's the point cause I mean you can't ground a student who is at college already, lol.

No, most do not. But the confidentiality requirements do not apply if some kid breaks a rule related to alcohol. Remember stall until you turn 21 then they can't rat you out. Or better yet pick your parents well.

 

[keith99]

Well they're usually the ones who get billed for the fine, unless the kid is financially independent.

The fine for drunk and disorderly is not that large. I'd have bailed out friends on that easily and I was far from financially independent. Who knows I may still end up bailing some college student out, or at least throwing $300, what I think my ATM max is, in that direction.

 

[Cearbhall]

The fine for drunk and disorderly is not that large.

The fine for the provider is pretty bad, though.

 

[keith99]

There's a fine for drinking when you're not 21? I didn't know that. Well I guess you have a point then. But I kinda think parenting stuff should stop when you graduate HS. Cause you have to learn how to figure out how to make it in the world on your own, right. I guess Sam needs more help from his dad so that's alright if he wants it but it but I'd want my space thb. This girl who is 18 said she still has a curfew & stuff even tho she's already graduated & she's engaged. I think that's going too far tbh. I want to be a legit adult after I graduate.

Looks like it is not illegal in California. What is illegal is for a minor to possess alcohol in a public place. Fine is $250 plus 24-32 hours of public service.

 

[Butterfly99]

No, most do not. But the confidentiality requirements do not apply if some kid breaks a rule related to alcohol. Remember stall until you turn 21 then they can't rat you out. Or better yet pick your parents well.

Lol, "pick your parents well." Do you have kids / grandkids?

 

[keith99]

Lol, "pick your parents well." Do you have kids / grandkids?

Nope, no kid gets that lucky!

 

[Sammy-San]

Idk. It makes me think of this kid at church who has Asperger's & will have a fit if things aren't just as he planned them. My cousin with a learning disability used to get real frustrated about stuff. For real though don't take that seriously cause I have no way of knowing what is up with you. I do think it's really unusual to still have tantrums like that when you're in college.

Did you have meltdowns when you were in HS? Did you get good grades then?

My dad annoying- one example is I can't even complain about how much work I get without him suggesting I quit school. Today he said that because I said after the semester is over, I want to throw out my folders and all the papers in it. He says that over and over again in different days-almost to the point of cliche.


I'd say half of this stress and mis is caused by me being indecisveness. In the short term, I like some of the classes my counselor picked for me because of my indecievness. But in the long term, it's just making my family stressed out and misreable. If i was studying something i liked, i would probably have less stress and it would be a much smaller issue for me.

Stress for me is my "bad side"-that is the reason I have had meltdowns since high school, as far as i can remember. Stress caused by a lot of boring difficult long assingments and study overload is the reason I have meltdowns where I yell and say horrible profanity. I normally can be very calm and chill, but certain things just affect me in a bad way.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

My dad annoying- one example is I can't even complain about how much work I get without him suggesting I quit school. Today he said that because I said after the semester is over, I want to throw out my folders and all the papers in it. He says that over and over again in different days-almost to the point of cliche.


I'd say half of this stress and mis is caused by me being indecisveness. In the short term, I like some of the classes my counselor picked for me because of my indecievness. But in the long term, it's just making my family stressed out and misreable. If i was studying something i liked, i would probably have less stress and it would be a much smaller issue for me.

Stress for me is my "bad side"-that is the reason I have had meltdowns since high school, as far as i can remember. Stress caused by a lot of boring difficult long assingments and study overload is the reason I have meltdowns where I yell and say horrible profanity. I normally can be very calm and chill, but certain things just affect me in a bad way.

If you did quit college, what would you pursue instead? Have you researched jobs that are of interest to you to find out what their qualifications are so you can make plans accordingly? If you don't know what jobs might be suitable for you, see if there are career counselors at your school who could give you an aptitude test or other advice. You don't need to have your entire life mapped out in your teens, but deciding on a general direction to go in can help you to navigate your life. It's possible that a vocational program could be more aligned with your interests than college.

Even if a physician, psychologist, or other professional equipped to make a diagnosis read through your posts here it would still be very difficult to properly evaluate you in this setting, so do not take what I or anyone else here writes as being anything remotely official. I'm also a college freshman, with only a neuroscience class and high school AP Psychology as my sources of academic knowledge, so take everything I write with a grain of salt. To me, the behavior you've described is symptomatic of ADHD. Many people imagine a kid who is excessively hyper and bouncing off the walls when they think of ADHD, but it can manifest in other ways, especially in adolescents and adults. Teens with ADHD often have a harder time regulating their emotions, so when they are stressed out and frustrated they might have an outburst or meltdown like the ones you've told us about rather than a more appropriate, proportional reaction. Indecisiveness; disorganization (which can include not just unorganized school work and living spaces, but challenges with organizing a life plan); a strong dislike for activities that require sustained concentration (homework, writing a paper, studying for an exam); careless and inattentiveness that can lead to avoidable mistakes in work or misplacing things; a lack self-discipline and self-motivation; difficulty in processing and retaining information (which can lead to substantial anxiety and frustration); impulsivity; a tendency to procrastinate and avoid tasks; jumping from one project / task / assignment to another without having completed the first one; and an inability to adapt well to changes are other possible symptoms.

If you do have ADHD it doesn't mean you aren't intelligent, or that it's in any way shameful. Several friends have ADHD, and I know there are many students at Stanford who also have it. Students who have an official diagnosis of ADHD can receive special accommodations, such as taking tests in private rooms rather than with everyone else to help minimize distraction. Those who think they may have ADHD but haven't been diagnosed prior to coming to campus can go through the health center to be properly assessed. It's possible your college also their own assessment process students can go through on campus, or that they can point you towards a professional who could evaluate you. I would talk to your counselor about this.

There are coping methods college students with ADHD can learn that can help them be successful. This might be helpful to you: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd-guide/college.html Even if yo don't have ADHD, following some of the suggestions for how to manage your time and be better organized could benefit you. It's very important to organize your time, your work, and your thoughts. You don't need anything elaborate. There are free apps you can download to your smartphone to help you to stay on top of your assignments, such as Studious. You enter in the information for each class, such as test dates, assignment deadlines, and the like, and will send you reminders. A simple calendar app can help you to manage your time. Enter in all classes and obligations for your day. Plan out times for when you'll study. Finish one assignment or task before beginning another. When you are feeling really scattered and mentally disorganized, looking through your plan for the day and your list of things to do can help you to refocus.

 

[blackribbon]

Can I suggest that maybe your dad is frustrated because of how much money he is paying and then has to listen to you tell him that you don't really care? Think about all the nice things he could be doing for and with your mother with your tuition money. I am not suggesting that he wants you to quit...he just want you to actually care a little bit and value what he is sacrificing for you.

Small children only want nice things in their lives....grown ups realize that there doesn't exist a job or a major where you only get to take classes "that interest you."...but rather you take the classes you need to have skills to perform the job.

 

[Sammy-San]

Was this not mentioned in the syllabus? Was this really a "surprise"? You are going to have to find a way to organize without throwing things out. You often need to keep things from a class for other classes that have that class a prerequisite. And I also keep proof of all my grades until after I graduate and have a correct transcript in my hand. I am still trying to prove a grade I made 20 years ago because I can't find a copy of that particular school's transcript. Maybe I never even got one since it was a lone class at that particular school. I also have the kept book with the course descriptions of those years from my primary school so I can prove they are 'equivalent' classes' in the future. The circular file (the trash can) is not really your friend while in college.

I get stressed out with overload. For example, today, I haven't even started by rewrite paper because I get stressed out looking at the pile of papers, and I get stressed out even trying to go back and figure out where I left off in microsoft word.

 

[Sammy-San]

I'm not sure what you're asking now.

If the school shows someone your records without your permission, you can take them to court. You have to choose to give your parents access through your account if you want them to see. I chose not to give my parents access to my grades, for example.

Is that illegal without written permission?

 

[Cearbhall]

Is that illegal without written permission?

No. You can show it to whomever you want. Your college's online program likely has a built-in function for you to create a guest account for your parents to view your info.

It's really not that complicated. You seem to be kind of hung up on this issue. I didn't mean for it to become a thing. It's just a private record like any other. They can't show it to third parties without your permission.

 

[Butterfly99]

I get stressed out with overload. For example, today, I haven't even started by rewrite paper because I get stressed out looking at the pile of papers, and I get stressed out even trying to go back and figure out where I left off in microsoft word.

Do you start working on your papers early enough so you won't be as stressed out by deadlines?

 

[Cearbhall]

Do you start working on your papers early enough so you won't be as stressed out by deadlines?

Lol I wish I did that. I don't get very stressed out, though.