Childfree for a time?

[JesusWasn'tWhite]

Hey,
This is my first post in Childfree Couples.
I am getting married in June and my fiance and I are both young and finishing up school and graduate work. He and I don't want to have children for at *least* 5 years, maybe more like 6 or 7 years. I want to get into my occupation before I'm out of work for 10-12 years raising kids. We love kids and want kids in the future.. just not soon. We want to have married life alone, just the two of us. Not be like those people who get married right out of college then start having babies within 2 years and the wife, who got a great education and is career driven, is now out of work for 10 years. No offense to people who did that, it's just not my DF and I.

So, my question is.. what do we do when people bug us about kids? My fiance's sister-in-law has laughed and scoffed in my face when I told her that we didn't want kids for another 6 years. She said "of course you will. I give it 3 or 4 years and you'll be pregnant!"... which is absurd. If I can help it, we won't have kids for another 6 years! It just hurts when people expect you to have kids in *their* timing.
Why can't we just be us?

This is all coming at a bad time because I'm going through a phase where kids don't really jazz me a whole lot. I feel awkward around them and just go "ugh"... but I really do want kids.

Sorry this all sounds so jumbled.
I suppose I'm posting this here because maybe some of you can relate. I hope my DF and I will be "childfree for a time".. a long time, but not forever.

 

[fuzzymel]

I am a firm believer of a couple getting to know each other properly before having kids. I have seen so many marriages end once the kids have left home because they have nothing in common apart from the children.

The problem is a lot of Christians start having babies straight away so people almost expect you to have them straight away too. Its very sensible to plan properly for the future. Kids are expensive and the way the world is its only going to get worse.

I dont have any tips because as I have said in other threads my comebacks sometimes get bad reactions (I think its because I get asked so much its annoyed me to the point I cannot be too nice about it - especially when the person has spoken to me about it 100 times).

 

[bluebug83]

JesusWasn'tWhite, you and your fiance sound a lot like my husband and I - we love being childfree now, he wants kids someday but I'm on the fence (I'm not so crazy about kids myself). If we do end up having kids, I don't see it being for a very long time.

I second what fuzzymel said about how I think it's good for couples to have some time alone together to get to know each other and do the things you want to do that require freedom before you add kids to the mix. Something that I really feel is that my husband and I have such a great, fulfilling marriage and enough things to do that I don't see a need for kids at this point.

There are some people out there that I think get married because their life goal is to have a family - husband, dog, kids, the whole mix. I think these are the people that start popping out babies right away, because they're not a "real family" until the kids show up, and the sooner you achieve your life goal, the better. I have a friend that I think is like this - they said they were going to wait 4 years, but were pregnant by their second anniversary. I don't think there's anything wrong with this, just that it's different from me. I married my husband because I happened to meet a guy who became my best friend, and our relationship naturally became close enough to a point where marriage didn't seem like much of a change from where we were. I actually had no plans to get married as young as I did - thought I'd wait until I was at least 30 - but the relationship came along and the timing was right. My point is that I think some do marry for the status/family-package and some marry because their spouse is their companion. I think most of us in the latter category are usually the ones that see the value in having some time to ourselves before kids show up.

Anyways, when you encounter other people that try to talk you into having kids earlier, just tell the honest truth and let your confidence show. You and your fiance value each other's company and want a period of time where it is just you two, since once the kids come you won't have that experience again for a very long time. But to play devil's advocate, there is a possibility that you could change your mind - after all, you don't really know how you'll feel in two, three, five, or seven years from now. And if that happens, it's OK, just make sure you have kids in your time, and don't let anyone talk you into it before you're ready.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Hey,
This is my first post in Childfree Couples.
I am getting married in June and my fiance and I are both young and finishing up school and graduate work. He and I don't want to have children for at *least* 5 years, maybe more like 6 or 7 years. I want to get into my occupation before I'm out of work for 10-12 years raising kids. We love kids and want kids in the future.. just not soon. We want to have married life alone, just the two of us. Not be like those people who get married right out of college then start having babies within 2 years and the wife, who got a great education and is career driven, is now out of work for 10 years. No offense to people who did that, it's just not my DF and I.

So, my question is.. what do we do when people bug us about kids? My fiance's sister-in-law has laughed and scoffed in my face when I told her that we didn't want kids for another 6 years. She said "of course you will. I give it 3 or 4 years and you'll be pregnant!"... which is absurd. If I can help it, we won't have kids for another 6 years! It just hurts when people expect you to have kids in *their* timing.
Why can't we just be us?

This is all coming at a bad time because I'm going through a phase where kids don't really jazz me a whole lot. I feel awkward around them and just go "ugh"... but I really do want kids.

Sorry this all sounds so jumbled.
I suppose I'm posting this here because maybe some of you can relate. I hope my DF and I will be "childfree for a time".. a long time, but not forever.

Yah, I can relate. What are you studying? I just finished my BA in sociology and psychology, last August. I might eventually go to graduate school in the near-ish future.

I LOVE married life alone... I'm terrible with group dynamics, so I couldn't imagine doing them in my own family! (FWIW I can't have children for medically related reasons, but it doesn't bother me at all.)

 

[JesusWasn'tWhite]

I'm studying secondary education, special education, and history.

Thanks for all the responses so far!