Solanus,
I am 55 been married since 1984. I could sit here and compare notes but.. mine was far worse. More then once a week often every day or MOST of this marriage. So if I say.. I truly from my heart understand..its a truth.
Let me share what I learned. We have two kids that where a mother bonds with the kids you know? I did. I became mother and father. Everything I did went they would and never with her. They saw it all from the start
Telling them for so many years to go say good night to mom.. killed my heart. See I am not like others. I would think.. what if it was me .. so if I was her I would NEVER want to lose my kids and would never ever want someone to give up on me no matter how good or bad I was.
So this was not about kids. So I have said the words love forgive blah blah blah but just a few months ago as pffft.. she was not happen and saying things again that wow made the past look like yesterday. Saying awful things ..things your worst enemy would never say..no lie. I DONT KNOW WHY but after 30years in the middle of this fight.. like being surrounded with darkness.. I could see.. How to explain this.. man I am awful with words. Looking at her.. haha I really said right then.. this is it! This is what LOVE IS! In all that anger hate wrath what ever.... I could see past it and see her. I for the 1st time loved her just like she was. And if this is all she ever is.. I LOVE HER! Love is never thinking of ME. But her. For once I can truly understand a man beating up a guy so BAD.. looking down at him in all that blood and says.. why dont you stop? The man with tears pouring down his face said "I cant.. I loveyou" the man standing gave his life over to Jesus.
We say LOVE YOU and yet.. never really mean it. We say FORGIVE yet never really mean it. I got a TINY taste of what CHRIST did for each one of us. He truly LOVED US in all our sin. In all our hate for good for GOD.. He truly love us.
Wow there is so much here left out. Children or not matters not. The WORLD says.. if you have kids its harder but.. truth is.. in something like this most never think of the Children 1st. I am not like others. I have always treated my kids 1st..then us. This LOVE... not mine...oh I would LOVE to take all the credit but.. its from Him. If I had my way many years ago ..I would not be here posting now.
For me.. if I get nothing from this..but have to give everything and I still dont give all.. working..but this LOVE is for HER not what I can get ever from her. I didnt see this feel this know this till i was in my 50s'..thats whats sad and hurts. I again fall on my face and thank my GOD for helping keep us together. Never did any of this for ANY kind of reward. Hey.. my mom was married what 4-5 times..my older brother was 3 times I think. Its like a test but not...well most never keep going...to love when not being loved back. To give when its never given back. Oh we do at times in a fight now and then or for years..but..in the mist of the pain when its all black no way out...when fighting seems the only way.. you surrender.. you love back.. it was not thought or idea.. I FELT IT.. never had it..like being blind and then you see.. it was given. When you TRULY mean it..want it..no matter what ever happens to you.. HE WILL BE THERE!
At about 20's me and my wife fighting like every day.. were at her best friends house. That were missionaries. She said to us "love is never 50/50. Some times its 75/25 sometimes its 100/0". Lol..that makes me cry...now. I know what that means....now. Then it meant nothing. If YOU/WE turn to HIM in times of troubles .. HE WILL ALWAYS help. No matter how dark it gets.. you stand and then STAND in faith and HE WILL get you through! But... what do you want? Forgiveness? He will always do..
Again never ever did I stay to get some reward....but.. there is that. What it be.. I dont know..dont care. I always wanted this LOVE He has for people...to see the heart. My dear brother....I so know how you feel in every way. I am praying for you. It has not been a easy road for I have not made it easy for her. Sin is sin.. so I dont look at who is worse. I am no better
For me the worst pain is.. since I was a kid.. my dad.. pastors wife thatd when I got married she tell me "Mary must be a little angel to be married to you". See I lived with them for some times. Then lost track of them. Found them after 25years. Was not on the phone with them 3min when..again after 25years said "Mary must still be a little angel to be married to you". Wow..never new it could still hurt and cut so deep. Love her forgive her I do.. But like I said the worst part is.. I cant forget..I try so hard..cry so much.
This is just me.. sharing so much here that I NEVER EVER share with people. Easy ..no one knows me here. Not looking for anything. Just sharing with you the FACTS.
So my dear brother your not alone and there is ONE praying for you..now...if you asked .. I would always give JESUS ..run to JESUS in everything. ...ask HIM to see HER through HIS eyes. It wont be what you see.. but what HE sees. He took me past all the evil bad things right to her..her heart...as if the out side really didnt matter to Him...wow.. never seen any one else..not right to. ..maybe He just thought I needed to..I love HER..not for anything she can or will ever or never do. Not in this NOW for that. You dont have any problems..all you need is faith in GOD!..
Sorry I was all over the place.. I am no writer or speaker...this was my heart my life..I share with you my brother. Maybe it helps to know your not alone...oh you are SO not alone. He is with BOTH of you. If it was YOU how would YOU want to be treated? Want her to leave you or do everything it takes to help? We all have a choice. Sin? Just confess and move on...yet..there is always a price
Jesus said.. to love her like He loves the Church. The Church is every believer. No matter what it does.. He loves it. God.. Israel walks away.. sells her self to other gods. Many are standing in line for her. So GOD stands in line pays for her.. to get her back. In all that SIN.. He loved her..Israel is NOT walking with God now. Yet for HIS glory and HIS name sake HE put them back in there land.
JESUS IS REAL! Turn to HIM when you cant... and HE WILL SEE YOU THOUGH! Give you a love you never had.. a peace you never had.. and be it HER or YOU.. you will have a love for each other you never had. WHY? Because you put HIM 1st...you put the OTHER 1st! I know.. been there...much deeper but.. been there. I so wish I could just GIVE you this.. ask Him..
Thank you JESUS for hearing and helpings this brother and his wife..for your glory and praise alone. I thank you