Am I a Sinner For Wanting to Divorce for This?

[Tull]

And people wonder why fewer and fewer marriages are happening

 

[Paidiske]

^ Well, that's a pessimistic outlook.

 

[stuart lawrence]

And people wonder why fewer and fewer marriages are happening

I thought I read a post of yours saying sex was marriage bait, but often its not worth it as all you then get is bills.
I thought it was an excellent and well thought out post regarding so many cases in the real world. why remove it?
Nothing wrong with posting real life facts is there

 

[victorinus]

No I don't.

does she?

 

[victorinus]

God has joined together any man and woman who are legally married.

how does God join a man and women together?

 

[Tull]

I thought I read a post of yours saying sex was marriage bait, but often its not worth it as all you then get is bills.
I thought it was an excellent and well thought out post regarding so many cases in the real world. why remove it?
Nothing wrong with posting real life facts is there

I have been reported here so many times for saying things people don't like I guess I'm always second guessing myself,but yes that is how I feel about it.....and lets face it if you leave a spouse you are fine as long as you are not having sex with anyone....its all about the sex from what I can tell.

 

[Anguspure]

Let me start off my saying thank you for any input and feel free to tell me as it is I'm not one to shy away from the truth. Here is my situation:

I'm a young male and I thought I was marrying for the right reasons. She was a strong Christian, smart, liked to do the things I do, and a good person. Me, I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but I would like to think of myself as someone who typically tries to do the right thing by what Christ would recommend even if I fail a lot and must pray for forgiveness.

Well it turned out that getting married quickly to avoid sexual impurity was a bad idea. She doesn't like to do the things I do, she has a very bad temper and downright insults me often, wanting to have sex feels like I'm asking her for a million dollars sometimes, and she just has no consideration about how I feel about things such as how to raise a child it's always "this is what's going to happen".

And I'm no soft guy who can't be a man. I put my foot down quite often and just about every time it leads to insane arguments where she just becomes an empty shell that literally says nothing to me until he gets her way.

And again, I'm no saint I struggle every day as a Christian. But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life. I come from a family where my dad was a terrible father and I have always sought to be a great father and husband. And now it's like my wife is my dad.

I struggled with a marriage like this for 10 years, it all ended in tears but not before I committed a terrible sin against God and the relationship myself.
The problem I had was that she had no respect for me, so when the honey moon was over it all became contempt and anger, which is a very difficult thing to fix in a spouse.
If you can possibly drag this woman into some strong relationship guidance and counseling do it as quickly as possible otherwise my prayer is with you my friend.

 

[Anguspure]

Wrong quote

 

[Anguspure]

God has joined together any man and woman who are legally married. For right reasons or wrong, marriage is marriage. Christian or not. There could be exceptions for forced or child marriages, I do not know.

What has human law got to do with it (Biblically speaking)?

 

[Bill Hamilton]

Let me start off my saying thank you for any input and feel free to tell me as it is I'm not one to shy away from the truth. Here is my situation:

I'm a young male and I thought I was marrying for the right reasons. She was a strong Christian, smart, liked to do the things I do, and a good person. Me, I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but I would like to think of myself as someone who typically tries to do the right thing by what Christ would recommend even if I fail a lot and must pray for forgiveness.

Well it turned out that getting married quickly to avoid sexual impurity was a bad idea. She doesn't like to do the things I do, she has a very bad temper and downright insults me often, wanting to have sex feels like I'm asking her for a million dollars sometimes, and she just has no consideration about how I feel about things such as how to raise a child it's always "this is what's going to happen".

And I'm no soft guy who can't be a man. I put my foot down quite often and just about every time it leads to insane arguments where she just becomes an empty shell that literally says nothing to me until he gets her way.

And again, I'm no saint I struggle every day as a Christian. But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life. I come from a family where my dad was a terrible father and I have always sought to be a great father and husband. And now it's like my wife is my dad.

My heart goes out to you, Brother, but whatever you do, don't get a divorce! I recommend the following short video that is radical, on the one hand, but makes a lot of sense on the other:

 

[MrsBrit]

Do you have children?

I don't believe that staying together for the sake of children is the right thing to do, I believe that's what you're suggesting.
I grew up in a home where there was no love between my parents and we were all miserable. Staying together for the sake of children is a huge mistake, I lived with it and vowed I would never put my children in that situation should it ever arise.

 

[MrsBrit]

Thank you I really appreciate this, because I literally have not been able to talk to anyone about this much. And I want you all to know I love my wife and will fight for until the very last minute. I just honestly don't know what to do....I'm on a message board getting great advice from people I don't even know. There are good reasons she is this way and I know about that prior to us getting married. But I thought we had committed to getting past these issues and it turns out we did not. So I'm just lost right now.....does God really want me to be in this situation?

I believe God will help you through this situation and in time and with prayer it will become clear to you what you need to do. You love your wife but love has to be returned and with that loves goes respect for the other person. I can understand how lost and heartbroken you must feel, you knew your wife had problems before you were married and yet none of us can visualize how our marriage is going to play out. We all start out thinking that if we love enough we can solve all problems but that is not always the case.

 

[MrsBrit]

My heart goes out to you, Brother, but whatever you do, don't get a divorce! I recommend the following short video that is radical, on the one hand, but makes a lot of sense on the other:

I have to disagree with you. Some marriages are not made in heaven and I don't believe God wants us to spend our lives in misery because we married the wrong person.
In my comment above I've explained about growing up in a family where my parents were miserable with each other and that meant the whole family was miserable. I have no happy memories of childhood only the constant stress and always walking on eggshells afraid to rock the boat always wondering what was going to happen next. No child deserves to have this for a family life

 

[MrsBrit]

Let me start off my saying thank you for any input and feel free to tell me as it is I'm not one to shy away from the truth. Here is my situation:

I'm a young male and I thought I was marrying for the right reasons. She was a strong Christian, smart, liked to do the things I do, and a good person. Me, I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but I would like to think of myself as someone who typically tries to do the right thing by what Christ would recommend even if I fail a lot and must pray for forgiveness.

Well it turned out that getting married quickly to avoid sexual impurity was a bad idea. She doesn't like to do the things I do, she has a very bad temper and downright insults me often, wanting to have sex feels like I'm asking her for a million dollars sometimes, and she just has no consideration about how I feel about things such as how to raise a child it's always "this is what's going to happen".

In short I'd say that no you're not a sinner for wanting a divorce. You're very unhappy, you're concerned about your future. I don't believe divorce is a sin but wasting your life because you feel it's your duty to stick by a woman who has a bad temper and insults you is not what marriage is about.

And I'm no soft guy who can't be a man. I put my foot down quite often and just about every time it leads to insane arguments where she just becomes an empty shell that literally says nothing to me until he gets her way.

And again, I'm no saint I struggle every day as a Christian. But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life. I come from a family where my dad was a terrible father and I have always sought to be a great father and husband. And now it's like my wife is my dad.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I would like to add a twist to this discussion as I dont have an answer to this question.

Many comments on here talk about being released from the marriage if the spouse commits adultery. What if there are other changes in the marriage. Say for example you married someone who was at the time a practicing Christian, but they then fell away.

For the sake of the arguement lets go to the extreme of saying they became a practicing satanist but without committing adultery, should you stay with them as you are married?

Then lets go a level down, what if they just go against the bible and its teaching without committing aduery, say having other gods before God, covetting, etc.

And then finally say they do not follow the biblical teaching to submit to your husbands?

The point being that should people stay in a wrong relationship whatever, and if not where do you draw the line?

 

[Bill Hamilton]

I have to disagree with you. Some marriages are not made in heaven and I don't believe God wants us to spend our lives in misery because we married the wrong person.
In my comment above I've explained about growing up in a family where my parents were miserable with each other and that meant the whole family was miserable. I have no happy memories of childhood only the constant stress and always walking on eggshells afraid to rock the boat always wondering what was going to happen next. No child deserves to have this for a family life

While hard on you, sometimes life is hard. That's life. And we cannot deny that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), right? I am of the view that God only "allows" divorce (but doesn't command it) and remarriage in the cases of marital infidelity and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Other colleagues take the position that a Christian is never authorized to divorce and, if he or she does, they must remain unmarried because they are married still to their former spouse in God's eyes. Either way, the situation described by the husband who initiated this thread and your parents' situation would not allow divorce, biblically, under either view.

It take two to fight. If one is seeking God and walking in fellowship with Him, I see unconditional love for the spouse who isn't coming to the forefront, as hard as it may be. And because of such a supernatural reaction, I see growth and conformity to the image of Christ resulting for that person. And that's a good thing. And who knows. Just like God's love for us wore us down to submission, couldn't we expect a spouse's unconditional love to have the same effect on their spouse and in their marriage?

 

[mnphysicist]

It take two to fight. If one is seeking God and walking in fellowship with Him, I see unconditional love for the spouse who isn't coming to the forefront, as hard as it may be. And because of such a supernatural reaction, I see growth and conformity to the image of Christ resulting for that person. And that's a good thing. And who knows. Just like God's love for us wore us down to submission, couldn't we expect a spouse's unconditional love to have the same effect on their spouse and in their marriage?

This can occur and its an awesome blessing when it does... but it can also swing the other way and damage or even destroy ones relationship with God. Usually this spins out of prolonged doormat mode and/or emotional/physical abuse, but not always. Such is where the wise council of others (pastor, marriage counselor etc) who can dig through things and hopefully find a bigger picture is key.

Doctrine has developed through the ages, but it is not all encompassing, there are exceptional circumstances. There are too many situations where rigorous adherence to selected scriptures rather than the entire canon has resulted in the spiritual and in some cases even physical death of a spouse and/or children.

 

[Bill Hamilton]

This can occur and its an awesome blessing when it does... but it can also swing the other way and damage or even destroy ones relationship with God. Usually this spins out of prolonged doormat mode and/or emotional/physical abuse, but not always. Such is where the wise council of others (pastor, marriage counselor etc) who can dig through things and hopefully find a bigger picture is key.

Doctrine has developed through the ages, but it is not all encompassing, there are exceptional circumstances. There are too many situations where rigorous adherence to selected scriptures rather than the entire canon has resulted in the spiritual and in some cases even physical death of a spouse and/or children.

"Spiritual death?" Maybe in your belief system, but I adhere to the perseverance of the saints. "Physical death?" Sure, that can happen - and physical separation is the only deterrent to get out of danger - but I don't see the person who started this forum topic complaining about this. It's safer to try to obey the clear meaning of specific verses and passages than to discard it for the more general ones that may or may not have anything specifically to say about a situation. For example, people make a HUGE deal out of not judging another based on Matt. 7:1, but they totally ignore the fact that only "hypocritical judging" is condemned in that verse. And to prove this point, verse 6 calls us to "judge" those we're considering evangelizing on whether they're "dogs" and/or "pigs!" In the case of marriage, divorce and remarriage, I see that Scripture is crystal clear.

 

[thesunisout]

And again, I'm no saint I struggle every day as a Christian. But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life. I come from a family where my dad was a terrible father and I have always sought to be a great father and husband. And now it's like my wife is my dad.

The only biblical ground for divorce is adultery. What I would say, first of all, is to be thankful to have a believing wife. Many believers find themselves in the situation of getting saved while married to an unbelieving wife. Or, making a bad choice and marrying an unbeliever outright. You are blessed to be married to someone who knows the Lord.

Being married to a strong willed woman is not easy. You will have many battles, but the battles are not figuring out who is right and who is wrong. The battle is against your own flesh. You will be fighting yourself as you struggle with ungodly feelings, grudges, resentments and arguments against your wife. You will be fighting against yourself reacting poorly to the attacks that come from her. You will struggle with your faith, questioning God when He has never done anything wrong, and in fact suffered for our wrongs.

This is the battle of every Christian in some form or another, but is magnified by having to be at close unity with another person. Walking with the Lord by yourself and walking with the Lord with your wife is completely different. You have responsibilities towards her, towards loving her and guiding her, discipling her and instructing her in the faith. You are to wash her in the word of God, and you are her closest example of what Jesus Christ is supposed to be like. It is no small thing God is telling you to do.

Even if your wife never submits to you, your responsibility toward her is not lessened. You are to love her as Christ loved the church, even if she doesn't submit to you. I have not yet mastered this brother, it is not easy. Do not measure how you behave though by how she is acting, measure how you behave by your relationship with Jesus Christ. Fear the Lord and depart from evil.

Without Jesus Christ helping you, your strength will fail, but if you involve the Lord, then you have great hope! Jesus Christ can heal your marriage and make it better than you ever dreamed, but He is looking for your obedience.

Psalm 128:1-3

1 Blessed is every one who fears the Lord,
Who walks in His ways.
2 When you eat the labor of your hands,
You shall be happy, and it shall be well with you.
3 Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine
In the very heart of your house,
Your children like olive plants
All around your table.

He can do this for you and every marriage where He finds the spiritual leader submitted to Him.

 

[Blade]

Solanus,

I am 55 been married since 1984. I could sit here and compare notes but.. mine was far worse. More then once a week often every day or MOST of this marriage. So if I say.. I truly from my heart understand..its a truth.

Let me share what I learned. We have two kids that where a mother bonds with the kids you know? I did. I became mother and father. Everything I did went they would and never with her. They saw it all from the start Telling them for so many years to go say good night to mom.. killed my heart. See I am not like others. I would think.. what if it was me .. so if I was her I would NEVER want to lose my kids and would never ever want someone to give up on me no matter how good or bad I was.

So this was not about kids. So I have said the words love forgive blah blah blah but just a few months ago as pffft.. she was not happen and saying things again that wow made the past look like yesterday. Saying awful things ..things your worst enemy would never say..no lie. I DONT KNOW WHY but after 30years in the middle of this fight.. like being surrounded with darkness.. I could see.. How to explain this.. man I am awful with words. Looking at her.. haha I really said right then.. this is it! This is what LOVE IS! In all that anger hate wrath what ever.... I could see past it and see her. I for the 1st time loved her just like she was. And if this is all she ever is.. I LOVE HER! Love is never thinking of ME. But her. For once I can truly understand a man beating up a guy so BAD.. looking down at him in all that blood and says.. why dont you stop? The man with tears pouring down his face said "I cant.. I loveyou" the man standing gave his life over to Jesus.

We say LOVE YOU and yet.. never really mean it. We say FORGIVE yet never really mean it. I got a TINY taste of what CHRIST did for each one of us. He truly LOVED US in all our sin. In all our hate for good for GOD.. He truly love us.

Wow there is so much here left out. Children or not matters not. The WORLD says.. if you have kids its harder but.. truth is.. in something like this most never think of the Children 1st. I am not like others. I have always treated my kids 1st..then us. This LOVE... not mine...oh I would LOVE to take all the credit but.. its from Him. If I had my way many years ago ..I would not be here posting now.

For me.. if I get nothing from this..but have to give everything and I still dont give all.. working..but this LOVE is for HER not what I can get ever from her. I didnt see this feel this know this till i was in my 50s'..thats whats sad and hurts. I again fall on my face and thank my GOD for helping keep us together. Never did any of this for ANY kind of reward. Hey.. my mom was married what 4-5 times..my older brother was 3 times I think. Its like a test but not...well most never keep going...to love when not being loved back. To give when its never given back. Oh we do at times in a fight now and then or for years..but..in the mist of the pain when its all black no way out...when fighting seems the only way.. you surrender.. you love back.. it was not thought or idea.. I FELT IT.. never had it..like being blind and then you see.. it was given. When you TRULY mean it..want it..no matter what ever happens to you.. HE WILL BE THERE!

At about 20's me and my wife fighting like every day.. were at her best friends house. That were missionaries. She said to us "love is never 50/50. Some times its 75/25 sometimes its 100/0". Lol..that makes me cry...now. I know what that means....now. Then it meant nothing. If YOU/WE turn to HIM in times of troubles .. HE WILL ALWAYS help. No matter how dark it gets.. you stand and then STAND in faith and HE WILL get you through! But... what do you want? Forgiveness? He will always do..

Again never ever did I stay to get some reward....but.. there is that. What it be.. I dont know..dont care. I always wanted this LOVE He has for people...to see the heart. My dear brother....I so know how you feel in every way. I am praying for you. It has not been a easy road for I have not made it easy for her. Sin is sin.. so I dont look at who is worse. I am no better

For me the worst pain is.. since I was a kid.. my dad.. pastors wife thatd when I got married she tell me "Mary must be a little angel to be married to you". See I lived with them for some times. Then lost track of them. Found them after 25years. Was not on the phone with them 3min when..again after 25years said "Mary must still be a little angel to be married to you". Wow..never new it could still hurt and cut so deep. Love her forgive her I do.. But like I said the worst part is.. I cant forget..I try so hard..cry so much.

This is just me.. sharing so much here that I NEVER EVER share with people. Easy ..no one knows me here. Not looking for anything. Just sharing with you the FACTS.

So my dear brother your not alone and there is ONE praying for you..now...if you asked .. I would always give JESUS ..run to JESUS in everything. ...ask HIM to see HER through HIS eyes. It wont be what you see.. but what HE sees. He took me past all the evil bad things right to her..her heart...as if the out side really didnt matter to Him...wow.. never seen any one else..not right to. ..maybe He just thought I needed to..I love HER..not for anything she can or will ever or never do. Not in this NOW for that. You dont have any problems..all you need is faith in GOD!..

Sorry I was all over the place.. I am no writer or speaker...this was my heart my life..I share with you my brother. Maybe it helps to know your not alone...oh you are SO not alone. He is with BOTH of you. If it was YOU how would YOU want to be treated? Want her to leave you or do everything it takes to help? We all have a choice. Sin? Just confess and move on...yet..there is always a price

Jesus said.. to love her like He loves the Church. The Church is every believer. No matter what it does.. He loves it. God.. Israel walks away.. sells her self to other gods. Many are standing in line for her. So GOD stands in line pays for her.. to get her back. In all that SIN.. He loved her..Israel is NOT walking with God now. Yet for HIS glory and HIS name sake HE put them back in there land.

JESUS IS REAL! Turn to HIM when you cant... and HE WILL SEE YOU THOUGH! Give you a love you never had.. a peace you never had.. and be it HER or YOU.. you will have a love for each other you never had. WHY? Because you put HIM 1st...you put the OTHER 1st! I know.. been there...much deeper but.. been there. I so wish I could just GIVE you this.. ask Him..

Thank you JESUS for hearing and helpings this brother and his wife..for your glory and praise alone. I thank you