I have kissed dating goodbye!

EazyMack said:

Scary. And she teaches the Gospel?

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Yes, several times a week as I understand it. I tested her very simply to figure out if I ever cared to see her and her now husband (The image to maintain) speak. Her answer told me all I ever needed to hear.

CCHIPSS said:

But once it becomes coveting, like when a man think day and night of a woman as nothing but a body, it is lust and adultery.

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Why adultery if neither is married? That's fornication.
The people Jesus talked to were married. It must have been about other women because lusting after your own wife is no sin.
What if you're gonna marry someone? In Song of Salomon what they said and thought was not evil and no adultery. He said something like I'm gonna climb that tree.

historyincognito said:

I feel my rules and what I want in a woman would be to hard on a. woman. One rule among many is no kissing until our engagement this is because I want to say pure. I have kissed dating goodbye and put the need for dating to bed.

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You could try a dating site like eharmony. It can match you by your beliefs and is easier than dating traditionally. That's how I met my fiance. Don't be discouraged. I was 42 before I met her.. sometimes God takes longer to get you that perfect match.

Messy said:

Why adultery if neither is married? That's fornication.
The people Jesus talked to were married. It must have been about other women because lusting after your own wife is no sin.
What if you're gonna marry someone? In Song of Salomon what they said and thought was not evil and no adultery. He said something like I'm gonna climb that tree.

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This is a good point. If we have to remember, if it's to be considered sin it must be an inherently unloving act. Jesus taught us to love God and our neighbor, which is how we show our love for God because if that's what we focus all we'd follow all commandments. Adultery, or even wanting a woman who is not your wife while you are married, is an unloving act. The idea that you can lust after someone you love is an oxymoron. I remember talking to one of my best friends a few years ago, him and his now wife had been dating for about a year at the time. He mentioned how he wanted to have sex with her, but since she wanted to wait, he loved her enough to wait. I think at that point, it's less about the physical pleasure of sex but more about the desire and love he has for her is something that naturally progresses out of being in an intimate relationship with someone else for that long. I think if he just wanted to have sex for the physical pleasure, he would have talked to her into it. If I say that any form of sexual attraction or desire to have sex without someone not currently your spouse is sinful, it doesn't matter whether or not he chose to wait, he already sinned anyway simply because he'd like to do it (pardon the pun). Jesus isn't saying the Sermon on the Mount "It's a sin to be angry, have sexual attraction, make an oath, etc." He's repeatedly "It's not just the act itself that is the problem, it's a heart issue." Jesus himself got angry.

QUOTE ="historyincognito, post: 68244708, member: 356641"]I have to say I am the 1700's old fashioned courting a girl type. I hold doors for open women and am very prim and proper around them. Yet, this very odd and uncommon in these days.[ QUOTE ]

I'm confused. So you don't kiss before marriage because you want to be old fashioned or because you view it as sinful? I don't quite understand the gist of what you're saying.

Messy said:

Another text says if you get angry don't sin.

Ephesians 4:26
26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath

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Ephesian 4:26 is the ideal. I mean if your friend caused you to drop your ice cream, of course you would forgive him before the sun goes down. It wasn't that big of a deal. However what if it was a BF/GF that cheated on you? Is it that easy to forgive that person before the sun goes down?

In Matthew 5:21-16 it talked about similar thing. It talked about how if you are angry at your brother, God can wait (the temple worship can wait). Go first to reconcile with your brother.

But it aren't that easy.

What it is asking here is a total control over all your emotions, because you have 100% faith in God.

Here is the ideal:

Oh my GF cheated on me? I will be angry, but I still love her and will forgive her by sun down. Why??? Well obviously she isn't meant to be my wife, and God is still God. So I won't need my ex-GF who cheated because I have God. My ex-GF who cheated isn't my world. God is my world.

But like it said it is nearly impossible for humans. Jesus can do it, that's why he is sinless. When humans get really angry, it is almost 100% chance that they will sin. It is a sin to not forgive that cheating BF/GF by sun down, because it is God's will that you forgive that person by sun down.

Heck if you do not forgive that cheating BF/GF on the spot instantly you probably (I am not 100% sure on this) already sinned, because as you guys guessed it is probably God's will that we forgive our cheating BF/GF on the spot. (Let's hope we never get one of these cheaters in our lives. ) We know this because Jesus always forgive on the spot, just like he did for that woman caught in the very act of adultery.

If we want to be like Jesus and be his followers, these are the kind of "crosses" that we have to carry and follow him.

Of course the same thing applies to the rest of Ephesians 4, that they are all ideals but almost impossible. Ephesians 4:29 for example say we should never speak any kind of corruption (discouraging), but only to build other people up (encouraging) to give grace to everyone. Well sometimes we speak corruption before we even realize it.

My point is for certain sins they happen so fast that we did it before we even know it. In other cases the temptation and sin happens so automatically, right afterwards, that we cannot stop it. But that is ok. That's why we all need Jesus. Of course we never stop trying our best each day.

CCHIPSS said:

But like it said it is nearly impossible for humans. Jesus can do it, that's why he is sinless. When humans get really angry, it is almost 100% chance that they will sin. It is a sin to not forgive that cheating BF/GF by sun down, because it is God's will that you forgive that person by sun down.

Heck if you do not forgive that cheating BF/GF on the spot instantly you probably (I am not 100% sure on this) already sinned, because as you guys guessed it is probably God's will that we forgive our cheating BF/GF on the spot. (Let's hope we never get one of these cheaters in our lives. ) We know this because Jesus always forgive on the spot, just like he did for that woman caught in the very act of adultery.

If we want to be like Jesus and be his followers, these are the kind of "crosses" that we have to carry and follow him.

Of course the same thing applies to the rest of Ephesians 4, that they are all ideals but almost impossible. Ephesians 4:29 for example say we should never speak any kind of corruption (discouraging), but only to build other people up (encouraging) to give grace to everyone. Well sometimes we speak corruption before we even realize it.

My point is for certain sins they happen so fast that we did it before we even know it. In other cases the temptation and sin happens so automatically, right afterwards, that we cannot stop it. But that is ok. That's why we all need Jesus. Of course we never stop trying our best each day.

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You are doing the exact opposite of with Jesus' words as what he was doing. Jesus' entire message, is that the letter of the law is not the point, and you seem to be simply just turning Jesus' words into the merely the letter of them. When you say "It is a sin to not forgive someone by sun down", sounds strangely familiar to what the Pharisees were doing in the first century. What if it's at night? Do I have by sunrise or by the time we go bed? Yoda was paraphrasing Jesus' words when he said "Anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering."

EazyMack said:

I'm a believer in no kissing before marriage. I would love for my marriage to have that story to it... that we saved all of the more "intimate affection" for marriage. First kiss at the alter would be awesome.

The practical reason behind the belief as that kissing is much too easy of a way to "start the fire." Even if you don't physically take it beyond that point (good luck with that), you've still started the process of fantasizing and temptation. Yeah, some might argue that such things can be there anyway, but, it's on a whole different level.

Now, a quick peck on the cheek or even the lips is probably harmless. It's when those lips aren't quite so tight that things can start going downhill. Y'all know what I'm talking about.

By the way, this is coming from a guy who has plenty of regrets to refer to when formulating such opinions.

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EazyMack said:

I'm a believer in no kissing before marriage. I would love for my marriage to have that story to it... that we saved all of the more "intimate affection" for marriage. First kiss at the alter would be awesome.

The practical reason behind the belief as that kissing is much too easy of a way to "start the fire." Even if you don't physically take it beyond that point (good luck with that), you've still started the process of fantasizing and temptation. Yeah, some might argue that such things can be there anyway, but, it's on a whole different level.

Now, a quick peck on the cheek or even the lips is probably harmless. It's when those lips aren't quite so tight that things can start going downhill. Y'all know what I'm talking about.

By the way, this is coming from a guy who has plenty of regrets to refer to when formulating such opinions.

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I like what you said.im a muslim.its not uncommon in muslims to marry without being intimate at first and it works out well.for me, its becoming difficult to find someone who shares these views.muslims are also catching up on dating and do everything ideas.
I hope i meet a religious guy who respects islamic boundaries.

historyincognito said:

And besides all the good Christian girls in my life are already taken.

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So are the practicing muslims in my life :/

Mona Bilal said:

I like what you said.im a muslim.its not uncommon in muslims to marry without being intimate at first and it works out well.for me, its becoming difficult to find someone who shares these views.muslims are also catching up on dating and do everything ideas.
I hope i meet a religious guy who respects islamic boundaries.

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Mona Bilal said:

So are the practicing muslims in my life :/

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Your profile says married...I'm a bit confused.

TX_Matt said:

You are doing the exact opposite of with Jesus' words as what he was doing. Jesus' entire message, is that the letter of the law is not the point, and you seem to be simply just turning Jesus' words into the merely the letter of them. When you say "It is a sin to not forgive someone by sun down", sounds strangely familiar to what the Pharisees were doing in the first century. What if it's at night? Do I have by sunrise or by the time we go bed? Yoda was paraphrasing Jesus' words when he said "Anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering."

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Matt that's actually exactly what I meant. I didn't wrote that to condemn anyone. I actually agree 100% that the law is not the point, because the law is insane. My point is that no one can even come close to being perfect.

Perfect is forgiving on the spot immediately your cheating GF/BF.
Perfect is forgiving on the spot immediately that scammer who cheated all your savings away.
Perfect is forgiving on the spot immediately that murderer who killed your child.

But no one other than Jesus is perfect. But yet thank God we do not have to be perfect! Jesus became perfect on our behalf and died for all of our sins, so we are all forgiven and freed from the shackles of laws and sins.

Once again it is exactly because we are not perfect we need Jesus every single day. We did fail and will continue fail. But God loves us no matter what.

However I am also pointing out that we must call a sin a sin. We must not tune down any part of the law. If God said it is a sin if we didn't forgive on the spot immediately, it is a sin. Once again this is insane and no one other than Jesus can actually do it. But we must hold onto the truth. Only then would we realize just how far away we are from perfection, and how great God's grace is for us.

The truth of the law goes insanely impossible. But God's grace and love also goes deeper than we can ever imagine. If we always keep this in mind we will never be self-righteous like the pharisees, because we will always remember just how far we have all fallen. Does this make sense?

Of course that doesn't mean we shouldn't try our best. We are not perfect and the world is not perfect. But we do what we can and love everyone we meet.

historyincognito said:

I have to say I am the 1700's old fashioned courting a girl type. I hold doors for open women and am very prim and proper around them. Yet, this very odd and uncommon in these days.

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Greetings historyincognito,

Yes, and isn't it such a shame that these dating rules have disappeared. I commend you for being this type of man.

CCHIPSS said:

Matt that's actually exactly what I meant. I didn't wrote that to condemn anyone. I actually agree 100% that the law is not the point, because the law is insane. My point is that no one can even come close to being perfect.

Perfect is forgiving on the spot immediately your cheating GF/BF.
Perfect is forgiving on the spot immediately that scammer who cheated all your savings away.
Perfect is forgiving on the spot immediately that murderer who killed your child.

But no one other than Jesus is perfect. But yet thank God we do not have to be perfect! Jesus became perfect on our behalf and died for all of our sins, so we are all forgiven and freed from the shackles of laws and sins.

Once again it is exactly because we are not perfect we need Jesus every single day. We did fail and will continue fail. But God loves us no matter what.

However I am also pointing out that we must call a sin a sin. We must not tune down any part of the law. If God said it is a sin if we didn't forgive on the spot immediately, it is a sin. Once again this is insane and no one other than Jesus can actually do it. But we must hold onto the truth. Only then would we realize just how far away we are from perfection, and how great God's grace is for us.

The truth of the law goes insanely impossible. But God's grace and love also goes deeper than we can ever imagine. If we always keep this in mind we will never be self-righteous like the pharisees, because we will always remember just how far we have all fallen. Does this make sense?

Of course that doesn't mean we shouldn't try our best. We are not perfect and the world is not perfect. But we do what we can and love everyone we meet.

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I guess I was misunderstanding what you were saying, it sounded like you were essentially created a new law.

KandiJo said:

1. Kissing can be a huge temptation. It's intimate, physical, and puts you within a good range to get on to more.

2. Like I said, it develops you more to build a bond that isn't based on physical. The physical won't always be there. You'll be sick, stuff happens, kids happen, and what happens to relationships built on physical that suddenly don't have the physical aspect? They crumble.

3. It has more meaning. A kiss to someone who waits until marriage has way more meaning to them then people who kiss a lot.

4. I honestly think it is more respectful. I know that sounds completely weird, but you are preserving them until marriage and that is a huge sign of respect to me.



Anyways, honestly, I don't believe in dating anymore. Casual dating and such at the very least. My next relationship I want to last for the rest of my life, based on a great bond and respect and love for each other.

I am not trying to make you guys into people who will wait to kiss. I know it doesn't suit everyone, it is just something I personally believe in.

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Isnt waiting until marriage to kiss less meaningful? I mean, isnt it more special to kiss somebody in an everyday situation when its you together than to do it in front of a whole group of people where its a public spectacle and serious event and everybody watches it?

CCHIPSS said:

Satan cannot do jack unless God allowed him to. We can see that in Job.

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There is an interesting tension between God's choice to allow the prince of this world to hold sway and His choice to provide mercy to those He foreknows. Take a look at Jesus' prescription for prayer "...Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven...". That is a pretty loaded request that Jesus says we should be making.

Let's not hijack this thread, but it is fascinating. Go easy on Skywriting. The bounds of satan's prince-hood are not clearly fleshed out in scripture.

It's hard to believe that people would still take the advice of someone as spiritually toxic as Joshua Harris. Best regards, OP.

historyincognito said:

I have to say I am the 1700's old fashioned courting a girl type. I hold doors for open women and am very prim and proper around them. Yet, this very odd and uncommon in these days.

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I so agree with this. As a women it's very hard to find men who still believe in old fashioned values from times past. I've always said I was born in the wrong era. Though so many women no longer want the chivalry from men, hence, men quit being chivalrous to us.

Superhero Sam said:

Isnt waiting until marriage to kiss less meaningful? I mean, isnt it more special to kiss somebody in an everyday situation when its you together than to do it in front of a whole group of people where its a public spectacle and serious event and everybody watches it?

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No, because the longer you wait the more meaningful something is. If we just started kissing everyone all the time, a kiss would have no meaning. We would just see it as something we do. Compared to people who waited to kiss, and only kiss certain people, then kisses have more of a meaning.

Like someone posted before. They kiss everyone in their family, so they see no point in waiting to kiss. As I am me... I grew up with not giving out kisses. I would never kiss on the first date because to me it means more than that. Sure I have kissed guys in the past after a while and those meant more to me because it was something I waited to do until we where more bonded and such.

So for someone who never kissed anyone before... A kiss would mean a lot to them. They wouldn't just kiss the next person.

Anyways, I hope that makes sense.

Its like hugging. To someone who never hugs, a hug means more to them, because they never do it. So they wouldn't just hug someone they met. Compared to someone who grew up around people who hugged all the time. They would be more prone to trying to hug a person than a person who didn't hug.

Mona Bilal said:

So are the practicing muslims in my life :/

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Well if you're married, I can't in good conscience recommend looking for a spouse. If you aren't married, where in life are you that it's difficult to find good practicing Muslims? I'm in the US and find there are definitely single Muslim men, not as many as Christians but still a good number.