My parents went straight into dating...they met as a cold encounter and casual conversation on the beach, the rest was dating from there.
We're in a different era that's heavily impacted by technology. I mentioned this yesterday in a reply but the thread was closed. But the post was good and I saved it. I'll put it below. It addresses your comment and touches on the OP too.
..........
There are realities about our culture that differentiate us from former times and we're ignoring the consequences.
Three generations have been deeply influenced by technology: Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z. These same generations are the most impacted by the Internet. They reside in a society who spends significant time interacting with people they've never met, will never meet, or who live outside of their area.
That's immensely limiting and has a profound effect on relationships. It's altered the concept of connections and minimized the benefit of neighborliness. Because of their exposure they're the most likely consumers of social media and its most active participants. Which introduced a level of ostracization that didn't exist before its arrival.
When words were prominent everyone could participate. You were judged on your contribution not your person. But when social media came to the fore it was more selective. The collective was handpicked and exposure was refined. You weren't put in the company of someone you didn't want to be around. Unlike a setting like this where you have no choice.
Social media became the first iteration of exclusion under the guise of friendship. As we progressed in our selections we became enamored with images and status updates. We expressed our approval through likes and comments and the waters were stirred.
That's when the first inklings reared their head. Nobody likes me. No one wants to be my friend. No one likes my posts. And if others around you have different experiences you feel bad and left out. As it grew in popularity the circles narrowed. Now we have high school 2.0 and everyone wants to be cool.
What began with Facebook exploded with Instagram. Now it's show and tell. We don't have to talk. A picture is worth a 1,000 words and instant credibility. You can tell a person you're doing something but when you back it up with a photo it speaks volumes. We went from high school to lifestyles of the rich and famous.
I'll show who am, what I do, where I go, what I like, what I have and who I'm with. Don't you want to be me?
It's the age of the beautiful ones. Where enough was no longer enough. You had to be more and more was lauded and compensated. A gathering of aesthetes and super dupers and aspiration is the thing. If you're not living it you want to be it and that's all that matters. Plastic surgery exploded, cliques were born according to interests and the gap grew wider and wider.
After a while you realize you can't do the same. You don't have the materials or resources. You can't be like them. So you celebrate your life, faith, etc. and everything gets co-opted and becomes a trend and the majority is unrelatable. This was the greatest onset of depression and isolation. Many felt they didn't fit in and no one included them.
YouTube was the final step. What began with images morphed into visual displays in a longer form. Now you can visit me at home, spend the day with me, hangout in the kitchen and garden, workout with me and so on. The unreality has reached its summit and the years of exposure have taken a toll.
We don't see ourselves or one another the way we used to before the Internet. If you didn't have a strong constitution and self-esteem before you arrived it would chip away little by little. Even if you did you weren't unscathed. If you were the fortunate few: the cool kids, aesthetes and influencers others longed to emulate; you have your own problems.
There's nothing worse than discovering the world is your oyster and you don't know God. There's nothing worse than being privileged when you don't walk with Him. You don't understand the gravity of your circumstances on others who can't say the same. You don't grasp the inequity of your specialness and how frequently you're rewarded for qualities they lack.
This is the world we live in. I'm not surprised by expressions of envy or insecurity. I'm not suprised people feel alone or unloved. I'm not surprised they're friendless. I'm not surprised they're angry or exasperated. Because I was there. I've seen it firsthand.
We're more divided now than we've ever been before and that includes the church. We're like little fragments. Pockets of this one and that one but we all love Jesus and it's a mess. As the world fractures we're going to need greater displays of charity. It has never been easier to separate than it is today.
..........
This is the primary reason people are struggling to find companions. When the Internet did not exist it wasn't as hard. You'd think it'd be easier and perhaps it was for a time. But once social media arrived everything changed. We see differently now. We don't see the person before us. We see ideals.
That's why you're having similar experiences to unbelievers. We're looking at the same things and it affects us. You're having this discussion in polite company. Which means you'll get the sanitized version of what a person's seeking. But if the site prioritized relating equally to discourse and had searchable profiles you'd see the difference. You'd see the things I mentioned and how we influence one another.
You're trying to find a companion in a culture that's increasingly class-based and shallow. You're going to struggle because there's little incentive to behave differently. When you're watching people do things that get rewarded, noticed and compensated it's hard to ignore.
Ordinary is no longer valued. You can't be a guy who goes to work and tries to live decently. That's not enough. You've got to make it splashier. So you hit the gym, go for a hike, have a weekend getaway, and hangout with friends at a bbq. You have to be a living highlight reel. That's the new normal.
The Internet is shaping their identity that's why they're looking for lifestyles not persons. The question I posted on hashtags is devised to expose those influences.
If you were asked to describe yourself in five hashtags what would you say? Write them down then look them up and ask yourself a question. Is that the way I am or how I want to be seen? And if it's the latter ask yourself what needs to change and do it.
It's a catch-22. You're naturally inclined to put on your best face. Understanding how you wish to be seen helps you reconcile the same with others.
I understand the draw of desiring what your parents had. But they didn't live in these conditions. Even the people who are trying to go back to earlier times face similar challenges. God placed us in this period which means we have the ability to weather it.
If I was in your shoes I'd take up farming and become a homesteader. It's the only thing I've seen that comes closest to normal without the scrutiny and expectations. You don't have to be handsome, earn a lot of money, be buff, no kids is fine, don't have to dress up, etc. There's a heavy Christian population, a lot women are attracted to the lifestyle, and gardening is beneficial.
The culture attracts ordinary people. You have your outliers of course. But the majority have traditional values. The lifestyle requires a measure of simplicity. The qualities most appealing are stable, hardworking and dependable. They're not after a highlight reel. That's the closest you'll get to your parents.
~bella
