I know there have probably been many forums on this topic but I'm going to ask anyway. My boyfriend and I are in our twenties and have been together a year. Our faith is exremely important to us and we are waiting til marriage for any type of sexual relationship. My air conditioning broke the other night and it was 92 degrees in my home. It was too hot for me to sleep there so I crashed on his couch downstairs. He has a roommate who lives in the downstairs bedroom and he stays upstairs. All I did was sleep and I never saw him the whole night too he came downstairs fully dressed and so was I. Nothing happened. I left for work and that was it. Nothing like that has happened before. I just didn't want to stay in my home when it was so hot. However, my mother says that's wrong. I think that's just one opinion but she says its wrong no matter the circumstance. Can anyone else shed some light on this? Thank you!
Staying the night at my boyfriends house
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Mudinyeri
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General Politics? You might want to move this to a different forum. In this forum, you're likely to get answers blaming Trump or Clinton. 
I'll answer your question, with a question (that doesn't mention Trump, Clinton or any other political figure). Did you do anything wrong? Your answer to that question will shed all the light you need.
I'll answer your question, with a question (that doesn't mention Trump, Clinton or any other political figure). Did you do anything wrong? Your answer to that question will shed all the light you need.
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- Mar 23, 2004
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General Politics? You might want to move this to a different forum. In this forum, you're likely to get answers blaming Trump or Clinton.
I'll answer your question, with a question (that doesn't mention Trump, Clinton or any other political figure). Did you do anything wrong? Your answer to that question will shed all the light you need.
LOL!
You are very diplomatic sir.
Great response.
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faroukfarouk
Fading curmudgeon
Hi there; good to see you on the forums.
The best thing you and your BF can do regularly is to read the Bible together and pray; maybe you guys already do this.
Re. what your mother said, I think she probably wants to avoid the possibility of your BF having (up to now unknown) zipper trouble in the middle of the night, or else the impression that something of this nature could possibly occur. Even if it's devoid of reality. I'm sure at some level she sympathizes with the issue of the great heat and the faulty a/c; I guess also the other aspect motivates her more.
God bless your marriage!
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Sketcher
Born Imperishable
What took place wasn't wrong, but making a habit of it can be potentially dangerous. I've been on co-ed trips where the same living space was shared, and nothing happened, but a long term arrangement (or a long term habit) is where the potential for temptation lies.
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Kit Sigmon
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Christiangirl1991: How would your mom know you spent the night in the home of your boyfriend and his roommate because your a/c broke?
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Goodbook
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Is you air con fixed now?
You mum is just concerned for you thats all. When you in your twenties, theres all sorts of temptations, not just your bf but other boys as well. Sleeping over or staying the night at someone elses house is not ideal, because you could be taken advantage of.
Many parents wont let their children go to sleepovers not because of the other children but because they may not trust the other people in that family.
You mum is just concerned for you thats all. When you in your twenties, theres all sorts of temptations, not just your bf but other boys as well. Sleeping over or staying the night at someone elses house is not ideal, because you could be taken advantage of.
Many parents wont let their children go to sleepovers not because of the other children but because they may not trust the other people in that family.
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Even so, you will always be your mothers daughter and she will continue being your mother and caring about you. That won't change even when you get older. It doesn't matter about finances its the mother daughter bond.
In her case, maybe she is warning you from an experience SHE had.
Even Jesus own mother tried telling him what to do when he was 30..and she was looked after by John when Jesus had to go away because she was still his mother.
In her case, maybe she is warning you from an experience SHE had.
Even Jesus own mother tried telling him what to do when he was 30..and she was looked after by John when Jesus had to go away because she was still his mother.
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- Mar 2, 2016
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Hi Christiangirl,
I was going to respond to your other thread until I saw that it was almost 4 months old, lol. If you want my thoughts after seeing what I write here, just let me know (post there and/or PM me).
Please recognize that for the rest of their lives, what your parents think and feel about you is going to impact you in a nontrivial way. Its significance is such that it is the sort of thing that can contribute to a happy life or contribute to an unhappy life. In all the Bible, God never talked about ceasing to be accountable to one's parents. From God's point of view, you will be best off in the long run by doing what they insist for you (even when they may be wrong about something). It is God who will reward you for obedience to your parents. God granted them some of his authority over you so that they could love and protect you. If you don't do what they tell you, you are rejecting that loving protection, which ultimately God is overseeing.
Obey your parents, then ask God to make it easier or to help you. No matter what happens between parents and children, one should continue to honor their father and mother (if only in their hearts when face-to-face ceases to be an option). God's command to do so even comes with a promise of long life to those that do so—which various things can interfere with, but it does reveal God's attitude about it.
It seems that you want to prove trustworthy to your parents. The way you do that is by doing what they say without argument. You can discuss it, but should be quick to accept their considered final decision. If doing what they want is a problem, ask God to change it and/or help you with it. In many situations he is rather likely to answer your prayer if you have it in your heart to obey your parents. This actually should be the pattern of behavior for all children toward their parents, however it is not really how most of us are programmed, and that can make it nearly impossible for us, along with the fact that parents are sometimes ignorant of what is best, selfish, or just unwise.
Having said all that, another important consideration is what your relationship with them is like. Your relationship with them may basically give you permission to resist what they would like for you (but not what they insist on).
Literally speaking, there are situations where it is not wrong for you to say overnight at his house, such as if you passed out from the heat, couldn't afford an ambulance ride, and fell asleep right there and didn't wake up til the next morning. It is a contrived scenario, but I'm just saying "never say never."
However that is beside the point. If you didn't really know how strong your mom's feelings were about saying over night, then whether you sinned or not is what your heart tells you. If you thought God considered it wrong and did it anyway, you sinned, otherwise you probably did not (such as if you weren't sure).
Now that it is something in the past, what should your future behavior be? What I said above applies, but even if your mom didn't care, there are reasons not to participate in risky (or risque) behavior before being married. God wants us to behave wisely, because even when sinning is not directly involved, being unwise will take us in the direction of sinning becoming easier. As with all relationships where two people are attracted to each other, care must be taken that certain facets of the relationship do not deepen or mature more quickly than others. The obvious example is things that involve sexiness that will make it harder to resist premarital sex. It either of you already find it hard to resist, then you have been handling some things in a less than an ideal way. It could even be things as indirect (and somewhat unavoidable) as watching certain TV shows or seeing certain PG-13 movies.
Another example is that sometimes it is a bad idea to have a habit of praying for each other out loud to God—when it comes to praying intimate or loving things. It can create deeper intimacy before one or both of you are ready for that in a more holistic way. (It is something good to do every day with one's spouse.)
Behaving with Godly wisdom now will turn out to be valuable in other, non-obvious ways as well. In what ways do you trust your boyfriend? If he is trying to keep from making his boss angry so he gets a promotion rather than being fired, what is he going to do when the boss asks him out to lunch, and then when arriving, discovers it is lunch at a strip joint? Odds are you wouldn't find out the answer to that unless it happens (or he plans in advance what he would do, even though it would cost him his job), but giving your relationship the time your parents think it needs gives you more time and opportunity to know him better.
Once you marry you will be stuck with him for the next 50 years and both of you are going to change in many ways over time. Romantically speaking, you may know him well enough already, but in a marriage, the pressures of life will start to affect your relationship. Consider some conflict that has been easy to manage now. How would you handle the same conflict after life had been become more and more difficult and painful due to various bad life events and has drained you of your strength to fight? What will he be like when you are ill and in pain so that it causes pain in him? Will he focus on his job more and you less to avoid the pain that is keeping him from doing his work the way he wants? This is exactly the sort of thing your parents can help you understand if they know him well enough. (They know you well enough.)
I have rambled on longer than I would prefer. I definitely better stop now, ahem.
I was going to respond to your other thread until I saw that it was almost 4 months old, lol. If you want my thoughts after seeing what I write here, just let me know (post there and/or PM me).
Please recognize that for the rest of their lives, what your parents think and feel about you is going to impact you in a nontrivial way. Its significance is such that it is the sort of thing that can contribute to a happy life or contribute to an unhappy life. In all the Bible, God never talked about ceasing to be accountable to one's parents. From God's point of view, you will be best off in the long run by doing what they insist for you (even when they may be wrong about something). It is God who will reward you for obedience to your parents. God granted them some of his authority over you so that they could love and protect you. If you don't do what they tell you, you are rejecting that loving protection, which ultimately God is overseeing.
Obey your parents, then ask God to make it easier or to help you. No matter what happens between parents and children, one should continue to honor their father and mother (if only in their hearts when face-to-face ceases to be an option). God's command to do so even comes with a promise of long life to those that do so—which various things can interfere with, but it does reveal God's attitude about it.
It seems that you want to prove trustworthy to your parents. The way you do that is by doing what they say without argument. You can discuss it, but should be quick to accept their considered final decision. If doing what they want is a problem, ask God to change it and/or help you with it. In many situations he is rather likely to answer your prayer if you have it in your heart to obey your parents. This actually should be the pattern of behavior for all children toward their parents, however it is not really how most of us are programmed, and that can make it nearly impossible for us, along with the fact that parents are sometimes ignorant of what is best, selfish, or just unwise.
Having said all that, another important consideration is what your relationship with them is like. Your relationship with them may basically give you permission to resist what they would like for you (but not what they insist on).
Literally speaking, there are situations where it is not wrong for you to say overnight at his house, such as if you passed out from the heat, couldn't afford an ambulance ride, and fell asleep right there and didn't wake up til the next morning. It is a contrived scenario, but I'm just saying "never say never."
However that is beside the point. If you didn't really know how strong your mom's feelings were about saying over night, then whether you sinned or not is what your heart tells you. If you thought God considered it wrong and did it anyway, you sinned, otherwise you probably did not (such as if you weren't sure).
Now that it is something in the past, what should your future behavior be? What I said above applies, but even if your mom didn't care, there are reasons not to participate in risky (or risque) behavior before being married. God wants us to behave wisely, because even when sinning is not directly involved, being unwise will take us in the direction of sinning becoming easier. As with all relationships where two people are attracted to each other, care must be taken that certain facets of the relationship do not deepen or mature more quickly than others. The obvious example is things that involve sexiness that will make it harder to resist premarital sex. It either of you already find it hard to resist, then you have been handling some things in a less than an ideal way. It could even be things as indirect (and somewhat unavoidable) as watching certain TV shows or seeing certain PG-13 movies.
Another example is that sometimes it is a bad idea to have a habit of praying for each other out loud to God—when it comes to praying intimate or loving things. It can create deeper intimacy before one or both of you are ready for that in a more holistic way. (It is something good to do every day with one's spouse.)
Behaving with Godly wisdom now will turn out to be valuable in other, non-obvious ways as well. In what ways do you trust your boyfriend? If he is trying to keep from making his boss angry so he gets a promotion rather than being fired, what is he going to do when the boss asks him out to lunch, and then when arriving, discovers it is lunch at a strip joint? Odds are you wouldn't find out the answer to that unless it happens (or he plans in advance what he would do, even though it would cost him his job), but giving your relationship the time your parents think it needs gives you more time and opportunity to know him better.
Once you marry you will be stuck with him for the next 50 years and both of you are going to change in many ways over time. Romantically speaking, you may know him well enough already, but in a marriage, the pressures of life will start to affect your relationship. Consider some conflict that has been easy to manage now. How would you handle the same conflict after life had been become more and more difficult and painful due to various bad life events and has drained you of your strength to fight? What will he be like when you are ill and in pain so that it causes pain in him? Will he focus on his job more and you less to avoid the pain that is keeping him from doing his work the way he wants? This is exactly the sort of thing your parents can help you understand if they know him well enough. (They know you well enough.)
I have rambled on longer than I would prefer. I definitely better stop now, ahem.
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Soyeong
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I think a boyfriend and a girlfriend can live together without doing anything wrong in itself, however, it certainly gives the appearance of doing something wrong, which can be something that is better to avoid. As Christians, we should endeavor to be above reproach and the appearance of evil. For example, I know of a male Christian counselor, who only counsels other women if there is at least one other person in the room, not because something would happen, but because of appearances and being beyond reproach. Furthermore, if he did get accused of behaving inappropriately, then he would have a witness in his defense.
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Cernunnos
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You're cool (lol, sleeping in AC) . . . but seriously, no worries. Certainly nothing to lose sleep over. . . lol. Really, seriously, I wouldn't fret.
If you (as a couple) are going to break your chastity agreement, it is going to happen. If you are going to keep it, you'll be successful. There is nothing magical about overnight that makes fornication more likely than daylight. Keep holding on to the high ground and hold your head high, you are doing it right!
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Razare
God gave me a throne
It's wrong because you allowed a circumstance like the temperature to cause you to cave in on your principles. That's why it's wrong.
Some people in the world who are Christians even, maybe they just don't know any better. If they don't know, and their faith his wholesome in Christ, then it might not be a sin.
That you knew you shouldn't, and had a principle in place where you should not, but then allowed circumstance override the principle is where you failed. Is the principle that you believe a sound one, where you do not sleep over at your boyfriend's place?
If it is a sound principle you believe, then you should follow it, even if it costs something. I would agree it's a sound principle... but I was lost most of my life and never learned to live that well. So this sort of thinking is new to me, but I see wisdom in it.
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Mudinyeri
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What principle did she "cave in on" exactly?
She was in the same house as her boyfriend. It happened to be night time. She slept in another room. I don't see where she mentioned any principles that might be in conflict with these things.
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Razare
God gave me a throne
The one she had, where she knew she did not ever intend on staying at her boyfriend's house.
I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but there is our conscience. If we violate our conscience on right and wrong, this is bad.
This part of her posts to me sounds like she is trying to explain herself:
If what she did was of faith (the requirement to avoid sin in scripture) she wouldn't have bothered asking us. Also, when her mother brought it up she would have shrugged it off if she knew she was correct.
So when people go through a detailed explanation of how they "didn't mess up", it's usually a guilty conscience where they tiptoed near a line they already believed they should not have come near.
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Cernunnos
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It seems to me, that if others are sinning by examining actions in hindsight and seeking advice, then only self righteous Christians who are SURE they aren't sinning can meet your litmus test Razare. .. . and that isn't a test of holiness that is encouraged by Scripture. Actually, Jesus had harsh words for it. Jesus did say in Mark 10:14, Luke 18:16, and Matthew 19:14, that the Kingdom of God belongs to little children. . . what do children do? They seek to learn, they seek advice, what you see as excuse or self justification, I see as an attempt to clarify the question precisely so, she can get an answer to the true issue vs. condemnation over "the appearance of evil" or "guilty conscience". The girl didn't sin, she is fine. How about we wait until after she sins to throw her into a confessional or burn her at the stake, eh?
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