Your views on your singleness -- your parents...

[DaNorthernLight]

I know this sounds a little farfetched, but I've been thinking about it alot lately.

How has your parent's marriage affected your thinking of what you want or don't want in a marriage situation?

My parents had a lousy-to-good marriage. My father was emotionally abusive (especially before I was born), and my mother was a strong woman who almost took the lead-role in the family on multiple occasions when my father's spineless exploits were but under submission. That sounds very, well, self-contradictory but you had to have experienced it for yourself. My father also made a terrible mistake a few years ago with gambling... stock market kind... that did alot of damage to his marriage and my parents almost divorced on numerous times.

I took an especially sour opinion of marriage thanks to my parents, and other situations that I chose to focus on from the people around me. My hatred of marriage caused other sin problems to surface in me that I regret (and stuggle) to this day - all because I wasn't trusting God, and was smearing his institution.

Lately, I've been seeing another face of marriage that isn't so mutated and warped. Granted, I've seen it before in isolation, but my parents have even changed.

Now I really don't know what to think. As some have seen, I'm quite excited about the prospect of marriage simply because I cling to too many ideals and dreams when I think about it. I go from being pessimistic about it, to being realistic, to being dreamy, to being pessimistic again. No balance: my soul is like a sea tide. I won't blame my parents, but I do believe I've gathered much of my intelligence from them.

What do you see your parent's marriage like, and how has it effected your single-mindset?

 

[fishstix]

None of the above.

My parents have a pretty good marriage - not perfect, but pretty good. For myself though, I'm quite happy with being single for the forseeable future.

One thing though, my parents were both over 30 when they got married. So were many of my relatives, in fact some were over 40. And some stayed single for life. So I really don't have a problem with people getting married for the first time at an older age, nor do I have a problem with people staying single for life. Since most of my relatives have a similar attitude, it means that there isn't really any pressure on me to have to be married by the time I am X years old or even to be married at all.

 

[Evie1980]

My parents marriage was filled with love though at times like all relationships it has seen some very sad moments. I guess I try to have a realistic idea of marriage though my dad did laugh at me one time cause I was complaining about not being married and he reminded marriage doesn't make some one happy and the grass is not always greener. I stopped and took note and realised that I do have a wonderful life that the Lord has given me. Marriage is a blessing but He gives me lots of those anyway so shouldn't complain. So yeah when (Lord willing) I marry I will remember that the Lord guides everything in my life and becsause i am so blessed, that can also be said as true about my parents marriage. God bless, Evie

 

[BrownCoat]

My parents had a good marriage, but I'm happy being single. It's probably because of what happens with my sister.

 

[MN John]

I didn't see my parent's marriage since my dad died when I was 3.

 

[ChasingADream]

I have faith that my marriage will be better because I know what I don't want and what doesn't work.

 

[RollTideRyan]

My parents had a good marraige, although there were some rough parts. I'd like to be like them, only better .

 

[Niels]

My parents have a good marriage, but our personalities and perspective are different (for those familiar with the MBTI: they're both SJ, and I'm NT/NF). I believe they set a positive example of what marriage can be, but if I were to strictly emulate everything that they do, I'd likely wind up feeling stifled and misunderstood.

 

[septemberskies]

The best fitted answered was the first one. However the truth is they have a great marriage and yes i would take from their example, however their are definitely some things i wouldn't do or allow in my marriage like they did. Overall I did learn alot of positives.

 

[DaNorthernLight]

Thanks for everyone's participation. It's postitive influence to see how other Christians are faring with this concept.

 

[Ambular]

My parents' marriage was/is okay. There are a lot of good things about it and a lot of bad things about it. My dad has a really bad temper and suffers from depression, so it's very hard to get along with him a lot of the time, but my parents have made it work (for 26 years now ). I hope to be like them in the sense that they are really active. They are always going on hikes and camping trips, etc. They do know how to have a good time. I hope I can share that with my future husband someday.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

I picked the first option, but I would change it to this: My parents have a good marriage... I will love my spouse by their example and beyond.

In fact, this week they celebrate 33 years of marriage

DIANE

 

[Moluku]

My parents divorced when I was little. I have my fears seeing how my dad treated my mom, but I know I am not my parents. My mom is such an amazing woman and she has brought me up in knowing the Lord since I was a wee little one. And it is her constant reminding of finding a Godly man to build a relationship and marriage with.

 

[Ave Maria]

My parents had a sad marriage but I'm not them.

 

[esseJ]

MY parents marriage still rocks!
Both my brothers have awesome marriages...I guess good marriages run in my family...so I have no doubt that when the times comes I'll do good as a hubby...

8)

 

[FlatpickingJD]

My parents had a bad marriage. But like other posters above me said, that's them and not me. My father was a philanderer and my mother finally booted him out. My view on marriage is affected by this, it can't help but be affected by it. It affects me by showing me how not to treat the women in my life. It affects me in that I take all commitments seriously. Basically, my parent's marriage affected me in that I am seeking someone who also honors her commitments to others.

 

[mwb]

My parents were divorced when I was 10. My mom remarried & has had a strong marriage for 25 years. It took me a long time to sort out what happened with my parents; even into my early 30's. The first part was dealing with the aftermath; the second part was thinking when times got rough I would bail out like my dad.

Since my early 30's, I've finally developed my own set of principles & feel I am ready to be a strong partner.

 

[strengthinweakness]

My parents had a sad marriage, and I will be the opposite. My parents did love each other, but neither of them was a serious Christian, and due to their spiritual and emotional immaturity, and other factors too, they had a very up-and-down marriage. My mother died when I was nine. If I do marry, it will be to a committed, serious Christian woman, and we will have two rules-- 1. Don't fight-- at least not at length, and not loudly-- in front of our children, and 2. Never even bring up the subject of divorce. It won't be an option for either one of us, because we will want our marriage to be a picture of Christ and His church. The Bridegroom does not divorce His bride, and I will not consider it an option to divorce my wife. If she committed repeated adultery, that might be the one exception... but hopefully, a truly serious Christian woman would not do that to me, or even more importantly, to God.

 

[stormgade4]

The poll was hard for me to quantify. My father died when I was 11. He was the greatest. He wasn't a spiritual leader (nor really was my mother) but great other wise. My stepfather hated me with extreme prejudice so it's not hard to compare.

 

[intricatic]

I can't vote on either because I'm neither rebellious, nor conformist towards my parents marriage, or lack thereof. I did learn quite a bit from it, though.