YOUR thoughts

[Hosannainthehighest]

My Dad is turning 60 next Friday. He is an alcoholic. He is holding a party. He asked me to go. I said you know my feelings on drinking. These are based on my husband having a drinking problem, so we avoid situations where there's alcohol as it exaggerates issues in our marriage, and my husband tries not to drink, but if it's there he will and then we end up arguing etc etc...He asked that I put that aside to go to his 60th, let my husband get drunk and let him sleep at my Dads house. I don't want to go for the sake of my marriage. Not to mention that once my husband has a drink, that opens the door for him to continue in the future. I have no personal desire to go to that type of situation. It's not that I dont respect my Dad's birthday, I dont agree with his lifestyle. He's drank since long before I was born EVERY day, he's had 2 failed marriages due to his drinking and selfish ways. I do love him, i just don't agree with everything he does. I'd like other's perspective on what i've said...if you need more info just ask, thanks.

 

[Psalm63]

If it was me, I'd offer to take him out to lunch (and I would choose a dry restaurant, if I thought the drinking would be a temptation). We could have a small intimate celebration of his milestone birthday together with hubby and ??? And I'd skip his drinking party guilt free.

(As far as what you said? You made your case clear and respectfully. I'd leave that alone now)

 

[Autumnleaf]

You know its trouble. Don't go.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Your father need to be more considerate of you, your husband and your marriage.

Psalm63 gave you an excellent answer. You can share in celebrating your father’s birthday and prevent any possible problems due to alcohol.

 

[ddisciple]

your husband is number 1 in your life other than god. Like psalm63 said, offer to go out to a dry lunch. You need to keep focussed on your marriage as you are as much as you possibly can

 

[dorig59]

I don't think you should feel obligated to go at all, and don't feel guilty about it either. Perhaps you guys could have him over for a special dinner or take him to a non-alcohol being served kind of restaurant. There is nothing redeeming about drink at all, you're smart to avoid it for lots of reasons.

 

[mkgal1]

Your father need to be more considerate of you, your husband and your marriage.

Psalm63 gave you an excellent answer. You can share in celebrating your father’s birthday and prevent any possible problems due to alcohol.

Agree completely....

 

[c1ners]

What does your husband want to do? If he wants to go to your fathers party and have a couple drinks, he should go. I think you should both talk about it and come to a compromise.

 

[Conservativation]

Wow c1ners.....I agree but was afriad to say so.

 

[MLEN]

Personally, if I knew that there was going to be something someplace that would bring problems in my marriage over it and cause my husband to fall in ways that are not good from him, I would not go. My husband comes before others outside of the marriage. No one could convince me otherwise and I would feel no guilt about it.

I think that once you have told your dad how you feel and why, there's no need to argue or elaborate. But I would still buy my father a nice gift to show him that I love him and wish him a happy birthday.

 

[moonkitty]

Is there any reason why you can not go without your husband?

 

[Hosannainthehighest]

What does your husband want to do? If he wants to go to your fathers party and have a couple drinks, he should go. I think you should both talk about it and come to a compromise.

i'm unsure if you read my post? my husband and a couple of drinks don't go in the same sentence...if that all it were i wouldnt have a problem

 

[Hosannainthehighest]

Is there any reason why you can not go without your husband?

yes

 

[Hosannainthehighest]

I really appreciate everybodys thoughts on this. I DO have my own thoughts, but decided to get a broader view to either confirm my thoughts, or maybe change my mind if i had to. Thanks