Guys like me when I don't like them and when I like them they don't like me. I never seem able to like the guys who like me no matter how great they may be and vice versa.
The guys who are the best to me are 2 of my closest friends. One I knew used to really like me and though I liked him when I initially met him as I became good friends with him, I lost that attraction. I always prayed he would be get over me and even tried to help set him up with some of my friends because he is such a wonderful guy and a great catch but I couldnt see myself liking him in that way. Then recently, after many dissapointments with the wrong guys, I started to realize how he has always been there for me and what an amazing friend he is and started to reconsider. But now it's like my previous prayers have finally been answered. So basically we seem unable to like eachother at the same time. My other friend has been like a best friend to me and is someone who really gets me spiritually as we both have had many awesome "God" experiences together and are on the same level in our walks with God. But he has had a long past with girls before he became a christian and never seems to view me the way he has other girls, which is a good thing in ways, considering his past history. But though we are really good friends and he is one of the very few people that I feel actually "gets" me, I don't know if we will ever go beyond friendship. Both of these guys have been viewed as something more by other people around me, friends and family. As the first one, we used to go everywhere together and people assumed there was more going on and I've had too many people insinuate to me that we should date over the last year which was starting to annoy me. But maybe all those "suggestions" eventually got to me. And the 2nd guy, my mom, older brother, and some close friends have all bugged me about in different ways because we also hung out a lot and showed up places together. How I feel about him is complicated so I won't try to describe it.
Another thing that I think is why I'm single is that I'm starting to feel like a lot of people, guys especially just don't "get" me. Does anyone else feel that way sometimes?
Anyways, there are so many things I enjoy about being single and I am finally completely over my ex, 2 years later. I had to get a ride with him a few weeks ago though I really didn't want to but it was the only way I could get to where I was going in time. I noticed, being in the car talking to him, not only did I feel nothing, I actually felt bored and and just blah with everything he had to say. He still talks down to me and tells me how to fix my life, myself, like he is my teacher or counseller or something. I wasn't even asking for any advice. The other thing I noticed with him, is how I don't say anything positive about myself when talking to him, everything I would say about myself was negative and unappealing, mostly exaggerated to make myself sound bad. I did that when I dated him sometimes too so obviously he is not a good person for me to be around as no one should make me feel negative about myself or talk negative about myself. My other friends don't.
I know I am going to get married one day. To who I have no clue. I desire to get married but sometimes I'm able to stifle that desire so I just am so content being single that I don't want anything to change....I just haven't figured out how to make that feeling last.
I am still not completely happy with who I am and so I want God to change me more and make me more into the fullest, most complete, most happy woman of God that only he can make me into. I want to change. I really truly want my old nature to be stripped away more and more and for God to change my heart, my mind, my soul, my everything to become more like him and more like the me that I desire to be. I'm not satisfied staying the same. I must grow. I want to grow. I want to go deeper with God every day and I hope as I know him more I will know myself more and as I love him more I will love myself more and maybe if I understand him more I can even understand myself more, then perhaps others will even be able to understand me also.
To Him Be all the Glory because he is in the business of changing people. So I don't try to change others any more. I just cry out. "Lord, Change ME!"
Blessings
B4A
Plus, I now earn in a week what I used to earn in a month. I didn't want to pursue a relationship while juggling school, art, work, communing with nature and struggling to (barely) pay the bills.
