Your Response

[Dragar]

Someone did something very bad to a friend of mine. I do not know the first person, therefore the act itself is present in my mind since I don't have a firm idea of the person. The problem is I seem to have a monomaniacal focus on the act.

Anjinsan,

I've had bad things happen to people very close to me before, too. And sometimes, yes, it becomes difficult to stop focusing on the Bad Thing.

I'd suggest you try a few things:

a) Write all your feelings down. Paper, pen, computer screen, poetry or prose, it doesn't matter...get it out of your system.
b) If you can, have a cry. I often find a good cry makes me feel better.
c) Go find a cardboard box, and let all your anger out on it. The cardboard box won't mind, but you'll feel better.
d) If you can sing, do so. It's a good emotional outlet.

I know some of those my sound silly, but I'm deadly serious. I often find that when I'm focusing on an event over and ever again, it's due to emotional reasons. And until I express the emotions as behaviour, my brain isn't satisfied that it's done its job properly.

 

[Annabel Lee]

Why would I? I don't hold people responsible for things that weren't under their control.

It's a consequence of the 'no free-will' thing.

I don't understand the 'no free-will' thing.

The person that plots and plans a murder is exhibiting free will.
The man that puts a knife to a woman's throat while raping her is using his free will.
The sexual predators that stalk, molest and rape little children are using their free will to commit evil.

 

[Dragar]

The person that plots and plans a murder is exhibiting free will.

Why would someone plot and plan a murder?

The man that puts a knife to a woman's throat while raping her is using his free will.

Why would a man do that to a woman? Especially considering the sheer stupidity of his actions.

The sexual predators that stalk, molest and rape little children are using their free will to commit evil.

Why do they stalk, molest and rape little children?

To all of the above questions, I can safely say there are reasons. Perhaps they are greedy? Perhaps they do not care about others? Perhaps they were stupid? Perhaps their minds were not working somehow?

Regardless, there were reasons. And I do not think they - ultimately - chose those reasons. Why would someone choose to be greedy, to not care, to be stupid, to be ill?

Perhaps I could imagine someone doing so if they thought, somehow, it would be a sensible thing to do, or a desirable thing to do. If they thought it sensible, I cannot fault them for a stupidity they did not pick. If they found it desirable - and so desirable it overcame all their notions to the contrary - I cannot fault them for having desires they did not pick, or notions to the contrary of a strength they did not choose.

They're dangerous, certainly, in the same way a wild animal is dangerous, or a storm, or a fire. But to hold these things 'reponsible' in some way, outside of causally, seems unintelligable to me.

"There but for fortune, go you or I," as the song goes.

 

[Soul_Searcher]

Anjinsan,

"Someone did something very bad to a friend of mine. I do not know the first person, therefore the act itself is present in my mind since I don't have a firm idea of the person. The problem is I seem to have a monomaniacal focus on the act."

Where is your friend in this? Have you talked with her/him? How has she/he reacted to this action? Have they been able to forgive? And you cannot change the act, but you can change your reaction to it. Can you help your friend? Can you help others who have been through this action? Can you lean on someone, talk with someone? And I think Dragar's suggestions are good advice--get it out of your system by any means necessary, short of killing someone.

And finally, look inside yourself to see just why this has such a hold on you.

 

[Anjinsan]

Thanks for all the responses everyone.
But please, if you want to have another determinism argument, go to a new thread.

 

[Evee]

Perhaps it is just because I myself have done some pretty nasty things in my youth, but I believe that nothing is unforgivable. Forgiveness and forgetfulness are two very different things.

Forgive them, no matter how bad the transgression was, because they are human just like you are. Do not forget, lest they be in a position to do it again.

Carrying anger can be a dangerous thing. Many times we become what we most despise. Just do your best not to fall prey to your own anger.



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I agree we hurt ourself much more than someone else can hurt us
We can be our worst enemy.
Sometimes you may think you have forgiven and something brings it to mind again.
I agree don't fall prey to your own anger.

 

[Annabel Lee]

Oh Dragar, I could not disagree more.

But I will honor Anjinsan's request to keep the thread on topic.

 

[Dragar]

Oh Dragar, I could not disagree more.

But I will honor Anjinsan's request to keep the thread on topic.

Aye, that's for the best.

I fully expect you to disagree. Most do!

I hope things improve, Anjinsan.