Your mind

[Eclipse12217]

Is it just me, but having schizophrenia it seems even when your normal, your not normal. For instance, have you ever done something wrong and later regret it down the line and wish you could change it. With having schizophrenia, it seems that you always have that feeling on your mind even if you didn't do something wrong. And if you did something wrong it seems two things.

1. You condemn yourself even worst, and you continue to look into the pass wishing you can fix things. Which now results in you being down and out for a long period of time while you thinking that you will be at this state forever since you cant fix things.

2. Your brain since having schizophrenia automatically produces regret, condemnation, and negative feelings with or without you doing something in the passed, present or thoughts on the future which wouldn't really bother you if you didn't have schizophrenia.

Here is an example.

I am a christian who sinned purposely, in hopes of not caring about the thoughts on my mind and to feel good/freedom again. Every since I had done that, everyday it seems to bother my mind that I done this. And in order for it to go away, I have to think positive which then becomes compulsive. And if I don't " think" about it, it seems it just sits on my mind and produces negative emotion and me fighting not to receive negative thoughts. And this goes on everyday since the passed couple of months. I then realize it wasn't the sin, the passed or anything I have done. It was the schizophrenia doing this automatically to my brain. Meaning it didn't need an event or doing to trigger these specific emotion and thoughts to come about. I have done everything the passed couple of years to try to take this away, but I am not successful. Even on my good/normal days it seems to be there. And my schizophrenic brain tells me since I cant change the passed I will now always feel like this, which I don't want to experience. Positive self talk doesn't work on me anymore since the thoughts and emotion keep coming back. And it seems I have to keep doing that in order for it to go away which gets annoying.

* I would like to hear if anyone goes through this, and what do they do in order to overcome this*.

 

[elahmine]

Schizophrenia medications do improve quality of life, but people rarely talk about the depression associated with schizophrenia and especially schizoaffective disorders. The depression that the former patients have, as I have read, is considered worse than depressive disorder or bipolar disorder particularly in schizoaffective patients. I think most of what you are dealing with is depression. The other part of what you are experiencing is intrusive thoughts. These are thoughts that seem placed in your head against your will without the ability to shut them off. Schizophrenia is more than psychosis. Try to remember that. Different/more medications may help. Talk to your doctor. I suffer to from similar symptoms.

 

[heirmiles]

Hi Eclipse12217,

I would agree with Elahmine. And would add that being able to find support with our struggle with the symptoms of our illness is crucial in minimizing the effects of our illness. Having a schizo-affective illness myself, which is a combination of a thought disorder and a mood disorder, being able to be with other people who understand the nature of mental illness, and who accept us as we are, even when we are ill, can help immensely with our recovery. While medical assistance is extremely important so are social supports. People suffering from any kind of mental illness tend to be socially excluded in main-stream society, but there are services (governmental, Health-care, or non-profit) available in most communities that encourage mutual social support for people who suffer from Mental illness. While Medical treatment and talking with a counselor is important, it is only a part of a good treatment plan. Your Doctor or Psychiatrist may (should) have information available (and can refer you if necessary) to services in your community that can help in your journey to recovery.
It is important to know that you are not alone, and do not have to be alone, in your suffering. Particularly with Schizophrenia there can be a lot of triggers in mainstream society (the things that usually don't bother other people, but do bother us in one way or another), and most people who experience illness learn very quickly how not to trigger other people's suffering. This in itself leads to a very respectful and healthy environment in which to heal and recover, as well as to find support and support others who are also suffering.

I hope this helps,
Blessings.

 

[karl76]

Hi Eclipse,

I relate with you on how you feel. Im left with a bleeding conscience because of this schizophrenia. Its a major pain in the ass. My only tip is take meds when stressed, and when not stressed try doing voluntary work.

That will help no end.

I personally used to work (voluntarily) in a homeless hostel and met good people there. It was run by the Legion of Mary.

 

[sjmc1993]

I had this problem for a long time. This happens to a lot of people, but is definitely exacerbated by mental illness.

It has to do with forgiveness, and common mistakes in soteriology.

People often assume that believing in Christ will have God forgive all of your past sins, and you have to make atonement for each and every sin in order to be forgiven from then on.

But the truth is that the blood of Christ is enough to cover all past and FUTURE sins as well.

That is, the moment you had a saving faith, you gained eternal salvation and forgiveness.

There is nothing you can do to forfeit your eternal salvation, and nothing you can do to not be forgiven. Even if you were to deny Christ, you would still be forgiven because it is impossible to fully deny Christ once you have experienced him- that is, it would be the equivalent of a child denying his parent's existence. You can say whatever you want, but the truth is in the back of your head and it can't get out. That is why Jesus said, "No one can snatch them out of my Father's hand."

You are in a state of eternal grace. There is no sin you can commit that will cause you to fall from grace.

The blood of Christ is that powerful.

Once I gained this saving knowledge, and was able to completely able to forgive myself and others and let go of all grudges, I never once again experienced any symptom on the psychological level. I still had mental health symptoms, but they were negligible and only on the biological level- every psychological part of the illness has been fixed and I have not experienced a single symptom on a psychological level. That part of my mind was healed.

One thing you want to study is the psalms. Consider 23. "Your rod, and your staff, they comfort me."

The rod is a sign of discipline. Remember, even though your sins are forgiven, God will still discipline you as a parent so that he can keep you in line. Once you gain the state that you are actually comforted when he disciplines you, you will understand what Jesus meant when he called his closest disciples his friends.

The staff is a sign of authority. When you have awareness of God's sovereign omnipotence and knowledge, you will gain intimacy and knowledge of him that will allow you to persevere through any trials. God takes care of the slightest molecular reactions in your body. He is that powerful.

 

[Gottservant]

Eclipse1217 is very competent at going into his thoughts. His schizophrenia probably came about because he is so competent at it. That's how schizophrenia is, if you are too competent at something it can start in order to keep you from losing focus at being so competent.