Your mid-life crisis

[Jenster]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to ask if anyone here has gone thru or is going thru a mid-life crisis? I've been asking myself a lot of questions recently related to the "big picture" and thought it might be helpful to hear what other people have experienced.

Mostly, I used to be very goal oriented. I have made some progress in my career, but now I find myself reconsidering what my goals even are. And do I really want to get there?

I am wondering if it is enough simply to live a day at a time, joyfully and with gratitude. Anyone else been doing any re-evaluating?

 

[One day at a time]

I think that we should be re-evaluating our goals and where we want to be in our life. I know what I thought I would be doing and what I am doing now is so different then what I would have imagined. Because into our lives comes circumstances that we were not necessarily prepared for...but that is where God comes in and His plans for our lives.
As for me....I wouldn't say I'm in a mid life crisis....just in a different stage....a different journey...but that isn't all bad! My tastes and desires have changed but that is, again, not a bad thing.
Don't know if I really answered your question.....just some thoughts!

 

[Jenster]

Thanks for sharing, ODAAT. I appreciate hearing what you've gone through, and how things are different that you expected but not different in a bad way.

I very much want my life to be guided by God (I just have to get out of the way, right?). I am willing to be stretched and to grow. Sometimes, life brings you to places you hadn't anticipated, and you're right, there's nothing wrong with that. It could be exactly where the Lord wants you!

However, sometimes I wonder if I am NOT supposed to "stay" where I am -- for example, in my job. There are challenges and stresses at my workplace, and the work I am doing is not necessarily my natural strength or my greatest satisfaction. I'm good enough at it that I have job security, though. Thus, it may or may not be where I should be. I don't know!

Also, what I said in my OP. I am single, and sometimes I wonder what I am supposed to do with the time that I have. I am happy not to have the time demands of husband and children, yet at the same time I get lonely and then spend time coping with that. While I have to enough time to devote to so-called "great things," I also wonder if my time should be spent more on ministry and other ways to fulfill the Great Commandments.

OK...I'm rambling now...

 

[Bridgit]

This is a great post. Thanks for starting it, Jenster!

As I am reaching the second half of my forties I realize that my thinking is changing. Like you, I had goals but it seems now that they do not seem as important as I considered them to be before. I focus more and more on the quality of life and making a difference in my world than on advancing regarding my job, my position in society ... All that now is less and less a priority to me.

Of course I need to have a job but I do not find myself striving to impress anybody anymore. I do what I'm supposed to do to the best of my ability. I do take integrity, reliability, pro-activity, honesty and professionalism seriously on the job.

Yet, I used to think that quality at work should be my priority but this is changing. I need to put quality in my personal life. I have been through many trials and hardships and have been around people who have also suffered. I have observed and realized how much junk life can throw at us and how vital it is for us to be wise in order not to become attached and controlled by the foolishness of this world.

I find that I don't want to conform to the world anymore. I want to break free and this is changing my way of thinking.... and I like it!

I am becoming a different person, thinking more deeply, more about life, its meaning, its purpose, love, legacy, end of life. Am I growing old???

 

[kanga22]

It does seem that the 40's are a time for reflection and possibly change. I started reading this thread to see if I could get some insight on my ex-husbands mid-life crisis that started three yrs ago (when we were still married) and is still in full force. In the last three yrs he has cheated, bought a Harley, been divorced by me, and purchased a Camaro (in that order). It's been a big couple of yrs of reflection and change for both of us.

Now I am forced to look at my life. I wouldn't say that I'm in a crisis, I am going to change careers though. This September I'm going back to school to train for a medical career - I have been working in public education. And, I have meeting-a-new-man in the back of my mind, and am trying to pin down how I feel about that. It seems that the Lord has me content to be a single mom, so I guess I'm going to focus on that for now.

Anyway, this is where 43 yrs of age finds me as far as reflection and change goes.

 

[Jenster]

Thank you both! I appreciate being able to share about our lives as 40somethings.

Of course I need to have a job but I do not find myself striving to impress anybody anymore. I do what I'm supposed to do to the best of my ability. I do take integrity, reliability, pro-activity, honesty and professionalism seriously on the job.

Yet, I used to think that quality at work should be my priority but this is changing. I need to put quality in my personal life. ...

I am becoming a different person, thinking more deeply, more about life, its meaning, its purpose, love, legacy, end of life. Am I growing old???

I, too, need to have a job. And I feel the same as you. I want quality in my personal life and am striving to figure out how I can "cut back" at work while maintaining that integrity and professionalism. Otherwise I come home after a day of work and I feel extremely spent. So much so that I don't have the energy for my personal life.

I like that you are thinking more deeply about life and the big issues in it. Let us know if you have any revelations you'd care to share!

It does seem that the 40's are a time for reflection and possibly change. I started reading this thread to see if I could get some insight on my ex-husbands mid-life crisis that started three yrs ago (when we were still married) and is still in full force. In the last three yrs he has cheated, bought a Harley, been divorced by me, and purchased a Camaro (in that order). It's been a big couple of yrs of reflection and change for both of us.

Now I am forced to look at my life. I wouldn't say that I'm in a crisis, I am going to change careers though. This September I'm going back to school to train for a medical career - I have been working in public education. And, I have meeting-a-new-man in the back of my mind, and am trying to pin down how I feel about that. It seems that the Lord has me content to be a single mom, so I guess I'm going to focus on that for now.

I'm sorry to hear about your ex-husband, kanga. But it's great (and inspiring) you are taking charge of your life and changing careers. I am considering at least a job change at this point, and even that is daunting, since I still have to work full time.

One thing at a time, though. I can get impatient during times of uncertainty, but fortunately, the Lord is always in control, even if it is not apparent to me what He's doing.

 

[kathiemt]

I think we all experience a time (more than once) of re-assessing where our lives have gotten to and where they are heading. It's just that as we advance and grow older, the time we have left before us to achieve what we originally wanted as young people seems to be diminishing. We wonder if what we wanted then is really what we want now. I believe this is because as we grow older, how we view things and what we want in life changes considerably. What was important to us (career, financial goals, getting married, success, etc) become less important than family, quality time with loved ones, experiencing things on a deeper level and so on.

My husband and I made a tree change last year. We now live on a 2 acre property instead of in the suburbs. I'd been wanting to make this change for sometime. I work home fulltime and was getting sick of the walls around me and looking for more space outside and just more relaxation instead of the constant go, go, go you get in the suburbs. But it wasn't until we lost a daughter in 2008 that my husband also began to see that a new way of life might be what we needed. We didn't shift till 13 months after we lost her - I didn't want him making a rash decision based on raw emotion and grief. But after that time he still felt that it was right for us to move and we found a lovely new home for us and sold our old one.

I do believe God was in this move - I'd been praying about it for a long time (probably about 3 years). He was in both the purchase and the sale and He blessed us far more than we could have hoped for. We were looking for a 1/2 acre home big enough to house our hobbies (hubby's mountain bikes) and my office, plus still have the girls come and stay with us when they wanted, plus other family members. We ended up with a beautiful 2 acre property with wildlife and native birdlife and as a photographer, I can say I'm in photographer's heaven!

I thank God we are still together. Our loss made for a very rocky time but with lots of prayer and some counselling, and a lot of support from our church, we made it through to the other side.

 

[Bridgit]

... I thank God we are still together. Our loss made for a very rocky time but with lots of prayer and some counselling, and a lot of support from our church, we made it through to the other side.

Dear Kathie, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I cannot start to imagine how it must have felt. I am glad that God was faithful to both of you and took care of you through this tragedy.

Thank you for sharing and giving a message of hope to those who might read this post and have been through the same ordeal.

May God continue to bring peace in your lives and give you the strength and the joy to keep on going.

Blessings to both of you!

 

[kathiemt]

Thanks Bridgit. We're nearing the second anniversary of her death so I expect there will be more tears but I don't know that we'll talk about her much more than we do already. She's never far from our thoughts.