Young Marriage

[UkuLadyPDX]

Hello all. I am a recently married woman and very happy. I met my husband when I was fifteen ( he was sixteen). We were best friend for three years before we started dating, we dated for three years before we got married. We were married July 18th. I am 21 years old and I have very few married friends. I understand that getting married this young can be difficult, although I am very fond of the married life this far. I am wanting to reach out to other couples who were married young and see what challenges you have faced being in a young marriage. pros and cons?

 

[Ascendo]

My wife and I got married at 19 and 21, respectively. We've been married almost 14 years now, and I'm glad we got married young.

We haven't really hit any rough patches relationally - we've had difficult times, like me breaking my back, but we've just communicated with each other through it all.

I think marriage is pretty easy when both spouses are pointed in the same direction.

 

[LinkH]

If my consciousness were transplanted were taken back into time and transplanted into my 21-year-old self, I think I'd travel to Indonesia, track down my wife, date and marry her. She'd be a high school grad rather than a college grad. Maybe I she could go to school while married to me. The only down side is if a different combination of DNA or something ended up with us not having the same kids, but if that were locked in, I'd probably do it.

If you marry young, you get to spend more time together.

Downsides, maybe going through power struggles before developing certain types of emotional skills? That can be mitigated by both spouses embracing Biblical teachings for husbands and wives. Maybe less financial security?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I think there are more cons then pros. It seem like I've seen endless amounts of divorces by people who marry young. And second divorces too (they remarry).

The problem is our brains don't really mature enough until were around 25 (some say longer for men). So we tend to make decisions thinking of short term then we do long term decisions. And we are still young enough that we tend to see marriage as "Dreamy" and ignore the fact marriage is not like in fairy tales. Where as you get older you see its not how marriage is.

And another thing is our minds change all the time. Look at our lives as we grow up. The things we like, then dislike, then are unsure about, then relike again. If your both lets say 20 and enjoy the same things and can see yourselves doing that thing forever... what happens are 24 or 28 when you shift your view again and find the things you had in common changed? It can lead to stressful and hard marriages.

In the end its up to each couple to decide if they want marry right away or wait some more. I do realize having kids is often a deciding factor but remember whatever we may want doesn't mean it will happen. Every day is a new day.

 

[UkuLadyPDX]

My husband and i have a Daughter. Things have changed over and over again in our lives since the day we met and our love and friendship seem to be the only true constant. He has always been supportive in my search to find what i want to be, while he struggles to find who he wants to be. We both base our relationship around God and our little family.

 

[.chrys.]

My husband and I married when we were young--both 21. We've been married now for nearly 25 years. We dated for 3 years before marriage.

You mentioned that you have a daughter and not very many married friends. I encourage you to FIND married friends and to do so now while your daughter is young. Friendships are hard to come by once you are married. Keep your unmarried friends as long as possible, but there will be difficulty maintaining those friendships for a long time.

Anyway. Pros--you get to be with your husband longer! Cons--well, can't really think of any (except the whole money thing--seems we've always less money than our non-married, no-kids friends).

 

[sdmsanjose]

I am wanting to reach out to other couples who were married young and see what challenges you have faced being in a young marriage. pros and cons?
I was 20 and my wife was 17 when we married. The first challenge was a career. I had a job but it was a go-no-where deadbeat minimum wage job and my wife was pregnant so she did not have a job. After a few years and with God’s help I got a job that I have had for over 40 years and it is a career job that is enjoyable and provides for us very well. I was lucky in that God had to rescue me out of terrible jobs and open the door for me to a very good job. I ruined my chances to finish college that was laid out for me on a golden platter and I ruined it all because I was more interested in my pleasure than God’s way. I wound up in a sweat shop that I hated. I finally humbled myself and told God that I would no longer complain and I would be contented with the mess that I alone created. In less than a year God opened the door for me to get back in college then later gave me my career. So, first always seek to do it God’s way and then if possible get your training for your career as soon as possible.


I hear some people say that it is a mistake to get married so young because you will regret that you did not get to “sow your wild oats” I sowed enough wild oats in my teen years to last a life time. I no longer longed for the wild days of the 1960s. Maybe my wife regrets not sowing her wild oats but she has never told me that.

We both base our relationship around God and our little family.


That is the most important thing that you both can do. Pay absolutely no attention to modern culture and seek to get all the wisdom you can from the Bible. Utilize the older Christians, those e that have decades of successful marriage, advice that substantiates the bible. Having a successful marriage for decades will be rough at times but you will have to act on the biblical principles and that will be hard at times. However, it is by far the best principles to go by. That is what I have found during my 40 years of marriage.


Getting wisdom and acting on wisdom as you base your relationship around God is by far more important than if you marry young. I heard a pastor say that Joseph and Mary were teenagers when they got married and my guess is that they had a very good marriage. Perhaps getting married in your mid to late 20s or 30s has some advantages but since I did not do that I do not know about that. Getting wisdom and following God is by far the determining factor.

 

[Avniel]

My wife and I got married pretty earlier a lot of people don't like but I'm Jamaica and my grandparents were married at like 16 I have cousins in Jamaica that pay bills and raise a family way younger than you.

It's what's socially accepted and older ages today are more accepted. Next generation it might be right back to younger so the pros and cons are what you make them.

I think in America the culture is centered around work, I mean people judge you not only on your economic status but your occupation. Americans spend a lot of time working in cultures you see less work time you see younger marriages.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Respect him and he will love you and all will be well.

Have sex with him enthusiastically whenever he wants it and he will be confident at home... and at work where the money is made.

Don't dump on him when he gets home from work. Give him a hug and a kiss and 30 minutes or so to shift gears from work brain to home brain. Ask him how his day was so he won't be waiting to talk when its your turn to talk. A wife is usually a husband's best friend and part of the best friend job is to know what is on his mind and know when to just listen and when and how to tactfully offer advice when it is warranted.

Be your best self for him and encourage him to be his best self for you. Praise him lavishly when he does what you like. Don't nag when he doesn't. If he feels great about himself when he is with you he will always look forward to being with you.

That's all I got for now.

 

[Dave-W]

We were married at 22 (me) and 20 (her) and that was 37 years ago.

We have had our share of difficulties but none of them stemmed from our age. They would have been there whether we married at 14 or 34. If anything, a later marriage may have made them worse.

I am in favor (in general) of a younger marriage.

 

[DZoolander]

Generally, I'm not in favor of younger marriages for a variety of reasons.

Now - that's not to say they can't work. I've known quite a few people that got married at relatively young ages and have had quite successful marriages. I'm just one of those people that likes to "improve the odds" - and that's where my advice comes from

I think the pros and cons would be obvious...so I won't bother going over them again. The key, once you get past all of that, is to always keep the prize in mind.

...and the "prize" is growing together regardless of what may come.

 

[OceanPoet87]

The important thing is are you able to do this while being independent of your parents (leaving and cleaving). That is why minors are not ready to be married. I think if you are about 18 in the US, you might be ready for marriage. But (just like at any age) premarital counseling is important. Take time before you get engaged and ask key questions.

 

[UkuLadyPDX]

I have been independent from my parents since i was fifteen. My husband and I lived together when i was seventeen, he eightteen, but we lived in different rooms, and with other friends.

 

[pressingon17]

I was (and am) 23, and my wife turned 21 on our honeymoon. It can work, it takes a lot of patience, love, and dying to yourself to make a young marriage work. I wouldn't trade a day over the last year for anything.

 

[pressingon17]

And also, to the OP's original post, finding a young, married couple around your and my age is difficult. We're still looking to connect with someone our age and most married couple's are 10 years older with children.

 

[evoeth]

Young marriage can work, and I'm glad it did for the posters, but I think the more relevant question is, "are youthful marriages more or less likely to work than marriages between older people?"