You Might Be A Redneck If - Clean

[Pistos Ergon]

Wow. Have we overcome the PC police?

 

[di4Christ]

Q:How do you get a University of Florida graduate off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Go FSU!!!

 

[Gyrapage]

ghgghghjh

 

[Xgthug]

You might be a redneck if
you are your own daddy.

 

[1John5:3]

Pistos Ergon,


Excuse me, but what is your problem?

The intolerant PC crowd.

 

[rebaa]

thanks for the laughs guys

 

[PASHOK]

Does any one know any " You might be Russian if.." jokes?

 

[pm_athena]

why are men attracted to smart women?



ans: opposites attract!!!

 

[DJ B.K.]

why are men attracted to smart women?



ans: opposites attract!!!

[sarcasm]HaHa Funny![/sarcasm]

 

[Hanna44]

You might be a redneck if your jack-o-lantern has more teeth than your spouse

 

[1John5:3]

You might be "Ghetto" if:

You put sugar on your frosted flakes.
Your kids were in your wedding.
You call your mama by her first name.
You have a car phone and no car.
You iron dirty clothes.
You've been a guest on Ricky Lake.
You wear house shoes to the grocery store.
You're nineteen and you just met your father.
You use a clothes hanger as a TV antenna.
You have a wife and kids but still live at home.
You chew ice.
You cain't kant spell "can't."
You still wear anything that says "Whoop, there it is."
You record over previously recorded tapes.
Your mom does your hair in the kitchen.
You don't pay your rent until you get a three-day notice.
You put on panty-hose instead of shaving your legs.
You buy clothes for a party and return them to the store the next day.
You only go to church on Easter and Mother's Day or to meet women.
Your first name begins with Ta', La', or Sha'.
You took the batteries out of the smoke detector to put in your pager.
Your bank is a check-cashing place.
You have to put stuff on layaway at the 99-cent store.
Your man can wear his hair in a ponytail but you can't.
You're hooked on ebonics.
You think putting batteries in the refrigerator recharges them.
When you were little you had to be in the house before the streetlights came on.
You take bubble bath with dishwashing liquid.
You return gifts for the money.
You yell "Pookie" in your house and five people turn around.
You think going to prison is "keeping it real."
You save cooking grease.
The only dates marked on calendar are the 1st and the 15th.
Your mama whipped you and your friends.
You keep food stamps in money clip.
You think grease and water make your hair curly.
You wear tube socks with dress shoes.
You add water to shampoo to stretch it.
You put your kids to sleep with NyQuil.
You use your welfare check as collateral.
You can read your haircut.
You named your daughters after cars you can't afford.
You bought your rims before you bought your car.
Your fingernails are longer than your fingers.
You think jury duty is a good way to make money.
You think going on a diet means no candy.
You have a drawer in your kitchen just for condiments from fast-food restaurants.
Your power gets cut off, and you run and extension cord outside your apartment so you can use your microwave!
Your grandmama is under 40.

LOL!

 

[sapphire12002]

you might be a redneck if you have beer (or coke) cans for your windchimes!

 

[Johnboy60]

Hi, You might be a redneck if you ask your family to help take the wheels off of your mobile home.

Robert

 

[lonestar1]

You might be a redneck if...(#6)
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."

I know a different version of this one... It goes:

You might be a redneck if you think the last for words of the National Anthem are, "Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!"

Another one:

You might be a redneck if you've ever written Richard Petty's name on a presidential ballot

 

[Uzi_4_U]

Does any one know any " You might be Russian if.." jokes?

I'll take a shot at making some up:

You might be a Russian if...

-you put the Vodka bottle in the fridge to unfreeze it on those cold winter mornings
-you have ever had to light a fire under your car to get it started
-you take showers in a fur cap
-you refer to the Mafia as an honest business
-you wonder how anyone can live without caviar
-you refer to your enemies as 'dirty capitalist pigs'
-you don't understand why people have to wear haevy layers of clothes in winter
-you have ever had your savings account's value go from a lot to almost nothing back to a lot on the same day
-if you have ever said someone deserves to be banished to Siberia
-you refer to you neighbor as comrade
-you refer factor bribes as part of your income
-you think that giving the police money will help them leave you alone


You might be a Cuban if:

-you prefer American cigarrettes to Cuban cigars
-to refer to the Cuban missile crisis as the Russian invasion
-you have ever tried to swim to the United States
-you are an excellent source of second hand Russian military equipment
-you refer to Cuban cigars as smokes

You might be from Mexico if:

-everyone from your family that can run, jump or swim is across the border
-you call Europeans gringos
-you complain that the Terminator does not speak his Spanish correctly
-you visit California and come back with a new driver's license
-the United States Government has ever sent you on a free trip to Mexico

 

[Pure Paradox]

You might be Filipino if...


you have a "barrel man" in your house, you may be filipino...(you know..the wooden man...when you lift up the barrel----schwing!!!)
you wash your clothes by hand, you might be Filipino.
you use walis tambo and walis ting-ting, you just might be Filipino.

etc.

Haha... I'm 1/2 Filipino, and I swear, some of my family is like that... I've only been to the Phillipines when I was 2, so I don't see them much. That half of the family creeps me out sometimes... not to mention that I have cousins with the weirdest invented names...

you smile/grin a lot even for no reason,

Whoa. That describes about all of my aunts and uncles on that side...... lol

 

[nChrist]

You Might Be A Redneck

 

[nChrist]

You Might Be A Redneck

 

[nChrist]

UM? - I just don't know.

 

[nChrist]

I'm pretty sure about this one.