You Might Be A Redneck If - Clean

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#1)

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.

Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

There is a wasp nest in your living room.

You burn your front yard rather than mow it.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

 

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#2)

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.

You're an expert on worm beds.

The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

 

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#3)

None of your shirts cover your stomach.

You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

Birds are attracted to your beard.

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

Bikers back down from your momma.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You've ever used a weedeater indoors.

Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

 

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#4)

In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.

You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.

You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

Red Man sends you a Christmas card.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

 

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#5)

You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

 

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#6)

You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.

You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".

The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it).

You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."

You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.

 

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#7)

Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

Your masseuse uses lard.

Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.

On stag night, you take a real deer.

There is more oil in your cap than in your car.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.

You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

Your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.

Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".

You've ever hitchhiked naked.

You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

 

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#8)

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

You list your parole officer as a reference.

Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny.

You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.

The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.

The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your rear when you get out.

You think "dual airbags" refers to your wife and mother-in-law.

You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.

You have barnyard animals living in your house.

Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."

Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.

It doesn't bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.

You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.

You have all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes on tape.

You can give a summary of all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes.

You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.

It takes you and 31 others in the same room to show off a full set of teeth.

You've ever shoplifted Spam.

 

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#9)

Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

You have to call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.

None of your zippers have all their teeth.

You've ever used scissors on food.

You can't go to church this year because your Sunday socks are being used as the truck's gas cap.

Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.

You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.

A tornado goes through your trailer's yard and makes it look neater.

You think "Meals on Wheels" is another name for roadkill.

The number of times you've seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q.

You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.

You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.

On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.

You think Hamlet is on the McDonald's breakfast menu.

Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.

After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".

 

[nChrist]

You might be a redneck if...(#10)

The Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.

In the delivery room, your husband says,"That's worse than skinning a deer!"

You've ever entered yourself in a "Howdy Doody Look-alike" Contest.

Your lips move while reading a stop sign.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

 

[DaphneBlueStrat]

:::dies laughing::: I'm related to these people! I live down the street from dozens of them! Here's a couple additions:

You've ever driven with a beer in each hand.
You think "Lord Of The Rings" is some kind of wrasslin' tournament.
EVERY ONE of your brothers in named 'Darryl'.
You think John Boy and Billy should BOTH run for office in 2004.
You've ever wondered if Jack Daniels and Charlie Daniels are kin.
Any of your relatives have a THREE-part first name (Peggy-Sue-Ellen?).
If the police DON'T make their normal friday-night raid, you call the station to make sure they're comin'.
Certain members of ZZ Top have ever asked you for hair-growing secrets.

 

[nChrist]

DaphneBlueStrat,

Good ones. <LOL> I'll add these to my collection. I especially like the one about ZZTop. Thanks!

 

[Pistos Ergon]

Open season on the white man.

Can we joke about a segment in the African-American community?
Can we joke about a segment in the Hispanic-American community?
Can we joke about a segment in the Asian-American community?
Can we joke about a segment in the Jewish-American community?

Political correctness does not allow it.

 

[nChrist]

Today at 07:59 PM Pistos Ergon said this in Post #13

Open season on the white man.

Can we joke about a segment in the African-American community?
Can we joke about a segment in the Hispanic-American community?
Can we joke about a segment in the Asian-American community?
Can we joke about a segment in the Jewish-American community?

Political correctness does not allow it.

Ummm? I'm white and Indian, and I just might be a redneck. Get some rest, drink plenty of fluids, and take a chill pill.

 

[Hopeful]

hehe

 

[Sher]

okay STOP! I'm gonna die laughing! ROFL ROFL! !!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

 

[Pistos Ergon]

You Might Be a Jewish Redneck If ...

1. You think that marrying your first cousin is not only permitted, but biblically mandated
2. Your home is mobile and your sukkah ain't
3. You have a gun rack in your sukkah
4. your idea of Shalosh Seidos is a six pack of beer and some Redman
5. Ad Lo Yoda applies just about every night.
6. You think KKK is a kosher symbol
7. You speak more English than your shul president
8. You light Shabbat candles from your cigarette
9. The only plant in your home is your lulav
10. The only area on your lawn that is mowed is the spot where you burn your Chametz
11. Your idea of bathing is using the mikvah
12. Your siddur lists the Sabbath greeting as : "Shabbot Shalom Y'all"
13. Your Shabbat suit was a blue light special at K-mart
14. Willie Nelson sang at your Bar/Bat Mitzvah
15. Your local scribe shoots his own parchment
16. You've ever used the theme to "Rawhide" as a tune for the Kedusha
17. You've ever fired a shotgun at the sound of Haman's name
18. Your belt buckle is bigger than your Yarmulke
19. You give Ma'aser from your spittoon
20. A tish just ain't a tish without a bugzapper
21. You've ever called the "Psychic Friends Network" to answer a halachic question
22. When you hear the shofar on Rosh Hashanah, you let your hunting dogs loose
23. You know what Barach to make when you see a UFO
24. Your Rabbi ever yelled "Yee-Haw" during his sermon
25. You think the mechitza is an Italian food
26. You think a hora is a high priced call girl
27. You keep a can of spray paint in your Tallis bag
28. You wear a white hood for Havdallah
29. You know which brand of grits have an acceptable Kashrut supervision
30. If your Omer counting calendar has ever come up with three cherries in a row

 

[Pistos Ergon]

You might be a foreigner if...

...you speak English as well as you drive.

...you ran out of Saints to name your kids after.

...your wife is hairier than your dog

...you have two antennae on your head.

...you enjoy "Baywatch" for its clever storytelling techniques.

...your wife's idea of intimacy is removing the veil.

...you root against Steven Segal in his movies.

...you consider 7-11 "the family business".

...dinner at McDonald's is an exotic change of pace from your normal diet of stewed monkey brains.

...you burn incense to accent your body odor.

...you hail from a country other than 'Merica.

 

[Pistos Ergon]

[font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]You might be Filipino if...
[/font]

• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have a "barrel man" in your house, you may be filipino...(you know..the wooden man...when you lift up the barrel----schwing!!!)[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you wash your clothes by hand, you might be Filipino.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you use walis tambo and walis ting-ting, you just might be Filipino.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room, you're a Filipino.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have a very good sense of maniana habit, you might be Filipino.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you smoke in your house[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you put up your knee while eating[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you eat kanin and ulam using your hand[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you are pakialamero[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say Sugarol, babaero at tumador[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you are chismosa[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say Comfort Room instead of Restroom.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say For Take Out instead of to go.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you point w/ your lips, then you might be a Filipino.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say open or close the lights, then you might be a Filipino.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you nod upwards to greet someone, you might be a Filipino. [/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]your nickname is "boy", you might be a Filipino.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you ask for a Colgate instead of toothpaste, you might be a Filipino.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say "Canteen" instead of cafeteria, then you must be filipino[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you eat under-developed duck eggs.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you call it a "ballpoint" or "ballpen," not a "pen"[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you pronounce the word ALREADY as OLREYDI.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say, Kodakan, instead of take pictures.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you do "mano po" to older people in the house you're about to enter.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you refer to to your refrigerator as "pridyider"[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]your grandma smiles and her teeth are all red because of "nga-nga"[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say "pliers" when you meant "fliers"[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you pronounce "hippopatamus" and "comfortable" in a funny way[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say "Boose" for "bus"[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you cover your sofa with bright red and green blankets[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have a Last Supper quilt tacked on your dining wall [/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]your "walking doll" is still new even though it was bought years ago because your mom kept it in the china cabinet and never let you play with it.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you drive a Mercedes-Benz with maroon seat covers[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you hang a rosary on the rear view mirror of your car.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have a Santo Nino shrine in your living room.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you buy the karaoke system first before the stereo and TV [/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have an out of tune piano and nobody in the family ever learned to play.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you know what "chocolate meat" is[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say chok-o-late.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have a "Weapons of Morroland" shield.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you didn't hear or understand something and your first expression is "HA?".[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you're standing next to big boxes at the airport.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say 'hoy' to get someone's attention.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you like peanut butter with chocolate.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you make para on a bus.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]your car churps like a bird when it's in reverse.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you turn around when you hear somebody say "psssst."[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you order the langunisa meal on a PAL Balikbayan flight.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you laugh seeing somebody slip.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you burp when you're busog (or after sipping a beer)[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you call somebody "psssst."[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you smile/grin a lot even for no reason,[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you sit by squating down and leaning your elbows on your knees.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you use a Bolo to cut the grass in the yard.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you refer to keorosene as "white gas."[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]there are pairs of flip-flops outside your door[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have power failures every day at the same time that you can set your watch to.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]your biggest frying pan is shaped like a wok.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you own both a rice cooker, and an air pot.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you refer to "Accent" and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as "Ajinomoto"[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you go to a department store, and try to bargain the price. [/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you drink with your friends and share the same glass, and pass it around.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have a cartful of corned beef during a sale.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say kutex instead of nail polish, you are one too.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you are stumped when asked what kind of bread in a deli.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you're the plane passenger with the largest hand-carry luggage.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you scratch your head when you don't know what you're doing.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you don't want to eat the last piece of food on the plate, but offer it to others.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say "she" when you should say "he"[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say "ano" this and "ano" that[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you put your hands together and point them in the direction you are walking to pass between other people[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say that everybody is your cousin/niece/nephew/aunt/uncle/...[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have a big Buddha at home for good luck ( not the serene Buddha like what the Thais have, but the big, fat, laughing one with those pesky little kids crawling all over him).[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you bring a "baon" to work everyday, you're probably a Filipino.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]your ice cold beer really has ice cubes in it.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you eat balut and wash it down with beer to bulk up.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have a parol hanging outside your house during the Christmas holidays.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say things sorta backwards like towelpaper instead of papertowel and stick bread instead of breadsticks.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say guper instead of gopher.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you eat rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you say "aray" instead of "ouch ". [/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you look up and say "ha!" when somebody says "what's up". [/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you write "Filipino" but pronounce it as "Pilipino".[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you can sustain jokes like this one indefinitely.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you often say 'Bulaga!' when you want to scare someone.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you fire your gun like crazy on new year's eve[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you drive a jeep with your family name written on the back.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you preceed anything pluralized with "mga."[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you put a little bowl of patis on the table for dipping, and your guests complain "who farted."[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you cover your living room furniture with bed sheets.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you have toyo circles on your table cloths.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you wash and reuse disposable styroFoam cups, forks and spoons and of course, aluminum wrapper (Reynolds wrap) or cover paper plates with waxed paper so you can reuse it.[/font]
• [font=Times New Roman,Times,Times NewRoman]you cover your carpet floors with plastic liners, you might be Filipino.[/font]

 

[Pistos Ergon]

You might be "Ghetto" if:

You put sugar on your frosted flakes.
Your kids were in your wedding.
You call your mama by her first name.
You have a car phone and no car.
You iron dirty clothes.
You've been a guest on Ricky Lake.
You wear house shoes to the grocery store.
You're nineteen and you just met your father.
You use a clothes hanger as a TV antenna.
You have a wife and kids but still live at home.
You chew ice.
You cain't kant spell "can't."
You still wear anything that says "Whoop, there it is."
You record over previously recorded tapes.
Your mom does your hair in the kitchen.
You don't pay your rent until you get a three-day notice.
You put on panty-hose instead of shaving your legs.
You buy clothes for a party and return them to the store the next day.
You only go to church on Easter and Mother's Day or to meet women.
Your first name begins with Ta', La', or Sha'.
You took the batteries out of the smoke detector to put in your pager.
Your bank is a check-cashing place.
You have to put stuff on layaway at the 99-cent store.
Your man can wear his hair in a ponytail but you can't.
You're hooked on ebonics.
You think putting batteries in the refrigerator recharges them.
When you were little you had to be in the house before the streetlights came on.
You take bubble bath with dishwashing liquid.
You return gifts for the money.
You yell "Pookie" in your house and five people turn around.
You think going to prison is "keeping it real."
You save cooking grease.
The only dates marked on calendar are the 1st and the 15th.
Your mama whipped you and your friends.
You keep food stamps in money clip.
You think grease and water make your hair curly.
You wear tube socks with dress shoes.
You add water to shampoo to stretch it.
You put your kids to sleep with NyQuil.
You use your welfare check as collateral.
You can read your haircut.
You named your daughters after cars you can't afford.
You bought your rims before you bought your car.
Your fingernails are longer than your fingers.
You think jury duty is a good way to make money.
You think going on a diet means no candy.
You have a drawer in your kitchen just for condiments from fast-food restaurants.
Your power gets cut off, and you run and extension cord outside your apartment so you can use your microwave!
Your grandmama is under 40.