Yet another young one dealing with a love predicament

[StDamage]

This has been on my mind here as of late, and I can't stop thinking about it.

My teenage years were horrid in terms of relationships. Barely any ladies were interested in me, and the only thing I would hear from ministers was that "men are dogs" and girls were "delicate creatures that needed pampering". No one cared for the youth boys, they just categorized us all into perverts. So, I became bitter.

I still can't shake that bitterness. I can't just move on like it never happened; it made me think how I do today. I want a family and one of those nice white pickett fences, and perhaps a nice SUV to put the cherry on top of the sundae haha! But after being bullied for so long about how I'll "never get married", it has made me see things in a more pessimistic view. I don't mope around and act depressed; I'm quite funny and can be an extrovert. I'm living in one of those depressed clichés where once you go home you "take the mask off and act sad". But in my case, I go home and wonder if I should give up relationships.

P.S, I've been told since I was 12 that I'm "too young" and should just wait, that it'll "all work out". That advice got me to where I am today and would leave me angry at the church through out my teenage life. So, don't say any of that.

 

[miknik5]

This has been on my mind here as of late, and I can't stop thinking about it.

My teenage years were horrid in terms of relationships. Barely any ladies were interested in me, and the only thing I would hear from ministers was that "men are dogs" and girls were "delicate creatures that needed pampering". No one cared for the youth boys, they just categorized us all into perverts. So, I became bitter.

I still can't shake that bitterness. I can't just move on like it never happened; it made me think how I do today. I want a family and one of those nice white pickett fences, and perhaps a nice SUV to put the cherry on top of the sundae haha! But after being bullied for so long about how I'll "never get married", it has made me see things in a more pessimistic view. I don't mope around and act depressed; I'm quite funny and can be an extrovert. I'm living in one of those depressed clichés where once you go home you "take the mask off and act sad". But in my case, I go home and wonder if I should give up relationships.

P.S, I've been told since I was 12 that I'm "too young" and should just wait, that it'll "all work out". That advice got me to where I am today and would leave me angry at the church through out my teenage life. So, don't say any of that.

Where are you when you're not home?

 

[visionary]

Is your focus on a career, networking in the business world, taking part in the volunteer needs in your community, taking a vacation to see the rest of the world, or even doing a missionary project?

What I read in your post in a lot of self criticism and blame for the world you live in. Well, don't live in that world. The world is what you make of it. Be somebody you like, do something that challenges you to be a better self. Don't dwell in the past, that you can not change, because you sure do not want it to mess with your future.

 

[Todd Carter]

God is beyond time. Pray for your wife. You have no idea what she is going through. Ask God to protect her from anything that would come against her. Ask God to shape you into the husband she needs. In doing this your focus is shifted from your current state to the future God has for you and her. Be still and let God do the hard parts.

 

[Greg J.]

If you make Jesus the center of your thoughts throughout each day—you can talk to him all through the day, btw—along with maintaining the spiritual disciplines, then he will take care of everything. God is sometimes appears slow to prepare us for marriage because we aren't thankful and humble in our heart before him (see James 4:10). He isn't going to marry us until it would be good for us. A lot of people see marriage as a path to greater happiness, but that is more often than not because they are looking for pain relief rather than someone to sacrifice one's life to. Some of us need a lot of work before marriage would be be a step toward greater happiness. The root of a solidly good marriage is sacrificing daily what you want for the other. If a person is having significant trouble sacrificing what they want to do what the Lord wants, they probably aren't ready for marriage yet. "Marry" the Lord first and he will take care of bringing a spouse to you.

 

[Sketcher]

What phase of life are you in right now?

 

[StDamage]

Thanks for the kind responses everyone! Some very good advice here, and I'll sure remember it. @The One guy who asked what I do away from home: I go to college and church and occasionly random stuff with other people. I try to surround myself with good people if I can.

@Sketcher I am 19 in college, so that phase lol. I'm happy and wouldn't say I'm going through a sad phase, just a confused one. You may imagine as well that I'm starting to think more of my future at this point too.

 

[StDamage]

Is your focus on a career, networking in the business world, taking part in the volunteer needs in your community, taking a vacation to see the rest of the world, or even doing a missionary project?

What I read in your post in a lot of self criticism and blame for the world you live in. Well, don't live in that world. The world is what you make of it. Be somebody you like, do something that challenges you to be a better self. Don't dwell in the past, that you can not change, because you sure do not want it to mess with your future.

I would say yes to all of that. I'm starting to intensely focus on myself to become a better and more successful person. I'm majoring in accounting, and I like to broaden my education into a bunch of subjects when I can (having time to read a book and take good notes). Thank you for the advice, I really do need to let go.

 

[Sketcher]

@Sketcher I am 19 in college, so that phase lol. I'm happy and wouldn't say I'm going through a sad phase, just a confused one. You may imagine as well that I'm starting to think more of my future at this point too.

Thanks, that helps.

You'll hear a number of things, including "you're young" and "you should work on yourself first before pursuing a relationship." Both of these are true, but you should also get out there and date. That part might get drowned out, but don't forget it. Just don't panic about it or think that it's too late or that you're too old or anything like that. At 19, that's silly.

What would be your short-term and long-term goals of dating a woman?

 

[StDamage]

Thanks, that helps.

You'll hear a number of things, including "you're young" and "you should work on yourself first before pursuing a relationship." Both of these are true, but you should also get out there and date. That part might get drowned out, but don't forget it. Just don't panic about it or think that it's too late or that you're too old or anything like that. At 19, that's silly.

What would be your short-term and long-term goals of dating a woman?

For sure, I don't need to throw in the towel and not try. You never know what kind of person someone is until you really get to know them. I still try to seek out a women, of course if they believe in God. Short term and long term goals? I suppose I want something that may last for a long time. I don't have an interest in dating for short periods of time; many of my friends do that and encounter too many problems to count. A girl that is pleasant to be around is cool, but one I really connect with is way better.

 

[tturt]

StDamage, welcome to the forums!

posted: "...hear from ministers was that "men are dogs"..." forgive - you know the importance of forgiving others.

We're to take every thought captive (II Cor 10:5) and renew our minds with His Word (Rom 12:2) So when those thoughts come about "...can't shake that bitterness....," we need to immediately exchange those for Scripture such as:
-"The spirit of God hath made me, and the breath of the Almighty hath given me life." Job 33:4
- Yahweh is great, majestic, gracious, full of compassion, good to all, glorious, near to all who call on Him, +++++ Psa 145

In addition to what visionary wrote and since you're in accounting, you can prepare for the future by learning more about effective budgeting, communication skills, how to handle a household on your own - chores, maintenance, etc There have been threads about preparing for marriage while still single.

 

[gennypearl]

Praying for you. Let go of those negative thoughts. You are in charge of the ship and that includes your thoughts. How about some positivity mate (an accounting major here)! God bless!

 

[StDamage]

Praying for you. Let go of those negative thoughts. You are in charge of the ship and that includes your thoughts. How about some positivity mate (an accounting major here)! God bless!

Thank you for the kind words! Since I have made this post I have made slow progress, but I feel like I am on the right path since I am trying to focus on something positive and also work on forgiveness! Accounting can sure keep you busy and have your mind focus on other things!

 

[gennypearl]

Thank you for the kind words! Since I have made this post I have made slow progress, but I feel like I am on the right path since I am trying to focus on something positive and also work on forgiveness! Accounting can sure keep you busy and have your mind focus on other things!

ikr! with all the debits and credits and such. that's good news about your progress. keep it up!