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Yes....it's true.....

IDidntDoIt

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Mr. Redguard asked me to post this in another thread because I was gunna hijack the one about "how often do you date".

Yes, it's true. My marriage was an arranged marriage. Red thought peeps would be askin' questions - so I should start my own thread for that...here we go.
I'm not sure how much you wanna know so - I'll give it all to ya. The whole deal w/ internet security kinda freaks me out so I won't use any names or anything - heck - I even entered the wrong b-date when signing up cuz I didn't want peeps to know.......

My dad is from Pakistan - mom is from.....California.....:). They met while my dad was in the States on a Education Visa. He was attending Stanford & so was she. They met - fell in love. He returned to Pakistan - she followed him & they got married. They lived in Pakistan for awhile - but had to flee for their lives. My dad had wittnessed to and converted a young couple from Muslim to Christian. That is a big no-no. After he baptised the couple, about 3 wks later he recv'd a knock on his door & a letter slid under the door. The letter said, "They are coming to kill you. You must leave." A mob was gathering in the town to come and kill my parents and burn down the house because converting a Muslim is the worst thing you can do - especially to Christian. My dad grabbed my mom (then pregnant with me) and his Bible, passports, and wallet and left. he didn't grab any clothes because they could hear the mob coming. He later had friends send their belongings to the states. They made it out of the country and into the U.S. I was born shortly after they arrived.

I take after my mom - I'm white - you'd never guess I had a Pakistan heritage...well..except for my last name (man does that throw people) - Light hair - blue eyes. I look nuthin like my dad unless I get a good tan in the summer. :) Anyhoo - to the AM (arranged marriage) part of this.

That young couple that was converted also had to flee - they arrived in the US about 1 wk after my parents. They have been close friends ever since. My dad & the other man decided that his first born daughter would marry my dads first born son (me). That was waaay back when I was about......1 wk old. My wife wasn't born yet - but would be about 1 yr later.
Anyway - later my now father -in-law moved back to India with his family, but never forgot about the AM. About 5 yrs ago he contacted my father & the first meeting was set. I met her in the airport - it was the first time I had seen her. We "dated" for about 2 yrs and then got married 3 yrs ago.

If you look at me and my wife you'd never know we were an AM (arranged marriage). I am as white as they come. I'm 6'4 305lbs. She's 5'7 and lucky if she's 105 when she's soaking wet. She's a dark skinned indian beauty. as I said - I'm a whitey. I played college football (Stanford) & pro football for about 2 yrs. I had a career ending injury that cut my pro "career" very short. :( (that's another story). She doesn't work. She spends a lot of time working in local food shelters & with various kids programs - teaching Indian kids to speak English & many other ministries. We are both very commited to Christ & each other. She's an amazing woman!

So, what do you wanna know?
 

SweetBella

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i love that story! i don't know what i want to know but this is very interesting! thank you!

i thought of some questions...


how did you feel that you couldn't choose who you wanted to marry?

what was your first impression of her when you met her?

what was hers on you?

do you have any children?

will you arrange their marriages?



PS my character doesn't usually look like this, don't be alarmed! ;)
 
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luvmyhubby

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Fantastic story! Thanks for sharing. Did you date anyone else while you were waiting to meet your bride? Had you always known that you would marry this girl or had it been "forgotten about" until your now father-in-law contacted your father? Thanks again for sharing. So glad you are happy in your marriage!
 
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IDidntDoIt

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how did you feel that you couldn't choose who you wanted to marry?

When I first found out about the AM (I was about....12 or 13) I was ticked! I was very mad at my dad for awhile since it was HIS culture doing this to me. My dad talked to me on several occasions. After awhile I was ok with it & it actually allowed me to focus more on my school & football. Didn't have to think about the ladies.

what was your first impression of her when you met her?
Honestly, my breath was taken away. My first thought was, "Wow, how beautiful! Does she speak English? Please speak english!"

what was hers on you?
She said she was overwhelmed at first with my size. But when I took her hand as we walked through the airport she realized I was just a big teddy bear.

do you have any children?
Nope

will you arrange their marriages?
No. We don't live in that culture anymore so finding someone do agree to a am would be hard. You really have to know a family you are doing the AM with - not just anyone off the street. My dad was certain that my FIL was a Christian & his children would be too - that is a very important thing for me. In the US - it would be just too hard to find.
 
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IDidntDoIt

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mtmrds said:
What an interesting story. So, I guess you are a fan of AM, is that it? I don't think I'd want to arrange my children's marriages, but how nice for you.


A fan of it? I dunno. It worked out for me! I have heard horror stories. Like I said - my dad was VERY careful as to who he picked. My parents also prayed everyday for 20 some years about her & her being a Christian.
 
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IDidntDoIt

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luvmyhubby said:
Fantastic story! Thanks for sharing. Did you date anyone else while you were waiting to meet your bride? Had you always known that you would marry this girl or had it been "forgotten about" until your now father-in-law contacted your father? Thanks again for sharing. So glad you are happy in your marriage!

Did you date anyone else while you were waiting to meet your bride?

In high school I went on a few dates - kind of a way to get back at my dad. But after I accepted the idea of the AM - I really started to focus more on my grades, football, and relationship w./ Christ.

Had you always known that you would marry this girl or had it been "forgotten about" until your now father-in-law contacted your father?

Like I said - I found out around 12 or 13. But never saw a picture of her or anything until the day I met her.
 
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Argent

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OK. I'm sorta buying this, although it's hard to imagine an american guy going for it, even if he's first-generation american.

Was there ever an option to not do it? Did your familiy say "You're marrying this girl or we will disown you." ? Could you have gotten out of it during the 2 years you dated if the two of you decided you hated each other? Had you committed your mind to it 100% before you met her at the airport. I'm not an ethno-centric person, and I've always understoond AMs intellectually, but I'm really having trouble believing a guy who grew up here would go through with it.

P.S. Lay off the roids!!!!!!! Sheeeeeesh!!!!!
 
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IDidntDoIt

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Argent said:
OK. I'm sorta buying this, although it's hard to imagine an american guy going for it, even if he's first-generation american.

Was there ever an option to not do it? Did your familiy say "You're marrying this girl or we will disown you." ? Could you have gotten out of it during the 2 years you dated if the two of you decided you hated each other? Had you committed your mind to it 100% before you met her at the airport. I'm not an ethno-centric person, and I've always understoond AMs intellectually, but I'm really having trouble believing a guy who grew up here would go through with it.

P.S. Lay off the roids!!!!!!! Sheeeeeesh!!!!!

Was there ever an option to not do it?
Yes and no. To not do it would've been to disrespect my dad.

Did your familiy say "You're marrying this girl or we will disown you." ?
No.

Could you have gotten out of it during the 2 years you dated if the two of you decided you hated each other?
Actually, my dad did mention this about a month after I met her & we started the dating process. But honestly I didn't matter - I had already fallen in love with her.

Had you committed your mind to it 100% before you met her at the airport.
Are you kiddin' bro? I was nervous as heck. Honestly, a lot of the arranged marriages I had seen - the ladies didn't look that good. I was VERY nervous that I wouldn't like her looks, personality, or anything about her. I was worried she may not even speak English! But - she is very beautiful, has a wonderful personality, and she does speak English....better than I do!

I'm not an ethno-centric person, and I've always understoond AMs intellectually, but I'm really having trouble believing a guy who grew up here would go through with it.
That's understandable. When you grow up with an understanding of why your family did this - it's not a bad thing. My father was looking out for my best interests, but he also listened to my fears and understood why I would be hesitant to go through with it. He never yelled at me or got angry with me, that's not the type of guy he is or the type of relationship we have. We talk to each other as men - as equals.

Now, had it turned out bad and I didn't like her - I would've run away the minute my dad gave me an out! I know he would've been ok with it as long as I gave it a chance. But it did work!
 
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Entertaining_Angels

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I had a co-worker many years ago whose marriage had been arranged by her parents. She met him right before their arranged wedding. She seemed very happy. They had been married maybe eight years or so at the time.

Different countries, different customs. Our American way of choosing mates does not seem all that successful, so if somebody has a better way, I'm all for it.

God bless.
 
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Redguard

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Did you have fears of not being attracted to her (physically or emotionally) before meeting her?

Do you guys watch and laugh at all those thousands of Bollywood movies that joke around about arranged marriages?
 
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IDidntDoIt

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Redguard said:
Did you have fears of not being attracted to her (physically or emotionally) before meeting her?

Heck yeah!!! I was really affraid of not being attracted physically - and emotionally.

Redguard said:
Do you guys watch and laugh at all those thousands of Bollywood movies that joke around about arranged marriages?

Only seen one.
 
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IDidntDoIt

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Redguard said:
Was it Bride and Prejudice?


I actually don't know what it was called - it was awhile ago. I pray I don't have to watch one again!! :)
I don't get time to watch many movies - or maybe I just don't TAKE time to. It seems like a waste of time to me.
 
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Autumnleaf

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Do you think arranged marriages are generally a better idea than picking your own spouse?


If you could choose to would you want to be able to AM your children?


Did you feel God had a hand in your AM?


How much did you think about her from when you found out until when you finally met her?
 
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IDidntDoIt

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Autumnleaf said:
Do you think arranged marriages are generally a better idea than picking your own spouse?

Better? I'm not sure. But as I've said - it did enable me to focus more on things other than girls or finding a girlfriend or whatever. Not better - different.

Autumnleaf said:
If you could choose to would you want to be able to AM your children?

No. It's just not part of our culture to do it so I don't think it'd be possible. I'm not sure if I want to. I mean, it did work out WONDERFUL for me, but I know other people that it didn't work out too well for. I consider myself very fortunate.....very blessed.

Autumnleaf said:
Did you feel God had a hand in your AM?

Oh yeah. There is no doubt in my mind that God hand picked this woman for me. I mean, only God truely knows my wants, desires, and needs. He gave them to me.

Autumnleaf said:
How much did you think about her from when you found out until when you finally met her?

At first I didn't think about her that much. I was seriously focused on football and school. I was very involved in church & other activites, thanks to mom & dad. When I knew the time was getting close it was all I could think about! I was a nervous wreck!
 
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