Yeah Im really lost in sin

[Lavenderain]

I was a fornicater at first not knowing that fornication was wrong, my intentions were good because I was serious, dedicated and in love and intending to marry him.

We married after 5 years, but he really was'nt ready to marry we were 23 when we married, so then we divorced at age 26.

I went on to find my husband who would love me, but in pain from a broken marriage and waiting so long to have a baby many years, I was in my late 20's and not yet married, fornication again, he mentioned he wanted to marry me and everyting.
But then after we started having a baby , he went back on his word.

He even talked to other woman on chats making me jealous and yet hes a really good man, hard working, works so much we have no time together.
5 years have gone by, he's not interested in marriage and romance has died, I have a problem of wanting a sexual love making relationship with my one and only though we have a sexless marriage already and are not even married.He'll only touch me like every 2 months now.

So now I have another problem, I struggle with cyber sex.
All it is is a bunch of heartache and disrespect..

All I ever wanted was to find the 1 to marry and have a christian life with, lots of romance and a good sex life with only my husband.

So now I battle with choices, to stay with him even though we dont have much intimacy and even though we both already have been talkiing to others.

My goal is to marry and live happily ever after with lots of(" blank") with my christian husband, the end....

But it has'nt went that way... and I dont want to be a sexless nun,,, sorry,

 

[hope10]

You do not have to be a sexless nun. However, while you are waiting for the one, you can focus on yourself. Build your life in Christ. Be comfortable with who you are and if you are not, you need to target that first before you can bring a man into your life. Marriage takes work and it will be more difficult if you have self esteem issues with yourself. Make sure you get to the point where you know and understand that you were fearfully and wonderfully made by God. You were worth dying for because He gave up his son for your soul's freedom. You do not have to give your body to anyone except your husband. Your body is the temple of God and therefore should be seen and treated as such. Do not pressure yourself or let anyone pressure you into fornication because of fear that you are getting old. Love is love no matter what age it comes into your life. Make your requests of a true and Godly husband and children, known to God, and you will be surprised at how much can happen in a short amount of time. Take heart and never feel you have to sell yourself short. You are more precious than you know.

 

[Endzone]

Let me tell you my story. I just think you will be able to relate to it. I'm a 53-year-old Christian male. I have been a christian since I was 20, and I have had a very close relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I have been lead by His Spirit and He has been a sweet comfort to me all my life. But, I have also had a problem <staff edit>, and because of this I rationed that I would not be able to have a good relationship with a woman. So, I began getting into pornography. I was a virgin until I was 28, <staff edit>. And I had a lot of cute Christian girls that wanted to go out with me. I was the nice guy type and a good looking guy back then. I had a good personality and the whole bit. But, in my mind I believed a lie that God could not come through for me. <staff edit> I would quench the Holy Spirit every time I binged on porn and acted out. <staff edit>

So, I see something similar in your life. You probably have a rejection issue, and you have made up your mind that God can't handle this situation for you which is a lie. You're not willing to trust the Lord and turn it over to him. As long as you keep trying to handle it, you are going to fail. You must do it His way and in a way that requires faith. <staff edit>

I have more to say, but will talk alter.

 

[Lavenderain]

please pray for me... thanks.Im working on it..

 

[ayearhasgone]

I'm no expert but here is my advice.

First and foremost since you are already living with this person and have a child with him, it is in everyone's best interest that you stay with him. Do not seek another relationship.

Now then, about your current relationship. You say there is hardly any intimacy at all, and yet he talks to other women in chat, and you struggle with cyber sex. Sounds like you both are meeting a need for intimacy outside of your relationship when you could be meeting it with each other. My wife and I both work and we have two children-- one is an emotional pre-teen and the other is an 11-week old fussy baby. So I know how hard it is to find time for intimacy.

But that's what you and your man need right now. Don't worry about marriage, don't even worry about having a Christian husband. You need to salvage your relationship before anything like that can happen. Baby steps.

I also advise that you seek help from a professional counselor if things continue to turn sour. <staff edit> most pastors simply do not have the training or the insight to deal with situations like this.

Is your man a Christian? If so, then great, but if not, we'll worry about that after your strengthen your relationship.

 

[Interestingpov]

If it bothers you, don't do it.

That simple.

If masturbating to other people's stories makes you guilty, stop doing it.
You don't have to be a sexless nun, just don't do what makes you uncomfortable.

Personally, I never want to have bondage, enter a threeway or have sex while intoxicated, but that doesn't mean I'm never going to have sex period.

Still a virgin, simply because, despite the circumstances that said 'Hey, have sex with this person!' I did not want to, so I did not.

Like refusing an alcoholic drink, all you have to do is say no, and keep saying no.

If they sex you anyway, then it's called rape, and you can prosecute.

 

[Lavenderain]

Thank you brother and sister in the Lord for your encouragment.
Iv been praying and lately I feel like Im having a break thru in my prayer about this.

I came to a conclussion that if I obey God by not acting out any fornication with a man that I might possibly like and could marry in the future, that Iv been reading that God is in control of our hearts, that if I obey, maybe God would be able to work in my life, maybe at first it could be bad and good things to change everything around to his will, but if I obey, he might bless me with a good future marriage with a chrisin husband.
Though Im confused about everything and dont know wich steps to take on my own anymore, though Im tempted to chil out , my main goal is higher then that .

It's scary but Im learning that I need t otrust in the Lord, I need to trust him.
Scary because for those who dont want to be single and feel neglected, thats when it comes down to trusting God I guess.

So Im backing up my steps where Iv went wrong, alot of the worldly things look fun and everything, but it all leads to loveless heartache.

If I keep my eye on the higher goal, I guess Im good.

I know Im not the only one confused and struggeling with this, I believe most of us in some way have this struggle to find that happy marriage and can get lost along the way, lost or confused.

Please share your stories , your prayers, I still stumble in the dark and need your true fellowship, thanks.

 

[Lavenderain]

ayearhasgonebye
your advice is good as well.
Iv decided since Im not getting any anyway lol it wont be too hard to give up fornication,I decided Im going to give up the sex talks and every fornication act.

In hopes that the Lord will turn me to his will, Iv had doubts about my bf, maybe God will turn my bf's hear to me or maybe God will let me know one way or anther if my bf really wants to be with me or not, he's been hesitant on marriage.

So since Im confused, Im still going to stay with him until I see and hope and pray that God will reveal the truth to me if I obey him, weather my bf wants to stay with me or not.

Im sure Im alright if I dont have sex until marriage, a man just doesnt love his woman unless he is willinig to marry her I think, though the intimacy is very important as well and romance should never die, so I trust God that he will bless me with that as well.

Either way, I love my bf if he is interested in me forever or not, I want stay friends with him atleast.

At first I was trying to get his attention and everything, its been a few years battle. leaving me confused, maybe a battle because I didnt do things right by marrying first I dont know drops head.

Im not going anywhere until God reveals to me if my bf wants me or not.
Im just going to try to be good, since Im so confused.

 

[Lavenderain]

Interestpov
why did'nt I think of this a long time ago.
Its not that I dont want, see Im highly tempted.
But Im afraid of my soul and theirs and also that maybe God might have a good lovelife for me that I just dont know about right now because I mess it up by not obeying.

Im not that perfect though, yea, masturbation is a release of temptation .

mnmcandiez
Iv thought in this point of view too,
the tricky thing is, I love him, I think he loves me in a way that old people love eachother
hes a good daddy too.

I think only time can tell, Im confused, I gues nows the time for me to be good more than ever, Im thinking if I do that God will bless me and will start working in my life if he knows Im handing it over to him.

Ill be tempted much but thats when I guess Ill have to trust God that he's working .

I really appraciate your alls advice, I could use all the advice I can get right now, this is tuff.

 

[ayearhasgone]

ayearhasgonebye
your advice is good as well.
Iv decided since Im not getting any anyway lol it wont be too hard to give up fornication,I decided Im going to give up the sex talks and every fornication act.

While this may cause more of a strain on your relationship, it is an excellent first step towards getting right with God-- which may actually be the better idea.

Spend time in prayer. Open your heart and allow God to work in your life and the life of your boyfriend, and if it is His will, you will find yourself married to a wonderful Christian husband.

Obviously leaving this man and pulling your children away from their father is a horrible idea, so I need not go there.

 

[Lavenderain]

Ok.. easier said then done.

pray for me someone.

 

[Criada]

I am praying, sister

 

[Lavenderain]

Thanks, hopefully God can meet me atleast half way on this.
I believe prayer works, like if I were doing wrong maybe my luck wont go so well, something like that.

 

[eric246]

Hey there! Although I can't really give much advice on the marriage aspect, but I too have problems with cybersex. If you want to chat about it, pm me, and I'd be glad to talk to you!

 

[outOftheLoop]

I was a fornicater at first not knowing that fornication was wrong, my intentions were good because I was serious, dedicated and in love and intending to marry him.

We married after 5 years, but he really was'nt ready to marry we were 23 when we married, so then we divorced at age 26.

I went on to find my husband who would love me, but in pain from a broken marriage and waiting so long to have a baby many years, I was in my late 20's and not yet married, fornication again, he mentioned he wanted to marry me and everyting.
But then after we started having a baby , he went back on his word.

He even talked to other woman on chats making me jealous and yet hes a really good man, hard working, works so much we have no time together.
5 years have gone by, he's not interested in marriage and romance has died, I have a problem of wanting a sexual love making relationship with my one and only though we have a sexless marriage already and are not even married.He'll only touch me like every 2 months now.

So now I have another problem, I struggle with cyber sex.
All it is is a bunch of heartache and disrespect..

All I ever wanted was to find the 1 to marry and have a christian life with, lots of romance and a good sex life with only my husband.

So now I battle with choices, to stay with him even though we dont have much intimacy and even though we both already have been talkiing to others.

My goal is to marry and live happily ever after with lots of(" blank") with my christian husband, the end....

But it has'nt went that way... and I dont want to be a sexless nun,,, sorry,

whne a couple has sex without being married (maybe sometimes even when they are married?? :o) it changes things in the relationship, usually for the worst. I absolutely REFUSE to even kiss a man on the lips b4 marriage. If a man doesn't want to marry me (& who knows for sure whether he does or not??? ppl lie all the time), all the sex in the world is not going to change his mind and probably will even make him ... well..

i think things haven't changed much in the last few decades after all. Men used to call women who slept with them b4 marriage (read: w/o marriage) as "loose"

you can change the way things are done in society, but you cannot change truth/reality or human nature. I believe men still think this. they think that since you slept with HIM without being married you would possibly sleep with Bill down the street also

Sex is not meant for just anyone but for those who know each other and and RESPECT each other & are married in the eyes of God... You can't know or respect someone if you sleep with him too soon / without marriage. it seems to me that sex puts an end to getting to know the person, who he really is... The focus changes...

I've been a "sexless nun" for mnay years, although not in a convent... jsut the way i happen to live as a single person

It is NOT bad. I enjoy being alone (because for one thing, i am never alone with God)

When you talk to God, you know you are talking to someone who loves you & always will... With a human being... Who the h - knows??

ppl say I love you all the time.. means nothing

In any case, there's certainly no guarantee that it means anything..