This isn't me "preaching" or anything it's just something hit me, both from a book I am reading, and also from what Mitzi said in my previous post as well as the post from Jodocd. I wanted to share and get your thoughts, opinions and encouragement as I move along my path...my therapist has been out of town for family matters and it's been close to a month that I've seen her and really have no way to "vent" right now. 
I had been doing fine for a while and decided to try and come off my Ambien CR I had been taking to sleep because I was worried about addiction/dependency. I weened slowly and after my last dose, it took a week of not a lot of sleep for a panic attack/OCD to hit. It was funny, my OCD started kicking in about some things but that's not what I've held on to. My typical OCD obsessions passed fairly quickly. What I started worrying about was my medication no longer was working, I was going to spiral out of control and lose my job, I was going to have to switch meds and go back on something that would make me gain all my weight back (I have recently lost my 70 pounds of Zoloft weight), etc.
But Mitzi mentioned the "worry about the worry" and how she tries not to do this and just accepts it. And I was reading a book tonight and it basically said that even when biochemical handicaps, etc. can push you towards anxiety, depression, etc. irrational thinking may also contribute to it and keep it alive and intensify it. It also said we should take responsibility for some of the acute and prolonged upsets.
Putting both of those together just now made me realize...I am trying so hard to find a reason to blame for why I feel the way I feel (it's a chemical imbalance, I must be eating something wrong, my medicine must not be working) that I haven't taken a step back to realize that, yes, some of this may be true, but I'm also personally responsible for some of the negative thinking and allowing myself to stay in the anxiety for this week.
Yes, the lack of sleep may have something to do with it, may have gotten some things "out of whack" but that doesn't mean my medication isn't working. Funny, I have been fine for a while, one little set back, and I am ready to blame my medication when I should take at least part of the responsibility.
And if the lack of sleep did get my checmicals out of whack, the medicine will right it and so will some positive thinking. I can't expect the ship to be righted instantly when it took a week to get things out of whack. And I can't sit back and blame and wallow and worry. I have to think positive and I have to accept some responsibility and not blame it all on my OCD.
When all of this hit my, it was like a weight was lifted. I was no longer feeling anxious like I was just a few minutes prior. And it's funny, I feel fine now, but I feel my mind almost trying to force myself to panic again. I just keep telling myself to take responsibility and not allow the worry to creep back.
Anyway, I know this was a long ramble but I just had to talk to someone. Hugs and prayers to everyone.
I had been doing fine for a while and decided to try and come off my Ambien CR I had been taking to sleep because I was worried about addiction/dependency. I weened slowly and after my last dose, it took a week of not a lot of sleep for a panic attack/OCD to hit. It was funny, my OCD started kicking in about some things but that's not what I've held on to. My typical OCD obsessions passed fairly quickly. What I started worrying about was my medication no longer was working, I was going to spiral out of control and lose my job, I was going to have to switch meds and go back on something that would make me gain all my weight back (I have recently lost my 70 pounds of Zoloft weight), etc.
But Mitzi mentioned the "worry about the worry" and how she tries not to do this and just accepts it. And I was reading a book tonight and it basically said that even when biochemical handicaps, etc. can push you towards anxiety, depression, etc. irrational thinking may also contribute to it and keep it alive and intensify it. It also said we should take responsibility for some of the acute and prolonged upsets.
Putting both of those together just now made me realize...I am trying so hard to find a reason to blame for why I feel the way I feel (it's a chemical imbalance, I must be eating something wrong, my medicine must not be working) that I haven't taken a step back to realize that, yes, some of this may be true, but I'm also personally responsible for some of the negative thinking and allowing myself to stay in the anxiety for this week.
Yes, the lack of sleep may have something to do with it, may have gotten some things "out of whack" but that doesn't mean my medication isn't working. Funny, I have been fine for a while, one little set back, and I am ready to blame my medication when I should take at least part of the responsibility.
And if the lack of sleep did get my checmicals out of whack, the medicine will right it and so will some positive thinking. I can't expect the ship to be righted instantly when it took a week to get things out of whack. And I can't sit back and blame and wallow and worry. I have to think positive and I have to accept some responsibility and not blame it all on my OCD.
When all of this hit my, it was like a weight was lifted. I was no longer feeling anxious like I was just a few minutes prior. And it's funny, I feel fine now, but I feel my mind almost trying to force myself to panic again. I just keep telling myself to take responsibility and not allow the worry to creep back.
Anyway, I know this was a long ramble but I just had to talk to someone. Hugs and prayers to everyone.
