Would you wait for engagement or marriage for first kiss?

[historyismypassion]

Just wondering what your thoughts are?

 

[SnowyMacie]

Nope. That's a 1st-3rd date kinda thing.

 

[PeachieKeen]

No, and I actually think this can be harmful. I think people who abstain from all physicality prior to marriage often find themselves rushing into marriage simply to cross those thresholds. If all flesh is this forbidden, secret thing to explore, we're going to make it an idol. It's going to be an obsession.

 

[historyismypassion]

Because I am thinking about doing this when in my first relationship of my life.

 

[PeachieKeen]

Just to clarify, there's no pressure TO do it if it doesn't feel right, but also don't pressure yourself too much that you have to always remain perfect and pure- lips unkissed, eyes without ever seeing anything, thoughts without ever wondering. Trust me... when you try to live by making yourself pure enough and good enough, life takes that away real fast and you're left questioning everything you've known.

 

[kittysbecute]

Just wondering [what] your thoughts are?

Personally or as general advice?

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Just wondering want your thoughts are?

Never in a million years. People can assign all kinds of labels to the relationships that they have, but unless they actually behave towards each other in a manner different than that, all they really have is a good friendship, and showing physical affection is perhaps the most obvious change of behaviour.

 

[Gnarwhal]

Personally, I wouldn't choose to do it. In most cases I think it's a phony attempt to appear virtuous. Like @.Mikha'el. said, kissing is an expression of a romantic relationship. It demarcates the affection and exclusivity of the romance from any other relationship.

 

[timewerx]

I kiss and hug my cats and dog, so why not people I love?

 

[Citanul]

One of the problems with keeping from kissing until marriage is that it would probably meet that the couple has had to try to quash the physical desire they feel towards each other. And then they get married, after which point they should be wanting to do more than just kiss, but to go to that from doing absolutely nothing could be difficult and lead to early problems in the marriage.

 

[dayhiker]

nope ... If I wanted to continue the relationship I'd want to be kissing.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

People actually do this? How do they manage it?

The first kiss is very important, you can tell everything about that first kiss. I seriously could not wait until my wedding day.

 

[Citanul]

People actually do this? How do they manage it?

I think they tend to be people who are into "courting" rather than dating, and probably go to great lengths to ensure that the two of them are never alone together. That definitely wouldn't work for me, and I don't think that it's a particularly good way to build a relationship.

 

[timewerx]

I think they tend to be people who are into "courting" rather than dating, and probably go to great lengths to ensure that the two of them are never alone together. That definitely wouldn't work for me, and I don't think that it's a particularly good way to build a relationship.

That's too extreme doesn't it?

What if there are huge surprises later on? For example, one person is a very shallow sleeper and the other talks loudly in their sleep?

There's actually a long list one can find very surprising...You wouldn't want to see that during the honeymoon!

Ironically if such things come out later once married, it makes fertile ground for extra-marital affairs or divorce.

 

[ReesePiece23]

My female friends kiss me. Not with tounges obviously, but it's something they like to do.

It's not any different to a friendly hug. And it's a social norm. So clearly, there must me a distinction between romantic partners and friends. Otherwise we'd all be very lost.



Edit: I also want to add that if celibacy is your goal until after marriage, then your will to abstain depends on how much you value the relationship itself, and how big of a view you have on the bigger picture.

I won't voice my own opinion on it, but what I can say is that it takes some effort (with many opportunities to stop and turn away) to undress each other and follow through with the act. If in your hearts you DON'T want to, you won't. So don't do this courting nonsense, and certainly don't be afraid to get close. Because you'll hamper the development of the relationship otherwise.

 

[Cearbhall]

No.

 

[Paulie079]

More than likely not, but if I dated someone who wanted to wait, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker. Kissing isn't the only way to show physical affection or the only thing that makes a relationship romantic (it's odd to me that people talk like it is). It's also kind of a harsh judgment to say that it's just a means for people to show off their virtue. I know people who have waited until the wedding day or engagement to kiss who had genuine feelings about it being the right thing for them to do as a couple.

 

[sundewgrower]

No, and I actually think this can be harmful. I think people who abstain from all physicality prior to marriage often find themselves rushing into marriage simply to cross those thresholds. If all flesh is this forbidden, secret thing to explore, we're going to make it an idol. It's going to be an obsession.

It really depends on the context. My GF and I are cluless as we've never been in such straits... On one hand kissing can be good and another--it can accelerate things if too soon IMHO. I feel legalism isn't good and yet promoting or accepting stuff past kissing isn't good.

That's too extreme doesn't it?

What if there are huge surprises later on? For example, one person is a very shallow sleeper and the other talks loudly in their sleep?

There's actually a long list one can find very surprising...You wouldn't want to see that during the honeymoon!

Ironically if such things come out later once married, it makes fertile ground for extra-marital affairs or divorce.

It'd be hard to sleep with somebody and behave 100% IMHO. Some things I think can be found out by napping in a situation where the temptation is minimized. But like overall like if both people are virgins--then it's something preferable not to cross, and thus I'm incredibly stubborn... I'll be drastic and aggressive to snuff problems out before they come.

Edit: I also want to add that if celibacy is your goal until after marriage, then your will to abstain depends on how much you value the relationship itself, and how big of a view you have on the bigger picture.

I won't voice my own opinion on it, but what I can say is that it takes some effort (with many opportunities to stop and turn away) to undress each other and follow through with the act. If in your hearts you DON'T want to, you won't. So don't do this courting nonsense, and certainly don't be afraid to get close. Because you'll hamper the development of the relationship otherwise.

The first part is spot on. I had a few chances before and I did NOT which I'm very thankful for--as it helps my current relationship out and the folks see I'm a weird/rare one. Long term I see that thing is a good deal but if the timing or context is off--then it's going to sour everything, and it's best to not introduce any sensual/off color elements whenever possible. Kissing is important--but that can spark some aggression and that even needs to be kept into account IMHO. I'm fending my better half off and we regularly have to discuss things to ensure we're on a straight course--it's far from easy but I'm happy with it thus far.

I do see a lot of legalistic families crash and burn. People need to be responsible, wise, and talk--to ensure they follow their convictions and be realistic.

 

[John MacK]

Just wondering what your thoughts are?

Marriage. Anybody who would rush into marriage because they cannot resist the temptations of the flesh is making a horrible decision. I'm not saying it's easy, but the way I think of it is kissing may not be seen as being "as bad" as premarital sex, but I wouldn't want my future spouse to know I had been that intimate with other women in my past, nor her with other men.

I guess its 2017 so a lot of people don't have a problem with it, but for me it just isn't something I see being acceptable outside of marriage. That, and I think the more physical we are in our intimacy prior to marriage, that isn't some sort of release valve as some have suggested, those feelings will just become stronger and have more control over you until you eventually do something you regret. So I think it is better to avoid it all together until you are married.

Just think about how much more meaningful it will be knowing that you honored God and your future spouse by waiting for them and them alone? That is the way God intended it.

Anyway just my opinion, people are free to make their own decisions.

 

[John MacK]

That's too extreme doesn't it?

What if there are huge surprises later on? For example, one person is a very shallow sleeper and the other talks loudly in their sleep?

There's actually a long list one can find very surprising...You wouldn't want to see that during the honeymoon!

Ironically if such things come out later once married, it makes fertile ground for extra-marital affairs or divorce.

Actually the research on this says the exact opposite. Cohabitation, couples living together prior to marriage, are much more likely to divorce if they eventually do decide to marry one another (as opposed to a married couple who never lived together prior to marriage). Also, the more physical intimacy prior to marriage has the same effect. Not my opinion, this has been widely studied.

Also, on a side note, if "talking loudly in their sleep" is grounds for divorce, the relationship should have never progressed to marriage in the first place.