Would You Rather Have Your Marriage Arranged?

[JourneyRain]

I understand that the US focuses of love being the reason for marriage. That's our culture so it'd be weird to suddenly start having arranged marriages. However, I would not and could not ever have an arranged marriage. Am I the by-product of my culture? In part yes but my parents would not be able to choose who I would marry because one they wouldn't and my brothers would frighten every guy off.

However I see the benefit of arranged marriages in cultures or previous times where love wasn't the focus. Love cannot pay the bills but the cultures that do have arranged marriages are only usually because of fiancial reasons or social standing. Sometimes though the men that the fathers choose for their daughters are not very good men, its just the benefit outweight the cost so to speak.

I've been spending WAY too much time working on my psych stuff today.

 

[Niels]

I understand that the US focuses of love being the reason for marriage. That's our culture so it'd be weird to suddenly start having arranged marriages.

However I see the benefit of arranged marriages in cultures or previous times where love wasn't the focus. Love cannot pay the bills but the cultures that do have arranged marriages are only usually because of fiancial reasons or social standing.

I don't really disagree with you... But, out of curiosity, why would there be any less love in an arranged marriage? In western culture, we're taught to obsess about a stranger who's supposed to fit the flavor of the month body-type of a Hollywood star, and then we're often blinded to his or her faults etc. Some folks may end up with cheating alchoholics for mates, for example, just because they thought the apple of their eye was pretty, culture told them to have feelings toward this 'ideal', and were blinded by the same kind of lust that we're (perhaps) wrongly told is romantic. Or tastes/styles change, and suddenly they're not what we want. Just look at all the divorce that happens for petty reasons. This doesn't sound much like love either, when I think about it a certain way.

 

[JourneyRain]

I don't really disagree with you... But, out of curiosity, why would there be any less love in an arranged marriage? In western culture, we're taught to obsess about a stranger who's supposed to fit the flavor of the month body-type of a Hollywood star, and then we're often blinded to his or her faults etc. Some folks may end up with cheating alchoholics for mates, for example, just because they thought the apple of their eye was pretty, culture told them to have feelings toward this 'ideal', and were blinded by the same kind of lust that we're (perhaps) wrongly told is romantic. Or tastes/styles change, and suddenly they're not what we want. Just look at all the divorce that happens for petty reasons. This doesn't sound much like love either, when I think about it a certain way.

When the arranged marriage actually considers both parties feelings on the matter meaning its not a totally forced situation on one persons part or when the father since that is typically who determines the arranged marriage part prayfully considers the partner then love can grow.

But if a person is forced and neither party wants to be there or really isn't into it, can love grow who knows. I agree with you on how the US's media saturated society on how love is because of how someone looks.

We all are a product of our culture, we just have to fight it sometimes because its not how God wants us to be.

 

[B®ent]

When the arranged marriage actually considers both parties feelings on the matter meaning its not a totally forced situation on one persons part or when the father since that is typically who determines the arranged marriage part prayfully considers the partner then love can grow.

I agree.

But if a person is forced and neither party wants to be there or really isn't into it, can love grow who knows. I agree with you on how the US's media saturated society on how love is because of how someone looks.

We all are a product of our culture, we just have to fight it sometimes because its not how God wants us to be.

True, it's a sad fact.

 

[fishstix]

I voted 'no' because I am a man. (Man = initiator)

If I were a lady who had a trustworthy father, then I would like it arranged, yes.

That's an interesting thought that you bring up. I realize that you're not trying to push this idea on anyone, but it did get me thinking, so I'm going to post some of my thoughts that arose from that. I'm not trying to get into an argument; these are just my thoughts/opinions:

I'm trying to picture what it would be like if all the men were choosing their wife and at the same time all the women were having arranged marriages. Two possible outcomes come to mind:

a) No one gets married because the men and women are following mutually exclusive paths - if men do not have arranged marriages and women must have arranged marriages then there would be no men available for the women's arranged marriages and no women available for the men's non-arranged marriages.

b) Men looking for wives shop around and then initiate things with the parents of the woman, and she's stuck with whoever her parents decide on. This makes it seem like the woman is a piece of property, being traded from one owner to another. If she has no say in who she will marry or even if she will marry, she's really little more than an item being purchased, the way one might purchase a dog or a horse. Sure, if the parents are trustworthy they will try their best to choose someone who they think will be a good husband for their daughter, but the whole situation would still leave her being treated like a piece of property. In some ways, almost like a prostitute as she is going to be required to have sex with the man as part of the deal. She has no choice, other people have arranged it.

I don't really like the idea of arranged marriages (where the spouses-to-be have no say in the matter), but if they were going to happen, I'd be more comfortable with them being equally arranged for both genders rather than having a double standard where one gender gets to choose and the other doesn't.

 

[Niels]

We all are a product of our culture, we just have to fight it sometimes because its not how God wants us to be.

So true. It can take real discernment to see God's will through the media pressures etc. Something I'm sure many of us, myself included, struggle with. It can be done, but this topic got me thinking that maybe arranged marriages could be a way (though probably not the best way) to avoid some of those issues. Of course, to be stuck with the wrong person, against one's will, would be awful.

 

[songz777]

If the persons involved were truly led of the Lord as Abrahams servant was I would have no problem with it. Isaac was truly in love with his wife and she with him.
It can work.

 

[JPPT1974]

I chose maybe, she would have to be a looker if she was really apealing to my eyes and I was attracted to her I would give it a shot. Most girls are fake until you marry them anyways so I ask what is the difference.

That is funny with the smilies!! Maybe you could find them in a kung-fu fight!! Ha! Ha!

 

[rebel_conservative]

I voted yes, I would not object to an arranged (not forced) marriage. I am sure my parents would have my best interests at heart and find someone who was kind and loving. I know that I will love and cherish my wife, however we come together. I think that it is important to understand that both parties have a choice over arranged marriages today, it is not like our cultural stereotypes suggest. providing both parties are happy to go ahead, I see no problem.

I believe that the evidence from the UK is that arranged (not forced) marriages last longer, are more stable and break up less frequently than love-match relationships. but this is almost certainly due to the religious and cultural backgrounds of those who have arranged marriages being exclusively from the Asian community. btw, in the UK Asian refers to those from the Indian sub-continent exclusively (ie pakistan, india, bangladesh, nepal and sri lanka)

 

[j_mobey2005]

I think it's important that we acknowledge our parents views of those who we may be thinking of marrying, as they often are able to see more clearly from outside of the relationship and have more experience, but I couldn't go through with a arranged marriage. So often when an marriage is arranged the two people don't meet untill just prior to the offical engagement and then the marriage shortly follows. It's important to me that I have the chance to get to know someone I may well be spending the rest of my life with before I go into a serious relationship with them. Plus I really value the oppurtunity to have input in such important choices.