Would You Rather Have Your Marriage Arranged?

[latteda]

I used to be into the courtship thing, although I was never into betrothal. But over time I personally have decided it's not always the best way to go. At first glance it may appear "safe," but with any relationship there is risk involved. And I feel that it would be a big risk for me to commit to marrying someone I did not choose myself. My mom feels this way, too. She has told me that she wants to give me her counsel, but it is ultimately my decision because I am going to be the one who has to live with the person and raise a family with him.

One main issue for me, though, is that I want to marry for love. I'm not going to marry someone because I want a family and children. I'm not going to marry someone because I want my own home and a man to protect and provide for me. And, even still, I'm not going to marry because I want someone to love and who will love me. I'm going to marry because I'm going to meet a man I can't live without. For me, it's that simple.

 

[Fatolia]

I'm going to marry because I'm going to meet a man I can't live without. For me, it's that simple.

I have to agree with you there. That's precisely how it would be for me. So far, though, that hasn't happened. :-D

 

[Iggster]

Arrange marriages have worked out. Great example would be these two couples I know. They'be been together for 35 years.

Then of course, there's my grandma and grandpa who were arranged to be with other people. They ran away to the country of my birth because they loved each other too much to the point that they disobeyed their parents.

As for me, I can't turn and turn my feelings off at will. God gave me free will. And if there's anyone that's going to arrange my marriage, it would be Him. For I know that I will always be happy and content. Cheers!

 

[justasinner]

Arange marriages are OK, they have been here for thousands of years. And 92% of them stay married unlike the national average of 50 to 80% divorce rate. And if both parties agree to this type of marriage I see nothing wrong with them. You could extend the definition and say that a lot of these so called dating services are trying to arange or create a marriage for you.

So, if the person learn about me and seek out my likes and desires for a woman, I would welcome it. It would save the lady and myself time in finding out that we are not compatible.

 

[Thornado]

I got a fairly close encounter to the world of arranged marriages recently. The guy in the office next to me is from India. He was in India for about a month over Christmas, and when he got back he had gotten engaged. He had met the girl just a few days before the engagement, and it was his aunt that was the connection between the two families. They are planning to get married in May.


I think a major reason why the divorce rates are higher among "regular" couples than among arranged marriages (according to justasinner) is the mindset people have going into the marriages. If you come from a cultural background that have arranged marriages, and you do agree to such a marriage, you I would think that you are also more likely to realize that you need to work on the marriage and not just give up on it as soon as you run into a little trouble.

My parents would probably do a pretty good job at picking a wife, and it would increase the probability of getting married, but still, I would prefer to find my future wife myself...

 

[Babymine]

Wow! I've always just thought of love as a choice. I've had plenty of friends who've said, "Oh, I've fallen in LOVE with him! Ooohoo!" . . . Personally, I don't feel very safe about acquainting love with 'falling'. I usually associate 'falling' with 'OUCH!!!!!!' or a muddy pit of some sort. Besides that, everyone I know who's been in love has reached the point where they've fallen (yep, ouch) out of it. At some point, the butterflies flee for happier gardens. As long as I know the man being chosen is a man of character, from my angle I think I'd feel great knowing that somene had chosen to commit his life to me, whether those fickle butterflies are there, or not. They can come and go later as they choose! I think there's something intriguing in the idea of committing myself first and then spending my life getting to know that person (hey, I'm coming off of a Christmas high - what can I say?).

I agree with you actually. Ive also found that it's a good experience to talk to someone who actually has had an arranged marriage that turned out great, or that has had an arranged marriage that has failed (but they still advocate for arranged marriage)...there arent too many failed arranged marriages to speak of though. I have my own theory on why that is. I think the levels of expectation and committment are different in marriages that arent at first based on love.
If I lived in another country, and the person or persons choosing my spouse knew me and the other person very well. I probably wouldnt mind an arranged marriage. I would be wary of an Arranged marriage in my country.

 

[Fatolia]

Gee, if I approached my parents and asked, "Would you arrange a marriage for me, please?" they'd proceed to turn me around, kick me in the butt, shove me out the door, and scream "Go and find yourself a woman!"

 

[born2run]

lol...I love my parents with all my heart, but would never trust them enough to arrange a marriage for me. Love can't be forced...and I fully believe that an arranged marriage is doing just that.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Arranged by God? Certainly!

 

[ServantOrion]

Gave that away to God...He will take care of it.

 

[bostonlass]

They can't do any worse than I did the first time around, so yes, I'd love someone to arrange a marriage for me.

 

[B®ent]

I voted 'no' because I am a man. (Man = initiator)

If I were a lady who had a trustworthy father, then I would like it arranged, yes. I believe there is nothing wrong with arranged marriages. In fact, if you think about it, it's the most Biblical way. The problem nowadays is that people place so much emphasis on 'feelings' instead of real love. Love isn't supposed to be something we "fall into." (As if it's a pit or something) No, love is a choice, and it is proven by self-sacrifice and showing respect. Why does the Bible tell husbands to love their wives, and wives to respect their husbands? The husband's duty is to sacrifice himself for the well-being of his wife, in the same way Christ submitted to the Church; and the wife's duty is to submit to her husband in all things, and in doing so, she shows her respect (and therefore love) for him.

That's my perspective. I'm sure some people won't like it, but that's OK, I'm not trying to ram it down anyone's throat or anything like that.

God bless everyone.
Johannes

 

[london boy]

I would have to say no, I wouldn't be keen. However, I would consider it to be a possibilty (although an unlikely one) depending on who did the arranging and who I was meant to be with.

 

[Niels]

I'm undecided. While I like the idea of meeting my 'soul mate' at random, it's nearly impossible to meet folks who share the values of my family and my family's friends (and not just for moral issues, but outlooks on things like lifelong fitness etc.). An arranged marriage might actually work out better than what I'd find on my own.

Of course, I'd only want something like that if my arranged match had about the same level of interest in me, as I might have in her. It would be depressing to be married to somebody who doesn't like me, or somebody who I'd dislike.

 

[JPPT1974]

No way because you should get to pick your own mate. And that also should be having the Lord involved. That you shouldn't be married to someone that you don't love or better yet, hardly know. To have an arranged marriage is like slavery to me.

 

[aReformedPatriot]

I say arranged marriages are fine. Either way you look at it, the Lord's hand is going to be upon it. I often think we today place too much emphasis on "love." What is love? Is love at the core about selflessness and sacrifice, or is it a warm and fuzzy emotion that comes back. I would say both, but by and large the warm and fuzzy feeling is emphasized the most not realizing that this emotion will come and go. The times during which the warm feeling is gone marks what will be the most challenging part of a relationship, and show how much the relationship is "you centered." Either way, whether marriage is arranged or you get to pick, if being selfless for your partner is the focus, this love (warm and fuzzy) will come. It is simply a matter of trust.

 

[reverie_maiden]

I would have to say no, because guys that I have been set up with in the past by parents, friend's parents, friends, and even my pastor have all crashed and burned. Plus, if there are no feelings involved...why force a relationship. There has to be a spark...the two people have to click...and if it was arranged that missing puzzle piece just wouldn't be there.

 

[lady_of_god]

Nope... i wouldn't want to be in a arranged marriage.. I don't think it would work out and i should be able to choose who i want to be forever commited to. I don't like the idea of future hubby being a mystery.

-Lady

 

[ICE_girl]

no thanks! I'm very picky/ selective in the guys I date...more so now than I have been.

 

[revelations12_12]

I chose maybe, she would have to be a looker if she was really apealing to my eyes and I was attracted to her I would give it a shot. Most girls are fake until you marry them anyways so I ask what is the difference.