Would You Rather Have Your Marriage Arranged?

[Wheezy]

Wow! I've always just thought of love as a choice. I've had plenty of friends who've said, "Oh, I've fallen in LOVE with him! Ooohoo!" . . . Personally, I don't feel very safe about acquainting love with 'falling'. I usually associate 'falling' with 'OUCH!!!!!!' or a muddy pit of some sort. Besides that, everyone I know who's been in love has reached the point where they've fallen (yep, ouch) out of it. At some point, the butterflies flee for happier gardens. As long as I know the man being chosen is a man of character, from my angle I think I'd feel great knowing that somene had chosen to commit his life to me, whether those fickle butterflies are there, or not. They can come and go later as they choose! I think there's something intriguing in the idea of committing myself first and then spending my life getting to know that person (hey, I'm coming off of a Christmas high - what can I say?).

Anyway. Great discussion, guys! I've enjoyed seeing the different views!
Fight on -- Wheezy

 

[OhhJim]

Now that I don't see the "Find all posts by..." it will be tricky to find all of your posts, OhhJim, which I appreciate so much. You have a very interesting approach to life, so you're going to have to PM me each time you write on a thread.

Thanks for the compliment! How about if I only send you links the good stuff, since some people say I write a lot of drivel, too?!!

 

[lilray]

Absolutely Not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[sculpturegirl]

Dating is only as old as the automobile and really took off in the 50s/60s. I, for one, am glad to never have to do it again.

Our pastor introduced Erik and I and we are getting married. It wasn't really arranged, but it is nice when good folks are looking out for you.

I would have an arranged marriage. My parents have excellent taste, but I cannot imagine my dad finding a man who he thinks deserves his only daughter! He likes Erik quite a bit, but no one is ever good enough for daddy's princess, you know/

 

[Fatolia]

Or you could just not date at all! That's an option.

 

[Sketcher]

Depends on who does the arranging. Grandma? Heck no.

Whoever would arrange it would have to listen to my input. I know a woman from Nepal who said that the parents and children communicate a lot better, since the children know that their parents will be arranging them a marraige. So they let the parents know what they like!

This may sound cliche, but I'd like to have a heart-to-heart about Jesus in the flesh about this. A few other things too, because they're related. There's so much I don't know about myself that I'm not sure if I'd trust either my judgement or someone elses when it comes to finding a mate.

 

[fishstix]

I dont think thats the point of an arranged marriage. Love always comes later, not first. And I think its what makes those relationships stronger

While I agree that love isn't the first thing that happens but is something that develops as a friendship progresses, I think that it is important for there to be love there by the time the couple gets engaged and certainly by the time they get married. Sexual expressions of love come after marriage, but there are other kinds of love that should come before marriage and continue on afterwards. If two people don't love each other yet, there is no point for them to even be engaged. And the initial arrangement of marriage is basically the equivalent of our culture's engagement.

The kind of love that makes for a strong marriage isn't something that every pair of man and woman will develop with each other. Some pairs will develop that kind of love but others won't. So some potential couples would never grow to love each other in that way, and if they were forced to marry each other it would be a pretty unhappy marriage for both of them. And while you may not be able to say that a couple will for sure have a loving marriage, you can have a pretty good idea that a couple is not yet ready for or may never be able to have a loving marriage if they don't currently love each other. Thus, such a couple that doesn't love each other should not be getting engaged to each other as it's either the wrong time or the wrong person. Marriage should bring about a deepening of love and new kinds of love, but it shouldn't be expected to be the thing that creates love where none (of the romantic variety) exists at all.

 

[Cordelia]

The only one I'll ever trust to arrange my marriage is God

 

[ashes2beauty]

No way! The guy everyone wants me to hook up with is not my type, thats bad enough. I don't want someone picking out my husband, much less my boyfriend.

 

[Nico]

absolutely not. i believe in soul mates and i want my husband to be mine. besides, if God has already chosen my mate, i would rather have Him tell that through me andd my future husband as opposed to some other third party

 

[WITNESS8]

I do trust my parents. I believe they could choose someone that would suit me when it comes to personality and spirituality, but when it comes to the exterior, I am not sure they know me all that well.

 

[micaela]

I'm very keen on the idea of an arranged marriage. I trust my parents and think they know me well enough to pick someone suitable that I could serve God with.

I would make a committment to my husband to love him and to love God, and I would expect that from him. That isn't any different to what I would want from a relationship that I formed myself.

Unfortunately, my parents haven't really cottoned onto the idea

 

[sweetlambofgod]

def not, i like to pick someone i like not who others like

 

[SOLDOUT4HIM]

Not a bad idea to get advice from your parents, they are generally wise (especially if they are in Christ), but I want to marry the woman I will love.

 

[Ann Doupont]

I want my marriage arranged by God. Father knows best who and what I need.



Ann

 

[markdw82]

Arranged marriages have several problems:
-Parents generally have a very limited pool of people your age from which to choose.
-Parents may not have in mind the type of people who are even close to being compatible; this is especially true if you and your parents differ greatly in personality types, and they look for someone similar to their type.
-The physical attraction might not be there. (Looks aren't everything...but some physical attraction is necessary)
-If your parents aren't Christians, you may be set up with someone who isn't a Christian and that just isn't right or good (though there is potential that they may be saved...it generally isn't a good or healthy thing).
-I wouldn't have found the wonderful girl I'm going out with now. (We're planning to get married September, 2006).
-Probably some more things I can't think of.

 

[TriptychR]

Here's a quick question: Did arranged marriages exist in the time of Jesus and Paul and, if they did, were they common?

 

[fishstix]

Here's a quick question: Did arranged marriages exist in the time of Jesus and Paul and, if they did, were they common?

They existed, but I don't know if they were common or not.

 

[Lbh11169]

I was in an arranged marriage-we both believed God had put us together and had done LOTS of praying before hand and received what seemed like LOTS of confirms. Then being human came to play and the soon to be ex decided she didn't want what God had given her and ended up leaving me and the marriage. Even though I still semi-trust God, I'm not so sure I would do the arranged marriage thing again. I know God's best for me is the ABSOLUTE best-but when it involves other people, free will will ALWAYS be an issue. God is not obligated to impose His will on anyone.

 

[Cherub8]

Arranged marriage is Biblical. If the parents are right with God, and the daughter agrees to the process, I see no problem with it.