Thank you Mike. Your words definitely speak to me, more than you know. Let me explain.
When God is trying to "drive home a point" to me, a lot of times I will notice that I hear the same message coming from different sources. (And I actually mentioned this "phenomenon" in the thread about God speaking) For instance, I will hear the pastor say something on Sunday morning, then hear the EXACT same thing said by a coworker later in the week, and they go to a different church, so they couldn't have heard the message themselves. Well, just in the past week, I have had the message given to me (via 2 different sources) about cultivating an attitude of thanksgiving. You are now the 3rd source of that message Mike. And it is in the SAME context as what I'm talking about in this thread -- talking about the issues of Faith, belief, doubt, unbelief, etc. So I know that God is seriously wanting me to become one who operates with a thankful heart at all times. Just wanted you to be aware of how you were used today, whether or not you even knew it at the time.
To get back to the point of the thread now. It is difficult for me to convey exactly what it is I am seeking from God. All I can say is that I feel something inside of me "stirring" to seek MORE in my spiritual life, as well as in my day-to-day living. I believe wholeheartedly that God is showing me some incredible things about walking by faith. And I know that He is going to provide tests for me when the lesson is finished. Throughout this process, I am slowly becoming aware that I have a lot of unbelief in me. Part of this stems from my "religious" upbringing (I use that term "religious" NOT in a positive way here; no time to explain that, just please take my word for it). But most of it stems from the fact that I have spent so much time cultivating a "natural-minded life", rather than a spiritually minded life. I have always been a skeptical person, one who "had to see it to believe it". Even as a believer I've been that way. But now I feel like God is trying to call me out more into a supernatural, spiritual world. I still don't understand what He's trying to do in me, other than I just feel Him tugging at my heart to seek Him for more than what I have previously.
I truly wish I could explain and articulate to you guys what I feel and think is going on. The truth is, I just don't know how. It's perplexing (NOT confusing though, so I can't say it's not from God), yet it's somewhat exciting too. I have a sense of eager anticipation, not knowing what's around the next turn or over the next hill. Yet I have been made all too aware of this issue of unbelief that I have had inside myself for some time now. I suppose that's how God is starting things off with me -- dealing with that. All I know is, I am seeking Him daily that I may be RID of the unbelief.
Hopefully that does a better job of explaining things as I see them now.
