Would you ever hit your wife?

[Cyberdyne1]

Choose your children over him.

Ephesians 5

31). For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Sorry but I would NEVER choose children over a spouse. To me that is a real problem in many marriages. The children get moved up and usually dad gets pushed down. That is NOT Christian IMO, husband and wife must always come first with each other.

 

[SpiritPsalmist]

A man should NEVER hit his wife. It's not acceptable, period. Even though you slapped him (which is also not acceptable behavior of a wife towards her husband) it is not acceptable for him to hit you. I would suggest that until you both can get the proper counseling and get the anger issues settled and you can be safe in his presense that you take your children and leave...generally, it only gets worse. And if he does it to you, he will also most likely do it to the kids. His behavior will teach a son that it's ok to hit a woman and it will teach a daughter that it's ok to be hit. It's not OK.

I recommend the advise given by Father Rick

The ONLY reason for a husband to ever hit his wife is if he is in immediate danger from her and having to defend himself-- for instance, if she is trying to hit him with a frying pan or a baseball bat--and that is the only thing he can do to stop himself from being really hurt. (A slap on the face, while wrong, does NOT produce immediate danger!) The same goes for a husband grabbing his wife and trying to throw her out of the house--there is never a reason to do so, except in cases where he is in immediate danger.

If what you have told us here is accurate, then this is a very scary situation. Violence, especially domestic violence, almost ALWAYS escalates. Once certain boundaries, such as hitting, are crossed, they are that much easier to cross again. If your husband has begun to exhibit this behavior, for the sake of both yourself and your children, you need to protect yourself. You definitely need to get help from someone in your area-- you can call the Domestic Violence hotline that HisGirl post earlier and they will refer you to great resources, many of which are free. What you have described here is a man who has already been verbally/emotionally abusive and has now escalated to physical violence as well.

You may not be aware, but if there is domestic violence in the home-- and this definitely is domestic violence, your local Dept of Children and Families can step in and remove your children from your home and place them in state custody in order to protect the children. As the manager of a children's home, I see this every day. It's not just your safety/well-being but also that of your children that must be considered here.

The vast majority of women who are the victims of domestic violence 1) blame themselves (as you are doing) and 2) think "he'll never do it again". Both of these are wrong! It's not your fault that he hit you. He made a choice to hit you. He made a choice to grab you and to try to throw you out of the house. Yes, I know you slapped him, which was wrong, but that still does not give him license to do what he did. And if he did this once, it's just a matter of time before he does so again.

The majority of time, if a man begins to hit his wife, he will move on to begin hitting the children as well. And even if he never lays a hand on them, they witness his abuse of you which creates psychological damage even deeper than any bruises from actually being hit.

I'm sure you love your husband-- but it is imperative that you protect yourself and your children. Choose your children over him. If you act now, it's possible the marriage can be salvaged if you both are willing to go to counseling, etc. However, if you don't act things will almost certainly get worse.


GET HELP NOW!!!

If you need referrals for your aread, you can pm me and I will be happy to help you find resources for your area.

I am a caregiver for an agency who takes in children found in your situation. If the police are called to your home your children WILL be removed as well. And it can take a very long time for you to get them back.

 

[catlover]

Ephesians 5

31). For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Sorry but I would NEVER choose children over a spouse. To me that is a real problem in many marriages. The children get moved up and usually dad gets pushed down. That is NOT Christian IMO, husband and wife must always come first with each other.

A husband who hits his wife is not acting as a husband.
I am surprised someone would use a Bible passage to disregard the welfare of a child.

 

[NewSong]

I have been through this and would recommend immediate help. I have been abused and I also retaliated and goaded after many abuses. I got to the point where I was more dead than alive with my emotions and didn't have another tear to cry. I lost human compassion and got to the point where I was not afraid any more and was actually hoping to die when I was hit. I did not have any children with this husband. His dad found out through some neighbors he was beating on me after they called the police and I was afraid they would put him in jail. I tried to get my father-in-law out of there with my husband so I could protect him after all I had been through and my father-in-law put his foot down and so "NO." He dealt with the police with me and we told the policeman our plan and the police left that evening and that was the end of our marriage. My father-in-law proceeded to read my husband the riot act about that was no way to treat his wife etc...and my husband's response was "I only wanted to love her." I was devestated, so was my father-in-law that somewhere he had come to breaking point and had such a twisted mentallity. He admitted he would probably never stop beating me until I was dead and so I left with my father-in-law helping me escape. He beat on others after that as well.

PLEASE LISTEN TO THE MODERATORS (Father Rick and Quaffer) and advice on this forum and get help immediately. I cannot gain back any of the time I lost with this kind of a sick relationship but I can help another by letting you know that it does not have to be this way. It is okay to love him, but need help. It is okay for you to think the best of him but still need help. It is okay for you to still have hope but you still need help for the sake of you and your children. You are special no matter what you did or didn't do.

's and much prayer is sent up on your behalf.

NewSong

 

[SpiritPsalmist]

Ephesians 5

31). For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Sorry but I would NEVER choose children over a spouse. To me that is a real problem in many marriages. The children get moved up and usually dad gets pushed down. That is NOT Christian IMO, husband and wife must always come first with each other.

This scripture does not tell a woman she must stay with a man who is abusive to her or their children. In fact this scripture is not about the woman at but the man. He's being told what his responsibility is to the woman. If he breaks that there is no law that tell her she must tolerate his abusiveness.

 

[jrlinz]

I would be equally concerned with a woman who hits (slaps, if you like) her husband. Doesn't seem many here see it that way, though.

 

[SpiritPsalmist]

I would be equally concerned with a woman who hits (slaps, if you like) her husband. Doesn't seem many here see it that way, though.

I would agree that if a woman is hitting her husband then possibly the husband should take the children and leave as well. Either way, if there are children in the house and the police are called to the home and it's established as domestic violence the children will be removed and delivered at 2 am (or whatever time) in the morning to a place like the one I work at. Once the kids are in the system mom and dad have to pass through a huge amount of scruteny and comply with it all before they can even see or talk with their children much less get their children back.

 

[Father Rick]

Ephesians 5

31). For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Sorry but I would NEVER choose children over a spouse. To me that is a real problem in many marriages. The children get moved up and usually dad gets pushed down. That is NOT Christian IMO, husband and wife must always come first with each other.

Scripture also says:

5:8
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

So, it is clear that if a man is not providing (and part of providing for one's family means a safe place-- not a place of abuse/violence) then they are worse than an unbeliever.

[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]7:10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]7:11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]7:12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]7:13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]7:14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. [/FONT]

Scripture is also clear that if there is an unbelieving spouse, you should try to stay if it is possible-- if the unbelieving spouse will have you. However, if they will not have you (for instance, if they are abusing you) then you are free to leave.

 

[Quijote]

Under what circumstances would you hit your wife or feel justified to do so?

I would never hit my wife (not intentionally anyway since I have thrown a football at my kids and it slipped and hit her in the head...but that was an accident )

I guess the only way I would hit her intentionally is if she died and became a brain eating zombie and was coming after me or my kids...

 

[heron]

I guess the only way I would hit her intentionally is if she died and became a brain eating zombie and was coming after me or my kids...

Hmm, can we quote you?

 

[catlover]

I would never hit my wife (not intentionally anyway since I have thrown a football at my kids and it slipped and hit her in the head...but that was an accident )

You are a real man, then...good to see there are still a few out there.

 

[jrlinz]

I have avoided taking to my soapbox on this issue long enough. My wife's niece is getting a separation because her husband has been unfaithful. She want's the marriage to work through it, he does not.

At first, of course, I was totally 'on her side'. When his side came out, I felt I may have been given a better understanding of the problem. He said she never listened to him, constantly criticized and nagged him, and never gave him an encouraging word in years of marriage. He is not a Christian, she is. He has never hit her, or physically abused her, but says he tried to talk to her about his feelings on their marriage many, many times over the years, and was ridiculed and his manhood insulted by her for his trouble.

Does that justify him breaking the marriage vow? Not at all. But, her insisting he is all wrong, and that she has nothing to beg his forgiveness for is not invoking a good spirit over this. Quite the contrary.

When I see this thread, and people seem to believe that a woman can physically and mentally abuse a man, and it is somehow lesser of a sin than vice-versa, I am reminded of where this line of thinking comes from. What did God say to the woman when they were ejected from the garden?

The things I am hearing from my wife and her friends are like "that's what woman do, it's part of their make-up". Well, ok, men like to party and play poker with their buddies all night, go off hunting and fishing every weekend, and like things a little messy sometimes. Should we then go with our 'natural desires', too?". Oh, heavens, no.

Seems the message is "women, you can do whatever you wish to provoke a hostile response by your husband, then if he ever let's go and loses it, persecute that so-in-so to the fullest extent of the law".

Remember, I have never hit my wife, and never intend to, but this thinking is not of God. It is of the world.

I have a lot more thoughts on this subject, but I will stand down now.