I'd like to share with you a post from a friend of mine's blog.
Of Josh, known to me as Turinu Jaydde-Stormcrow-Seir, who took his life at 2:24 AM Eastern Time on August 18th, 2004, at the age of 16.
The first time I talked to him that day, he told me that he thought he was gay. We talked for quite a while, and I did what I could to answer his questions. A few hours later, I got a message from him, thanking me for helping him... 'I am "Out of the closet" I am gay. And now able to admit it.'
If only, if only; we could spend ours lives with that phrase... In this case, it's, "If only his mother wasn't such an unnaccepting, homophobic -----." In the message, he told me he'd be killing himself. I prayed like hell that he hadn't done it yet, and I'd get to talk to him again.
And as the Morai would have it, I did talk to him. But nothing I could say helped him. He was still just past the breaking point. And that's something that will bother me for a very, very long time.
Josh liked to, he told me, "Read write sleep basics." And, he said, "worshpi the anime!" His favorite was 'Outlaw Star', and his current passion 'Inuyasha'.
So I stayed there, talking to him as he waited for his mother to go to sleep, as he talked to a few people he needed to talk to, and... as he started to slit his wrist, then stopped to try to think of a less painful way to do it. In the end, he went through with it... And I stayed with him as he... Well, what most people do after slitting their wrists. One of the last things he said was, "Oh what a ending.. this will be.. I'll have my animeish death..."
And the last thing anyone will ever hear from him was... "Walk in the light. Beyond the heart there are only dreams. Follow your dreams and never let them go. Don't do what I did and give up... Like I was told..I'll only regret it in the end when it is to late. Love for Sash."
To answer what questions you may have, no, I never met Josh in person. He lived in Florida, that's all I know. I wasn't physically with him, I was talking to him online. But honestly, please forgive my bluntless, that doesn't make him any less dead, and that doesn't make it hurt any less. He was a friend of mine, and of many others, and he won't be forgotten.