You should tell your coworkers too. Why hide these things? Won't it be worse when it comes out one day?
While I get needing to tell a person you're dating, telling co-workers? Why? Work is work... Divorce is personal. When my husband and I were ending our marriage, I didn't feel the need to announce it or bring it up... It's my personal life. I didn't want to be judged on work performance based off of the assumption of what's happening in my personal life, I didn't want my personal life to be the subject of gossip, and I didn't want to discuss it with people I may or may not have liked while at work. Besides, how does one announce such a thing? "How was your weekend?" "Good, good... Relaxed a little, caught up on my shows, found out my wife was going to leave me, started divorce proceedings... All and all, pretty eventful." People eventually figured it out, of course, but it didn't create any problems to not bring it up. In fact, I found the opposite to be true. It was over and done and there was nothing to talk about.
I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping your personal life out of your work life, especially if you don't want to discuss it. While the change in the relationship is public, the event of it is personal and it's not really something most would want to bring up at work. Especially if your co-workers are acquaintances, not friends.
In real life - not necessarily. I have met bachelors in their 30's who have remained unmarried, even bachelors in their 40's and widowers at all ages. It's no good putting the responsibility on the woman to 'guess' ("you should have guessed I am divorced") but instead to be honest. IMO, not using a divorced status on a dating site is verging on dishonest. People don't know your status until/unless you tell them.
I don't know that anybody is saying that it's her responsibility to guess that he's divorced, only that, in all probability, if you're talking to somebody who's single and in their 30's, they're probably divorced, or at the very least, were in a prolonged, long-term, unmarried and committed relationship. So the revelation of such shouldn't come as a big shock. Are there people in their 30's who are unmarried? Sure. My brother is 30 this year and has yet to have a girlfriend, much less a marriage... He works with endangered migratory birds, raising them, and assisting their migration. As a result, he works with few people, he works very long hours, and 7-9 months a year he has no access to a shower and cell phone coverage, much less women and dating. But people who're like him, hitting or past 30 who've never been in a relationship are not as common as those who're divorced/were in a long-term relationship.
I could wish this site had a "divorced" status. It doesn't, and that has caused me some problems here in the recent past.
They had brought the subject up years ago, but it was shot down when people complained that a divorced status gave people a means to announce and revel in sin, so it was abandoned. There was awhile when even this forum was in limbo for just the same reason.
Was interesting, I didn't realize how LATE people got married nowadays. It makes me wonder--if many of these are Christians how do they stay pure all those years?
Considering that over 99% of people have had sexual relations before marriage, I think your question is answered.
I'm afraid that some people would judge a book by its cover if I put that in my dating site profile. I would prefer for someone to meet the real me before they already know I'm divorced.
The way I see it is this:
Put on your site what you're comfortable sharing. Reveal you're divorced or don't. It's your profile. On the flip side, be prepared for people to reject you for not disclosing it after you've had a few dates. There are people who're put off on dating divorced guys, for whatever reason legitimate or not, and who would dump you for simply being divorced, or not stating you were divorced. But, on the other hand, it sounds like the people who would do such a thing aren't the women you'd want anyway... So there you have it.
Dating is rough. And dating online? Rougher still. Potential to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time... I get not wanting to emotionally vomit your relationship history to random people, to people you aren't (or won't) be serious about, the looky-loos who flit on and off your profile, and so on. It's casual dating, casual presentation of the self, and for something like divorce, or your divorce in particular, which is complicated and has a lot of backstory, I get not wanting to share it. People will be turned off or feel deceived to find out later and will reject you for it, but by what you've said, you'd rather they did because they're not the people you'd want to be in a relationship with anyway, so it's not a big deal.
Me personally, if I were dating and on a dating site, I wouldn't necessarily expect to see somebody's profile listed as "divorced," but I'd expect it to come up pretty early in the sequence of dating. If they revealed it and we were on date 5, I'd have red flags... Not because I'd feel deceived, but I'd wonder if you were truly over it. Even with your backstory, my default impression would be that you hadn't moved on and things between us would cool down considerably, though I can't say for sure as if it'd be the end of the relationship. If you'd had kids with your ex and waited to reveal it, I'd say that'd put the grinding brakes on the relationship for sure, but since you don't, I won't explore that.
It was on my profile for about a week. I stated I was divorced, that my ex had an affair, she took off, refused to go to counseling, and eventually this led to me filing for divorce.
I will say, that's a profile I wouldn't answer. A little too much emotional vomiting, the air of not being over the ex, and the definite impression of bitterness. Not the face you want to put out there and certainly not the one I want to deal with. Especially as women will judge you by how you treat the ex. Chances are good that your relationship with them will end... Every relationship you're in, save for one, will. Chances are high they're just a future ex too. Nobody wants to date the guy they thinks will be the nutso ex. And I know that works both ways... My husband's ex has the distinct reputation of being left-of-center and, as a result, that's all she attracts because everybody who isn't hears that she's loopy and walks the other way.
