Would you consider this "provoking"?

[LovebirdsFlying]

Ephesians 6:4, KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.​

(Cf Colossians 3:21)​

For some silly reason I'm remembering my grandfather's sense of humor. One of his favorite forms of self-amusement was to tease children. As a specific example, for my birthday I had received a toy cooking grill. When he asked what I got for my birthday, and I told him, he responded in mock horror, "A gorilla! Oh, no, I'm scared of gorillas!" Funny, sure. The first time. Harmless, sure. The first time. The more I tried to explain to him that I had said grill, not gorilla, the more frightened of gorillas he acted. I was only about 4 or 5 years old at the time. I didn't get the joke. He drew his amusement from my frustration at not getting my message across correctly. Meanwhile, I was really becoming upset!

Typical encounters like this usually ended with the child in tears or close to it, another adult (usually my grandmother) telling him to cut it out, and my grandfather not seeing what the big deal is. "I'm only having fun."

My goal here is not to denigrate my grandfather, but to get points of view on whether or not taking a joke too far is a form of provocation.

Likewise, my husband was unquestionably abused by his father growing up. Besides the obvious, though, his father was also big on the verbal put-down. "I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving." Things like that, said not once or twice, but constantly, not as a form of discipline but for amusement at the child's expense. In comparing our childhoods, we also find that it was not at all uncommon for our parents to answer a serious question with a sassy answer. "Mommy, what's this thing up there for?" --- "To make you ask questions." The result is, the child is frustrated at not getting his/her question answered.

So, your opinions: Harmless teasing, or provocation?

 

[akmom]

I think we all play jokes on our kids, and it is fun to see their adorable reactions. I would say that the degree to which it was pursued in your examples was, in fact, provocation. It's the difference between getting and enjoying that reaction, versus enjoying their hopeless frustration.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I think I agree. I wouldn't even have a question about my grandfather if he had stopped after one or two gorillas, while it was still funny. As for Hubby's father, all I can say is, wow. You can outsmart a kid in a battle of wits. How clever of you.

And I'm inclined to think the same way about, "To make you ask questions."

 

[hedrick]

I agree. Once or twice as a joke, maybe. But not enough to seriously frustrate the kid.