Would you consider it cheating...

[BenevolentB]

I want to take an opinion poll out of curiosity.


Would you consider it cheating if you were dumped for someone else?

If not would you consider it cheating if they weren't honest/lied about liking the person...until you broke up lol

 

[mattybartholomew]

Well yeah I would consider it cheated, because before my gf every broke up with me---she would of kissed/dated/had sex with guy first before she dumped me, people dont break up THEN date a new person, they make sure everything is running right first.

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. -- Matthew 5:28

So, in a way, yes. I value faithfulness, and for someone to run off "out of the blue" towards someone else would definitely be a red flag for me. Things like that don't happen "out of the blue" - someone's eyes have to be wandering.

 

[thatdrummer]

definitely something happened before hand... so yea...

 

[BenevolentB]

MoreRuthLessJezebel-Lust, yes. But what about emotional?

I know that there is emotional cheating but what about if you're dumped for somebody else on an emotional level? Would it still be cheating?


I ask because unfortunately this was a personal experience for myself long ago and my friends and I were debating whether being broken up with for someone makes it "legal" as opposed to "cheating"

 

[mina]

-if they liked someone while with you and then broke up with you before they acted on those feelings; then I wouldn't consider it cheating. Although it's sorta a horrible thing to do with to someone you are dating, but at least they waited until things were over before starting things with someone else.

-If they acted on their feelings and tried to "date" the other person secretly on the side while still with you, and then dumped you to date them exclusively , then yes, I would consider that cheating.

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

I really have no idea what you mean on emotionally cheating not being the same thing as being left for another emotional level with another person -- elaborate?

Cheating is basically being unfaithful, though the implication leans more towards the sexual/physical realm, since it appears more concrete and extreme. How can you be physically and spiritually faithful and look at another person with a desire to be more than friends?

 

[BenevolentB]

I apologize if it wasn't clear

I just meant in regards to scripture about lusting after another woman being considered for the most part sexual as opposed to emotional. I guess I was trying to clarify whether or not it made a difference that a person is dumped for someone else because the boyfriend/girlfriend developed an emotional crush on somebody as opposed to straight up lust.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

-if they liked someone while with you and then broke up with you before they acted on those feelings; then I wouldn't consider it cheating. Although it's sorta a horrible thing to do with to someone you are dating, but at least they waited until things were over before starting things with someone else.

-If they acted on their feelings and tried to "date" the other person secretly on the side while still with you, and then dumped you to date them exclusively , then yes, I would consider that cheating.

Exactly correct.

If we based cheating on feelings or thoughts alone, then every person on the planet is guilty of it because every single one of us have had a thought or another at some point while involved with someone.

Cheating requires action. If they are trying to become involved with someone while involved in another, then that is. However, if they dump you before taking those actions, then no, it's not cheating.

 

[Sonnenuntergang]

My boyfriend ended our relationship about a month ago after being together for over a year. Within about a 3 weeks he was onto someone else and a week later they were going out. I swear this isn't normal! How can you move on this quickly?

I've been thinking and either:
1 - He liked her when we were going out.
2 - He's desperate to replace me.

I've asked him if he liked her when we were going out and he said no, but he's lied to me before and he thinks "Lying is ok when it prevents evil", so I guess he could use that as an excuse in this case.

Should I be worried? He always hid his feelings from me and his excuse was that he was "scared of me", because we sometimes had arguments and he thought I would get angry. I really don't think I have an anger problem!

 

[Luther073082]

I've asked him if he liked her when we were going out and he said no, but he's lied to me before and he thinks "Lying is ok when it prevents evil", so I guess he could use that as an excuse in this case.

I think he means "Lying is ok when is prevents personal inconvinece."

Lying to your SO never prevents evil. It only causes it.

I would stop worrying about what he's doing now. He's no longer with you. And yes he likely did leave you for this girl, that doesn't mean you should keep caring.

 

[mina]

My boyfriend ended our relationship about a month ago after being together for over a year. Within about a 3 weeks he was onto someone else and a week later they were going out. I swear this isn't normal! How can you move on this quickly?

I've been thinking and either:
1 - He liked her when we were going out.
2 - He's desperate to replace me.

I've asked him if he liked her when we were going out and he said no, but he's lied to me before and he thinks "Lying is ok when it prevents evil", so I guess he could use that as an excuse in this case.

Should I be worried? He always hid his feelings from me and his excuse was that he was "scared of me", because we sometimes had arguments and he thought I would get angry. I really don't think I have an anger problem!

Lying is ok when it prevents evil? Maybe if you lived in Nazi Germany and were hiding Jews.
You got away from a liar and someone that couldn't be real with you, be glad not worried.

 

[gzt]

Given that you're 17 and it took about 4 weeks for him to start going out with this girl, he may not have been after her while you were still dating. I wouldn't necessarily consider it cheating to be dumped for somebody else (unless they made a move before they dumped you) or to have lied about "liking" somebody (that would just be plain dishonesty, but not cheating. Still, it's not a great idea to ask somebody you're dating if they "like" somebody else - crushes are hard to control and if the answer is "yes", what would you do? Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. You're probably right to feel betrayed, in some sense, by somebody dumping you for another girl, either with some gap or without, but that's par for the course with dating, you don't really have a commitment until you have a commitment. You have to guard your heart.

 

[Sonnenuntergang]

Yeah I guess I agree that he couldn't be real with me. You're right - it's good I got away. Part of me still loves him, but I guess that's natural. I am feeling betrayed and I think I feel cheated on because I trusted him - so much that I trusted him with my heart and my body, which was clearly a mistake.

I didn't actually ask him if he liked her when I was dating him. I think asking questions I don't want to hear the answer to is a big problem - I always do this =/... I guess I'm just curious.

Thanks for the help =).

mina - I love the quote underneath your post (it's so true)... How do you put it there? Also, how do you change the little comment thing underneath your name?

 

[mina]

thanks, You go to your userCP on here and click on "change signature" to put a quote or "change usertitle" to make something appear under your name. (I think....)

 

[Sonnenuntergang]

Tyvm =D

 

[SionDS]

I dont think its cheating because it's a clear, honest, change in status.

That said, I can imagine how it would still hurt.

 

[Bootstrap]

I think it's cheating if it violates an agreement you have. Often, people aren't on the same page, they haven't agreed on what the commitment is.

When I was single, I went through a phase where I was not ready to date just one person, and I was honest about this. I think it was helpful to have a time where I could see what it's like spending time with different people, figuring out what was important to me, understanding my feelings with different kinds of people.

Later, I decided it was time to go exclusive.

I think many people go exclusive before they are ready to, before they really understand their own feelings.

When you are dating exclusively, I think you are responsible to the other, if you decide you're not really ready to be exclusive, you need to bring that up, even if it means breaking up. And obviously, a relationship that is not exclusive is much less serious, you shouldn't move ahead with anything very quickly in such a relationship.

 

[asianangel]

Guys I have the perfect definition of cheating. NOBODY can say that it's not true. Here goes. Cheating is something that you wouldn't do if your partner was standing right there in the room with you. Pretty black and white really. If you are doing something that you KNOW you wouldn't do with him/her next to you. It's cheating. Duh. No sugar coating. Plain as day definition. Take it or leave it.

 

[PixieSunbelle]

I think that anyone willing to break their relationship and be honest about deciding they have feelings for someone else is trying to keep things honest. Sometimes feelings are just there.. even if you don't want to feel them. I don't think someone should be penalized for having feelings.

Calling "simply having feelings" cheating is probably why so many couples aren't truthful with one another.

Once I thought I had feelings for someone else. I was so scared because I did not want to feel that way. I thought I only had eyes for my boyfriend. I went and told him and asked if I was cheating. He simply asked, "well, who do you want to be with" then said that it wasn't cheating because its what you do with those feelings.