Would U marry a Divorced Christian??

[Bartimaeus]

I get really aggrivated by those who have never been married who say that you should never get divorced for any reason. This is a load, there are many valid reasons for divorce, and Im sorry god doesn't heal all marrages or even intervene in all of them. So take everyone on a case by case basis. I forgave my wife the first affair, the next 2 got her booted out of my life. I will defend my decision to do this before Jesus if i have to.

Thank you, rooster, I think/feel just like you. Not only are there many reasons (that are valid) for divorce, but never re-marrying (and the attitude that says to never re-marry) forgets about God's grace. As you can probably tell, I have my reasons for being so passionate about this. I'm not comfortable, as yet, talking about them, because of the very attitudes we're discussing here about never re-marrying. I don't want bibles thrown at me like the stones that were thrown at the adulteress.

 

[Bartimaeus]

Charligirl, this sounds like a great book. I will have to get a copy.

If I were in love with a woman and she was in love with me I would certainly marry her even if she had been divorced.

Amen. I hope it is available in audio book form, or in braille...I'd love to read it.

 

[Bartimaeus]

Okay, one last post in this thread. I feel compelled to apologize in advance if I ever came across as harsh in any of my posts in this thread. Obviously, this issue is close oto my heart. I'm not quite ready to be open on here as to why, but maybe, in time, I will. Needless to say, I'm sensitive, and awesomely aware that I am in need of God's grace. I ask for forgiveness for any harshness on my part, real or perceived.

 

[bkg]

Why does the idea of marrying a divorced woman turn your stomach? Doesn't that woman need as much grace as you do...as anyone on earth does...After all, it's by grace, through faith, that we are saved.

Many number of reasons...
1. The only divorced person I WANT to be involved with is my wife.
2. Jesus is very clear about adultry in remarriage.
3. I believe in one marriage - one and only.
4. keying off of #1 - I'm in love with my wife, I want restoration... even talking about marrying a divorced person (who is not my wife) flies in the face of my beliefs about my own marriage.

We can talk about grace all we want - but I think the Bible is also very clear on this subject. Now, having said that, I have no doubt in my heart that God DOES bring divorced people back into marriage for His glory. No doubt at all. But I also don't think it's His ideal plan, or his option #1.

 

[Bartimaeus]

Many number of reasons...
1. The only divorced person I WANT to be involved with is my wife.
2. Jesus is very clear about adultry in remarriage.
3. I believe in one marriage - one and only.
4. keying off of #1 - I'm in love with my wife, I want restoration... even talking about marrying a divorced person (who is not my wife) flies in the face of my beliefs about my own marriage.

We can talk about grace all we want - but I think the Bible is also very clear on this subject. Now, having said that, I have no doubt in my heart that God DOES bring divorced people back into marriage for His glory. No doubt at all. But I also don't think it's His ideal plan, or his option #1.

No, it isn't His number one option, or His ideal plan, but it happens. What saddens me is that too many Christians become like Pharisees, pointing to their bibles, and practically chanting "divorce is a sin...divorce is a sin...divorce is a sin...", and it strikes me aas legalism in its worst form. It's all well and good to point to the letter of the law, or the "do not's" according tto scripture, but then there winds up being this stigma on people who do divorce, or are divorced by their spouses. In other words, too much emphasis is placed on how wrong it is, what a sin it is, and not enough emphasis is placed on God's grace. It's truly like the Steve Camp song says "we've been playing marbles with diamonds"...which is to say we've been playing games with the awesome gifts of God...and to me that includes His Grace.

...sermon over...

 

[bkg]

and to me that includes His Grace.

God's grace is amazing... but I fail to see how it gives Christian's a "get out of jail free" card... it's not a "permission slip" or "hall pass" that gives us imunity to Jesus' commands.

Yes, we can f'up a lot of things, and through repentence receive forgiveness. I see many people who claim to be Christians (I've falled into this pattern at times) who say "I don't need to worry about it, I have grace!" And then fall into a life of sin.

The bottom line, my friend, is that while I agree with you about Grace... Grace does not give us free reign to sin and ignore the rest of the Bible's teachings...

 

[LadyDJ]

No, it isn't His number one option, or His ideal plan, but it happens. What saddens me is that too many Christians become like Pharisees, pointing to their bibles, and practically chanting "divorce is a sin...divorce is a sin...divorce is a sin...", and it strikes me aas legalism in its worst form. It's all well and good to point to the letter of the law, or the "do not's" according tto scripture, but then there winds up being this stigma on people who do divorce, or are divorced by their spouses. In other words, too much emphasis is placed on how wrong it is, what a sin it is, and not enough emphasis is placed on God's grace. It's truly like the Steve Camp song says "we've been playing marbles with diamonds"...which is to say we've been playing games with the awesome gifts of God...and to me that includes His Grace.

...sermon over...

I wholeheartedly agree...and while I'm divorced, single mom (but don't believe that the details belong posted on a public message board), I would hate to think I'm being judged as potentially unsuitable because someone didn't want to take the time to actually ask me the whys behind my divorce status.

bkg - I sincerely hope your prayers are answered and your marriage will be restored.

 

[bkg]

I would hate to think I'm being judged as potentially unsuitable because someone didn't want to take the time to actually ask me the whys behind my divorce status.

That I wholeheartedly agree with. Please don't think that I'm judging any divorcees - heck, I AM one! My initial rant was in support of people believing that divorce should be the absolute last resort, as I firmly believe it's against God's design.

bkg - I sincerely hope your prayers are answered and your marriage will be restored.

Thank you! Me too!!!!!

 

[kitkat60]

Group hug to all, I too did not mean to come off harshly. I do believe divorce should be a last resort. I also don't think that many of the states should have adopted the No-fault divorce laws that they have, it makes it just that much easier.

Very good reminder about the "get out of jail free" card. While we are given his Grace, we are also told to go out and sin no more.

I can assure you all of this....IF I should have the opportunity to remarry, I will be doing some very serious praying and soul searching that it is what the Lord wants.

 

[hischildsindik]

Oops, I didn't pay full attention to your post here. Where you say it's between you, the spouse and God? That's very true. So, if my previous post seemed harsh, I apologize. I was just expressing an opinion, not trying to read you the riot act.

Okay Bartimeus.. good save. Barely. But it also proves a point, reading a post in its entirety is a good thing

A lot of valid points have been made here. And I don't think it was you, Bartimeus, but the blanket statement of "single never marrieds" was fairly judgmental. Sorry I can't remember the exact statemetn. I know for me personally, I may never have been married, but I can tell you marriage is a WHOLE lot of WORK for both involved. My mom remarried when I was somwhat young and many years later when she left him and subsequently divorced him, I told her frankley "I am surprised you didn't do it 10 years earlier". I guess I have seen the side of a rotten marriage and lived through divorce twice. Now I don't as a blanket statment agree with divorce, but I do know there are many situations and circumstances that would seem to justify it. I also know for me, I pray that when God finally blesses me with a mate, whomever he may be, I don't have to go through that or put children through that.

 

[bkg]

I know for me personally, I may never have been married, but I can tell you marriage is a WHOLE lot of WORK for both involved.

I used to say the exact same thing. However, marriage is not WORK, it's effort. i was talking with my shrink about this one time, asking why my ex-wife and I didn't work at it harder or something. The point she made was that making marriage synonimous w/ work is a very bad thing and puts marriage in the same catagory as other things that we don't want to/like to do, but have to.

Marriage is a lot of effort - it's not work.

Curious about another statement you made - "but I do know there are many situations and circumstances that would seem to justify it."

Outside of Adultery, I don't think the Bible mentions anything else, though I could be wrong. Though never mentioned, if a friend were being physically abused by their spouse, I would probably recommend that they get out as well. But I don't know if that's Biblical or not. What other (Biblical) reasons are there for divorce???

 

[violetstar]

Their is a lot of issue we must cover, Why did he get a divorce? was and did he believe in God before his divorce was final? what were his belief on God? did either one commit adultry? were they of the same religion? was the marriage forced or voluntarily? There are so many Question that must be answered, God said divorce is alright under certain cicumstances like adultry, so this might be harmful only if the person had no biblical reasoning for their divorce.

 

[armyguy1979]

Hey I am and i hope pepole dont get scared when this is asked because i feel like every body needs some one and the 1st one it not always the right one you know what i mean i sure hope so Just follow your heart and i am sure god will give you the right answer

 

[INTHELIGHT]

Hi. I divorced my husband for repeated adultery (with prostitutes - he is deep into debauchery - porn - strip clubs, etc). The bible says that you can divorce because of adultery....therefore I have not sinned by divorcing him, in my opinion. My conscience is totally clear. I have never had a moments doubt. The bible states clearly that adultery is grounds for divorce. Death would have been another option - and I considered it (his not mine).

 

[PurpleMD]

I've never been married and am approaching my mid-30s. The problem I'm running into is that the majority of single women my age have been divorced. I think Jesus' position on marriage and divorce is quite clear. He said if a divorced person remarries, it's adultery. Do u think the never married person is also sinning??

Even if the never married person is not committing adultery, I don't think God would want us to marry divorced people, right??

What are your thoughts on this? Should never married Christians exclude divorced Christians from their list of possible mates? If anyone could give any insight based on scripture it would be most appreciated.

Thanks!

At this point, I'm willing to marry just about any Christian man with a job and no felonies.

 

[INTHELIGHT]

I had thoughts about this subject. God does not like divorce; or anthing that is caused by sin. Unfortunately we are sinners....which is why Jesus had to die for us ...to set us free, or did I get that wrong? Every one of us has lives FULL of sin (if there is anyone out there who does not sin I would be interested to hear about them). We are FORGIVEN....that is the whole deal. If divorce cuts someone from the "marriage pool" because you believe that you would be committing adultery, then those who believe this had better find a way to cut all other sins from their life? It is not by works, but by grace. Also, if you are looking for a sin free bride - good luck - there is no such thing on this earth. You are in for a looooooong loooooooooong search. She might not be divorced, but she will be a sinner, that's for sure. If your bride turns out to be a nightmare who psychologically/physically/financially tries to ruin you then you will understand why people bail out (even when there is no adultery).

May I suggest that nobody judge those who run for their lives (literally and figuratively) or God might just allow YOU to be in one of those situations for 40 or so years.

One of the long-married ladies at my church announced that "I do not believe in divorce". She is of the smug type - married to a great guy who resists the urge to cheat on her even when attracted fiercely to others (as he was to my friend). His wife finds sex a chore (she tells people). To say that she has "let herself go" is an understatement. This guy is not having a great time in the bedroom it would seem.
Anyway I asked her "How many people has **** had sex with since you were married?". She was speechless and offended by the mere question, never mind the reality (which thankfully she has not yet had to deal with).

Don't be getting on yer high horse about divorce peoples.

 

[Sketcher]

If divorce cuts someone from the "marriage pool" because you believe that you would be committing ery, then those who believe this had better find a way to cut all other sins from their life?

I disagree with that statement. Someone can marry and divorce and be forgiven afterwards, but in God's eyes, he/she is still married to the original spouse, forgiven or not. Marraige is not a sin, though for many people it is a mistake. Even so, God won't erase the covenant made between two people, period. If I marry a divorced woman, how can I expect God to bless our relationship when God sees it as an affair?

"For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an eress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an eress, even though she marries another man." - Romans 7:2, 3

"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." - 1 Cor 7:10, 11

I do not claim to be stronger or more righteous than anybody else. Heck, I've never been married, I don't know how hard it is. But unfortunately, the church is throwing God's true opinion of this issue out the window so they can live their lives and feel like they're not doing anything wrong.

 

[hischildsindik]

At this point, I'm willing to marry just about any Christian man with a job and no felonies.

Haha.. I thank you. This gave me a laugh, I am almost there... just moments when I realize ...they must have a clean tax record and no warrents out for his arrest too!!!

 

[INTHELIGHT]

Hey twisted. I respect your opinion. Point: you missed out the bit about "except for marital unfaithfulness". (Gosh I lived it but not sure if I can SPELL it!)

 

[hischildsindik]

I used to say the exact same thing. However, marriage is not WORK, it's effort. i was talking with my shrink about this one time, asking why my ex-wife and I didn't work at it harder or something. The point she made was that making marriage synonimous w/ work is a very bad thing and puts marriage in the same catagory as other things that we don't want to/like to do, but have to.

Marriage is a lot of effort - it's not work.

Curious about another statement you made - "but I do know there are many situations and circumstances that would seem to justify it."

Outside of Adultery, I don't think the Bible mentions anything else, though I could be wrong. Though never mentioned, if a friend were being physically abused by their spouse, I would probably recommend that they get out as well. But I don't know if that's Biblical or not. What other (Biblical) reasons are there for divorce???

Thank you, I will definitely have to rewrite that thought. Marriage is a lot of effort... I like that better and it is true.

As for the other statement I made. There may be only 1 biblical reason for divorce, but there other reasons that would give me cause for thought on divorce as a valid thing.

How about physical, mental, emotional or sexual abuse? Of the wife? of the husband? of the children? If the abusing spouse does not see it as abuse or recognize it as something that a councelor is needed for then I would say thay are justifiable reasons to divorce. The God I know, love and serve, the Lord who is my Savior, would never want anyone to go through such things. The bible tells us how to treat our spouse and our children. These actions are in direct opposition to what God wants.