Would U marry a Divorced Christian??

[newteech]

Hi folks--
I've been struggling with something lately and was hoping a few of u could offer some advice.

I've never been married and am approaching my mid-30s. The problem I'm running into is that the majority of single women my age have been divorced. I think Jesus' position on marriage and divorce is quite clear. He said if a divorced person remarries, it's adultery. Do u think the never married person is also sinning??

Even if the never married person is not committing adultery, I don't think God would want us to marry divorced people, right??

What are your thoughts on this? Should never married Christians exclude divorced Christians from their list of possible mates? If anyone could give any insight based on scripture it would be most appreciated.

Thanks!

 

[jenptcfan]

The same scriptures you're referring to say that the person who marries the divorced person commits adultery too.

But it does say that it's considered adultery unless the person was divorced as a result of marital unfaithfulness. There may be some other acceptable reasons for divorce in the bible. I just don't know.

I would pray about it and see where God leads you on this. There are lots of great, Godly, divorced people out there who would make great mates if God leads you to the conclusion that it's ok.

 

[Out of the Flames]

The same scriptures you're referring to say that the person who marries the divorced person commits adultery too.

But it does say that it's considered adultery unless the person was divorced as a result of marital unfaithfulness. There may be some other acceptable reasons for divorce in the bible. I just don't know.

I would pray about it and see where God leads you on this. There are lots of great, Godly, divorced people out there who would make great mates if God leads you to the conclusion that it's ok.

And if one of the people is a non-believer and the marriage was never sanctioned by God, then I believe it is also a different story. I'm with Jen on this one. There are a lot of divorced people in this world who are more Godly and marriageable than single, never married people. Pray about it and let God tell your heart what is right.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Good question... I have been thinking about this one for awhile.
I think you really have to understand and figure out why the couple divorced before really making any decision.
If they divorced because of infidelity, or like Out of the Flames suggested, one was not a christian, I think that would probally be alright. Or did the couple divorce before this person became a christian?
Because if this is the case, and they divorced before becomming a christian, their sin would be forgiven, and therefore made new.

Its a topic thats kinda close to my heart right now... the best advice I can give you is to really pray about it. Really ask God to reveal his will for you.
But I certainly think that people who are divorced can be VERY great mates... if anything, they know what it takes to make a marriage last. They know the misteaks. But I guess it depents on the person

Sorry i wasnt much he;p

 

[FaithfulServant]

It says that a Christian should stay married to the nonChristian, it does not give them permission to divorce but instead gives them specific instructions to stay with their husband or wife UNLESS the nonChristian decides to leave:

"But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? "

I believe that the only way to marry a divorced person and not commit adultery is if you marry someone who was divorced by a NONbeliever and didn't have a choice OR because of marital unfaithfulness.

 

[fishstix]

Personally, I would not marry a divorced person, as I would consider them to still be married in God's eyes and thus as unavailable to me as a person who is still legally married in the world's eyes.

 

[Out of the Flames]

It says that a Christian should stay married to the nonChristian, it does not give them permission to divorce but instead gives them specific instructions to stay with their husband or wife UNLESS the nonChristian decides to leave:

"But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? "

I believe that the only way to marry a divorced person and not commit adultery is if you marry someone who was divorced by a NONbeliever and didn't have a choice OR because of marital unfaithfulness.

That's what I meant, but I didn't have my bible handy. Thanks for the backup.

 

[newteech]

I believe that the only way to marry a divorced person and not commit adultery is if you marry someone who was divorced by a NONbeliever and didn't have a choice OR because of marital unfaithfulness.

Yes... I totally agree with your interpretation.... HOWEVER...

Christianity is about forgiveness, is it not? In fact Jesus didn't even judge the adulteress that the crowd brought before Him.

Given that, if a divorced person had repented of their sins and totally regretted the divorce experience..... maybe it would then be OK in God's eyes for them to re-marry?

I've very confused about all this I and just wish there was some more definite guidelines.

Thank u all for the nice replies

 

[jenptcfan]

Divorce/adultery, etc. is definately not the unpardonable sin. I think the question would be: is the remarriage considered adultery (repent one time for the act of remarriage and it's done with), or are relations between the newly married couple considered adultery (everytime the new couple has "relations", it's adultery and needs to be repented of repeatedly)? I don't know. Maybe someone else has a clearer understanding.

 

[fishstix]

Divorce/adultery, etc. is definately not the unpardonable sin. I think the question would be: is the remarriage considered adultery (repent one time for the act of remarriage and it's done with), or are relations between the newly married couple considered adultery (everytime the new couple has "relations", it's adultery and needs to be repented of repeatedly)? I don't know. Maybe someone else has a clearer understanding.

Just because you have repented of a sin once doesn't mean that it isn't a sin if you do it again. If I tell a lie and then repent of it and get forgiven, that doesn't mean that any future lies that I tell are not sins.

Yes... I totally agree with your interpretation.... HOWEVER...

Christianity is about forgiveness, is it not? In fact Jesus didn't even judge the adulteress that the crowd brought before Him.

Given that, if a divorced person had repented of their sins and totally regretted the divorce experience..... maybe it would then be OK in God's eyes for them to re-marry?

I've very confused about all this I and just wish there was some more definite guidelines.

Thank u all for the nice replies

I think the Bible is very clear on this subject, and gives very definite guidelines. The Bible says that marriage is for life. It's not a matter of being forgiven for it or not as marriage in itself is not a sin, it's a state of being. Once a person enters into a marriage, then they are married unless they or their spouse dies. Even if the couple gets divorced and no longer has a loving marriage relationship, in God's eyes they still remain in the state of being married, thus causing it to be adultery to divorce and remarry someone else. One can't repent of being married and be forgiven for it and have that married state erased as it is not a sin to be married. As married people, they are unavailable to marry other people.

BTW, I wouldn't go so far as to say that Jesus didn't judge the adulteress. He didn't condemn and punish her, but he also didn't say that she had done nothing wrong or that she could continue to do as she had been doing. He did make a judgement that she had sinned in committing adultery and he told her quite clearly that she was to sin no more.

 

[jenptcfan]

Just because you have repented of a sin once doesn't mean that it isn't a sin if you do it again. If I tell a lie and then repent of it and get forgiven, that doesn't mean that any future lies that I tell are not sins.

Right. That's why I asked if it was the remarriage that was a sin or sex that was a sin. If it's the remarriage, then that's a one time deal. That's what my question was about.

 

[brettnolan]

Once a person enters into a marriage, then they are married unless they or their spouse dies. Even if the couple gets divorced and no longer has a loving marriage relationship, in God's eyes they still remain in the state of being married, thus causing it to be adultery to divorce and remarry someone else.

Scripture?????

 

[fishstix]

Scripture?????

Sorry, should have linked to it right away I guess. Like I said, the Bible is very clear on the matter:

Romans 7:1-3
Do you not know, brothers--for I am speaking to men who know the law--that the law has authority over a man only as long as he lives? For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.

Matthew 5:31-32
"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

Matthew 19:8-9
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Mark 10:2-12
Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"
"What did Moses command you?" he replied.
They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away."
"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.
He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

Luke 16:18
"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:39
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

I'm a Catholic, so I'm not allowed to marry divorced Christians. So, I guess that matter is settled for me once and for all.

 

[JulesM]

I have a friend who is currently getting divorced because his Christian wife left him (they are both christians and were when they got married).
He's only 26, so I would hope for him that God would show him a new life Partner one day (wife).
But because his wife wasn't unfaithful - shhe just left him, does that mean he can't re-marry because him and his new wife would be considered adulterers??? Scripture makes it seem that way. Maybe this is an area where Gods Grace goes before him...if God allows it to happen its ok? There must be remarried Christians in the world.

 

[charligirl]

I am married to a divorced man, he was divorced by his first wife, neither were christians. He has since got saved.

I prayed long and hard about this, but I knew that God has led me to this man. Most people I spoke to were quite content because it all happened before he was a christian. M Blaine SMith addresses this issue in his book 'SHould I get married?' he devotes a number of chapters to the subject and looks very closely at the original Greek texts of the NT for his argument. I am at work and do not have the book to hand so you will have to wait for the full story, but he argues that remarriage can be allowable, based on his study of the scripture... sorry to keep you in suspense until I get hold of the book!

 

[brettnolan]

Matthew 5:31-32
"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

Oops! Here it is again...
Matthew 19:8-9
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness , and marries another woman commits adultery."

I also recall a provision for an unequally yoked Christian, which is not presented here.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

I'm not opposed to it at all, depends on the girl.

 

[fishstix]

I also recall a provision for an unequally yoked Christian, which is not presented here.

Indeed, in the case of adultery that has already occurred then it may be acceptable for the spouse who was cheated on to divorce the adulterer. Not vice-versa. The provision for unequally yoked Christians is found in 1 Corinthians, and basically says that in Paul's opinion (he specifies that it is his opinion, not necessarily God's) if the non-Christian decides to walk out of the marriage, then the Christian is not bound. Being unequally yoked is not an excuse for the Christian to divorce the non-Christian though.

 

[brettnolan]

Indeed, in the case of adultery that has already occurred then it may be acceptable for the spouse who was cheated on to divorce the adulterer. Not vice-versa. The provision for unequally yoked Christians is found in 1 Corinthians, and basically says that in Paul's opinion (he specifies that it is his opinion, not necessarily God's) if the non-Christian decides to walk out of the marriage, then the Christian is not bound. Being unequally yoked is not an excuse for the Christian to divorce the non-Christian though.

thank you, just thought you ought to make that clear in your first attempt...for your own safety...wouldn't want to get flamed ya know