Would appreciate some input

[miss-a]

Okay, gang, huddle up...please.

My guess is I'm over-thinking this, so after I go on for a bit, please feel free to tell me, if you think it's so. But here's the thing, I have rust on my rust when it comes to meeting men and dating. I have joked that the Lord has put an invisible force field around me. and seriously, I think He had me out of the game for a long time because I needed to get to know Him better before I stepped out of this particular boat. Okay, the issue:

I have the opportunity to meet a man from my church. In the past he acted interested and I pretty much ran away because I was not ready for a relationship. You know, I wasn't rude, but didn't hang around long enough for him to have a chance to say much more "Have a nice afternoon." Well now I'm in a better space for meeting someone. But, I am not sure I want a relationship at this time. I'm not sure I don't. My question is: Is it fair to meet someone who I know wants a relationship ( I am not saying I know he wants one with me, I just have the info that he is considering himself ready and in the market) when I'm not sure I want a relationship. I mean I know I want one at some point, and I'd love to have been dropped into the middle of one yesterday. But am I ready to willing to get into the whole, if-ey, beginning part at this time. I'm not sure.

so meeting the guy as just meeting someone and being up front about that we are meeting as brother and sister in Christ, people just meeting, is this a fair thing to do, in your opinion?

Any comments or thoughts delivered in kindness are welcomed. Thanks in advance,
a

 

[exitstageright]

Okay, gang, huddle up...please.

My guess is I'm over-thinking this, so after I go on for a bit, please feel free to tell me, if you think it's so. But here's the thing, I have rust on my rust when it comes to meeting men and dating. I have joked that the Lord has put an invisible force field around me. and seriously, I think He had me out of the game for a long time because I needed to get to know Him better before I stepped out of this particular boat. Okay, the issue:

I have the opportunity to meet a man from my church. In the past he acted interested and I pretty much ran away because I was not ready for a relationship. You know, I wasn't rude, but didn't hang around long enough for him to have a chance to say much more "Have a nice afternoon." Well now I'm in a better space for meeting someone. But, I am not sure I want a relationship at this time. I'm not sure I don't. My question is: Is it fair to meet someone who I know wants a relationship ( I am not saying I know he wants one with me, I just have the info that he is considering himself ready and in the market) when I'm not sure I want a relationship. I mean I know I want one at some point, and I'd love to have been dropped into the middle of one yesterday. But am I ready to willing to get into the whole, if-ey, beginning part at this time. I'm not sure.

so meeting the guy as just meeting someone and being up front about that we are meeting as brother and sister in Christ, people just meeting, is this a fair thing to do, in your opinion?

Any comments or thoughts delivered in kindness are welcomed. Thanks in advance,
a

IMHO........Just go for it!!! Many single christians are just waiting for the oppertunity to meet somone who is looking for a relationship. Do not be afraid. Remember what the Bible says in 2 Timothy Chapter 1,verse 7,"For God has not given us the spirit of fear;BUT of POWER,and of love,and of a sound mind." I often hear many single christian women say that they are trusting in God to find them a good christian man.THEN when they are approached by a good christian man,such as myself,the woman is not interested and /or appear to be afraid.Well that fear is NOT comming from God.That fear has to be coming from the Enemy.

 

[dayhiker]

I say as long as your upfront about what you want and what you can give at this time in your life then go for it. I think its hidden agendas that mess up relationships.

 

[miss-a]

Thanks, guys. You know, as I was writing last night, both of those exact things went through my mind: Just be upfront, and don't be afraid. I mean certainly be careful, but don't come from a place of fear. It would be easy to say, "I'm not sure I want a relationship," when the truth could be "I'd rather stay safe and alone and not put myself out there."

So thanks, again. I think you said just what the Lord was wanting me to hear. Even if it turns out that the guy is not up for meeting anymore--after all things can change in the blink of an eye--I'm going to stay open to it.

Blessings on you,
a

P.s. Exitstageright, I'm not sure about the men, but we women can carry a lot of fear around meeting men. But I'd encourage you to keep up your gentle approach and do not give up. I know there were a number of times when I felt ready to meet someone and felt someone looking at me from across the room, but he never made the effort to do anything more than look. It was so frustrating feeling the guy was interested but not acting on it, with one faction saying it's okay for a woman to approach, the other saying you're not trusting God if you do, all that confusion is enough to cause a girl to say, "I'm not ready for this." All that to say, I think if you strike up a conversation about high points in the sermon or something you have in common with the woman, and give her some time to see that you are a nice guy (and get over the shock that someone finally spoke to her!), it will pay off in the long run. If you're really sensing fear, it's maybe even okay to say something, after a few conversations, like, "I don't want to be presumptuous, but if you'd ever like to have coffee after church, I think that would be fun, so let me know, okay?" I really think there is a woman out there for the nice guys who are willing to take the risk. I understand you have to take those risks again and again. I'm a writer so I have to do that regularly, but I don't always get a no, and I don't think you will either.

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

God tells us to let our yes be yes and our no be no, so in other words straight truth talking. Putting myself in this guys shoes I would want you to tell me straight away what you are saying here because I wouldnt want to start a will she wont she relationship. One thing that challenges me is why do I want a relationship, is it to find someone who is going to make me happy or do I want to have a relationship that is going to make God happy?

I note your comments about a guy being interested in you but not acting upon it. Guys and gals make mistakes in thinking someone is interested in them, this guy might not have been interested in you. Also if he was interested in you, what did you do in response to what you thought was an interest in you?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I agree with the others honesty is the best policy. I'm older and maybe more cautious but I have similar feelings as you do (just no men interests that I know of) but sometimes you can't know the answer until you get into it. Like how do you know if you like to swim if you never get in the water and try it, same with anything. You could meet this guy and immediately know that you don't want a relationship with HIM. Or.....you could enjoy his company and want to get to know him better you can't really know at this point so I would say go ahead and meet with him, just be straight up honest with him always.

 

[miss-a]

I thought I should update you since you were all so kind to comment and give good counsel. It turns out the person who thought this guy wanted to meet me was wrong. He opted out, but I truly am okay with it. It was a good experience to learn that I can be willing to meet someone and that I can also be fine and not take it personally if the person chooses to pass. "Your will be done...." Though at first it was disappointing, it turned out to be very freeing.

thanks again for your help,
a

 

[jehoiakim]

I think it is cool so long as you are clear and upfront with him, put the ball in his court then you can't be blamed later

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks for the update, miss-a. Always nice to know the outcome.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I thought I should update you since you were all so kind to comment and give good counsel. It turns out the person who thought this guy wanted to meet me was wrong. He opted out, but I truly am okay with it. It was a good experience to learn that I can be willing to meet someone and that I can also be fine and not take it personally if the person chooses to pass. "Your will be done...." Though at first it was disappointing, it turned out to be very freeing.

thanks again for your help,
a

Thanks for the update and you know there will always be people here (and everywhere) ready and willing to give advice lol. Glad you feel free. I often feel I think God is going to do something one way only to find out I was wrong. Haven't figured Him out yet but that's what keeps me coming back to learn more about Him so....I agree with you on "Your will be done..." it's really the only way.

 

[peacechild4]

You seem very mature and wise in your heart about all this.. I love how you share your honest thinking!! I see that the doors opening and closing are all GOD.. so you know that they were not right for you so can be freed from worrying why or why not! It also gives us freedom to step out and give it a go because we know the LORD will go before us..

 

[aflower4God]

Hi there my dear sweet sister,
i am going to tell you happened to my only friend. THere was this guy that my only friend thought was hot and he was so kind. I thought he liked her too, he always tried to talk to her but my friend would shy away. So one day I suggested that she try to strike up a conversation with him cause he seemed so interested. But the only thing she mannaged to do is say hi and walk away fast. NOthing happened, the temp job ended and she didn't ever give this guy a chance who I really think liked her. A bridge burned.
That being said if I were you I would talk casually to this gentleman that you speak of and put the rest into God's hands. I believe if God wants you to date this man he will let everything unfold but you must plant the seed.
PLEASE let us know what happens. Praying for you (((HUGS))

 

[dayhiker]

The free advice is what I love about message boards like CF. In real life its pretty hard to get more than one or two perspectives on something. Here people will often give almost as many perpectives as people that respond. Then the one who knows the situation can see which fits their situation and take that as the best advice.

I'll just assume everyone is ALWAYS taking MY advice since its ALWAYS the BEST. I never know when your not taking my advice resulting me being VERY upset for the next few months!

grin

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Oh dayhiker, you never cease to make me smile . Of COURSE we all take your advice ALL THE TIME on ANY subject . And if you believe that nonsense I have some swamp land here in AZ that I would like to sell ya lol.
On a slightly more serious note, I too am glad there are forums like this where people are pretty free with their opinions. I agree IRL people just aren't as honest as we would like when we need it, and too honest at times when we'd rather they pacify us lol. I prefer honesty and of course the diversity here is rich indeed.

 

[Javanwarbler]

Dear a

About how to approach this man you might meet at your church-what Flower, Peacechild, and Michelle said!

 

[Javanwarbler]

After some experiences of getting into relationships too much, too, soon I'm trying a different approach. I don't have many friends so I feel i really need to "practice" what being around men regularly is like, and what is i would need to change in me that would attract the right guy where we both would have good compatibility lifelong. It's so easy to want to believe it would really work out and for all appearances it goes along that way for a while, but then reality sets in and the rose-colored glasses come off Or we come to discover each other's hidden or not-so-hidden faults and weaknesses and I have so many!
So I'm hoping to gain more friends with mature christian men and women therefore having a healthier balance of relationhips with people in my life and social networking. But im very much wanting to be with that one special man to share my life with! i just know i"ve made unsound choices in the past and went more with my feelings and to not be constantly lonely. Taking a more "meet and get to know different people" seems like a wiser thing for me to do now. I don't know. Just that what i was doing before wasn't working.

I hope it goes well for you in meeting this man at your church and

God's blessings!

 

[dayhiker]

Javan ... I do think that is a good approach.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Javan ... I do think that is a good approach.

I concur . Also try NOT to look. And definitely don't go by your feelings at the first. When I met my husband, it was the first time that I really wasn't head over heels. I mean he was very attractive and all, but just coming out of a marriage and with kids and I really didn't know if at 20-21, I was ready for all that drama. So after I prayed about it, is when my feelings began to grow. Also it was the first time that the guy actually told ME he loved me first! It was very odd, but we ended up being married for almost 25 years until he died. When the right guy comes along, he will be the right guy no matter how you are acting at the time.